it has been a journey the past few months, between the school/life decisions that had to be made, the baby, starting this job and more. I don't regret any decsion that was made at all, as hard as some of them were/are. But something happened the other day - well probably over a course of days/wks - I started to feel like something is missing or like a puzzle piece isn't fitting right. It fnaally dawned on me what that piece is - medical school. It has been part of my life before I ever saw the inside of the building and it has been part of my future for longer. While I am still a little uncertain on the whole thing and being a doctor is still kind of big and scary to me in ways I can no explain, I think I owe myself a second change.
A chance to see if I can do it, if I can put all of the things I learned and all of the struggles I had/have into a productive "I told ya so". It is going to take a lot of work, a lot of will power and many many hours of studying - but I think I am finally ready to try it again - to take the test with less pressure and more of myself behind it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't scared, nervous, freaked out! - but I think with some guidance on how to study and doing it one step at a time - I can at least give it a fair (second) chance.
I deserve it, my family deserves it and i think I probably owe it to myself. I plan to take the test before the baby is born - so March sometime. I know exactly how hard it is going to be b/w now and then - but I feel like I am mentally ready now, so here goes nothing......
Showing posts with label USMLE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label USMLE. Show all posts
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
list maker
when i get all stressed out and busy - i make lists.
when i have a lot on my plate - i make lists.
when i just have a lot to do - i make lists.
my lists have lists.
our house is peppered with post-it's [i should seriously purchase stock in them!] and little pieces of paper that have all kinds of lists and things scribbled on them. I get the greatest satisfaction in crossing things out that I have accomplished. You saw my study calendar - when I could put a big "X" through the end of the day, it was great! It makes me feel in control to be able to cross things out - i don't like to leave any list unaccomplished at the end of the day!
Here is where my problem is today: there are 2 things in my life at this exact moment that are on my list - pending if you will - and i have no ability to cross them off my list. One, of course is that test from last week - I have a few more weeks left until I find out if I passed or not. I just want it behind me, I want it off my list for good. This waiting, it is a killer. The other, clearly is the pregnancy thing. I have been waiting to see those two lines for almost seven months now, this one item has been on my life list for seven months "start family", which is definatly not a long time, but at times, it feels so very long. Today - dear AF should be here - although she is a little late in her arrival. Unlike last month, I am not concerned or anxious. I do not feel anything. I just want to cross this month off my list, like all the others, and move on to the next one.
So - while I wait to cross off those two things - I have new lists, new tasks and a lot to keep busy with. Don't let me fool you - I am scared to death over these test scores, and I am still a teensy bit hopeful that this could be our month - but not enough of either of these things to stop the rest of my life. I just want to know one way or the other, if only life were so simple!!
when i have a lot on my plate - i make lists.
when i just have a lot to do - i make lists.
my lists have lists.
our house is peppered with post-it's [i should seriously purchase stock in them!] and little pieces of paper that have all kinds of lists and things scribbled on them. I get the greatest satisfaction in crossing things out that I have accomplished. You saw my study calendar - when I could put a big "X" through the end of the day, it was great! It makes me feel in control to be able to cross things out - i don't like to leave any list unaccomplished at the end of the day!
Here is where my problem is today: there are 2 things in my life at this exact moment that are on my list - pending if you will - and i have no ability to cross them off my list. One, of course is that test from last week - I have a few more weeks left until I find out if I passed or not. I just want it behind me, I want it off my list for good. This waiting, it is a killer. The other, clearly is the pregnancy thing. I have been waiting to see those two lines for almost seven months now, this one item has been on my life list for seven months "start family", which is definatly not a long time, but at times, it feels so very long. Today - dear AF should be here - although she is a little late in her arrival. Unlike last month, I am not concerned or anxious. I do not feel anything. I just want to cross this month off my list, like all the others, and move on to the next one.
So - while I wait to cross off those two things - I have new lists, new tasks and a lot to keep busy with. Don't let me fool you - I am scared to death over these test scores, and I am still a teensy bit hopeful that this could be our month - but not enough of either of these things to stop the rest of my life. I just want to know one way or the other, if only life were so simple!!
