Monday, April 17, 2017

Unexpected Blessings

On April 9, right on time, we welcomed our fourth child into the world after a quick 13 hours of labor.

Samuel Michael
Our rainbow after a stormy year.

April 9, 2017
7 pounds 15.5 ounces
21 inches

Loved more than words can even describe



Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A letter to my {first} daughter: 8 is great!

Gianna -

Another entire year has passed by, inexplicably. This year has been one of so much growth, maturity and general happiness.

We were able to spend a week at Disney World this summer and you were tall enough to ride all the rides which was really fun! What a fun age to visit the most magical place on earth – you were just as excited to see everything, meet all the characters and experience all that there was to experience but old enough to have a little bit of freedom to choose what rides to ride and understand that sometimes we have to wait in line.

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You ended first grade with such a positive attitude, went to math and reading tutoring all summer, and here we are 3/4 of the way through second grade – and you’ve NEVER stopped working hard and trying your best. I am so proud of the effort that you put forward and the growth that we have seen academically, especially now, with a full understanding of what and a bit of why, you struggle. Now that we are working on a plan and working with an educated understanding of what is happening (some processing speed issues, a math comprehension disability and some innatention issues) I know you are going to SOAR! We’ve tried various interventions at school and at home – some successful, some not – but the school has been fantastic, accomodating, all things wonderful and helpful. I’m looking forward to getting a formal plan in place and really just watching you blossom as you learn.


You’ve been such a huge help around the house and a role model to your sisters. You do your regular chores (almost always) without a fuss, help with extra things when needed and sometimes when you are hoping to earn an extra privilage. I am reminded often that your heart is one that takes service to heart and understands how to give of yourself to others so kindly. I am also often reminded that those big emotions you’ve had all your life, are still present and growing. You are sensitive, to a fault sometimes, you carry around your feelings right on your sleeve and really feel for others when they are upset/happy/etc.


This year you spent a lot of the summer dancing and kept up with dance throughout the year. You wanted to badly to try out for the competition team but this isn’t going to be your year for that – which you so bravely and maturely accepted and understood some more work is necessary. You are also going to try softball this spring, which should be interesting. Justice has quickly become a favorite store, emojis, rainbows and unicorns are things you enjoy, it is the most adorable thing to watch you FaceTime with your best friend, texting with you is pretty adorable as well.


In just a few weeks you will be taking your first holy communion and I am so proud of you. You’ve been present and engaged in each PSR class and you are taking the whole sacrement seriously. I can see God working through you and I can see you growing spiritually each day.DSC_1038

The one thing that I can’t get over is how you can act so old some days when you are still so little. We can have a mature conversation at dinner and I tuck you in with all of your stuffed animals. It keeps me humble and grounded in the present – you ARE still little, but yet big. I still love to watch you play and use your imagination – it is a thing of beauty the way your imagination puts stories together. You’re the sweetest big sister (a little bossy, but you know, oldest child!) and so excited to welcome another sibling into the house. When we told you that this bundle would be arriving you had happy tears, which is the sweetest ever.

You are my little best friend, I love the moment you walk into my office after school each day so I can hear all about what happened while you were gone. Spending time with just you, to really hear what’s on your mind and in your heart lifts my spirits as much as it probably lifts yours. I am always in your corner, little lady.

DixonMaternity 094

I love you so much it hurts -


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

A letter to my {fourth} baby

Hi baby!

We are nearing the end of our journey together as just the two of us – the one where you heard my heartbeat from the inside every day as you grew. I’m sure some days it was beating much faster and frantic while others it was calm and steady – that’s just how life has been: a mix of the frantic and busy with the calm and steady. I’ve felt your rolls, your kicks, your waves and your hiccups. I know you best right now and I am doing all I can to keep you safe inside until it’s time to come out and show us who you are!

The truth is, I’ve been scared a lot while you have been growing, unsure if we would make it to the finish line where we get to meet you and love on you for all of the days ahead. I think that fear has kept me a bit silent, in general, but has had no impact on how much I’ve enjoyed this ride. You have three sisters (more on them in a second) but you also have five siblings watching over us from heaven and I really wasn’t sure we would ever make it this far together - but we have. Every day has been a blessing so far and we are almost to the end of this part of the ride, I have a feeling those angel babies have helped to make your rainbow shine brighter.

Gianna, Aleesia and Vivian are your sisters – they are excited to meet you and are starting to get a little anxious about when you might be coming. Gianna will love on you and mother you with her sweet, oldest of all, soul. Aleesia will want to hold you and snuggle you until she doesn’t want to anymore – I’m excited to see her continue to grow as an older sister. Vivian will think you are really cute but she won’t understand that you are going to actually live with us at first and that she has to share her mommy even more. They will each love you the best they can – I have no worries about that. I know you will love them too.

