Not exactly the best friend to a lot of women. Me included.
I try not to blog to much about my relationship with my in-laws out of respect for my husband. It is a strained relationship, at best. It wasn’t always that way, there are a number of reasons that have accumulated over the years, not just one or two isolated events that have gotten us where we are now.
And then I had the opportunity to read this book by Ellie S. Fisher. This amazing, insightful book filled with “OH! That’s Me!” moments about the relationship between a daughter in law & her son’s mother.
As soon as I got the book, I turned to the contents to see what the book was all about.
And then immediately turned to the last chapter. The endgame: grandkids.
There are so many parts of this book that resonated with me – this is the most pertinent at the moment. My in-laws are CONVINCED I hate them. I do not. I do not agree with a lot of how they go about child-rearing (or grand-child rearing) or the strange way they interact with G. And, if you have ever met me, you know that I am an emotions on the outside kind of person, which translates much harsher at times than I would ever intend for it too. That is(one of)my issue. I would NEVER, in a million years, prevent them from spending time with their granddaughter. They just choose not to initiate that time, and then get upset that they don’t see her enough. It’s a total catch-22.
I went through the rest of the book as well – it was an easy read packed with a lot of helpful information.
In Chapter 3, she talks about the relationship between all the women in a man’s life. One topic she talked about was gift giving.
Let me tell you a little story. My mother-in-law is known for her quirky “crafty” gift ideas. Sometimes, they are corny and fun. Most of the time – they are corny and the butt of jokes between my husband & I. Also? She tries to buy clothes. And that never goes over well. When i was pregnant she bought me the most, interesting, maternity clothes….. And now? She buys G equally interesting clothes….. She goes on & on about how adorable they are and they she shows me something denim & covered in appliquéd flowers. And I throw-up a little in my mouth while trying to figure out how to get rid of them. I try to smile and I ALWAYS say thank you. But, it’s usually pretty clear when I don’t like something. I suck at hiding my dislike of things.
Ellie talks about how to get a rocky relationship to a happy medium, and I plan on trying some of the tips she offers, especially when I need to word things in a more non-judgmental way. I understand it is not good to say “stop following her around with a carpet square, she will be fine” or “dang, why does the house smell like dog pee every time we come over?!!” and should probably say “if you give her some freedom she walks a lot better” when they chase after my very clumsy little bug or ask about a scented candle or something when the house is stinky.
One of my favorite parts of the book is at the end of each chapter she lists keepsakes on that topic. Some of my favorites include:
His significant other earns first place or the game’s over – for everyone.There are plenty more quirks about my mother in law and the relationship we have, but I want to hear about YOUR mother-in-law relationships. Give me the nitty-gritty, good or bad. I want it all! With the holiday this past weekend and G’s birthday coming up, you can be sure that I will have plenty of good stories.
Love, love, love that birthday present
The guys significant other has some clout in making each mom – hers and his – feel a part of their life
A woman you view as a difficult mother-in-law may very well be viewed by your child as a loving grandmother. And that is something for which to be truly grateful.
And, if you leave me a comment with said mother-in-law dirt, you will be entered to WIN your very own copy of this fabulous book!
Extra Entries (be sure to leave a separate comment for each. it counts if you already do any of these things too!!):
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Giveaway ends Wednesday April 14 11:49pm
Winner will be selected randomly & contacted via Email by Thursday April 15.
It’s Either Her or Me is available on Amazon.com & wherever books are sold. Visit Ellie’s website, blog, twitter & facebook.
**It’s Either Her or Me was provided for me to review and giveaway by Random House Publishing Group. All other content & opinions are my own.**
16 comments:
MIL's... mine was late to her own son's wedding. And by late I mean, no pictures prior to the service with their son.
