Post-Partum: BLAH

Since this is my second go-around with an outside baby, I had a little better idea about the Post-Partum BLAH and how horrible (and humbling) it can be.  I was looking back at old posts and I wrote about it after I had Gianna too!

For this go around, there are a few specific BLAHs that are really getting to me.

 

PostPartum Hair

When I was pregnant with Aleesia, my hair was all over the place funky.  I ended up with these insane alfalfa sprouts in the front and it just didn’t want to behave. Ever.

Now? Same sort of misbehaving hair, only, it sort of wants to be wavy; which would be fine if it actually would just BE wavy.  But it’s in some kind of nonsensical in-between state.  I still have these crazy alfalfa sprouts.  And, it’s falling out.  Right at about 4 months, right on target.  I knew this part was coming at least, so I wasn’t TOO freaked out by it. 

All I ever want to do is put it in a ponytail because that is the easiest.  I also want to cut it, but I don’t know how yet.  I always end up with the same thing, even if I want to try something different.  Anyone have any good ideas for thin, fussy hair that won’t take me an hour to do in the morning?  I’m just not GOOD at hair – so I need something as close to “wash and wear” as possible.

PostPartum Fussy Skin

Before I got pregnant and was using Clomid, and when I first got pregnant and was using progesterone, my skin was HORRID. I mean, it was teenage-horror-story Bad.  I don’t have perfect skin, but it had never been like that.  Now? It’s hovering somewhere in the middle.  The lack of sleep and huge pile of stressors that seem to be taking over my life do not help either.  I did buy a new face wash (anti-aging, because I feel like it’s not too soon to start) and some soothing eye gel stuff (it feels nice, no idea if it “works”).  But it’s not just my face – my skin is CRAZY dry.  I don’t know if it’s a post-partum thing or a getting older thing, but either way, I’m trying to get it in check.

 

PostPartum Body Image

This is the hardest one, I think.  I knew it was coming.  But still, I can’t help but to be frustrated about it.  I spent a 9 months growing this baby, and unfortunately, I do not have rubber-band skin.  So the weight is gone – but the fluffy mommy tummy, the jiggly thighs and all other mis-directed asset reallocations are sticking around.  I am finally working out (probably to the detriment of my wimpy milk supply, but I NEED to work out) and it IS helping me to feel good about myself.  But then I get dressed and feel like all anyone is going to look at is my out of control muffin top or my jiggly arms.  I realize that is probably a bit insane, but I can’t help it. 

I need to listen to people when they give me a compliment and/or just learn to accept the asset reallocation for what it is worth. (two adorable girls, if you are wondering)  I will keep working out because I enjoy it.  But it’s hard to have clothes in your closet that just don’t fit the way they used too.

The other thing? My boobs are bigger.  I have never in my life had to worry about how a top fit (other than it being too big) and now I find myself with shirts that are too tight in the chest.  It’s ok – just totally strange for this card carrying member of the IBTC. 

Overall, I just feel BLAH overall and about how I look lately. I need to snap out of it! I am pretty positive that sleep deprivation plays a large role in this whole deal – so hopefully once that is under control the BLAH will be lifted a little bit.   And working out regularly REALLY helps me to feel good about myself – so I need to keep that a priority. 

So pretty much all I need to get rid of the BLAH is a hair make-over, a facial and a massage, a new wardrobe and 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  With a pedicure on the side.

While it is never fun to feel BLAH, no matter what the reason, this too shall pass.  It’s a part of life; this tired-fluffy-messyhaired stage won’t last forever.  It’s nothing a few extra cups of coffee a handful of little girl giggles, a side of big huge baby gummy-smiles and a shot of perspective can’t fix, right?  

So, what are you having?

I have to get this off my chest.

I cannot stand, at all, when people ask us if we know the sex of the baby. 

For the sole reason that it is usually accompanied immediately by stupid comments such as:  I am sure you want a boy. Or you MUST have been trying for a boy. Or, Gianna needs a brother. Or some other comment related to how if you have a girl, you automatically want a boy. (and vice versa).

Because listen – we waited a LONG FRACKING TIME to be in a position where we can bless our family with another child.  And the sex of this child? IT DOES NOT MATTER ONE BIT. AT ALL. EVER.  A baby, a new person in our family, is what we want.  End of discussion.

If you want to have an opinion as to whether we “should be” having a boy or a girl, that’s fine. But keep it to yourself. (preferably forever, thanks) I have to save all of my snappy comebacks for when we actually DO know the sex of this little one because I KNOW the ridiculous comments are going to keep on coming.

I personally think sisters rock the house.  But a boy would be welcome with loving arms just the same.   Gianna is pretty certain she is having a sister – considering as she refers to the new baby solely as “baby sister” and when you ask her about having a brother she refutes such statements with “no, sister”.

Also, unsolicited comments referring to our little one as “your” anything. The only person who gets that right is Mike. And Gianna.  Because hey! People are not possessions, therefore you do not get to refer to the new person as such. Ever.

And, I feel better now.

