A letter to my {first} daughter: 8 is great!

Gianna -

Another entire year has passed by, inexplicably. This year has been one of so much growth, maturity and general happiness.

We were able to spend a week at Disney World this summer and you were tall enough to ride all the rides which was really fun! What a fun age to visit the most magical place on earth – you were just as excited to see everything, meet all the characters and experience all that there was to experience but old enough to have a little bit of freedom to choose what rides to ride and understand that sometimes we have to wait in line.

You ended first grade with such a positive attitude, went to math and reading tutoring all summer, and here we are 3/4 of the way through second grade – and you’ve NEVER stopped working hard and trying your best. I am so proud of the effort that you put forward and the growth that we have seen academically, especially now, with a full understanding of what and a bit of why, you struggle. Now that we are working on a plan and working with an educated understanding of what is happening (some processing speed issues, a math comprehension disability and some innatention issues) I know you are going to SOAR! We’ve tried various interventions at school and at home – some successful, some not – but the school has been fantastic, accomodating, all things wonderful and helpful. I’m looking forward to getting a formal plan in place and really just watching you blossom as you learn.

You’ve been such a huge help around the house and a role model to your sisters. You do your regular chores (almost always) without a fuss, help with extra things when needed and sometimes when you are hoping to earn an extra privilage. I am reminded often that your heart is one that takes service to heart and understands how to give of yourself to others so kindly. I am also often reminded that those big emotions you’ve had all your life, are still present and growing. You are sensitive, to a fault sometimes, you carry around your feelings right on your sleeve and really feel for others when they are upset/happy/etc.

This year you spent a lot of the summer dancing and kept up with dance throughout the year. You wanted to badly to try out for the competition team but this isn’t going to be your year for that – which you so bravely and maturely accepted and understood some more work is necessary. You are also going to try softball this spring, which should be interesting. Justice has quickly become a favorite store, emojis, rainbows and unicorns are things you enjoy, it is the most adorable thing to watch you FaceTime with your best friend, texting with you is pretty adorable as well.

In just a few weeks you will be taking your first holy communion and I am so proud of you. You’ve been present and engaged in each PSR class and you are taking the whole sacrement seriously. I can see God working through you and I can see you growing spiritually each day.

The one thing that I can’t get over is how you can act so old some days when you are still so little. We can have a mature conversation at dinner and I tuck you in with all of your stuffed animals. It keeps me humble and grounded in the present – you ARE still little, but yet big. I still love to watch you play and use your imagination – it is a thing of beauty the way your imagination puts stories together. You’re the sweetest big sister (a little bossy, but you know, oldest child!) and so excited to welcome another sibling into the house. When we told you that this bundle would be arriving you had happy tears, which is the sweetest ever.

You are my little best friend, I love the moment you walk into my office after school each day so I can hear all about what happened while you were gone. Spending time with just you, to really hear what’s on your mind and in your heart lifts my spirits as much as it probably lifts yours. I am always in your corner, little lady.

I love you so much it hurts -

Mommy

Moving On

In May of 2010 I felt like a real grownup, we finally owned our own home!

It wasn’t very big and it wasn’t very fancy, yet at the same time it was just right.

We made the space work for us turning the rooms into a variety of bedrooms, playrooms, and offices as we needed to change the space to meet our needs. We grew our family in that house, quite literally, as since we moved in as a young Family of Three.

But as we expanded to our Party of Five – our small house, while it held us and all of our stuff and all of our memories relatively well, wasn’t going to hold us, our stuff, and our memories for too terribly long. It was time to get this little house sold.

Thankfully, we only had to endure about 3 weeks of keeping the house spotless and over a dozen showings before another young couple decided our house was just right for them.

We said goodbye to our small house, the white house according to Gianna, last week.

But now where do we go?

For now, we are going to have an extended sleepover at my parents house – which we are so incredibly thankful to be able to do.

And sometime before October, this beautiful plot of grass will become a beautiful new home for us!

We never EVER thought we would build, we had in fact, said we would definitely NOT build – but we are very excited for this adventure, for a home that checks all of the boxes on our wish list.

If I felt like a real grownup when we bought our first home, I can bet that I am going to feel like a really blessed grownup when our new house gets signed over to us.

Easing into three

It is far from a secret that the transition from having one to two kids was not an easy one for me. For whatever reason though, I was not at all nervous about going from two to three. I guess in my mind I figured that somehow I made it through last time so this would all be fine.

And thankfully, it HAS all been fine (not counting the crazy things that happened recently).

