Thursday, February 26, 2009


this week I have felt totally drained. Sure, work has been crazy (oh and i got my raise!! AND the go ahead to work from home while on maternity leave - double yes!!) and life is moving full speed ahead, but I mean dang! I come home from work thinking about all the things I want to accomplish and just collapse instead. And stare at my ridiculously swollen feet. And wine b/c I am hungry but the raging fire in my esophagus makes nothing sound appealing. except bananas and applesauce.

I have seen my husband for a total of, oh 2 hours, maybe, since sunday. Lacrosse season started this week and they have a late practice - which means I am asleep by the time he gets home. He is asleep when I leave for work. I miss him already.

My brain is totally zapped too. I feel like I am barely functioning some times - like not one more coherent thought will make it out. and I have to start training someone to take over for me while I am gone at work starting monday - that should be interesting on many levels.

Tonight I was taking a shower and just stood there under the water thinking I just wished I could make myself take a bath b/c that would probably be relaxing. but i can't do it. I can't sit in my own dirt and soak.... I know I could shower first but gah so much work there. I have slowly been cutting back the amount of times I shave my legs b/c well, I am not a damn acrobat. Sorry honey.

Baby girl is getting excited for her shower on Saturday (ok, mommy is excited) and looking forward to seeing everyone. She also makes her presence very much known pretty much all day long sometimes painfully known. I really am starting to get very excited to meet her. Not at all prepared, but definatly getting more excited.

Monday, February 23, 2009


February 21 2009My twin sister married her best friend [other than me of course]

her beautiful dress

I love you guys.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Q&A - ish

So, in my 33wks of pregnancy so far I have been collecting in my head all of the random questions people ask - and all of the answers I wish I could say outloud.

Q: Oh are you pregnant?
A: nope, i just drink a keg of beer a night and eat greasy greasy food - strategically placing all of the fat on my abdomen like this....

Q: What are you having?
A: a litter of kittens. a baby you idiot what the hell?

Q: What are you naming the baby?
A: Hey You. ya, just for our convience in getting her attention later in life. If I didn't offer you here name, I don't want to tell you.

Q: Are you delivering naturally?
A: Do I have sucker written on my forehead?

Q: Was the baby planned?
A: Ya, and do you know that I also plan on punching you in the face for being so damn rude?
Q: Oh wow! How long did you try?
A: We had sex every day for 8 months, and twice on good days. But the real question is, how long did it take you to grow the balls to ask me that?

Q: Are you breastfeeding?
A: I haven't decided.
Q: OMG - WHY NOT you terrible terrible mother?
A: Well you know, so I can have my ass reamed out by the breastfeeding mothers of america club. Why else?

Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
A: I feel like if they weren't necesary they wouldn't have been invented. How do you feel about your children getting lifethreatening illness b/c you are a stubborn ass?

Q: Can I touch your stomach?
A: Ten dollars please......

Q: Can I feel the baby move?
A: Can I put my hand on your stomach and wait for some gas bubbles to pop up?

I will do what is best for this little girl AND her mother - and if it means she needs to sleep in her crib and be given formula, then yes, that is what I am going to do. You know what they say right? If I'm not happy everyone else will suffer.....

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

scattered and fragile

You know when you so much on your mind that you can't quite figure out how to get it all out of there?
I am having that problem.
It's mostly all unrelated stuff that is happening at the same time.
And my brain - well - baby girl has apparently outgrown my stomach and is also taking up space in the brain too!

so excuse me world, if i have been a little off lately. and please be gentle, i am also fragile.

example of my fragile-ness: we were trying to pick a song for my sister's wedding, I cried like a baby at oh, every song, that we listened too. [now, i am normally pretty sappy, but that is extreme even for me] I have to give a speech at her wedding - I can't write it b/c everytime I start to even think about it [like now....] I cry. Industrial size box of kleenex needed

example of my scatterbrain-ness: I have been working on getting a raise. My boss was out of town for like a week or so and he just came back monday. So, at the most complete wrong time, I asked him if anyone had talked to him about it. I would never normally just blurt something like that out - at least not in a public area! I am typically more of the email question-asker. Immediatly wished I was more flexible so I could shove my foot in my mouth. [luckily it went ok, still no raise yet though that I know of....but I did get a $50 gift card for doing an awesome job last month]

And as a side note -- my stomach= gone. squished to the size of a pea. my appetite? growing. what do you think this situation is doing for my mental status?!! yes it's a wonderful place to be.....

Saturday, February 14, 2009

let the madness begin

this weekend is the start of my crazy crazy schedule that continues, oh, until baby girl gets here.

