Miles 4 and 5

Mike is an awesomely supportive husband - he is (eventually) encouraging of my crazy goals and dreams.

As one of my Christmas gifts, he registered me for a 4 mile prediction run. Seems like kind of a strange gift, but I was really excited about it - it would be a great challenge and perfectly timed with the distance I was planning for that weekend.

On January 11th, it was 40 degrees and windy. Just days after a really big snow/ice storm and a little spell of cold weather known as the Polar Vortex.  The prediction race was 4 miles, I predicted that I could finish the race in 48 minutes.  The course was a muddy and wet loop (modified from the original course due to the ice issue), but it was also still decently flat and fast.  5 loops = 4ish miles.

I don't particularly enjoy being muddy.  But it was fine. My feet were cold and I bargained with myself every time I stepped into an ice cold puddle of mud or ran up a very muddy hill.  It was all fine, it felt good and I was surprised at the results.

before

after

And I ended up running in the course in 47 minutes, better than I planned for.  I was a lot muddier than I had planned for, but that was fine too.

I have to do my longer runs on the weekends, and I aim for the morning before the day gets crazy. This past weekend, 5 miles was on my schedule.  It was 10 degrees on Saturday morning and Gianna just wanted to snuggle up on the couch together. So we did for a little bit but I knew I had to get the distance in or else it would just haunt me the rest of the weekend.  I promised her more snuggles when I got back, which she was okay with!

It was colder than I planned for and it was a little more icy than I thought it was going to be, but I ran anyway.  I wasn't cold until about mile 2.5, when the wind kicked up (and apparently the "real feel" was something like -7 degrees at one point) but at that point I was half way done and I had to run back home! I bargained with myself every 1/2 mile - okay, only "x" more to go until you can take a hot shower! 

My biggest lesson learned was to for sure wear another layer when it's below 15 degrees.

I ran a little slower than I know I can to account for the ice (I am super clumsy, I still can't believe I didn't fall!) and still completed 5 miles more than 5 minutes faster than the last time I ran that same path in October - I was pretty happy with that outcome!  It's nice to see the difference and the improvement as well, I don't usually feel like I am doing a whole lot but the numbers don't lie, right?

Another way that Mike is super supportive - he always has a good breakfast waiting for me when I get back from a run, no matter how long or short it was.  Gianna is pretty sweet as well - she always wants to know how my running was - she sat across from me and ate her breakfast (of grilled cheese...) and then chatted with me the whole time I was in the shower.  She cracks me up and motivates me all at the same time!

Happy Birthday, Baby Sister

The beginning of the story is here.

After a lot of hard work and discussion with Mike – we decided to have Molly break my water.  I knew things were about to get REAL as soon as she did that – but I was getting tired, and I was starving.  I knew that if I didn’t progress further, and soon-ish, my energy level was only going to go down.  It was 100% our decision, there was no pressure by anyone to do this, which was great.

She said “that is one tough bag of water” which – I believe it!  And she wasn’t kidding about things getting real.  In our Bradley classes we discussed NOT having your water broken for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because it acts as a natural cushion – helping the contractions not to be too off-the-charts painful. 

The contraction after she broke my water – I noticed a huge difference.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I also HAD TO STAND UP RIGHT NOW. (again, having to change positions right.now is something we knew to expect in late first stage labor) My awesome nurse, Donna, warned me that when I stood up the contraction was going to hurt more and there would be a lot more pressure. Again, she knew what she was talking about – and I knew to expect that.  Molly stayed with me after this also, I think she may have left the room for a few minutes.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I stood through a few contractions,  Went to the bathroom (remember, I was drinking a lot of water! so being able to pee at my own will was awesome), came back, leaned against the bed and really worked through a few more contractions.  I also went and sat on the toilet for a few contractions – that legs wide open, gravity utilizing position helped relieve some pressure.

Something they teach you through Bradley is that when you get close to transition and toward second stage labor you literally can not help but to make “animal like” noises during contractions.  And, again, dead on.  Up until that point, I would breathe quietly through each contraction – and go about my conversations after they were over!  Well, I knew things were changing when I was standing up through a contraction and I heard myself making these grunting noises we heard about in class.  I say heard myself, because I had zero control of the sounds coming out of my mouth.