Aleesia has been pretty great with Vivian and hasn’t given me much of a hard time at all while I’m nursing “baby bibi”. Thankfully, she is pretty easily entertained the vast majority of the time. I think she is starting to feel the lack of snuggle time though, because sometimes she says “I hold you mommy, no baby” and gets sad if Vivi starts crying/needs me. Gianna’s only fault, if you can call it that, is the lack of personal space that she gives Vivi because she wants to hold her all the time and check on “my Vivs” – she really is the sweetest little mini-mommy! One upside to the crazy amount of snow days we have had is that I have had Gianna home at least one day a week, which helps with Aleesia entertainment!

We are super lucky to have our nanny still with us a few hours a week while I am on maternity leave – she plays with Aleesia, helps around the house, holds the baby, etc. It has for sure spoiled me and definitely helped with the transition!

Things that I have noticed as drastically different after baby 3:

• The amount of laundry feels like it has somehow grown exponentially which is annoying. I strongly dislike laundry (but I strongly adore our nanny who helps with it!).
• We have a Traverse with a 2nd row bench seat and I HATE HATE HATE it. We have 3 car seats that do NOT fit 3 across so Gianna climbs through the hatch. Just seriously inconvenient.
• Having 2 in diapers is really not fun, and is different for me, but it hasn’t been as bad as I imagined so far.
• There is always room to snuggle all 3 girls at the same time. It sometimes takes some adjusting, but we can make it work!
• Aleesia and her newly-minted 2 year old self, sometimes has trouble “sharing” mommy but so far we have been able to find a solution to any jealousy issues that have come up.
• I am even more laid back than I was before. What gets done gets done each day and what doesn’t will be there tomorrow!
• Sometimes Vivi has to cry for a few extra minutes, I can’t snuggle her all day even if I wanted to, she spends a decent amount of time in her swing right now because a) she likes it and b) it’s a safe place to put her when I need to do things like go to the bathroom or cook dinner!
• To the laid back tune, I started out being all hyper-aware while breastfeeding because it was so hard with Aleesia  but then I had to check myself. Despite having a mild TT and ULT, Vivian is a pretty good nurser. I learned how to correct her shallow latch and that has made a big difference. She doesn’t particularly enjoy dairy so I am laying off of raw dairy and that seems to make enough of a difference that she’s not uncomfortable all day.
• Vivian is super chill compared to baby G and baby A – I’m almost waiting for the screaming to start – but so far, she is fan-freaking-tabulous!
• There is even less time to do all the things that I wish I could do, but then again, not necessarily. Vivi and Aleesia usually nap at the same time in the afternoons which leaves a bit of a window while G is at school to do things that I need to do (clean, eat, workout, shower, blog, etc.). Plus, again, fabulous nanny is here so she lends a hand with A and V whenever I need it.
• I still do not love the afterschool to bedtime period of the day – it’s always a rush of get G off the bus, after school snacks, make dinner, fussy/whining kids, baths, homework, bedtime etc. all before Mike gets home. And now, at least, I can end those few hours with a glass of wine either in celebration of a successful evening or as a reward for making it to bedtime without anything bad happening!

Overall – life as a family of 5 is working out prettttty well. It will all require a new adjustment when I start working again, of course, but for now – we are easing into this new little place in life with only a few small bumps so far.

Memory catching

I was reading through some blog posts from the end of Aleesia’s pregnancy. So many things are so similar right now – and I’ll get to that, but first – some memory catching NEEDS to happen.

Things to remember about Gianna:

• The age of five is seriously great. She is such a grown up kid but still very much my little girl. Our conversations are hilariously logical and I wish I could record all of them! Lately she has been ending stories she tells me with “it was classic” or “you just wouldn’t believe it”
• She still mispronounces some things. For example, she made a pilgrim bonnet at school and kept telling me it was a vomit! And a bench = vench.
• Gianna LOVES to just rock out in the car. Taylor Swift is a big favorite of hers, but she will sing along to any song she hears and she usually asks me to turn it up!
• She can tell a story with her eyes – they sparkle when she is excited, they show every ounce of frustration or sadness before she says anything at all, they light up when she is surprised or happy. Those blue eyes are the key to her heart and sole, no doubt about it.
• Gianna is a wonderful big sister. She is helpful and caring and nurturing. She also likes her space, which is okay.
• She still loves to help clean and to just generally be helpful! She is so proud of herself when she is a good helper.
• Her dream is to be a ballerina one day. And maybe a horse rider or a pop star.
• Gianna has one of the most vivid imaginations and it comes out in so many ways – she will play with her toys for hours on end making up stories/adventures for them, she likes to color/create things and she makes up songs.
• The older she gets, the more she likes to snuggle up together.