Random Annoyances

• The fact that I have 232 blog posts started and not finished because they just don’t sound right.
• When grown ass women (or men, for that matter) refer to their significant other as “my baby”.  No, they are not, in fact a baby.
• Loud breathers
• People who stand ::this:: close to you when you are trying to check out at the grocery store. Keep your eggs on your own side of the register!
• Loud typers
• Laundry.  Pretty much in general.
• My hair.  It’s a mess these days and I can’t even deal with it!
• This freaking cold that is hanging on for dear life!
• Clomid induced migraines.
• The fact that our vacation is still MONTHS away
• The weeds in my yard
• That my to-do (or NEED TO DO) list never seems to get any shorter
• Going through the newborn and 0-3month clothes from when Gianna was a baby. To give away. And not to use for a new baby of our own.
• The addictiveness that is Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. Good thing I only have 3 left…..
• What’s annoying you lately?

Operation Organization

Katherine and Alison inspired me to jump on this opportunity to CLEAN UP MY HOUSE!

so I am jumping on the Operation Organization bandwagon. (a few days late, but still – ON.IT!)

Here’s our hot mess express of a house (I totally SPED through the house, and it was night time, so I didn’t get the outside. or Gianna’s room.  So, ya…here it is.

don’t judge me by the state of my house, okay!

I think I will do some combination of videos/pictures for before/after shots.  But it’s time to get this place in shape!

Intrigued? Want in? 

Here’s the scoop:

Just focus on each of these areas for a week and then post our accomplishments on Sundays. Here's the schedule:

• March 4:
• Kitchen
• Dining Room
• Living Room
• March 11:
• Play Room
• Main Bathroom 
• Linen Closet/Storage Closet
• March 18
• Master Bedroom (beginning – this will require some Ikea wonderfulness to complete)
• Gianna’s Room   (again, beginning because there is a LOT to do here)
• March 25
• Laundry Room
• Half bathroom
• Storage Room
• April 1:
• Front of House
• Backyard
• Anything else you didn't have time to finish up in the previous weeks
• April 8thish (since that’s easter!) [I added this week because I needed it]
• Office

My house is set up a little different (but you just saw it so you know that) so what I am going to focus on is different than what is listed in Katherine’s post – so go with what works for you!  I’ll try to put some organizational tips – and you know I’ll be consulting my BFF Pinterest for some organizational inspiration.

Link up to Katherine (and tell me too so I can check out your house and organizational skillz) and get to it, friends!

Things that make you go “huh?”

I try to be sensitive in any comment I make, especially toward someone I don’t know well, because I have no idea what their life is like. Not always successful, I am sure, but I do try. So if I have ever said some kind of asshole-esque comment to you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!

You never know what a person is dealing with or experiencing in their life, and while most people don’t intend to be assholes, it sure can feel like it when the wrong comment comes at you on the right day.

a few examples related to our current struggles to add to our family that just generally make me want to scream:

“Just wait until you have two kids {add pretty much any comment that makes parenting seem harder here}” – one of the worst things someone who is struggling to have another child can hear.

“everyone’s pregnant. Must be something in the water” – Yes it must be. One of the worst thing ANYONE struggling to have a child can hear. also insights instant RAGE.

“you only have 1 kid, why do you have such a big car?” – well. because. why do you care?

“I got pregnant every time my husband looked at me” – good.for.you. I get a stabby every time I hear that comment.

“just relax, it’ll happen in time” – I.KNOW.THAT. But guess what? RELAXING is not always the answer.  Unless you don’t want me to talk to you anymore.  And, truthfully and oddly enough, I have been the most relaxed since we started going to see Dr. Wonderful.  There is something to say for the comfort of a plan, I think.

“have you tried it this way. on this day. this many times. etc.etc. etc.” – YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, OF COURSE WE HAVE. I feel like most people don’t want to know the mechanics of HOW we do the deed – but suffice it to say, we have done it that way and tried that technique. And here we are.

“when is Gianna going to be a big sister?” or any variation of this question = I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. Now go away. (admittedly this is probably one of the most innocent questions people ask, so I get that. It just sucks that I truly don’t know. And it hurts to talk about it)

I probably hear several of these each week. Sometimes they just roll right off the shoulders – other times they sit on my heart like a lead weight.  Like I said, I know comments like these aren’t meant to insight rage, but some days they just do. End of story.

What are things that people say to you that just make you want to smack your head or slap them across the face? Related or unrelated to TTC (I can do a whole other post on random things people say to me that make me go “REALLY??”)

The Stress Monster Ate My Sex Drive

wwwIt’s not much of a secret, things have been stressful around these parts the past few, well, for a while.

School is over and that stress is over.

Only to be taken over by a new kind of stress.

The kind that says now you need to DO something.

Add that to the other forms of regular, daily stress + parenting stress + health insurance stress + impending life decision stress and that leaves not a lot of brain power for other things.

Which sucks because I love my husband a lot. And I love to, you know, be with him.

Or at least I love the idea of it, and I love it when it actually happens.

I just never want it. When he initiates it and I can push the Stress Monster away, it’s good.

