motivation

it has been a journey the past few months, between the school/life decisions that had to be made, the baby, starting this job and more. I don't regret any decsion that was made at all, as hard as some of them were/are. But something happened the other day - well probably over a course of days/wks - I started to feel like something is missing or like a puzzle piece isn't fitting right. It fnaally dawned on me what that piece is - medical school. It has been part of my life before I ever saw the inside of the building and it has been part of my future for longer. While I am still a little uncertain on the whole thing and being a doctor is still kind of big and scary to me in ways I can no explain, I think I owe myself a second change.
A chance to see if I can do it, if I can put all of the things I learned and all of the struggles I had/have into a productive "I told ya so". It is going to take a lot of work, a lot of will power and many many hours of studying - but I think I am finally ready to try it again - to take the test with less pressure and more of myself behind it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't scared, nervous, freaked out! - but I think with some guidance on how to study and doing it one step at a time - I can at least give it a fair (second) chance.
I deserve it, my family deserves it and i think I probably owe it to myself. I plan to take the test before the baby is born - so March sometime. I know exactly how hard it is going to be b/w now and then - but I feel like I am mentally ready now, so here goes nothing......