Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Things that make you go “huh?”

I try to be sensitive in any comment I make, especially toward someone I don’t know well, because I have no idea what their life is like. Not always successful, I am sure, but I do try. So if I have ever said some kind of asshole-esque comment to you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!

You never know what a person is dealing with or experiencing in their life, and while most people don’t intend to be assholes, it sure can feel like it when the wrong comment comes at you on the right day.

a few examples related to our current struggles to add to our family that just generally make me want to scream:

“Just wait until you have two kids {add pretty much any comment that makes parenting seem harder here}” – one of the worst things someone who is struggling to have another child can hear.

“everyone’s pregnant. Must be something in the water” – Yes it must be. One of the worst thing ANYONE struggling to have a child can hear. also insights instant RAGE.

“you only have 1 kid, why do you have such a big car?” – well. because. why do you care?

“I got pregnant every time my husband looked at me” – I get a stabby every time I hear that comment.

“just relax, it’ll happen in time” – I.KNOW.THAT. But guess what? RELAXING is not always the answer.  Unless you don’t want me to talk to you anymore.  And, truthfully and oddly enough, I have been the most relaxed since we started going to see Dr. Wonderful.  There is something to say for the comfort of a plan, I think.

“have you tried it this way. on this day. this many times. etc.etc. etc.” – YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, OF COURSE WE HAVE. I feel like most people don’t want to know the mechanics of HOW we do the deed – but suffice it to say, we have done it that way and tried that technique. And here we are.

“when is Gianna going to be a big sister?” or any variation of this question = I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. Now go away. (admittedly this is probably one of the most innocent questions people ask, so I get that. It just sucks that I truly don’t know. And it hurts to talk about it)

I probably hear several of these each week. Sometimes they just roll right off the shoulders – other times they sit on my heart like a lead weight.  Like I said, I know comments like these aren’t meant to insight rage, but some days they just do. End of story.

What are things that people say to you that just make you want to smack your head or slap them across the face? Related or unrelated to TTC (I can do a whole other post on random things people say to me that make me go “REALLY??”)



alison said...

I'm so sorry, this is super freaking frustrating. We get "so when are you going to try for a girl?!" a lot. This question makes my head explode because it makes it sound like one of our two beautiful boys are somehow "less than". We're not trying for a girl, ever, and I believe we're not trying for another child at all. And ultimately, it's none of their damn business.

Danifred said...

I hear you on all of the above. I used to hate, "why don't you just try for a boy?" I always wanted to answer- why don't I just try for a living child?
I know, that's terrible, but it was what I always WANTED to say.

Deborah said...

Ugh. The only question I can really deal with is "do you want another child?". I just say "yes", with no further explanation and let them draw their own conclusions.

And I LOVE what you said about being more relaxed now that you're seeing the doctor. :)

Anonymous said...

I know those comments are frustrating! I will generally just tell them that it was a long journey to get our one, and there is no way I can get pregnant without a team of medical professionals. Just ain't gonna happen. I will also look at them with disdain as I respond to them.

After a decade of infertility, I just do not feel like I need to be that polite to rude comments anymore.

They generally are intruiged or they will shut up.