Unfortunately, that damn Stress Monster has a hearty appetite and has effectively eaten my sex drive. Like swallowed it whole never to be seen again.

So how do I get it back?
I miss it.

Stress Monster needs a diet pill or one of those appetite suppression drinks or slim fast or something else to occupy its time. Because to be quite honest, this is freaking ridiculous.

I have actually taken some time to check out the forums at EdenFantasys, I can’t be the only one ever to have lost their Sex Drive to the Stress Monster.
The appetite of this Stress Monster is overwhelming and the more frustrated I get about it, the more hungry the Stress Monster appears to be.
Like I said, freaking ridiculous.

Bitch Session

I am what you might call, stressed. A hot mess. Stretched too thin. Over-committed.
Whatever you want to call it, I feel like any second I am going to completely lose my shit.
So I am going to bitch. Just this one time, and I promise to try and not complain anymore because really, it’s all relative and it will all work out. But I need to just get this off my chest real quick.

• There are 2 adults and 1 small child that live in my house, but a lot of times it feels like quite the opposite.
• I have 3 calendars – one for “life”, one for school and one for Premier. I need them all. They are each full to the brim of things that have to get done. There are only 24hrs in each day, so if I don’t sleep, eat or play with Gianna maybe I can actually accomplish each day’s tasks (but I can't give up any of those three things, well I give up eating a lot in leu of wine drinking).
• I would love to hire someone to do my laundry and deep clean the house. I hate those chores. But I also can’t just not do them, because eww, so they get done half-way.
• I would also love for a money tree to grow in the backyard because, well, we need it. I learned from the best on how to manage money/budget/plan etc but gas being $3.50/gallon is going to start screwing with my money management skills really quickly.
• Perhaps only females can see when the floor needs swept, dishes need washed, things need straightened up and children need bathed. I am pretty sure of that, actually.
• My office is a WRECK and I have no time to do anything about it except shift the piles of things to be done around.
• While I love meal planning, I hate cooking for one person since the other people here refuse to eat anything.
• It would be awesome if people (besides my mom and sisters) asked me how I was doing, if I needed help with anything or any other similar question instead of asking me for something/adding more things to my never-ending list. I feel like I extend myself to others all the time (which I enjoy doing, don’t get me wrong), but it is definitely a one way street in most cases.
• There is just so much going on right now, I can’t remember everything. If it is not written down on one of those calendars or a sticky note on my desk, assume it doesn’t exist because I will never remember. I hate that.
• I also don’t feel like I am doing a very good job on anything I have been working on because there is SO MUCH I can only contribute so much to each thing and when I am an “all in” kind of person, this really gets to me. This includes being a wife and mother.
• I need a mountain to stand on so I can scream at the top of my lungs. I think that would make me feel better.
• Treading water sucks. My legs are tired and so is my brain. I know it will all be okay, but is it May yet?

Confessions of a (insert age here) women: ADM bloghop style

It’s my turn to host the small but mighty ADM bloghop this month – I don’t care if you know what ADM stands for or not, feel free to join on in (and contribute topics!)!  Links will be open from Thurs-Sun each week. 
This week’s topic is an easy one:

Confessions of a (insert age here) women

a nod to my confessions of a toddler mom post from the other week, I made some, shall we say interesting, realizations the past few weeks. I thought I would over share with you, my special internet friends.
Confessions of a 20-something women:

• I used to hate leggings for anyone over the age of 5. Until I bought a pair. Now I am mercilessly searching for something else to wear them with.
• I will not buy into the jeggings though. Or pajama jeans or whatever. I have boundaries.
• I literally jumped for joy in the middle of Rite Aid over the amount of money I saved with my coupons. You guys – I saved 2x what I spent, it was epic.
• Some days I just want my mommy, especially when I don’t feel good.
• I can no longer live without coffee. And also jumped for joy when I saw that coffeemate has new flavors out.
• When did I become so damn exciting?
• In college, I was most productive in the middle of the night. Now? Most productive at nap time. And again between the hours of 10p and 12am. Except I do considerably worse functioning on little sleep.
• You know what else used to happen in the middle of the night in college (besides studying and alcohol consumption)? Sex.
• You know what happens at nap time* but not usually between the hours of 10pm and 12 am? Sex. Because I do not have the energy by the time the middle of the night rolls around.
• Told you I would over share.
• I have actually gotten WORSE at returning phone calls (sorry, friends).
• I can’t even REMEMBER that someone called me or emailed me or whatever half the time and it comes to my damn phone. Not real sure what I am busy remembering instead…but I feel all guilty about my forgetfulness.
• Some days, I don’t even feel like texting (I know, GASP!). I do it anyway, of course, I just don’t always like it.
• I am very comfortable talking in front of large groups of people I don’t know, but I always get nervous when I have to call someone I don’t know. So weird.
• I like wine. A lot. Beer? Eh, only if it is hot outside.
• And, with that, I have officially turned in to my mother. Minus the ability to fall asleep on the couch.

Okay, now who's next?