---------------
But on a lighter note - I wanted to share some pictures from our trip (i left my lists at home while we were gone!!)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Who wants to celebrate?
it's over!!
i did my best.
i learned........
i did my best.
i learned........
- i can stay in my house for more than 2 days in a row and not even notice
- i can not put on "real clothes" for days.... and again, not even notice
- the tan lines that are created from books resting on legs = not very attractive
- ponytails everyday are not that good for your hair
- looking at the computer for 8 or 9 or 10 hours a day really makes my eyes burn
- the house can get mighty dirty after a few weeks of not cleaning
- friends really do forget about you/what you are doing if you don't contact them for weeks [sorry guys - i'm back now]
- i hate repetitive noises - ie: sawing, sandpaper,chainsaws....
- i have more endurance than i thought
- the support i have from my husband, family and friends is what got me through this month --- THANK YOU!!!!! [and i know you'll love me no matter what happens]
Saturday, June 21, 2008
panic in the batcave
t minus 4 days. and i feel like i don't know anything all of a sudden.
fuck.
i should have never logged on to that site and seen that "score checker", proceeded to "check score" of practice test. no. i was happy thinking i was doing ok. now - panic. an intense amount of panic. a few deep breaths in between and a lot of decently productive studying - but mostly panic. If I hear "you're smart - you can do it" one more time, I might implode - or explode on whomever is unlucky enough to say that to me. I know I am smart enough, I just don't know if I am prepared enough - this is a different monster who keeps trying to freak me out everytime time i think i got it out from under my bed.
know what else? my computer is trying to self destruct. yup right now. as i am typing. suddenly it wants to infect itself with lots of shit just to piss me off and ensue more panic, because you know, all of what i need to do is on this thing.
so - when you are in a situation such as this blogger buddies - how do you deal? do you overcompensate and knock it out of the park, do you shut down, suppress your panic with cookies?
fuck.
i should have never logged on to that site and seen that "score checker", proceeded to "check score" of practice test. no. i was happy thinking i was doing ok. now - panic. an intense amount of panic. a few deep breaths in between and a lot of decently productive studying - but mostly panic. If I hear "you're smart - you can do it" one more time, I might implode - or explode on whomever is unlucky enough to say that to me. I know I am smart enough, I just don't know if I am prepared enough - this is a different monster who keeps trying to freak me out everytime time i think i got it out from under my bed.
know what else? my computer is trying to self destruct. yup right now. as i am typing. suddenly it wants to infect itself with lots of shit just to piss me off and ensue more panic, because you know, all of what i need to do is on this thing.
so - when you are in a situation such as this blogger buddies - how do you deal? do you overcompensate and knock it out of the park, do you shut down, suppress your panic with cookies?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
how many more days?
check ticker---->
days are dwindling until D-day (or T-day if you prefer) and my brain, it might be frying like an egg in the sun. it is seriously playing tricks on me. for example: i am now DREAMING about this damn test, as if it's not enough that i spend practically every waking moment preparing for it, it is now in my [precious] sleep - haunting me -last nights variety was something along the lines of me just sitting at the computer on test day and for all eight hours just staring at it, not clicking any buttons or anyting cuz i was so freaked out, followed by a lovely rendition of quizzing myself on pharmacuticals in my sleep?!! for the love of gawd!! so ya, i think it needs to get here -- and be over. i'm feeling a little more than freaked out. i don't know if it's healthy "just enough anxiety to make me concentrate" freaked out or bad "i'm gonna skip over all the important words" freaked out. trying to make sure it's the first one - still steadly improving on my question bank everyday - i'm not shooting for the stars here, just shooting for a decent PASSING score!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
pesky
I have the peskiest neighborhood kids - and here are a few things I would like to tell their parents
- while I am glad your kids are playing outside instead of in front of the TV - it doesn't mean they need to scream like someone is cutting off their left freaking leg every five minutes. nope. it does not.
- you should teach them that when cars come - it means get the fuck out of the road [and don't throw shit at oncoming drivers]
- proper language for 5-10year olds should not include fuck, shit and damnit.
- again, the yelling - always YELLING I know you are outside, but i didn't know outside voices ment YELLING?! i know i'm not a parent - but damn, i'm a nanny and i sure as shit don't the kids i watch YELL the whole time they are outside playing....