Things to remember about Aleesia:

• The age of 1.5 is so super fun and Aleesia is on a serious language explosion. I can’t possibly list all of the words that she can say but new favorites are “sinta” (santa), “thank you mommy/welcome mommy” (she says them all together!), “muncle” (uncle), “selsa” (Elsa), “nakey” (naked). Not a word really, but she likes to sing too and will randomly sing parts of ‘Let it go’ and the thinking chair song from blues clues!
• If Gianna has it, she wants, or wants to be looking at it/playing with it. She for sure looks up to her big sister.
• Coloring is one of her favorite things to do. And puzzles.
• We are getting into independent play and it is really fun to watch her play and imagine as well. Tonight, in fact, she put an Ariel doll to bed before we went into her room!
• She is still the sweetest snuggler I have ever met!
• Binkie and blankie are never far from her, although we are getting to the point where binkie needs to stay in bed when she is awake because we don’t want her to talk with it in her mouth. Although, admittedly, I am slacking on enforcing this at the moment but plan to get a lot more serious about it when I am home with the baby!
• She loves shoes and clothes. But mostly, she loves accessories. She wakes up every morning and says “I wanna bow” and makes just about anything into a pretty!
• Aleesia also has a big personality – she knows when she is being bad and has this look that she will give you that makes you want to scream and crack up laughing at the same time. She has a big time pouty lip and can bring on the crocodile tears easily. She also just started literally dropping to the floor or putting her head in her hands when you tell her no as if you just devastated her beyond repair! She also has such a big, bright smile and bright eyes that you can’t be mad at her for long.

To remember about this pregnancy:

• I have felt so good (with a few exceptions) the entire time. Seriously, I don’t have a thing to complain about.
• Except the heartburn – but I know she has hair so it’s worth it, right?!
• I am 38 weeks pregnant and my feet just started to swell and I am just starting to really “feel” as pregnant as I am. But my wedding rings still fit!
• This little lady is no different than her sisters in that she is super super active and strong! And she also prefers to lay on the right side.
• There hasn’t been much focusing on being pregnant, which I think attributes to how good I feel, but every day on my way to and from work I enjoy the quiet time with her and usually have my hand on my stomach as I drive.
• I am not sleeping much these days, which isn’t very fun, but she is so active sometimes at night one swift kick to the ribs or punch to the hip wakes me up!
• Her big sisters are very excited to meet her. Gianna can.not.freaking.wait until she gets here and Aleesia, well, she has no real idea of what is happening but she’s excited because Gianna is.
• My hair was fabulous until a week or so ago – I want my nice pregnancy hair back!
• My stomach is much rounder this time than I remember it being before. And I apparently look like I am going to give birth at any moment the way people have been acting!
• I’m starting to get a little cranky/extra hormonal but I know that has a lot to do with the holiday season, constantly doing all the things that need to get done, and just you know being unavoidably tired!

To remember about life in general – it is so good right now! We all have our moments and not all the days are great, but I can’t truly remember being this happy and content with the way life is playing out around me – possibly ever. I know a lot of that is my general outlook on things, but it’s also a lot of hard work that has paid off to get us here. While I could do without winter and a little more certainty around when my newest peanut will be coming out to meet us, there is just so much to be thankful and joyful for I feel like I am living in an alternate universe sometimes! But I sure am enjoying the ride.

squeezing the holidays in

The holidays are nuts, always, right? I know I’m not the only one who thinks that!

We are trying to cram so many things into the short period between Thanksgiving and Christmas that between all of the fun stuff, plus work/school/life/new baby prep I can hardly catch my breath.

So here are, squeezing in as much holiday cheer as we possibly can. So far we have:

celebrated Thanksgiving!

Took a quiet day to clean, decorate, and spend some time in our pjs.

Gianna was in our local “welcome Santa” parade with her dance school – she loved it! And we got into the spirit by visiting the Christmas tree festival put on by our local children’s hospital – it’s one of our favorite things to do!

Gianna and Aleesia’s elf, Krista, brought Gianna tickets to see the Nutcracker. It was a really really great date with my biggest girl who was in awe of the ballerinas and really wants to know how she can be in the Nutcracker some day.