I kept telling myself, okay, you knew this would happen, don’t freak out.  I also didn’t fully realize I was making these noises out loud – it’s called being in labor land – sort of this crazy place between your mind and reality!

I did this a few times and then I HAD TO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW.  Now, we knew all kinds of labor and birthing positions but I wanted to be sitting almost all the way upright with my legs sort of down (those hospital beds do all kinds of crazy stuff, so I was able to sort of sit on the “edge” of the bed with my legs dropped down – again, using gravity to my advantage).  Donna the nurse, again, was awesome – she validated everything I was feeling as normal.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

Pretty much as soon as I got comfortable transition started.  My legs started shaking, my shoulders started shaking – I had my eyes closed but I thought everyone could see what was happening – but, no, they actually couldn’t.  At least not until my teeth started chattering uncontrollably and I told Mike (even though, again, I KNEW what was happening) “why is this happening to me” – he KNEW then what was going without question. 

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I kept thinking to myself, again, I thought I was saying it out loud, “this is so annoying”.  Mike, Donna and Molly again were awesome at assuring me things were going in the right direction and not to be afraid.  Mike kept saying, this is it and my mom stood by my side and held my hand.  I know I thought several times “why am I doing this. I don’t want to do this anymore” – again, exactly what they told us would happen in our Bradley class!

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

Molly verified what we all knew, it was time to get this baby out! I was allowed to push when I wanted to.  Except, I sort of freaked out inside my head – and I would start to say with each contraction “I can’t” but everyone pretty much in unison would say “yes you can!”

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I started sweating like a mad women and I was using my mom and Mike’s hands as leverage to push – I probably nearly broke their fingers.  But my hands were so dang sweaty, I was getting frustrated because I kept losing my grip!  Because at first I couldn’t get  my mind straight around the whole “if you just push, it WILL FEEL BETTER” idea at first – my first few contractions weren’t all that productive.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I could feel her head starting to engage, and the awesome thing about being in control of your own body, is knowing when you need to take a break.  I didn’t push through one whole contraction because I just knew I needed to let things stretch out, if you will. After that, I was ready – my mind and body were finally working together.

I kept my eyes closed through pretty much all of second stage – I just listened to Mike, Mom, Donna and Molly. I heard Molly tell me she had hair!

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

Or, I sort of listened to them – they kept telling me to pull my legs back because if I did this baby would fly right out.  But I really couldn’t do it – I don’t know why – but I could not let them move my legs and I could not move them myself.  (but notice how mike is pushing me up? that was perfect and he knew to do it without me saying anything)

I felt her start to crown and I was pushing so hard but then I had to breathe and I couldn’t keep pushing and take a deep enough breath – I felt her slide back in as I took a breath and said “no, don’t go back in!”.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

that was all the motivation I needed – the next contraction I used all of the energy I had – I pushed through the ring of fire (yes, it does burn, but only for a second) and felt her head come out and then her shoulders and body just slide right out.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

That is when I opened my eyes.  At 8:28pm* on February 1, 2013 my second daughter was born.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I have never ever in a million years felt anything like this – this intense emotion of HOLY SHIT I JUST DID THAT and HOLY SHIT, THAT’S MY BABY!

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

When they handed her to me – I said “oh, hello!”

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

And I said a bunch of other nonsense that, again, during our classes I swore I wouldn’t say. It just kind of comes out and you can’t control it!  Lots of “I love you’s” and “I waited so long for you” comments.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her – I did look at Mike and Mom, but I just focused all of my attention on her.  She was so alert – I can’t even explain how alert she was – her eyes stayed open almost the whole time.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

We did skin to skin for a long while – during that time Mike cut the cord, she got her eyes taken care of and her vitamin K shot – all while snug in my arms. 

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

Third stage labor happened (seriously, when they say delivering the placenta feels like a warm massage, that is no joke.  it felt so good… very strange, but good!).

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

Donna took her to get all the appropriate measurements and weights.  I got one stitch.  Daddy & Grandma got to hold her. 

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

And then I got my baby back to feed her.

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

This is a new experience for me – and so far, so good.

Eventually we were ready to move to our recovery room – I was up, out of bed, within two hours of having her (I had to pee again!) and all things considered – feeling very awesome.  And ready to eat!

