Sunday, March 30, 2008

ebay adventures

the past 2 days i have been a bum - i mean really, i didn't think i could be this freaking lazy! granted i did do all of our laundry (almost... i'm working on it ok!) clean up the kitchen and living room and upstairs and i am also currently finishing up a paper for school - but other than that - i have been lazy.

so the lazyness has led me to explore the wonders of ebay. i have always had a fondness for the website, but never really explored it to it's full potential - the ridiculous things people sell on that website is amazing. but what is more amazing - people buy that shit!


  • young man selling his girlfriends "crabs" - you figure it out
  • a male chastity belt - yes really
  • same young man as above selling his girlfriends "beaver" - no i am not kidding
  • MILF boob art - swear on my life
  • an empty bucket from KFC - with crumbs

i also discovered you can buy pregancy tests .... on ebay... new ones people, in the package. (eww i know what you were thinking) i knew you could buy them online but for some reason it never occured to me that anyone would auction off a pregnancy test or an OPK. to the highest bidder you can now check your hcg level.... But economically it's a good idea - b/c damn are those things expensive!

oh ya, and i have a sore throat that won't quit- i wonder if i can get a cough drop off of ebay too. ::runs quickly to check:: [kidding!!]

btw one last thing - i accept all comments, just putting that out there, i know you are reading this..... ;)

Friday, March 28, 2008

good talk.

Why is it when you have a break (as in spring break) it goes by at lightning speed, but when I have a test - the week drags on like it's never going to end? hmmm anyway....

Last night we were in bed chatting about life and just our days in general b/c we hadn't seen each other all day - and Mike asked me a very real question. "What do you want to do before we have a baby?" and of course there are things I would like to do... have a house (there are other reasons for not doing this besides finances), go on expensive luxurious vacations we can't afford regardless of the timing of a baby, "be crazy" (we aren't), more vacations.... but not one single thing is more important to me than starting a family - well maybe except finishing school - but that won't be hindered in any way.

Of course I had to ask him the same thing... and he had the same answer [good job honey!]. But really - we have 2 pretty new cars from our car crisis last year.... we have enough room... $$ will be an issue forever but we are working on making it better... we are emotionally ready... so - No - nothing is really that pressing that we would say lets not start a family right now so we can do (insert tangible item here).

as far as TTC is conserned...technically this would be the "TWW" period or one week b/c it's half over i guess (?)- i don't know about any 'early' symptoms, i just wait until good old AF comes and move on from there! so, we'll let you know next week!

so it was a good talk. mike decided that he doesn't know about this 'ovulation business', he wants a baby and only knows one way to get it.... lol. ready or not.... let the "official" trying resume in april. (or not... fingers crossed)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

3 months from today

i will be sitting for 8 hours staring at a computer wracking my brain of all the medical knowledge i have learned over the past 2 (er...3) years.
that's right folks.... it's the first true test of my professional medical career - part one (of three) of my licensing test.

i'm already scared to death - but trying not to think about it at the same time. after all, it only helps to determine what residency i get into if/when i pass (got that... i have to pass first....) 2 wks after this ominious test is over - i will be a THIRD year medical student, able to practice medicine under the supervision of others for the next two years until others will be practicing under my supervision - who's excited? who want's to be my guinea pig? don't worry, i will tell you where i'll be and when so you know what hospital not to visit... ;)

ugh! the stress!

but since it's spring break this week... i am trying to break. i have like 3 projects to work on during the "break" - none of which are very much interesting, all of which are at least almost complete. so - i should work on that.

just thought i would lament a minute on my impending dome... and brain overload!

happy anni-easter

March 23 2007

We had a perfect day.......
our families made our first anniversary really nice for us too!
Thanks, we love you - The Dixons!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

just for fun

so after much deliberation.... the month of march has been determined to be a month of having sex just for fun.... all month!!!

here are a few reasons why:
  • the stress level in our house is THRU THE ROOF for a million different reasons (will get there in a minute)
  • i am supposed to O the day of a test, not the week of spring break which is after the test of course... perfect timing huh?
  • it's our anniversary next week
  • a need for some change.....

so the stress issue - things have gotten a little rough around the edges for a few reasons, sort of suddenly. all revolving around the almighty fucking dollar. i don't work - can not work - and hate it, but damn, there aren't enough hours in the day. Husband has 3 jobs - 2 of them should really be considered "side" jobs, but his "main" job he is a subcontractor that works at different car dealerships repairing alloy rims when they are messed up (curbed/scuffed etc) - outside. The beautiful weather we have been having has really done wonders for this normally ok business the past 4-5 weeks let me tell you...... which in turn has done wonders for our checkbook..... so, stress level has gone up about 98337 notches unexpectedly. While husband works on fixing this problem (by getting a new job....) - sex for fun it is.