*please do not be fooled, by naptime I mean only on the days that begin with S.
Don't forget to enter to win the Charlie Harper Nesting Blocks - ends tomorrow.

The problem with communication

I love being able to connect with people via the internet – be it email, facebook, twitter, message boards, all of the above etc.

I love it especially because I do NOT like to talk on the phone. Like at all.  I think my last job really put me over the edge because I spent 80% of my day on the phone for one reason or another.

I am not always an awesome communicator, I know this. I am working on it.  My husband is also not always an awesome communicator.  We both kind of shut down when we are stressed out.  Imagine the tension and bickering going on lately, it’s stress city over here.  But he can read my body language, he can hear HOW I say things (which, tends to say a lot more than the actual words coming out of my mouth) and he can ask me if he doesn’t understand what I say/mean.

But here’s the thing.

When you communicate with people by writing – something gets lost in translation.

Like, maybe I think the way you typed something is bitchy but you meant it to be funny.  Or maybe you were really trying to offend me. Whatever.  Maybe I think you are being a whiner but you are really sad or frustrated about something and just need to type it out.

For some reason, I have felt like people are just being mean and nasty towards one another over the internet lately. To the point where it would be better for me to stay away from it because I am going to take something the wrong way, hurt someone’s feelings (not on purpose), type something wrong, not get my intonation across correctly, start a debate that wasn’t intended – you get the point. Drama.

When I vent a frustration related to looking for a job, I am not saying that I rule the world and should be paid a million dollars.  I am saying that I am frustrated and am not sure how to overcome this obstacle -  trying to stay positive about the employment search is hard.  If I ask a question or make a statement about something I am constantly concerned over if it will be interpreted as I intended it too.  I actually have tried not to post anything in these different mediums lately because I don’t want to (unintentionally) start shit with people.

I like scientific writing, I am good at it. It is straight forward. No room for interpretation.  No drama possible, unless you don’t like the evidence, then do your own experiment!

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like you just need a break from the internet*?

*by internet I mean everywhere except twitter, my blog and email….

the other side of adulthood

So, when you are a kid you have lots of best friends, right?  Like one a day or something, if I recall. 

Then you get into middle school and have only one new best friend a week.

And in high school, maybe you can keep the same best friend for a while? Or maybe not.  But the ones you keep are usually pretty sweet and stay for a long long time.

I am lucky – I have one best friend from when I was FIVE! I am sure we were best friends and best enemies weekly for a long stretch there, but now, we are good.  We don’t talk much anymore what with stupid grown up shit in the way, but I know I can trust her and talk to her anytime I want to or need to. 

There is also the best friend I have had since birth. And the other one I have had since she was birthed.  My sisters and I are closer than close. I love them. I trust them. My life would literally crumble without them.

So, aside from those 3 people (and my husband, who is also a bestie), I have few people I consider real “best” friends.  I have lots of friends who I love and hang out with, but we haven’t gotten to the “life trusting” stage yet.

I had one person I was very close to, who disagreed with a decision I made in my life, and we just kind of stopped being friends. Until recently, we talk now but I haven’t actually seen her in YEARS!  We both grew a lot in our time “apart” and it is really nice having her in my life again, even if it is in a long distance type of way.

I also had 2 BFF’s, since high school.  One moved to Florida, but she is definitely still a BFF!  We are both not phone people, so we text and email and again – if she needs anything or vice versa, just consider it done.  I love her to pieces.  And it totally sucks that she moved far from me, but is totally sweet because HELLO? Florida vacay anyone?

The other BFF? Things happened, trust was broken, friendship ended. Which is really sucky because her daughter happens to be our goddaughter.  Seriously, when things went south between us, it felt like I was getting a divorce. I still miss her and I miss her daughter like crazy.  It’s hard to be so close to someone and trust them wholly (maybe that is a bad idea?) and then *poof* be mad at them forever and ever and never think of them again.  I can’t do that. I have no room in my life for drama or ridiculous behavior, but also? I am a forgiver by nature.  I always think “maybe I can just try to forgive the situation and we can still be friends” but I am not a forgetter.  So, really, it probably wouldn’t work out too wonderfully.  I recently emailed this friend to check on her daughter and just say hi, thinking of her etc.  I found myself wanting to open up and share what has been going on in our lives (hello! we were BFF’s for like 7 years or something who talked every day) but I held back.  Trying to just make it about the kids. (see? it IS like we got divorced. except I was denied visitation) .  Such an awkward and shitty situation to be in – and honestly, I have yet to see the “reason” (at least in respect to our friendship) behind what happened here, so that makes me just that much more frustrated by the whole sitch.

I don’t like this part of adulthood. The part where things can hurt you so badly that you can never go back.  Back in the day if she would have stolen my gummy bears, I would have written her a mean note, we would have hugged kissed and made up in all of 15 minutes.  Now? Not so much. I mean I can still write a mean note but who cares?  I can’t forget the things that have happened/been said, so I have to move forward.  So I will continue to mourn the friendship that is over, hope for better things in the future and that is pretty  much that.