- when a baby cries - you should not tell it to be quiet, or that "you make mommy mad when you cry" - baby does not care. BABY hello?!!
so ya, thats the klass that lives very near to me. recently i have felt the need to move. a change. maybe its the pesky neighbors, maybe i am just feeling cramped here [despite the ample space that we have] maybe its none of these things. maybe it's all of them and more.
-------------------------
in other news - Jen is officially, and i quote "fucking pregnant"*! and I am way too excited for her and her husband. That quote sums up her experience to get here, and the happieness I am sure she is feeling now all in two words!! I however am feeling the burnout a little bit with the big test 9 days away. It's better now than it was a few days ago, I kind of had to ride it out and I think I am back on track again. I got really nervous today all of a sudden - like holy shit this is freaking for real next week! Still trucking along full speed ahead..... AANNDD in TTC news - there isn't much, just same old business, I'm thinking this week is O week, so you know what that means! Will update as needed :)
*and, b.c i am surrounded by superfertilewomen
- in the past 2 wks (maybe 2 1/2) FIVE add'l
women have told me they are pg! congrats but sheesh share the frickin water!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Rollin....
with my homies.
or with the punches.
you pick......
today - i pick punches. I feel like I have been a really great "roller" lately - a lot of crazy things have been going on emotionally, life wise, career and family wise this past 5 or 6 weeks and I have tried my best to deal with it and just kind of roll with the punches as they say. [really, again with these *they* ppl, i'm gonna have to meet *them* someday!] But I am feeling very.... stretched to the limit lately - I'm trying my best not to feel that way - but we all know it's nearly impossible to 'not' feel something.
What is going on you ask - well just a little smattering for you
~the TTC progress = slooowww. while (almost) everyone that I know IRL who has ever TTC has concieved in oh, a month? no, seriously. everyone except my mom - promising for me? its looking like not? is it fun to see what may be described as unfit parents walking around with many children treating them poorly while my husband and I have yet to concieve one that will be treated wonderfuly? nope. and those friends with kids i have...most of them are onto their 2nd or 3rd pregnancy right now - i could never be less than happy for someone who was expecting, but it doesn't me i'm not a little bit frustrated that it isn't us. is it fair we have done things in the "appropriate" order* but again, this one thing has yet to fall into place? probably not - but we have lots of hope that one day it will - we're not jaded.yet. i often feel a little out of place talking about it, b/c we aren't "infertile" or doing any treatments - we are just "slow" i guess - but i have 1 IRL who really understands - and then theres the blogosphere. so, blogosphere thanks for listening to me!
~career = clearly this big test. 2 weeks from today guys. am i ready? 1/2 way - but that's ok right since i am only 1/2 way there!?! oh i just want my life back.... it is so NOT fun to study all fucking day long and still feel like you have more left to do - but only b/c you have like 23497 things left to cram into your head! And... in less than a month I will be in the hospital working, with patients like a real almost doctor! i am pretty excited about that idea.... and equally nervous scared - but not thinking about it until 2 weeks from tomorrow! it just leaves a lot of paperwork for me to do in about 2 days!
~family = changing. why? well, my mama is getting married in a few months! yay! i love her fiance like he was my own dad. it's so awesome and they are so happy. on a less enthusiastic note - some "astranged" family member of mine would like to become more involved in my life and I can't decide how I feel about it. and I am not ready to decide right now. (at least not in the next 2 weeks.) I am a big person for 2nd chances - but this time, I am not so sure, it's a very different and difficult situation that would take days to explain. it just keeps me thinking - when i really need to focus on other things.
so, that is a very, very small tidbit of what runs through my mind almost daily when i am not filling it with medical things. needless to say i am one of THE most abscent minded people i know right now - so i am sorry if i haven't called or written or if i have forgotten your name (i forget mine sometimes too) but i hope i am back to normal in a few weeks! thanks for hanging with me.
or with the punches.
you pick......
today - i pick punches. I feel like I have been a really great "roller" lately - a lot of crazy things have been going on emotionally, life wise, career and family wise this past 5 or 6 weeks and I have tried my best to deal with it and just kind of roll with the punches as they say. [really, again with these *they* ppl, i'm gonna have to meet *them* someday!] But I am feeling very.... stretched to the limit lately - I'm trying my best not to feel that way - but we all know it's nearly impossible to 'not' feel something.
