Wednesday, June 11, 2008


with my homies.
or with the punches.
you pick......

today - i pick punches. I feel like I have been a really great "roller" lately - a lot of crazy things have been going on emotionally, life wise, career and family wise this past 5 or 6 weeks and I have tried my best to deal with it and just kind of roll with the punches as they say. [really, again with these *they* ppl, i'm gonna have to meet *them* someday!] But I am feeling very.... stretched to the limit lately - I'm trying my best not to feel that way - but we all know it's nearly impossible to 'not' feel something.
What is going on you ask - well just a little smattering for you
~the TTC progress = slooowww. while (almost) everyone that I know IRL who has ever TTC has concieved in oh, a month? no, seriously. everyone except my mom - promising for me? its looking like not? is it fun to see what may be described as unfit parents walking around with many children treating them poorly while my husband and I have yet to concieve one that will be treated wonderfuly? nope. and those friends with kids i have...most of them are onto their 2nd or 3rd pregnancy right now - i could never be less than happy for someone who was expecting, but it doesn't me i'm not a little bit frustrated that it isn't us. is it fair we have done things in the "appropriate" order* but again, this one thing has yet to fall into place? probably not - but we have lots of hope that one day it will - we're not jaded.yet. i often feel a little out of place talking about it, b/c we aren't "infertile" or doing any treatments - we are just "slow" i guess - but i have 1 IRL who really understands - and then theres the blogosphere. so, blogosphere thanks for listening to me!
~career = clearly this big test. 2 weeks from today guys. am i ready? 1/2 way - but that's ok right since i am only 1/2 way there!?! oh i just want my life back.... it is so NOT fun to study all fucking day long and still feel like you have more left to do - but only b/c you have like 23497 things left to cram into your head! And... in less than a month I will be in the hospital working, with patients like a real almost doctor! i am pretty excited about that idea.... and equally nervous scared - but not thinking about it until 2 weeks from tomorrow! it just leaves a lot of paperwork for me to do in about 2 days!
~family = changing. why? well, my mama is getting married in a few months! yay! i love her fiance like he was my own dad. it's so awesome and they are so happy. on a less enthusiastic note - some "astranged" family member of mine would like to become more involved in my life and I can't decide how I feel about it. and I am not ready to decide right now. (at least not in the next 2 weeks.) I am a big person for 2nd chances - but this time, I am not so sure, it's a very different and difficult situation that would take days to explain. it just keeps me thinking - when i really need to focus on other things.

so, that is a very, very small tidbit of what runs through my mind almost daily when i am not filling it with medical things. needless to say i am one of THE most abscent minded people i know right now - so i am sorry if i haven't called or written or if i have forgotten your name (i forget mine sometimes too) but i hope i am back to normal in a few weeks! thanks for hanging with me.

*please note that i am not saying anything bad about single mothers - my best friend is a single mom, and the best one i know. life happens, and when you can make the most out of something you weren't (or were!) expecting - that's when you come out on top


DC said...

Geez, you have a lot on your plate right now. It's good to vent.

I know the studying stinks and is all-consuming, but when you look back on it years from now, it won't seem that bad. I promise. And in just a few short weeks you're going to be working in the hospital and wearing a spiffy doctor's coat and looking VERY professional and cool and smart. :)

Oh, and I agree with you about all the unfit parents. Why is it that every 15-year-old crack whore can get pregnant at the drop of a dime? So unfair.

DC said...

We were just commenting on each other's blogs at the same time. Psychic connection. ;)

OK, now you totally have to tell the underwear story.

DC said...

Yes, today sucks ass. I feel your pain. I think I gained about 15 pounds when I was studying for the bar exam. Mostly from snacking due to boredom and nervousness.

The underwear story? TOTALLY creepy. I hope you guys don't hang out with that weirdo anymore!

Anonymous said...

I know I tell you this all the time but here it goes AGAIN. Sorry we dont call and stuff too often but we too get busy in our busy chasing after a 13 month old life lol. But welove you and are here for you if you need anything!!! I think after your big test we should have a cookout here or something to celebrate and just veg out the day!!Ohand thanks for the single mom comment!!! We make the best out of what we have!
Love Ya!

Jill said...

I have to say again that I totally admire you going through Med school. I know I am one of the many people out there who could NEVER learn everything that you are learning. Good luck with everything, and I"ll be thinkig of you!

Nine said...

Wow, you have a lot going on! Good luck over the next two weeks- I hope the wedding is wonderful!

Mel said...

You do have a lot going on right now, that is for sure!
I am surrounded by super-fertiles, too. Most of my closest friends have conceived in the first month they were trying (multiple children, too), so I know how you feel.
What I will say, though, is life is all about timing and there is some perfect reason why it hasn't been the right time for your baby just yet. Know it will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen!!

Tiffanie said...

good luck studying! and how fun that your mom is getting married! sorry the ttc is still sucking:(

sara said...

Sounds like you have a lot going on right now and I just wanted to wish you good luck on your test coming up also! It always seems like things all fall around the same time and keep you busy beyond belief. I hope this stuff starts moving along in your TTC path as well. I know how frustrating that can be.

Kymberli said...

You have a lot going on right now.

I can relate to that feeling of "but I did everything *right* so why isn't it my turn yet?" I felt like that a lot, especially when I was surrounded by pregnant teenagers every day.