It’s just hard to “start over” with friendships in your 20’s since most people are not restricted by 7pm bedtimes and temper tantrums. 

Pickiest baby on the planet

With the holiday weekend and the awesome weather we have been having, almost every night you can smell the tasty grill food everyone is cooking.  And, maybe I have complained talked about Gianna’s extreme stubbornness when it comes to eating before?  My little peanut has always  been finicky about what she eats, even when we were feeding her baby food, it was clear what foods she liked and what foods she did not. 

And now? She has the most limited diet of any 14 month old I have ever heard of, and while she is not going to starve to death, she is defiantly not getting all the vitamins/nutrients she needs. Or at least I don’t feel like she is. 

Breakfast:

 

These are the usual suspects plus pancakes and french toast.  Oh, and granola bars.  Breakfast seems cool, we don’t have much issue there.

Lunch and dinner? Different story.

Usual suspects: PB&J, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets.  Throw in any fruit on the planet and some Annie’s snacks/goldfish/gerber crunchies and that is her diet.  She has eaten grilled chicken exactly two times, steak once and sometimes she will eat spinach quiche.  

Not exaggerating.  Not kidding.  Incredibly frustrating.

It’s not for lack of trying, either.  She is offered our usual dinner every single day.  Hell, she is offered more kinds of food on a daily basis than I can count.  What happens when she sees something on her plate she doesn’t like?  She either moves it to a different compartment on her plate or ignores it completely.  If you try to get her to eat it, she purses her lips together, turns her head from you, pushes you away, says “no no”.  (yes, all of those!)  If you manage, by some miracle, to get the food past her lips and near her tongue – 9.9/10x it never makes it past there and she spits it out.  I can’t explain the amount of stress, frustration and wine drinking this has caused me. 

The girl doesn’t even give food a chance! 

Pasta? Forget it.  Vegetables? Not a chance in hell.  Meat? Laughable.  Cheese? Don’t be ridiculous.

So? What is a mommy too do? 

My current solution is to just keep giving her whatever is being cooked, pray she eats it and if when she doesn’t, she can have fruit.  She usually just ends up eating fruit.  Any advice, or wine recommendations, are welcome. 

Willpower

Lately my life has been one giant test of willpower.

Let me show you why (in bullet point format, natch):

• it takes willpower to smile when your entire family is enjoying the pool and soaking up the sun while you are at work.
• it takes willpower to work 9+hrs a day and study 3+hrs a night.
• it takes willpower for me to do our laundry knowing that there could be spiders near me. (hell, it took willpower to even type that word….)
• it takes willpower to NOT stop at the ice cream stand that is 1/2 mile from my house. daily.
• it takes willpower to stay home every weekend night to work on school work.
• it takes willpower to NOT want what I don’t have
• it takes willpower to get up when I hear the baby crying at night and not stay in bed praying she stops on her own
• it takes willpower not to cry sometimes. over various things, good, bad and otherwise.
• it takes willpower to not buy new clothes, a new lens for my camera and new shoes – all things I defiantly do not “need”.
• it takes willpower to look over all the small things that frustrate me and enjoy the big things that make me happy.

It has just been one of those weeks where every day is an uphill climb and the mountain just gets steeper.

What’s in a name?

When we were picking names for our unborn child it was like torture.

I have all these crazy rules about naming – like the initials can’t spell anything, no alliterative initials (like DD), no silly rhyming etc.

The biggest “rule”, in my mind? NO NICKNAMES.

I am a big fan of proper names – like my name is Andrea, not Andi*.

 

When we choose Gianna I made it known that at no time should anyone call her Gia or GiGi.  GiGi is a name for a poodle and Gia reminds of someone who takes their clothes off for a living.  If, at some point in her life, she decides on her own to use one of these “names”, fine, but she will always be Gianna to me.

 

Then she was born.

And I still call her Gianna.

Except I don’t.

 

I started referring to her by her first initial only when she was really little.  And then, we started calling her “little bug” or “the bug” for no real reason at all except that she was really tiny and liked to sleep no other way except curled up like a little bug.

She is starting to talk and listen to things we say to her.  I noticed the other day that if I called her G, she turned and listened to me. If I called her Gianna, she didn’t. If  I called her bug, she did. 

 

Looks like I need to start using her name more than the nicknames I swore she would never have.

 

*unless of course, you have known me for a LOOOONNG time, or are family, then you are special enough to call me Andi, otherwise, no dice.

When do you have time for THAT, and by THAT I mean S-E-X.

Apparently, once your child turns 1, the most common question to be asked is “so, when are you gonna spit out another one?”* 
Let me ask you this question people, When the hell are we supposed to have sex, or even have a second to think about having sex? 

See exhibit A, also known as incredibly rambunctious small child:
 
I mean, I know that I may be busier than the average bear, but STILL!  I can barely fit dinner into my day, let alone sex.

Also – there is the issues that have surfaced over the actual act itself. 

You see, since the birth of exhibit A, the lady parts are not all they used to be.  I actually think that the doctors possibly swapped out my vagina and replaced it with the Sahara.  Totally ridiculous.   Totally a buzz kill.