What is going on you ask - well just a little smattering for you
~the TTC progress = slooowww. while (almost) everyone that I know IRL who has ever TTC has concieved in oh, a month? no, seriously. everyone except my mom - promising for me? its looking like not? is it fun to see what may be described as unfit parents walking around with many children treating them poorly while my husband and I have yet to concieve one that will be treated wonderfuly? nope. and those friends with kids i have...most of them are onto their 2nd or 3rd pregnancy right now - i could never be less than happy for someone who was expecting, but it doesn't me i'm not a little bit frustrated that it isn't us. is it fair we have done things in the "appropriate" order* but again, this one thing has yet to fall into place? probably not - but we have lots of hope that one day it will - we're not jaded.yet. i often feel a little out of place talking about it, b/c we aren't "infertile" or doing any treatments - we are just "slow" i guess - but i have 1 IRL who really understands - and then theres the blogosphere. so, blogosphere thanks for listening to me!
~career = clearly this big test. 2 weeks from today guys. am i ready? 1/2 way - but that's ok right since i am only 1/2 way there!?! oh i just want my life back.... it is so NOT fun to study all fucking day long and still feel like you have more left to do - but only b/c you have like 23497 things left to cram into your head! And... in less than a month I will be in the hospital working, with patients like a real almost doctor! i am pretty excited about that idea.... and equally nervous scared - but not thinking about it until 2 weeks from tomorrow! it just leaves a lot of paperwork for me to do in about 2 days!
~family = changing. why? well, my mama is getting married in a few months! yay! i love her fiance like he was my own dad. it's so awesome and they are so happy. on a less enthusiastic note - some "astranged" family member of mine would like to become more involved in my life and I can't decide how I feel about it. and I am not ready to decide right now. (at least not in the next 2 weeks.) I am a big person for 2nd chances - but this time, I am not so sure, it's a very different and difficult situation that would take days to explain. it just keeps me thinking - when i really need to focus on other things.
so, that is a very, very small tidbit of what runs through my mind almost daily when i am not filling it with medical things. needless to say i am one of THE most abscent minded people i know right now - so i am sorry if i haven't called or written or if i have forgotten your name (i forget mine sometimes too) but i hope i am back to normal in a few weeks! thanks for hanging with me.
*please note that i am not saying anything bad about single mothers - my best friend is a single mom, and the best one i know. life happens, and when you can make the most out of something you weren't (or were!) expecting - that's when you come out on top
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
what gives?
that is the question of the day.
i got another BFN today* - i'm 21dpo....1week late (so CD35 of 28) and hella confused by my body! Really, I don't know what if feels like to be pregnant - so how would i know if i am or not?! Since the tests keep saying NO! I am inclined to think they are right. I should probably suck it up and get a blood test done so that I know for sure - but I am maybe a little bit scared to do this. Really, I have no reason to be, I don't ever expect a positive test and i certainly wouldn't expect my blood to show something that my pee doesn't - but "they" say it can happen sometimes. Who are "they"anyway?!!
I also can.not concentrate the past two days - what the heck!! I just want to go back to sleep, like every hour. Clearly I can't do that or I would be getting nowhere fast. Poor husband, all he hears from me is "i need a nap"! studying for 7hrs a day really takes a lot out of a person i guess....
ohh one more thing - make sure you stop and keep Jen company the next week and half... she needs some good vibes :)
i got another BFN today* - i'm 21dpo....1week late (so CD35 of 28) and hella confused by my body! Really, I don't know what if feels like to be pregnant - so how would i know if i am or not?! Since the tests keep saying NO! I am inclined to think they are right. I should probably suck it up and get a blood test done so that I know for sure - but I am maybe a little bit scared to do this. Really, I have no reason to be, I don't ever expect a positive test and i certainly wouldn't expect my blood to show something that my pee doesn't - but "they" say it can happen sometimes. Who are "they"anyway?!!