I am confident things will work out (what else can i be?) and in the mean time - I will just be supportive. It's not like he doesn't work... he just doesn't work enough. it makes feel like a bitch and a half always bringing it up but, he's finally on board with the "oh shit, this is really a problem - must fix it" attitude. oh ya... and IRS is going to be knocking on our door here in a few wks b/c of said subcontracing job --- we owe them some cash... so, increase that stress level a few more notches. there is some work coming in this week for sure - helps a lot to know that - so i can let out some of the breath i have been holding....

so just keep a little extra good thought in your head that he gets a better job sooner than later, k thanks!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


it happened again.

one of my mentors announced today that she is pg w/ her 2nd. i am, of course very happy for them (that also narrows my choice for internal medicine next year b/c if she won't be there to teach me there is no other reason to go to that hospital.....).

but literally i feel like i am surrounded by pregnant women - just stuck here in the middle hanging out. that day will come... just relax right?!!! *insidious laughter*

3 to go

another test grade documented.... best one yet!

my avg is getting better (although really i feel like it should be better, the not so good grades weren't THAT bad....) but nonetheless - it's getting better and i am feeling more at ease, not that i will work any less hard, but i just feel better (as in not like a failure!)

3 tests to go.... one nxt friday and 2 after spring break (ok well 4 if you count the comprehensive basic science exam, but i am not counting this one - i need to be doing well enough before this exam so that it won't hurt me to do not so well on it, it's hard, i will clearly do my best, but that's really not my point!)

so i am breathing a little easier.... back to the books for another week and half - then a break!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

just relax


ok... i'm done.

[oh, and i found out about a classmate who is pg, who was not trying, again, i am of course happy for them - but the freaking baby parade needs to slow down already....]

Saturday, March 8, 2008

food for thought

so it's is pretty much the biggest blizzard ever this weekend, and it also happens to be on a weekend where i have no (ok not much) school work to do, at least no studying - ironic huh? so i have lots of time to think...... greeaatt!

i have read/heard three different comments lately that i felt like reflecting on:

"do you let what other people influence when you are going to start a family"

I think that we would all like to say "Hell No!" but the truth is, at least for us, we do/did let this effect us. We had no intentions of starting a family when we first got married - regardless of what anyone else said, so that was never an issue. But - "everyone" told us d/t my pending profession that it would be best to wait until X time to start a family - after school/residency/fellowship/when your loans are paid/when your 45 and postmenopausal.... you get the point, everyone has an opinion. Being a women in medicine, the one who carries the baby - makes it slightly tricky on when the "best" time is to have said baby(s - in our case). so we had to look at our relationship, we both got the urge to be parents, our social lives weren't satisfying us, something was just missing in our lives... so we did what we needed to do determine if we were financially ready - and went from there. We hear it from people all the time, and when/if we do get pg, we will continue to hear it (mainly me i am sure) from "everyone" about "are you sure" you can handle this etc etc. so, yes i do think we all look at what everyone will think of us as parents, a couple, in society etc. In our personal situation we are doing what we feel is best and hope that our families support us (and they do for the most part now that they understand what our lives will look like soon).
so - that's that thanks.

"i cannot stand ppl who have children, then leave them in daycare or home alone while they are working 14 hours a day. why did you even have children?" - written by former friend mentioned previously, not necessarily directed at me, but still....

I clearly have issues with this statement, being a career women and not able to stay at home, ever, with my children. how does that mean i should not have them? this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard! Yes - i will in fact be working 14 maybe 20 or 25 or even 40 hours at a time, kissing my children when they are asleep. (i hope those long hours are the exception v the rule based on my intended career, but no way to predict that) I am having children because My husband and I want a family - to watch them grow, spread our love, become fabulous people. My children will probably be as familiar with the hospital and my office as I am, they will grow up there as I will always be a working mom, a career women. My husband may eventually stay home - but that is not something that is likely. It is the 21st century - women are going places that they have never been career wise, that in no way means they should put off having families - if they have a supportive partner and trustworthy daycare/nannies it is completely do-able and feasable, and in fact will probably be my life in a few short years.

"if she worked harder at school, it would be easier for her - afterall, she did mess up once already" - a family member said this to my mom in reference to me

[..... ya, and if there were more hours in the day time wouldn't go by so fast....]

i don't take it to heart, people don't know what i do everyday - as in class for 5/6hrs (on a short day) only to come home and study for another 5/6hrs on top of my regular life things plus studying for 8ish hours saturdays and sundays. my schedule is not really something i share with people - it's boring, and more than that - it is just something i do w/o thinking.

i make time for other things - like dates with my husband, dinner at my mom's, time with friends etc - my life can not be consumed by school that is slightly unhealthy & my brain couldn't handle it!!

of course i take breaks during my hours of studying.. hence when i come onto myspace... but those breaks last for about 10-15min at a time every few hours... oh and i eat sometimes....and take phone calls.... or stand up b/c my butt is numb from sitting for 5 hours in a row....

so, that is enough food for though for one day!