We have tried everything to turn the Sahara into the Pacific without success.  Again, totally ridiculous.

Pair the Sahara with the Tired and we have a recipe for something that does NOT equal sex.  Then, when the Tired is paired with the Extreme Stress, just forget it people, there is no hope.  This is not the sexy threesome it appears to be.  Poor husband.  He makes the effort, I fall asleep.  He tries to get me liquored up in an effort to get to the sex help me forget about the Extreme Stress, I fall asleep on the couch at 9:30pm.  

This brings me back to my first question, again, HOW do parents of a one year old have time to even think about adding to the crazy?!!  We want to have more kids, one day, but as the days go on I wonder when that day will be?  Can I really love anyone more than I love this face:
  
And, will my vagina, the Sahara & the Tired ever get their stories straight long enough for it to even be possible to make a college effort at procreation?!!



*I swear to you, I was asked that exact question

It’s either Her OR Me: Giveaway!!

Mothers In Law.

Not exactly the best friend to a lot of women.  Me included.

I try not to blog to much about my relationship with my in-laws out of respect for my husband.  It is a strained relationship, at best.   It wasn’t always that way,  there are a number of reasons that have accumulated over the years, not just one or two isolated events that have gotten us where we are now.
And then I had the opportunity to read this book by Ellie S. Fisher. This amazing, insightful book filled with “OH! That’s Me!” moments about the relationship between a daughter in law & her son’s mother.

As soon as I got the book, I turned to the contents to see what the book was all about.

And then immediately turned to the last chapter. The endgame: grandkids. 

There are so many parts of this book that resonated with me – this is the most pertinent at the moment.  My in-laws are CONVINCED I hate them.  I do not.  I do not agree with a lot of how they go about child-rearing (or grand-child rearing) or the strange way they interact with G.  And, if you have ever met me, you know that I am an emotions on the outside kind of person, which translates much harsher at times than I would ever intend for it too.  That is(one of)my issue.  I would NEVER, in a million years, prevent them from spending time with their granddaughter.  They just choose not to initiate that time, and then get upset that they don’t see her enough.  It’s a total catch-22.

I went through the rest of the book as well – it was an easy read packed with a lot of helpful information.

In Chapter 3, she talks about the relationship between all the women in a man’s life.  One topic she talked about was gift giving. 

Let me tell you a little story.  My mother-in-law is known for her quirky “crafty” gift ideas.  Sometimes, they are corny and fun.  Most of the time – they are corny and the butt of jokes between my husband & I.  Also? She tries to buy clothes.  And that never goes over well.  When i was pregnant she bought me the most, interesting, maternity clothes…..  And now? She buys G equally interesting clothes…..  She goes on & on about how adorable they are and they she shows me something denim & covered in appliquéd flowers. And I throw-up a little in my mouth while trying to figure out how to get rid of them.  I try to smile and I ALWAYS say thank  you.  But, it’s usually pretty clear when I don’t like something.  I suck at hiding my dislike of things.

Ellie talks about how to get a rocky relationship to a happy medium, and I plan on trying some of the tips she offers, especially when I need to word things in a more non-judgmental way.  I understand it is not good to say “stop following her around with a carpet square, she will be fine” or “dang, why does the house smell like dog pee every time we come over?!!”  and should probably say “if you give her some freedom she walks a lot better” when they chase after my very clumsy little bug or ask about a scented candle or something when the house is stinky.

One of my favorite parts of the book is at the end of each chapter she lists keepsakes on that topic.  Some of my favorites include:

His significant other earns first place or the game’s over – for everyone.
Love, love, love that birthday present
The guys significant other has some clout in making each mom – hers and his – feel a part of their life
A woman you view as a difficult mother-in-law may very well be viewed by your child as a loving grandmother.  And that is something for which to be truly grateful.

There are plenty more quirks about my mother in law and the relationship we have, but I want to hear about YOUR mother-in-law relationships.  Give me the nitty-gritty, good or bad. I want it all!  With the holiday this past weekend and G’s birthday coming up, you can be sure that I will have plenty of good stories.

And, if you leave me a comment with said mother-in-law dirt, you will be entered to WIN your very own copy of this fabulous book!


Extra Entries (be sure to leave a separate comment for each. it counts if you already do any of these things too!!):
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Giveaway ends Wednesday April 14 11:49pm
Winner will be selected randomly & contacted via Email by Thursday April 15.

It’s Either Her or Me is available on Amazon.com & wherever books are sold.  Visit Ellie’s website, blog, twitter & facebook.

**It’s Either Her or Me was provided for me to review and giveaway by Random House Publishing Group.  All other content & opinions are my own.**

and the beat goes on

a lot on my mind, but not enough for a full post on any one topic.

so bullet points it is!