I also can.not concentrate the past two days - what the heck!! I just want to go back to sleep, like every hour. Clearly I can't do that or I would be getting nowhere fast. Poor husband, all he hears from me is "i need a nap"! studying for 7hrs a day really takes a lot out of a person i guess....
ohh one more thing - make sure you stop and keep Jen company the next week and half... she needs some good vibes :)
*thank you everyone for your good vibes and positive attitudes. i appreciate it SO much!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
pressure
the weekend... should be fun and exciting and filled with things to do.
my weekend --- filled with 8hrs a day of studying - for the next 4 wknds in a row.
I know it's going to pay off in the end, honestly! But I am tired of this already. I haven't been able to do the laundry, clean the kitchen, do anything "real" b/c i am stuck with a book in front of me or at the computer answering question after question. It is hard for a lot of ppl to understand what and why I am doing - it's ok, I wouldn't really either if I wasn't the one doing it. But there is not taking a day off when the test I am taking in a few weeks pretty much has a huge determination in a) if my education will continue and b) how high the score is helps get me a better job in 2 yrs. And what is on this test - only everything anyone has said to me in the last 2 years of my life. Talk about pressure.....
Speaking of pressure.... I am feeling a lot of this today. In my 'uterine area' , I can't explain it any better than that. AF is still a no show (offically on CD 31 of 28) as of a little while ago. [i check frequently just to be sure] But - I got the one BFN and now suddenly I am scared to test again. I keep saying "maybe tomorrow". I know I am stressed about the whole test thing - but believe me when I say this - it is not the most stress I have ever been under and I have NEVER been more than 2d late. Honestly though, the thought that I could possibly, maybe be pregnant has only crossed my mine when the husband mentions it. I don't want to get excited... and be disappointed.... I just want to be excited for real. So --- we decided to give 'er one more day to show up, and then for real, I will try to find out for sure.
for now... it's back to the books
my weekend --- filled with 8hrs a day of studying - for the next 4 wknds in a row.
I know it's going to pay off in the end, honestly! But I am tired of this already. I haven't been able to do the laundry, clean the kitchen, do anything "real" b/c i am stuck with a book in front of me or at the computer answering question after question. It is hard for a lot of ppl to understand what and why I am doing - it's ok, I wouldn't really either if I wasn't the one doing it. But there is not taking a day off when the test I am taking in a few weeks pretty much has a huge determination in a) if my education will continue and b) how high the score is helps get me a better job in 2 yrs. And what is on this test - only everything anyone has said to me in the last 2 years of my life. Talk about pressure.....
Speaking of pressure.... I am feeling a lot of this today. In my 'uterine area' , I can't explain it any better than that. AF is still a no show (offically on CD 31 of 28) as of a little while ago. [i check frequently just to be sure] But - I got the one BFN and now suddenly I am scared to test again. I keep saying "maybe tomorrow". I know I am stressed about the whole test thing - but believe me when I say this - it is not the most stress I have ever been under and I have NEVER been more than 2d late. Honestly though, the thought that I could possibly, maybe be pregnant has only crossed my mine when the husband mentions it. I don't want to get excited... and be disappointed.... I just want to be excited for real. So --- we decided to give 'er one more day to show up, and then for real, I will try to find out for sure.
for now... it's back to the books
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
teaser tuesday
so i decided to try something new to entertain myself [and hopefully you] in my constant state of studying the next 4/5 weeks & b/c i predict my blogging will be less... so to break up the monotony while i am in my selfproclaimedhell and to show you a few of my favorite things i thought i would give this a shot?!!*
on with the show.....
this cute little guy is Doc, our chinchilla (chin-chill-aaa). we have had him for a little over a year now. he loves bananas, timothy hay, empty toilet paper tubes, dust baths and long runs in his wheel.
for the record, Doc is not a rabbit, or a rat, or a gerbil or any other rodent - he is very soft, likes to nibble but doesn't bite, and hops.
---------
in other news - should O today or tomorrow according to the calendar, we'll see what the OPK's say. I think the B6 is doing something for me, that's good at least!
in other, other news - i think if i pile up one more thing on my heaping high pile of things that need to get done, they, and by default me, are all going to come toppling down.
on with the show.....
this cute little guy is Doc, our chinchilla (chin-chill-aaa). we have had him for a little over a year now. he loves bananas, timothy hay, empty toilet paper tubes, dust baths and long runs in his wheel.
for the record, Doc is not a rabbit, or a rat, or a gerbil or any other rodent - he is very soft, likes to nibble but doesn't bite, and hops.