Friday, March 7, 2008


so i think what "they" say is true - POAS and "she" will come - because, here she is with her bags and all....


literally, less than 4 hours after i did it, i started spotting... and this morning i have cramps like it's nobodies business - it's a good damn time.

i'm ok with it not happening again this time* - but really, do i have to have the S&S of pregnancy every.single.month to give me that glimmer of hope, i mean come on!

so, on to next month... i should be a little less stressed - maybe my eggs will be a little friendlier and more excited when the sperm come to visit....

*no really i am, i swear, i know it will happen when it's supposed, i just wish it was sooner than later.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

march in ohio

inside looking out

so lately i feel like i have been in sort of a strange space - like just going through the motions, sometimes more enthusiastically than others, while watching everyone else advance and get ahead in ways that i wish that i was.

i KNOW that i am heading in that direction - clearly all of this work is going to get me somewhere eventually - it's just hard to wait. to wait for a change to occur, something to happen that will help my future. i have done a few things to benefit me, and am currently working on a project, but that isn't really what i am talking about.

I am talking about moving forward - it feels like my life is standing still. i am still in school. i am still in the same town. my husbands career (?!) isn't really moving (anywhere....). it's almost like running in place. Yet i am watching almost everyone i know work [less] hard buying homes, getting promotions, moving up, expanding their familes.... running forward......

again, another one of those things that i know will happen - and another someday that is forever away.

Monday, March 3, 2008

too short

I went to calling hours again today - he was in his 40's i think,and passed away suddenly on Thursday. Their family is just as close as ours and you could see the pain on their faces through the smiles they tried to wear as they would see another relative/friend/mourner. It was touching to see so many people there - funerals bring out the best in people I guess.

They also bring out the sentimental side.
I was just thinking that there is no way I could deal with losing my sisters - I can't even think of it. no. i can't. And they are all just as close as we are, so i can't imagine the pain - but they will go on, he will live in them every day.

It seems lately that people are just leaving us so soon, I know that there is a reason, what that reason is, I don't know. The one thing I have taken away from this loss and the loss of Carter is just to take each day for what it is - say my I love you's (and mean them), not putting off things that are important and really just trying to do what I feel is best for me - not what everyone else thinks is best for me [this is really hard to do most of the time].

so - i love you guys.

((oh ya, and as a side note, I found out someone else is pg today while i was at the funeral - is this some kind of sick joke?))

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Yes I am busy, but......

if i was going to do that, i would have done it already.....

Thank you for your concern. My life is busy - really busy somedays, will get busier in the future, that's ok. [isn't that why they call it life?]
Just because we want to have a child, does not in anyway shape or form mean that I want to quit pursuing my career that I have worked my ASS off trying to accomplish. Doctors have familys too. We want more than b/w 3-4kids, can't be starting that when I am 30 and done w/ residency, we want to be "young" parents, as in young enough to have more later and to take care of them now. I know it's hard to understand what I do everyday if you aren't living it - it's hard for me to understand how my life will change when my schedule changes to that of a "real" doctor nxt year in clerkships, but I am excited, we will adapt w/ or w/o a child - it'll be ok. Just remember, this is by choice - we want this to happen, we can handle it!

Here are a few things I will never become: a SAHM, WAHM, PTA lady, room mother, soccer mom..... you get my drift.... I will be involved as much as possible but I will never be as involved as some women who have more flexible schedules. Now, if I am blessed with said flexible schedule later in life - we'll talk then.

What I will be: a mother, wife, physician, healer, book reader, bath giver, tickle monster, listener....... see what i mean - i can still be all of those things to my children w/o being home with them all the time, plenty of women do it everyday, if anything i feel like i will cherish the time with my little ones more b/c there will be less of it. (the time with my husband too for that fact)

so for those of you (and i know who you are) out there who are worried that I am going to get knocked up and quit school - put your minds at ease, i will still be able to write your prescriptions one day soon (ok in 2.4 years!)

besides, how the hell else will i pay off my 200k in debt?

i think the stork is lost...

so i found out yesterday that TWO more people that I know are pregnant... TWO in ONE day! * The one I am really happy for (even if they did manage to get knocked up on the first try...wth?) the other one, of course it is great, even if you aren't married and don't work.... w/e.

I was telling mike how I am happy for them but I don't understand how everyone who doesn't want a baby gets one and also how [almost] everyone else who wants one gets one too, sooner than later. I know we have only been trying for 3 months - but why does that seem like SO long? and I know I am a little premature on saying we aren't pg this month - since I won't "officially" know until friday - but I just have a feeling that we aren't.

Some women say they "feel" pregenant - yesterday and today I just feel like shit. what does that mean? my stomach is all crampy and yelling at me and I am tried (more like just mentally exhausted...what's new?). oh well, it's a very busy week for me so I think friday will come up here pretty quickly.... damn it i hope so.

*this total does not include the one i found out about earlier in the week, young newlweds got pg while on the pill..... seriously??
also not included is someone i know who thought they were going to need IVF but concieved naturally - this is a gift from Him and i think it is amazing. (i hope it happens to another someone soon....)