SERIOUSLY?!
my relationship with josh's parents has totally flip-flopped. i used to get along pretty well with his dad, but couldn't stand his mother. now i cringe at the sight of his father with his stupid ponytail and wolf-man beard. but his mom is actually becoming an ally for us against candy. (HA! lol). you know, some of the issues I had with his mom and they were definitely real, but I would say that a lot of that was solved when she appologized after maria was born. She explained that her parents have never hugged her (she said she can only remember ONE time!) and she was just uncomfortable showing how she felt, etc. where as i perceived it to be her jsut hating me lol. there are always going to be things about her that bother me, but they are nothing compared to what they used to be. now with his dad, I just feel SMOTHERED! and now that he is besties with travis and candy, the ditch that was between us, has grown to the size of the grand canyon. I know that he is a good man and that he means well, but enough already. he's over here EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. and then he's always saying things about how i never go outside. i want to scream so loudly "yah b/c YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE!" lol. i wonder if i can translate this book into how to handle a father-in-law relationship...
I actually have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. My husband's family is very different from, mine so it took a lot of getting used to. My in-laws are VERY emotional people. They get their feelings hurt easily and I wasn't used to that! My mother-in-law just wants to make everyone happy and does what she can to make it that way. I love how caring she is. She always tells me how happy she is that I am with her son, etc. There are somethings that I dislike (the way she handles grandchildren) that I know will cause some issues in the future, but right now things are great!
Can't stand my MIL. Not even a little tiny bit, but I tolerate her for my husband and daughter. When I see her interace with my daughter it makes me cringe to hear her screeching her name and constantly trying to get her to look at grandma...like constantly. She's 2! Let her play and leave her the hell alone and stop screeching "EXCUSE ME!" at her when she doesn't look at you. GOD!
My MIL won't come into my house without acting like she's dying. She claims to have allergies to our pets, but she can go to SIL house who also has furry pets without so much as a sniffley nose. Our house must just be that bad.
My inlaws and I don't see eye to eye on alot of things but try to get along with them. During the whole wedding planning process-- they were out of work for about 2 years and we had to like really work with them to pay for even a portion of some of the wedding. They finally agreed to save enough money to pay for the DJ and the rehearsal dinner.. although my parents had to pay for the alcohol at the rehearsal dinner. They didn't understand how much this hurt us considering they paid for alot more for both his sister and his brother's wedding. This Christmas his mother gave me a crochet kit and told me I needed to get a hobby since I don't do anything crafty like the rest of the family... I'm not really the crafting type. Oh and they didn't understand while my husband and I were dating why I wouldn't spend more at their house and didn't understand since I was allergic to their cat why I wouldn't come over more... even though we both explained time and time again I have very bad allergies and the cat dander makes it worse.
Sadly, I never met my MIL since she died of cancer when my husband was only 3. But, listening to the book description made me think about my own mother :) I like to pretend that I'm adopted, but unfortunately I don't think it's true.
What a fabulous book though!
My fiance's mom overshares a lot of information...when it's her TOM, her between the sheets activities (ahem), etc. Pretty much stuff I would barely share with my own mother!
My MIL and I are TOTALLY different people. Things started off okay, but when it came to our wedding it was her way or the guilt-trip way. Unfortunately I went her way and regret it still to this day. I really don't think she realizes that I am now number one in her son's life (along with our son). I would love love love to get this book and probably will if I don't end up winning!
Annnnnd now I am a fan/follower on FB as well! fingers crossed!
And I already follow you on Twitter :o) and now Ellie as well.
And you know I'm a twitter friend :)
Last week, when it was 81 degrees outside, my MIL put Hannah in a onesie, a dress (with layers), thick socks, wrapped her in a blanket, and put her in the carseat with the winter cozy on it- and zipped it up! Seriously. I was SOOOOOOOOOOO freaked out when I found out!
My MIL isn't too bad, actually. I love her to pieces in fact. She's very much the mom that I wished mine was (my mom was a substance abuser, pursued men who would victimize her, and was a teen parent when I was born). She has her moments, as we all do, but I'd say we're good :)
But my FIL.....
Our relationship is tenuous, at best. But he is my husband's father, and the husband to my beloved MIL - so tolerate him I do.
Here from the B2B FB page ;)
Awesome review! It really is a great book, I enjoyed reading it as well.
I am a mom to five boys. So, my appraoch is a little different than most of your readers. I just hope like hell I am able to have a lasting loving relationship with all of my daughter-in-law! It makes me sad to know I will be replaced, but of course I want all of my boys to be happy!
Check out my review as well!
http://www.crystalandcomp.com/2010/04/its-either-her-or-me.html
Also - I'm now following your blog :)
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