Sunday, March 25, 2012

Eventually, I’ll Feel Grown Up

I got married.

But I didn’t feel “grown up”. I just felt like me.

I had a baby.

But I didn’t feel “grown up”. I felt like a permanent babysitter for a long time, but eventually, I just felt like me.

I bought a house.

But I didn’t feel “grown up”. I felt accomplished.

I got my master’s degree.

But I didn’t feel “grown up”.  I felt relieved.

I got a great job, that actually had something to do with my education.

But I didn’t' feel “grown up”. I felt like I had to prove myself.

I have had to struggle with secondary infertility.

But it doesn’t make me feel “grown up”. It makes me frustrated.


So when do you feel “grown up”?  I often wonder what others think of me, or how they perceive me.  Not because I particularly care, but because I am curious if they see me as an adult or just some girl pretending to be an adult. 

I think this has to do with the fact that typically, I am the youngest in nearly any group I am involved in. I am the youngest of all of my friends (I am pretty sure).  I am the youngest person in my department at work. I am the youngest mom at dance class (I think).  It’s kind of always been that way –  But nobody really knows that and most people are pretty surprised when they find out my age.

But I’m creeping on 30 – so it’s not like I’m fresh out of high school.

I am pretty positive that nobody thinks that I’m some young girl who dresses nice but knows nothing. I rarely feel disrespected or that people don’t take me seriously. so that’s good.

I just never “feel” like a grown-up. But maybe I’m glad I don’t recognize that feeling – it’s good to feel youthful amidst all the crap life can throw at me.

How do you feel? Do you feel grown-up or somewhere stuck in the middle, like I do?



PJ said...

Hmmm... well since I am about ten years older than you (gasp!), I feel pretty grown up. Actually, I feel pretty old sometimes. I think I hung onto my childhood for longer than most. I honestly didn't start getting my shit together until I was about 32. Seriously, from the time I was 32 I: got married/got a house, finished college, started a real career, renovated the house, 4 years of IF treatments and became a twin parent. What the heck I did with my time beforehand, I don't know! Haha! I can tell you, there was a lot more play and a lot less worry in my life - both of which totally contribute to the feeling of being grown up. But also, I feel a lot more fulfilled now.

You probably have something about always being the youngest in the crowd. I'm sure that skews your perception.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The fact that I'm a MOM freaks me out sometimes. Like OMGWTFBBQ, they depend on me for food and shelter! I'm hanging on to the last (4 months!) of my twenties. Maybe 30 will make me feel grown up finally. I hope not.

alison said...

omg, that comment was me, I accidentally clicked the anonymous button before submitting. See! Look how grown up I am! :)

Deborah said...

I guess I feel grown-up sometimes, but not all the time. When I stop and think about my actual age, it amazes me. How could I possibly be 33? (as J says, he is one three and I am two threes)

But the house that we own, I have lived there longer than I've lived anywhere else. And it feels, in some ways, like I've always been a mom. So I guess I'm kind of a grown-up. Only lately, though.

Mazzy said...

Well. I have 2 children, been married for longer than most of our married friends, have a ridiculously expensive mortgage and DRIVE A MINIVAN. But there are still a lot of days when I don't feel terribly grown up.

Yet. I know that when I see fb updates from what a lot of the other people I went to HS, college, etc, with and what they are doing on Fri and Sat nights vs what I am doing? Then I know how very grown up I am indeed.


Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

I think I'm in the middle. I use the experience that I gained in my 20s and the way I feel in my brain and average out at 32. I'm actually 38 though, so I have to remind myself sometimes that I can't run with a "young" matter how much I want to relive those's not in the cards.

Danifred said...

I teeter back and forth between feeling old and not feeling grown up. I think somewhere around 35 there was a definite growing up feeling. Nothing particular happened, it was just a feeling.