Thursday, January 27, 2011

ADvice or ASSvice?

Our ADM bloghop topic this week is
What is the best advice you received but never thought you’d use?
How’s that for deep?

As I was thinking about this I thought about all the random things people have told me over the years. Most of it I have classified as ASSvice – as in, the giver of the advice was just being an asshole. Example: You look good for just having had a baby, but maybe don’t eat those oreos? Example #2: Why don’t you just become a nurse, girls shouldn’t be doctors*. 

Some things people have said though, go in the ADvice column. As in, they have added to how I look at life, a situation, a cookie, whatever.

The biggest piece of ADvice I received without knowing was during out pre-cana classes. They told us to make your spouse your number one priority.

And at the time, we were almost married, madly in love and how silly of them to be telling us this? Married bliss – we got that. Forever and ever. The end. No ADvice necessary, because we got this.

Except, then life goes on and you move from newlyweds on their honeymoon to newlyweds in real life and on and on.

What happens when you do not put your spouse as your number one priority? Nothing good. That’s what.  I can speak from (unfotunate) experience on this – because we went through periods of school being more important to me, going out with friends being more important to him, getting pregnant being more important than US, new baby ruling the world etc etc etc.

What happens to a marriage when this is the case? Again, nothing good. You might talk about divorce, make bad choices, ignore each other and stop kissing goodnight.

Thankfully, we both have gone back to that ADvice we received more than 4 years ago and are in a pretty great place.  Will we be here forever? Doubtful. But we have learned how to work through the changes in life that lead to a distraction of priority.  Some days, school work or taking care of the toddler ARE very important, just not the MOST important.

I try (not always successfully, as my husband will point out) to spend 5 minutes every day with just him. No tv, no toddler, no phone. Sometimes it is only 1.5 minutes until I fall asleep, but I do my best. And so does he.  And I can say, without question, whether it appears that way or not, that my husband is my number one priority. And I can say with confidence, that I am his.

And we always kiss goodnight.

Join our host for the month, Sara & play along with us! andreasignature2

*yes someone told me this while in medical school.


Anonymous said...

Um....i don't know about the advice or assvice. My brain is mush as I've been in a 6 hour meeting today.

But the husband and I do kiss each other goodnight every night. And as of late have decided to only watch TV 2 nights a week when the kid goes to bed. Otherwise we are talking or reading...

Dayna said...

I love your post, if everyone would do this there would be a lot less divorce and more kids living with both parents under one roof. I have been married for almost 18 years and it is not always been easy, but he is the one I run in the good and bad times. I can honestly say that I love him more today than the day I married him!

Esperanza said...

That is great advice, it really is. I can't think of what the best advice is that I thought I'd never use. Hmmm. Maybe wait until you are financially stable to have a baby? I just wanted one so bad, I couldn't wait (and it took us almost a year so I'm glad we didn't) but it is hard to have so little savings to fall back on. Still, I don't regret having our child when we did. But I can see why it would be great to have more savings. That is a hard one... Best assvice? Just relax and it will happen. (you know what I'm talking about).

Erin said...

This was great Andrea! Definately makes me re-think on where my priorities may be some days!

Shell said...

We always kiss good night too, and make it a point to never go to bed mad. :) It's great advice and I wish everyone in the world would follow it as well :)

Sara said...

That is great advice! We always kiss goodnight too. But I think some days I have a long way to go to putting my husband first.

Kakunaa said...

Great advice :) I think the day to day can take away focus. But we've never gone to bed angry (we very rarely argue), and we always kiss goodnight whenever one of us heads to bed. I would really have to think about the advice thing, though.

Danifred said...

This is such a sweet and true post! I keep reminding myself to make my marriage the priority, but you are right, it is so very hard sometimes.

Delenn said...

Best advice I ever got about parenting: "It's always just a phase. If you are having troubles or things are stressing you about about _______ with your child, just remember that they are changeable and that this phase will pass." Gotten me through a lot of tough times with kids and with life!

Paige @ Baby Dust Diaries said...

That is wonderful advice! My hubby and I have had bad patches too and it is completely because we aren't putting each other first. Plus with kids I STILL want to make him first so they can see how a marriage should be. It is sad how many people put their kids before their marriage.