Your dad and I have probably not spent as much time focusing on you from the inside as maybe we have with your sisters in the past and it has no reflection on how loved you are, it just is how things have happened and maybe for a few reasons – our lives are busy and we fall asleep too fast when it’s finally quiet here and as a defense mechanism because we have experienced a lot of heartache in the past year. But we have really felt your presence the past few weeks – we’re ready to meet you and to know you and to love you with our arms wrapped tight around you.

There is no doubt that you are joining a family that keeps a busy schedule (two working parents, three busy siblings, lots of great family and friends to keep in touch with) but there is also no doubt that regardless of that busy – we are deliberate with the time we take and make to be together, support each other and love on each other as much as possible. We certainly have our own brand of loud, organized chaos, as I’m sure you’ve heard from the inside, that gets us through the day. There are parts of our routine and schedule that will absolutely change when you get here and while that makes me nervous, I can’t really anticipate just how much change will occur so I find peace knowing it will be okay – we are adaptable!

So soon we will know if you are another beautiful girl or our first handsome boy joining our family – it has been really fun (for me!) waiting on this surprise and I am starting to get quite excited to find out just who you are in there. We’ve only ever prayed for a healthy child and truly, it doesn’t matter either way – you are already loved to the moon and back!

My sweet, strong (seriously, I have felt your movements so strong and deliberate) little rainbow baby – join us as soon as you are ready because we are all ready for you, so long as you’re ready for us.



Sunday, April 2, 2017

Prep Work

It’s April, which means it is officially baby month! That just creeped right up on us, didn’t it? (no, it didn’t really – but a lot of days it feels like it!)

Baby number four – feels like we should probably have it all together at this point and totally know what we need to have, where the baby will sleep, how it will be transported, what’s it will be named, etc. But let me tell you, we certainly do not have it quiiiiite all together, but mostly.

Until we can decide who will be sharing a room, the baby will snooze with us in the Halo Bassinest that we bought – I am hoping it is as handy and wonderful as it appears right now! All of baby’s belongings will bunk up in Vivian’s room.

We have the car seats arranged (what a chore that was) in the car, so we are set there.

I bought diapers the other week and we are set on wipes, thank goodness!

We have a few outfits for now, the girls picked out new blankets and a wubanub for the baby and I feel like that’s as set as we are going to get.

I put some things in the diaper bag that I want to have at the hospital. I have a bag out for myself with a few things in it, but I know what I still need to get together when it’s time to go.

The biggest amount of prep work that’s been happening though is the cleaning, nesting if you will. I’ve been hyper sensitive to any mess, toys out of place, laundry not complete and all of the deep cleaning type of things that we don’t often think about (washing all of the cabinet faces in the kitchen, for example) have been my focus! I am sure I am driving everyone a little nuts because I just can’t NOT do this stuff.

However, I will tell you – I absolutely love sitting down at night to a house that is clean – nothing much out of place, smelling good and then I know that if/when someone needs to come over in the middle of the night I won’t be worrying they think we are slobs! It’s also gotten me to get a few other organization projects done and this weekend Mike got the outside spruced up a bit.

I’ve also fully enlisted the girls’ help with this task of keeping the house in order and as much as they complain, they are still great help to me. They have regular chores that they do daily/weekly that are always a help to me but they’ve been really good about helping out with some of these extra tasks – even Vivian! I know they feel proud knowing they helped and I am greatful they are much lower to the ground than I am!

There’s also been the prep work for a lot of life happenings coming up outside of the arrival of this little nugget! I got their Easter baskets prepped and ready a few weeks ago. Gianna’s birthday presents are wrapped and her birthday treat is ready for school. I always pack lunches for the week on Sunday, so that’s all set for this week plus a detailed schedule of what’s happening/where everyone needs to be is ready to go at a moment’s notice. I’ve gotten quite a few things ready and lined up for Gianna’s first communion and party which is early May. That’s just the big stuff – lots of other things going on here, as spring is busy, but we are as prepared as we can be for something that will happen 100% outside of our control!

In addition to preparing the house, the girls, our schedules I’ve been doing a lot of work preparing myself for birth. I’ve been working on some meditation, figuring out which essential oils keep me the calmest, getting in exercise when I can and visiting a wonderful chiropractor once a week to ensure my body is positioned and aligned to help this baby fall out. I pray that things go as wonderfully as they have the last 2 times and I feel confident that I am ready to do this again (99% of the time, there’s always that 1% question until show time).

1 more week, officially, until due date – who knows when this is all going to go down but I can tell you that I finally feel as prepared as I am going to get. And to answer the unasked questions - I feel great, no I’m not miserable at all (seriously, I’m not!), I am sure it’s not twins, yes I’m looking forward to finding out the gender and no, we don’t have names picked out!