• I need to start getting ideas and plans for my masters capstone – I think I have a great idea, now to see if it fits.  this is a lot of work! and it’s not going to be happening until next year at this time.  It does give me some encouragement that the end is in sight. kind of.
• One of my very best friends ever is moving to Florida (probably as I type this) with her husband.  It is a great opportunity for them, which is so wonderful. I am going to miss her like crazy. But, there is a new vacation spot :)
• With above mentioned best friend moving, it brings back a lot of hurt and sadness over the ending of another friendship. (read here).  The three of us were “the triangle” and now we are 3 separate lines. (2 lines together don’t make much, a right angle maybe?) Sometimes I really hate how life plays out.  I said my peace on the subject but moving past it has been much harder than I expected, despite the ridiculously deep hurt that went on.  ::heavy sigh::
• the hubs and I hope to go out of town for our anniversary. where is the question right now!
• I am looking forward to finishing our taxes…. they are always such a huge pain in my ass.  I just wish the rest of the documents I need would show up already.  Wasn’t there a January 31 deadline on this stuff?!! Maybe I need to show these companies a calendar.
• It has snowed a lot.  I hate it a lot. But, no use in complaining. It didn’t make the snow melt any faster last winter…
• I am LOVING my project 365.  I almost cried the other day when i thought I forgot to take a picture. 
• my boss is a micromanager and it is incredibly frustrating to someone who likes to use her brain.  I like my job, but I could leave in a second for something more challenging. Hopefully in a year or so that won’t be a problem.
• Just getting into “couponing” as part of my frugal living approach to life these days.  This blog is freaking AH-MAZING for anyone who uses or wants to use coupons.
• My husband is working on a pregame music mix project for friends of ours and he is fantastic!  I wish I could link you to his work.  If anyone is in need of a music mix, dj or any other music work – he is SO your man.

I’m too sexy for my love….

 

As if I haven’t shared enough about myself to you, my internets, there is always more.

I know, right.  WHAT could it be?  the suspense is killer.

Here’s the gig folks:

Andrea’s self esteem since having a baby = shitty. Shitty shitty shitty.  Why you may wonder, what with the fluffy belly, the double chin and the cottage cheese thighs? How could that not be the ULTIMATE in sexy?

I am wondering the same thing….. 

Since my husband thinks I am still the hottest thing on the block.

(have I told you lately that I love him? I do. And he loves my fluff. ::swoon::)

Back to the unsexy, unsure part of me.  All the assholes cool people out there will tell you how they fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans on their ride home for the hospital and about how they were even skinnier 6 weeks post partum than before they were with child.  And then, there are the normal honest people of the world who tell you about how they hung on to those pesky last 10lbs until their kid was 12, and by that time, those 10lbs were blamed on nachos and beer. 

(and by people, I mean anyone who has been pregnant. duh.)

(but, this totally applies to anyone that has ever let their self esteem, for any reason, get in the way of life.)

(and no, for the record, this is NOT a fish for compliments. it is just honesty.)

I am going to be honest here and tell you all that, before I got pregnant, I was like a lot of 20-something's.  There was always an extra millimeter of pudge here or there that I wanted gone.  Always another 5lbs to lose. But. I wore a size 4 and damn, I looked good. I felt good. I liked the way I looked, 6/7 days of the week. I had a tan. I had a flat tummy. I had good hair. I still had love handles, but it’s not a perfect world folks!

Now, almost 10 months after giving birth, 2 months away from having a ONE year old. (hold me…) I still have those last 5-10lbs to go. The fluff gets in the way of my pants. (but, I am back to single digit pant sizes, so yay to that) I am whiter than white and not confident enough to use the tanning package I got for Christmas. (yes, I am well aware of the side effects of tanning. I am also aware of the effect it has on how I feel.) I work out when I can, which is not nearly enough to satisfy me.  I do have some abs hiding  underneath the fluff – trying to coax them out by eating better. Unsuccessfully.  Clearly the love handles are still in full force. I can live with them.  My thighs touch in one spot. And that makes me angry. (this happened once after college and I vowed to work my thighs ass off – which I did – and to never let it happen again. Never say never….)

I got new hair, in hopes it would lift my spirits. Which it did-ish and I like it.  None of my clothes fit right, in my opinion, and that makes the mornings sucky.

Other people have told me that I look “great” and “skinny” and I just smile and say thanks. I truly appreciate their comments, I just don’t believe them.  The thing is, my husband tells me multiple times a day that I don’t need to change a thing, but why do I feel so crappy about myself?  

How do I feel good about myself? How do I see myself as others see me? This is my problem.  I have accepted that I will likely not look like I did before I had a baby, and that is ok. Seriously, it is. But why can I not accept how I look today? What am I missing?  I would do just about anything to see myself through my husband’s eyes. 

 

^ new hair. and blue eyes!!

Because I'm the Mom, THAT's why.........

As we all know, part of the glory of becoming parents is so we can do things the way WE want to when it comes to rearing our children.

I can give her formula if I want to.
I can have her sleep in her crib from day one, because, why not?
I can dress her up in cute clothes a million times a day like she is a doll, because PICTURES!