Last night was a fabulous night out with the girls to celebrate my twin sisters wedding next weekend. We had a great dinner at a hibachi resteraunt followed by this hot pregnant mama getting hit on by a few guys at the bar.... i know i know, i am good! lol
today was just busy running around and getting the house cleaned up.
tomorrow is a wedding shower for my friend's wedding that i am in next month. stay tuned for the rest of the crazieness to come the next 2 months and pictures of course!

In the meantime, I need to get our taxes finished which is a true nightmare (oh how i wish it were cut and dry!) and get a few other important things situated. There is so much to be done before this wonderful little girl gets here - but I am confident it will happen, I work well on a timeline.

So, I need some advice. What do I need to know before this baby gets here? What do I HAVE to have in order to survive after her arrival? The husband and I have really been enjoying "our" time together, especially this week, and we are really trying to cherish the time that it is just the two of us as much as we can. The more excited he gets and the more he talks about becoming a dad the more excited I get. I know we will both be fine but I hate being unprepared!

Speaking of wonderful little girls coming into the world - Jen had her baby girl today!! What a perfect day to welcome a much wanted and much loved child into the world.

Friday, February 13, 2009

My husband ROCKS!!!

so i make my weekly call to the husband on my way home from work wed.....
he is already making dinner. yes!

and if that wasn't enough

I came home to a valentines present from him and baby girl ---
a much desired (and needed) gift cert. for a Pre-Natal massage!! I am so so excited!

I love him more everyday.........

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

final count down

no i am not referring to my pregnancy - more like the final countdown to an end and a beginning.

The end:
I have to make an official decision to ask for an extension of my leave of absense @ the medical school, or let them know I am not returning officially. Even if I ask for the extension, I may not get it. It is a lot for me to think about - which means I have been trying NOT to think about it.
Also an end to my financial freedom so to speak! All of my student loans are offically back into repayment and this is a ridiculously hard thing for me to deal with - emotionally and logically. I have most of it under control but it is still pretty scary especially considering the other life changes coming down the pipe.....

The beginning:
there are lots of beginnings happening - not all for me. My sister is getting married next week and I am so excited for them. we have big plans on friday night which is exciting!! I think we have finally come to a decision about child care which is good. And the one that makes me the most excited - my job is getting much better and i am anticipating a large raise this week or next (which will help the whole end problem.... and many other things!)

Sunday, February 8, 2009


One of the things I have found myself doing lately is reading everything I can get my hands on- pregnancy books, articles about labor & delivery, parenting.... you name it. Most of them I think are a crock of shit. By far the one I relate to best is this one:She is hysterical and I plan on getting your 2nd book - Naptime is the New Happy Hour.
This book is perfect for people like me - and by like me - I mean people who think that having your baby sleep anywhere near your bed - especially in it are just asking for someone to be suffocated to death and who eat lunch meat while pregnant. (and I didn't warm it up either. and it was good.) Here is a more detailed list of things I find strange and in no way anticipate my views changing on:
  • needing to wear &/or hold baby at all times of the day*
  • breastfeeding until they can ask you for your boob please
  • the fact that it is NORMAL to go places w/o your newborn/teenager.....
  • when baby has a bottle mommy gets a bottle....**
  • Potty training is meant to start when the child can physically get him/herself to the toilet - not when I have to hold them up there. diapers are not the devil.
  • they are children - not hearing impaired. a high pitched squeaky voice is probably not necessary. no coochie coochie coos in this house unless referring to the lady business.
I realize I am totally ignorant to many things (all things?) "mommy" related. but I am no idiot - I have common sense and I have certain views on things that you would probably have to offer me a million or more dollars to change. I do not feel that while you are still using months to state your child's age they in anyway can grasp the idea of corporal punishment - if you tell them NO in a firm voice & do time out that is enough - you don't need to smack your 9mo old on the hand for "pulling your hair" or drag your 18mo old away by the hair when he is "playing rough". Now I am not saying that I don't believe in spanking when necessary and the child is old enough - b/c i got my ass smacked more than few times! but there are times/places/instances when this is ok and when it is not. All parents have personal views on the topic - this is mine. I also think that extreme over stimulation by way of educational toys/outings etc can be done without until baby can keep their eyes open for longer than 1hr intervals***. I mean do you really think your 3mo old gives a hoot what restaurant they are sleeping at the table in? they get the same food no matter where they are at from their favorite waitress - you!!
while I say these things now - I am fully aware that once this kid pops out I may slightly alter my opinions on certain things. but mark my words - the day I refer to myself as "baby girl's mommy" in conversation you all have my permission to hang me from a flagpole by my thong [you know, "Salute your shorts" style] and taunt me with ridiculous over-schmoozing of your children, baby talk and videos of 12mo piano playing protege......