We did it.  Mike and I, together, created this gorgeous life and brought her in to the world the way my body was made to do it.  And it was, without a doubt, the most empowering experience of my life. 

Photo Credit: Bella Rose Photography

I owe a ton of credit to Gayle, our Bradley instructor for an awesome class – she prepared us so wonderfully for this.  And, get this, was responding to our texts that day from PARIS! How awesome is that?  Mike was the greatest coach you could ever want – he was so attentive and in tune to what was going on. He may now officially be a bigger natural birth advocate than me!  My mom was the perfect assistant coach – she snuck me snacks, told me what I needed to hear, and just having your mommy near by is sometimes all you need.

So welcome to the world, Aleesia Marie – I hardly remember life before you were in it.

Photo Credit: me!

*ironically, Gianna was born at 8:29am!

Crunch, Crunch, Crunch

Crunchy. Granola. Hippie. Environmentally friendly.

Has lost her mind.

Whatever you want to call it, that is sort of where I am right now when it comes to thinking about raising another child, things I want to do differently, experiences I hope to change/have, etc.  I have had a lot of time to think about this stuff, connected with a lot of other moms, gotten different views/changed my opinion on things, etc. etc.  My husband thinks, on pretty much all accounts, I have lost my mind. Or the fertility drugs screwed with me.

Exhibit A: Natural Child Birth

This is the one that has the heads of pretty much everyone who knows me spinning. I am not exactly known for my pain tolerance (although, I swear the older I get the higher it gets) so the idea of pushing a human with a head the size of a bowling ball out of my lady parts with no drugs seems a little out of character.  Don’t get me wrong, I was lucky to have a pretty easy induction/labor/delivery last time (if you don’t count that I pushed for 2+ hours)  and it was just how I wanted it then. But I felt terrible afterwards. And for a long time. And that sucked.

But I have thought about this whole natural thing for a long long time. And read a lot of stuff. And thought about it some more. And researched some more. And I really really feel that the Bradley Method is something that I can master and rock out sometime in January (hopefully not February). I have no doubt in my mind that sometime during the process I will also be sure I have lost my mind – but I also know that at the end, I will be so proud of myself and it will all be worth it. Also, the pain is temporary – said human with a head the size of a bowling ball HAS to come out eventually!

We finally found someone local who is a trained Bradley instructor (this was really difficult actually) and should be starting our classes in about a month.  Mike and I watched The Business of Being Born this weekend – I thought it might help Mike get on board (FAIL!) but he is still willing to go along with my plan. I can only hope that as we go through the classes, he ups his ability to be my cheerleader.  I know he will support me no matter what, even if he doesn’t understand why I want to do this.

Exhibit B: Breastfeeding

Okay, so this probably doesn’t fit the modern day definition of crunchy, but for me it does. I had ZERO desire to breastfeed the first time around, and it worked for us. I have no regrets or anything like that – so don’t think that. It’s just another one of those things that I have researched, thought about, and decided I think I want to try it out this time around.  Again, I’m not delusional or anything – I’m sure part of me is totally nuts for wanting to give breastfeeding a shot for the first time with a 3 (almost 4) year old in the house. I’m sure that’s only going to up the challenge, but again, I’m willing to give it a shot.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t MORE scared to try this than I was to give birth naturally. Because, I totally am. Maybe because this an ongoing challenge, not just a one-time challenge. I don’t know, but hey! I’m always up for the next bit of crazy in my life.

Exhibit C: Cloth Diapering

One of my closest friends cloth diapers, and I’ve always been intrigued.  I for SURE thought she was nuts when she started doing it, but then, the more I was around her – the more I realized it wasn’t a big deal at all. And started figuring out the savings associated. Which got me even more interested.  It’s not old school, or whatever you think, cloth diapering is literally EXACTLY THE SAME as using pampers, or huggies, or whatever. (Sure, you can go the old school-type route if you REALLY want to – I don’t) Ya, it’s more laundry – but again, not a huge deal to me. Plus – have you SEEN the cloth diapers out there –they are so freaking cute!