---------
in other news - should O today or tomorrow according to the calendar, we'll see what the OPK's say. I think the B6 is doing something for me, that's good at least!
in other, other news - i think if i pile up one more thing on my heaping high pile of things that need to get done, they, and by default me, are all going to come toppling down.
*if you think it's ridiculous/wierd/themostawesomeideaEVER etc don't hold back!
Friday, May 9, 2008
growing years
it's fffffriday folks. i don't know about you but it's been kind of a long week for me - but i am pretty sure every week from now until mmmm the end of june is going to painfully long and endless.
i promise to try and keep my whining about studying/having no life/missing the beginning of summer to a minimum since [if all goes well] it "will all be worth it" as i keep hearing like a broken freaking record. but - it hasn't started yet - 15 days and counting......
-------------------
in other news -- someone i know has a bday tomorrow... someone who looks just like me (but isn't my twin....) who could it be????
oh look - it's her:
my not-so-little sister is 17 tomorrow!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISSY!
I LOVE YOU!!!
What else is this weekend.... something..... something.....
Oh yes! Mother's Day! I had hoped to be celebrating this day along with my mama this year - but you know, it's ok.
I will celebrate her b/c i love her the most - no other mom could better! or more caring/understanding/generous - she is just the best friend/mom/person ever.
more news on my mom in a few weeks... can't wait to share that with everyone!!!
LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!
I also love my MIL - she is a great person too.
Monday, April 28, 2008
its like devils advocate around here
"take a nap"
" do some work, then you can relax tomorrow"
" do some work, then you can relax tomorrow"
"stay away from the bathroom... and the internet..."
"eat more food - compound the depression w/ the scale"
"work out"
such choices - what is a girl to do... i'll tell you what i am not going to do [again] is take another test... cuz i did that again today... bad. why do i do such things to myself? plz tell me - oh yes i know. b/c i am a glutton for punishment that is right, how could i forgot - we have discussed.
I will also tell you that i don't have school tomorrow [am lucky. kinda] but i have a project to work and research to finish up [typical] as well as a class that started today (last one!!!!) so i should really be making the right choices here. but i have all day tomorrow to do them.... everyone of you should be saying in unison "be a good student andrea and do your shit"
i did finish my study schedule yestereday - it's, ugh, well it is what it is. i'll share.
i realize you can not read that therefore you can not appreciate the excitment... click to fully enjoy. But - that is my life from 8-6 everday may 26-june25th. cross your fingers kids it's gonna be a wild ride.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
cd what?
last time i used the intitials cd they stood for compact disc - now they have an entirely new meaning.....
cd = cycle day.
for some reason i am having a hard time keeping track of said cd's (i think i am on cd7 right now but really i don't know for sure) maybe it's b/c i have too much other stuff to think about - but really i think it's b/c i am not really clued into the whole deal. The reason i am keeping track is b/c we are planning on using OPK's this month - starting around cd10 - see why this is important now? (ok so it's not that important but still!)
how many are left until the end of M2 year? i'm not really counting or anything (40...) i just want it to be o.v.e.r! 3 written tests, 2 presentations, 2 or 3 oral tests (ie "doctor stuff") and probably some other exam type stuff thrown in there too [just to make sure i am 'ready' to 'move on' i guess?] oh and a bunch of paperwork that is due in the middle of that -- oh b/c i have so much free time!
what will happen after the nxt 40 days are over, also known as boards studying. we are required to put together a study schedule, and lets face it, even if we weren't, i would do it anyway. so i am starting to get ideas from other people who have "been there done that". i will have 29d to study - and i will be studying every.single.one of those days for at least 10h (maybe more?). thinking about it makes me tear up a little. when i have my schedule done i will be sure to share my misery with everyone..... i know you are all dying to know how i will spend the month of june.
cd = cycle day.
for some reason i am having a hard time keeping track of said cd's (i think i am on cd7 right now but really i don't know for sure) maybe it's b/c i have too much other stuff to think about - but really i think it's b/c i am not really clued into the whole deal. The reason i am keeping track is b/c we are planning on using OPK's this month - starting around cd10 - see why this is important now? (ok so it's not that important but still!)