It never really dawned on me that, hey, it doesn't matter worth a damn what anyone else does/says/thinks because I get to make the rules on this one. FINALLY I get to be the one to say "Because I am her mother, that's why" since goodness knows the amount of times that was/is said to me in my life.

It doesn't make sense to me to give her juice before she is a year old, when water if in fact, more thirst quenching. Playing with random power cords does not seem like a good way to entertain her. No, I don't think she will get her ears pierced soon, while it's cute, I just don't see the point.* The idea of a dog slobbering all over her face is not in any way cute to me, in fact, the idea of her being close to a dog makes me slightly nervous. I do not think it's sanitary for her to put her mouth on random things - like chairs, shoes, my hands just because she wants to. Yes, I do put babylegs on her because I like them. If I could get a bow in her hair and shoes on her feet every.single.day - I would. We stick to a pretty strict schedule because I like a happy baby. Also - do not talk to her like she is a) deaf or b)anything less than a human - because she is neither of those. And, when I say something to you about how we do things, and you want an explanation, all I need to say is "because I'm her mom" and that should be enough.

And I am fully aware that this little statement will continue to evolve as she does - and surely it will go from the explaining a statement like "no, she isn't ready to eat table food yet" to "no, you may not have that broken toy" to "no, boys are NOT allowed in your bedroom" before I even realize it.

*I was DETERMINED that she would have cute little earrings as an infant, and then she got here and I liked her ears plain....

What Not to Wear

I got to go out with my husband last night. (woah, I know!) He was DJing on a Dinner/Dance Cruise and I got to tag along.
I am what you would call a people watcher.
And, people, there was a lot to watch.

I wanted to get out my own 360 degree mirror and hurd these people into it like cattle. It boggles my mind the way people go out in public.
We had the extremes - ripped jeans and a dirty tshirt and a women in literally, lingerie.
And everything in between.

It got me thinking about my own closet and the lack of clothing options I currently have.
Anyone who has seen me in the last 4 months has been subjected to my lame excuse for fashion. I promise, before I was with-child (and subsequently, without-child) I was fashionable. The clothes hanging neatly in my closet say so.
What I can actually wear? I can literally list it out for you

• 1 pr jean Capri's (that I bought after baby)
• 1 pr shorts (that I bought after baby)
• 2 prs pants for work (after baby, both too big)
• 1 pr khakis (that fit, but awkwardly big in places not in others)
• handful of skirts (most I had, 1 too big!)
• handful of dresses (most I had)
• shirts are hit and miss
• My shoes - thank the good lord those fit again!!!

My top half is reasonably dressed - although - my boobs never really went "back" to their prior size even though I never breast fed, so that may not be entirely true. My bras kinda fit like crap. I have 10/11 lbs to lose yet- I hope it all doesn't come from my chest.....

My bottom half is a hot mess. My hips and waist are incredibly strangely proportioned and I need like a half size in pants or something! One size is more comfortable but I look like I am the one wearing the diaper, the size below that is comfortable but eh still fits funky. Also, my underwear wardrobe needs overhauled. Just because it does.

I try to dress halfway decent and hide my "problem area" but you know, when you are trying (and actually, thankfully, succeeding) to lose weight it's a challenge because when do you buy new clothes? I am trying to be sensible with the funds here so buying new clothes every 2 weeks isn't exactly in the cards - but - I honestly feel worse when I don't look nice. It is preferable to my self-esteem to be dressed nicely in clothes that fit, I can't help that. Any tips, Internets, on making my clothes work for me?

In other news - I officially registered for my first 5k! September 13th I am doing it! This is one goal I am really ready to meet head on - I have about 4 weeks of "training" left and I think things will be fine. My only "goal" of the race itself is to finish without walking, so, however long it takes I really don't care! Slow and steady wins the race......

the reliables

This past week I have gone out twice sans baby. and sans husband.
Once for drinks, the other to see Mary Poppins with my sisters.

To be totally honest - before she was born, I thought I would go out a lot more often without her. But I don't. And I don't want to. I miss the little bug when I am away from her!! I don't know if it's because I am back to work so I don't get to see her all day or if she is just that fabulous that I want to hang out with her smiling self all the time. Probably both.

Also, another reason, I am picky on the babysitting. I have my reliables - mom, step-dad, sisters. I let them watch her without blinking twice. Anyone else, not so much. She is a bit of a tough cookie at times and I just don't want anyone who is not comfortable with her to be left alone. I don't care if you SAY you are comfortable, when she starts screaming bloody murder and wriggling around like she's possesed you are going to think twice. I do. If you can't spend more than an hour with her when her dad or I are present without getting a little twitchy & nervous, how can you watch her when we aren't there? And have me be okay with it? Sure, she is fun when she wants to be - but she sure has her moments..... So ya, I could leave her with more people - but she is my kid and I don't like to just "hand her off" if there is a way for her to come along to wherever we are going. And, I just won't do it if I don't feel comfortable, I can't.

We are going to a wedding this weekend, she's coming. All of my reliables will be there. I will leave early with her. It'll be okay.

Does anyone else have this problem? Do you want to take your little one with you if you can? do you only leave them with certain people?