Mike is totally freaked out by this idea, maybe more than any other idea that I have. Which okay, I get it – it’s different and maybe a little out there. And of anything, I’ll budge on this because he IS the one that is home all day. But if I was the one home, I would be hammering a little harder about this!  Still – if you’ve gone this route with a more than resistant husband – how did you get him over it?

 

It’s a whole new world out there – and there’s going to be a whole new world around here too. If you have experience with any or all of these things, I’d gladly accept your story/info/good places to get information/etc. I’m a research junkie, after all!

What I Didn’t Know Then

Five years ago, I had no idea what the weather would be like.

Or that he would cry.

Or just how much fun the night would be with our friends and family.

Five years ago, I had no idea how much fun the first year of marriage would be.

Or how hard.

Or just how much our lives would change that year.

Five years ago, I had no idea how hard it was going to be.

Or how much we were going to have to fight to keep our marriage alive.

Or the joy that parenthood has brought to our lives.

Five years ago, I had no idea the struggles we would face.

Or just how great it would feel to get the keys to OUR house.

Or how great life would be today.

Because despite the tough, the stressful, and the frustrating – there has has been much more happiness, excitement and love.

Five years ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

But I’m glad I didn’t know – this life is an adventure that I wouldn’t want to discover with anyone else.

Happy Anniversary, I love you!

Friday Night Leftovers

• This has been a freaking long week.
• I am sitting on my couch, “snugged up” in a blanket, drinking wine, eating a margarita pizza and watching the DVR.
• And I plan on having at least one more glass of said wine. Because I can. Because my uterus, it hates me.
• More on the above in a separate post.
• I scheduled the Traverse for its first oil change. And I went over 5,000 miles today. I have had the car since Mid October!
• This has been the week of passive aggressive insanity.  At work. Through emails. Through text messages. Super fun. Or not.
• Mike took down the baby gate yesterday. It was the last “baby” thing we had in our house. A little bittersweet. Or a lot.
• One night this week, we all sat in our bed – Gianna in her rapunzel dress – and listened to music, sang along and laughed a lot. Nothing else mattered and the love was overflowing. I think that memory will be permanent.  Or at least I hope it is.
• A house in our neighborhood caught fire last night.  That was a REALLY scary thing to witness but everyone was ok. The house, not so much.
• I am the planner in 99,99% of the relationships I have – usually, it’s not a problem but sometimes, I just don’t want to be responsible for deciding, planning, executing all the time.
• It snowed at the beginning of this week and it was 50 today. Ohio weather is so weird.
• Next weekend we are taking Gianna to see Disney Princesses on Ice.  She is going to lose her shit.
• Mike is just an awesome husband and dad. He had our house spotless several days this week, dinner on the table. And has put up with my ridiculous moodiness.  He really is just awesome.

Love Him

If you have been around my piece of the blogger world for awhile, you know that my marriage has not always been rainbows and sunshine. 

But as much as we struggled, we have been working even harder to make things awesome between us.  I can’t tell you the one thing that we did that “worked”, or any secrets to get your marriage through a rough patch – at least not anything besides constant, open, communication.  Figure out how each of you talks and listens and loves, and make an effort to play to your partner’s needs as much as you can.

But I can tell you that I miss him during the day, he gives me butterflies and I just love him.

Mike stays home with Gianna while I go to work, and then most nights, when I get home, he is going to work.  It’s a busy life, but it works for us.

He is such an awesome stay at home dad.  He paints fingernails, goes to story time, takes her out to lunch and keeps the house tidy (most of the time!). He cooks dinner, makes me smile and is seriously such an amazing dad.

We are in a place we probably have never been right now and it’s terrific.  We understand each other, he lets me cry each month we aren’t pregnant, admits that I can be a little neurotic with the TTC process but listens when I need to talk (and reminds me to take my temp in the morning), makes me laugh, makes me feel beautiful, is my best friend (no really, he is) and he just makes my heart happy.

We have changed a lot in the almost 12 years we have been together, we have changed even more over the course of our almost 5 year marriage and have grown and loved each other more in the last year than I can hardly believe. It’s really unbelievable in a good way.

I’ve learned to let go of the baggage and just love him. And to let him love me.

Recharging

Life is CAH-RAZY round here.

Our schedules are ridiculous.

And the whole concept of actually talking to/connecting with my husband has been foreign.