cd = class days [left].
how many are left until the end of M2 year? i'm not really counting or anything (40...) i just want it to be o.v.e.r! 3 written tests, 2 presentations, 2 or 3 oral tests (ie "doctor stuff") and probably some other exam type stuff thrown in there too [just to make sure i am 'ready' to 'move on' i guess?] oh and a bunch of paperwork that is due in the middle of that -- oh b/c i have so much free time!
cd = crazy days [ahead].
what will happen after the nxt 40 days are over, also known as boards studying. we are required to put together a study schedule, and lets face it, even if we weren't, i would do it anyway. so i am starting to get ideas from other people who have "been there done that". i will have 29d to study - and i will be studying every.single.one of those days for at least 10h (maybe more?). thinking about it makes me tear up a little. when i have my schedule done i will be sure to share my misery with everyone..... i know you are all dying to know how i will spend the month of june.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
3 months from today
i will be sitting for 8 hours staring at a computer wracking my brain of all the medical knowledge i have learned over the past 2 (er...3) years.
that's right folks.... it's the first true test of my professional medical career - part one (of three) of my licensing test.
i'm already scared to death - but trying not to think about it at the same time. after all, it only helps to determine what residency i get into if/when i pass (got that... i have to pass first....) 2 wks after this ominious test is over - i will be a THIRD year medical student, able to practice medicine under the supervision of others for the next two years until others will be practicing under my supervision - who's excited? who want's to be my guinea pig? don't worry, i will tell you where i'll be and when so you know what hospital not to visit... ;)
ugh! the stress!
but since it's spring break this week... i am trying to break. i have like 3 projects to work on during the "break" - none of which are very much interesting, all of which are at least almost complete. so - i should work on that.
just thought i would lament a minute on my impending dome... and brain overload!
that's right folks.... it's the first true test of my professional medical career - part one (of three) of my licensing test.
i'm already scared to death - but trying not to think about it at the same time. after all, it only helps to determine what residency i get into if/when i pass (got that... i have to pass first....) 2 wks after this ominious test is over - i will be a THIRD year medical student, able to practice medicine under the supervision of others for the next two years until others will be practicing under my supervision - who's excited? who want's to be my guinea pig? don't worry, i will tell you where i'll be and when so you know what hospital not to visit... ;)
ugh! the stress!
but since it's spring break this week... i am trying to break. i have like 3 projects to work on during the "break" - none of which are very much interesting, all of which are at least almost complete. so - i should work on that.
just thought i would lament a minute on my impending dome... and brain overload!
Friday, February 22, 2008
no turning back
today has been a better day.... thank goodness! i decided to take today off from school, i just needed to stay home & study ( ok, so i just really started studying about 2 hours ago, it's not my fault the lecture video's weren't up until 1:30!)
no idea why i have been so mentally out-of-it these past few days. i know a lot has been going on, and with the idea of babymaking - that adds to things i guess, even though this month i haven't thought much about it.
last night i officially scheduled my test date for the boards... scary! it's like the 'no turning back now' feeling - or the 'you better start working your ass off' to get there feeling, i can't figure out which one. Like i said yesterday, i did ok on my test (my cum. score is holding - needs to be a little bit higher to make me feel better about passing the year) i feel like i am learning, good sign. But on June 25th i need to know it ALL! EEK!!!!!
trying not to freak on that now, just focusing on each test as they come and in may we will focus on that test.....
no idea why i have been so mentally out-of-it these past few days. i know a lot has been going on, and with the idea of babymaking - that adds to things i guess, even though this month i haven't thought much about it.
last night i officially scheduled my test date for the boards... scary! it's like the 'no turning back now' feeling - or the 'you better start working your ass off' to get there feeling, i can't figure out which one. Like i said yesterday, i did ok on my test (my cum. score is holding - needs to be a little bit higher to make me feel better about passing the year) i feel like i am learning, good sign. But on June 25th i need to know it ALL! EEK!!!!!
trying not to freak on that now, just focusing on each test as they come and in may we will focus on that test.....
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