*I do plan on getting a sling, but purely for my convenience not that of my little girl
**and by bottle I mean beer/wine/tequila shot in case you were slow on the uptake there. and not EVERY single one - just as needed ;)
***i know i am going to do this - not for baby's sake, but I hear baby Einstein is a great ice breaker when mommy needs a shower

Saturday, February 7, 2009

she rocks saturday....

What the hell am I talking about? she who?!!
Alicia that is who. For inspiring a few people to Pay it Forward (little old me included) I don't have super cute graphic she posted - but check out the link. the idea is to take 2 random readers from your blog and make them something - anything you want - and sent it to them within a year. I might not show it, but I can be pretty creative! The only catch is - those 2 readers have to do the same thing. Who doesn't love to open an unexpected card, batch of cookies or really anything that isn't a bill when you come home from work?
Awesome Alicia is making ME a card - I love those things!!!

So - participate, let me know if you're in and I will figure out something cool!

Friday, February 6, 2009

My husband rocks.....

he does. i swear to all things holy i love him with all of my heart.

he tells me a lot that he doesn't "feel" loved - and I hate that. I am not a overly touchy/feely/romantic type of person - and even less so what with growing this human and working out all things parenting related in my head. I know this. I apologize.

Something I have been trying to do is spend a few extra minutes in bed in the morning cuddling with him before I have to get up. I enjoy this time. It is quiet and special and comfortable.

It has a been a rough week for us - a lot of unexpected mishaps. It happens yes? We move on - yeeess.....
it makes my heart melt when I see him working on things for the baby - he put all of the furniture together this week and set up everything on her hutch perfectly. He puts all of himself into everything he does for us and he is going to be a great dad.

I love you - even if you have a bad week.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

open mouth:insert foot

I am always bitching about not being busy at work.
I got a promotion last week - yay! Not really a whole ton busier.
Got another persons job piled on top of mine yesterday. Now - just unorganized and more busy than I expected!

Busy is a good thing in my world and I am not complaining about that part.
The unorganization of my desk is what is KILLING me! I want to clear everything off and start over - but I don't have time.....

I'll survive right?!

Now - I need that effing raise. like 2 weeks ago.

On a totally unrelated note - I am getting pretty pumped for my baby shower in a few weeks - especially now that I know a few people who I haven't seen in a long time will be there - I miss them!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

extra extra read all about it.....

First - sorry it has been a whole week since I posted anything, it has been a mighty crazy week.
Second - how is everyone?!

Ok, now on to the real business. My incredible neuroses and insecurities.......
I am 30wks and starting realize a lot about myself, pregnancy, becoming a mom.
Here are the highlights:
  • I am not all giddy excited like I imagined I would be -- I truly am thrilled to bring this child into the world, but not over-the-top mushy about it. I think that is because I don't "know" who this little person is. In fact, I find myself getting annoyed at people who are overly excited.
  • For example, my MIL insisted on copying our 1st ultrasound pictures and was telling me how she says good morning to the baby every day while getting her coffee. I have about 20 u/s pictures on my fridge right now and never even look at them.....
  • The closer I get to the end, the more I am scared about the birth. I knew this would happen - I've never done it before so I have no clue what to expect.
  • It really does bring our my inner (ok outer!) shop-a-holic - I am always wanting to buy stuff.... and frequently doing so while getting yelled at by my sisters because I should wait until after my showers.
  • I have no feet. I have no figure*. My husband loves me anyway. I have to remind myself of that last one all day everyday b/c I feel incredibly unattractive.
  • Bonding - how did you do it? We read almost every night - I know this little one is going to love books! (or hate?!!) and we listen to music sometimes - but I don't feel any great connection.
  • We had our second ultrasound this week (in the midst of a freaking blizzard....) and found out that most of you were right ----- She is beautiful.
It does help me now that I can call her by her name - but I don't even find myself doing that very often. I suppose it will happen and I shouldn't let it bother me.


Other big, un-baby related, news for this week ---- I got a promotion at work. I am excited because I get to use my knowledge a little bit more, and I am not so bored Business cards included (I have never had a business card....) You normally expect a raise w/ a promotion yes? I haven't gotten one yet but I did make it pretty clear on Friday that I am expecting one, like last week. We will see.......

* ok so I have a figure, it's just not MY figure.....