A friend of mine recently asked on a message board what helps you to connect with your husband. And I really had to think about that.

As I thought more about it, I realized what I really already knew, that we had disconnected a little bit with our crazy schedules and the nutso life challenges on our plate lately.

So this weekend we had a babysitter Friday night and after we both finished work, we went out for drinks. (I couldn’t believe I stayed awake, let alone went out in public after 11pm!) It was really fun, and something we used to often pre-Gianna. We are big people-watchers and enjoy just sitting, sipping our drinks & talking about everyone we see - so lady with the WAY WAY WAY too tight jean shorts from Friday night – please reconsider next time you want to put those on.

We were able to have dinner with friends on Saturday night, and despite the terrible service, had a great time catching up with everyone. We also ended up childless again thanks to my awesome parents – so we slept in today! And had a quiet morning to ourselves – it was perfect!

We so desperately needed to recharge our relationship and this was the perfect weekend for it. I truly love my husband more than ever, and I needed to remind myself of just why that is. Mission accomplished!

How do you recharge your relationship?

The Stress Monster Ate My Sex Drive

wwwIt’s not much of a secret, things have been stressful around these parts the past few, well, for a while.

School is over and that stress is over.

Only to be taken over by a new kind of stress.

The kind that says now you need to DO something.

Add that to the other forms of regular, daily stress + parenting stress + health insurance stress + impending life decision stress and that leaves not a lot of brain power for other things.

Which sucks because I love my husband a lot. And I love to, you know, be with him.

Or at least I love the idea of it, and I love it when it actually happens.

I just never want it. When he initiates it and I can push the Stress Monster away, it’s good.

Unfortunately, that damn Stress Monster has a hearty appetite and has effectively eaten my sex drive. Like swallowed it whole never to be seen again.

So how do I get it back?
I miss it.

Stress Monster needs a diet pill or one of those appetite suppression drinks or slim fast or something else to occupy its time. Because to be quite honest, this is freaking ridiculous.

I have actually taken some time to check out the forums at EdenFantasys, I can’t be the only one ever to have lost their Sex Drive to the Stress Monster.
The appetite of this Stress Monster is overwhelming and the more frustrated I get about it, the more hungry the Stress Monster appears to be.
Like I said, freaking ridiculous.

ADvice or ASSvice?

Our ADM bloghop topic this week is

What is the best advice you received but never thought you’d use?

How’s that for deep?

As I was thinking about this I thought about all the random things people have told me over the years. Most of it I have classified as ASSvice – as in, the giver of the advice was just being an asshole. Example: You look good for just having had a baby, but maybe don’t eat those oreos? Example #2: Why don’t you just become a nurse, girls shouldn’t be doctors*. 

Some things people have said though, go in the ADvice column. As in, they have added to how I look at life, a situation, a cookie, whatever.

The biggest piece of ADvice I received without knowing was during out pre-cana classes. They told us to make your spouse your number one priority.

And at the time, we were almost married, madly in love and how silly of them to be telling us this? Married bliss – we got that. Forever and ever. The end. No ADvice necessary, because we got this.

Except, then life goes on and you move from newlyweds on their honeymoon to newlyweds in real life and on and on.

What happens when you do not put your spouse as your number one priority? Nothing good. That’s what.  I can speak from (unfotunate) experience on this – because we went through periods of school being more important to me, going out with friends being more important to him, getting pregnant being more important than US, new baby ruling the world etc etc etc.

What happens to a marriage when this is the case? Again, nothing good. You might talk about divorce, make bad choices, ignore each other and stop kissing goodnight.

Thankfully, we both have gone back to that ADvice we received more than 4 years ago and are in a pretty great place.  Will we be here forever? Doubtful. But we have learned how to work through the changes in life that lead to a distraction of priority.  Some days, school work or taking care of the toddler ARE very important, just not the MOST important.

I try (not always successfully, as my husband will point out) to spend 5 minutes every day with just him. No tv, no toddler, no phone. Sometimes it is only 1.5 minutes until I fall asleep, but I do my best. And so does he.  And I can say, without question, whether it appears that way or not, that my husband is my number one priority. And I can say with confidence, that I am his.

And we always kiss goodnight.

Join our host for the month, Sara & play along with us!


*yes someone told me this while in medical school.