Gianna and Aleesia’s elf is lazy-ish, or forgetful, or something, She brings things to them some days but other days? She snoozes on the job and forgets she’s supposed to move! (they are also allowed to play with her, it helps the whole thing not feel so creepy to me!). BUT! One thing Krista can do is deliver notes to Santa. Gianna wrote a thank you note for the Nutcracker tickets (She said it was the best day ever with her mommy. Her mommy cried.) and hand delivered her very thoughtfully written Christmas list to the big man himself.

I wish Krista could cook dinner or clean the bathroom though, that would rock.

We decorated and did some other random stuff throughout the weekend too – like the girls painted pictures for their sister’s room.

It’s all super fun stuff and those two smiley blue-eyed girls that live here love every minute of it! I feel blessed to be able to make these memories with them, even if I’m extra tired and the bathroom still isn’t as clean as I would like.

This weekend will be more squeezing in of things like: Christmas shopping with the girls for their grandparents/aunts/cousin, taking the girls to a fun Christmas event (Mr. Kringle’s Inventionasium) with our niece, hopefully checking out some Christmas lights, continuing to celebrate Advent, finishing up our Santa shopping, and also having dinner for my mom’s birthday. Followed by a week of continued holiday squeezing in of: Gianna has a Christmas program for school and her class is “going” on the Polar Express (at school, sounds cute!). A Santa breakfast, Christmas party, my mom’s actual birthday and who knows what else awaits us next weekend. And all while we continue to get things ready for baby sister who could decide to arrive at anytime, totally throwing off our holiday squeeze in!

A letter to my daughter {5 and a HALF!}

Oh Gianna!

When we woke up this morning it hit me that today you are 5 and a HALF. Which means you are closer to having to count your age on 2 hands than you were yesterday. And I almost want to refuse to believe it.

I want to pretend some days that you are still much younger.

(photo credit: Tamarie Photography/2010)

But most days, I fully embrace your big kid status.

You are growing up and maturing so quickly, as I expected would happen once you started school. The things that you are learning are so amazing – writing, math, science, music, computer, art, gym (you still do not love gym class but you did tell me that Mr. N is a “big, funny guy”!), and most of all religion. You talk daily about ways to talk to God and I see you growing so much in your understanding of and love for Him – you pay attention during mass and we talk about it afterwards. There are some parts of school that don’t come as easy to you, but we are finally getting to a place of agreement where you will always try your best – because my little firecracker, that is all we will ever ask of you. Please try your best always and never fear that we will be disappointed or frustrated with you over something that doesn’t appear to be perfect. No one is perfect, and no one perfects any new skill without practicing and trying.

You are such a goofball and your personality is really evolving into one just overflowing with imagination, surrounded by silliness and genuine love for the people in your life. You spend almost all of your free time at home coloring (or some other art related project) or playing with your dolls/barbies/etc. creating different stories and adventures for them.

Being a big sister is something that you truly excel in. You have been so patient with Aleesia (most days!) when she wants to play with your dollhouse or your princesses too. Now that you share a room, neither of you like to go to bed without the other and I can hear you telling her “time to go to sleep, Aleesia!” or when she wakes up in the morning or after her nap you are first to run to her. Sometimes you have tried to get Aleesia out of her crib but usually you either jump in there with her or just play entertain her until we can come in and help. You love to pick out her clothes and are always concerned about what she is doing. And that big sister love is already showing with the new baby even if she isn’t here yet. You talk to her in my belly and love to sit with your hand on my stomach to feel her move. Being a big sister is a lot of responsibility but you take it all in stride.

Dance is still your favorite thing – you are in the big girl ballerina class and hip hop this year and you love it! You are doing a great job at swimming, too! You love to go on adventures, you still have quite the fashion opinion, and you always have a lot to say! We are still working through some attitude problems at times (but we are all allowed to be grumpy and have have a bad day sometimes!) but you have grown and matured so much, especially recently.

You are helpful - you do your chores and even a few extra things when we need your help; you are respectful – you use your manners and treat adults with respect even when we aren’t around; you are kind – you are often very concerned about how your actions will affect others.

Lately you have been wanting to snuggle up on the couch a lot when  you are tired and I certainly take advantage of that!  You continue to love princesses, you want to live at Disney World and you want to be a ballerina and a horse rider when you grow up (and maybe a singer!).

So today, we celebrated your very merry unbirthday with pink cupcakes and a happy birthday song, complete with candles during an after dinner tea party. And you were so excited – you wear all of your emotions on your sleeve and there is nothing more I love than seeing the pure joy you express when you are happy!

My not-so-little girl, you just constantly amaze me. And that spark in those blue eyes remains shining bright. I love you so much it hurts some days and I am so proud of you just for being you!

xo

Mommy