Tuesday, May 5, 2009

brain on overdrive

I have a ridiculous amount of thoughts going through my head these days.
they don't always make sense and I can't see the answers to most of them but here are a few....
  • am I really someone's MOM? I do not really know how to be a MOM!? I have the basics down, but I do it without thinking of being a MOM. I feel like at any moment someone will come to my house and say, "oh thanks for watching her we'll see ya later.... " I wonder when it will really hit me that she is MINE. FOREVER.
  • we want to buy a house. the economy is good for first time buyers. we have a sick tight budget because of my student loan debt the size of mt. evrest. this makes me feel very guilty since w/o that debt we could buy much more of a house. we will find something, it will be ours, some day.
  • I am going back to school in August. I have no idea what classes I am to take or how I am supposed to pay for it because I haven't heard anything at all since I sent in my acceptance letter. I hate waiting. I am impatient.
  • My birthday is this month... Yay! I love birthdays.
  • Will the husband find a job once he is done with school that he actually loves? I think so. But we have no idea where this job may be located... add this to the house stress.
  • I am the un-fun friend. the old boring one who just wants to stay home with her kid or have playdates. Not one part of me desires to go out to the bar or whatever*. What if my friends don't want to be my friends anymore? (I don't really think this will happen....)
  • Why does my little girl scream after she eats? Why does nothing I do to "help" her, help her? I have tried everything besides changing her formula because I am scared to do it without talking to the doctor, we go in a week, if we make it that long.
  • I dread going back to work. I love working, especially from home, but there is not 40hrs/wk of work for me to do from here because, well, I am that good. I am thankful that I can do it for now and thankful that my sister will be watching her for awhile, but I still don't want to leave her all day.
  • Maybe I will have a margarita to celebrate cinco de mayo....

*not today, maybe in a few weeks/months I will think differently.


Mel said...

The screaming is probably from gas or acid reflux! Try mylicon (helps with gas), that stuff worked wonders for us. We had a slight case of acid reflux, too, and I made sure to put her upright for 30 minutes after feedings. If it's a severe case, her pedi can give you an RX for baby prevacid!

renee said...

jack just got off of zantac. it made a HUGE difference. he was screaming basically every minute he was awake and during sleep he was letting out screams too. it only took a few days on the zantac to totally change our life. :D you'll know its reflux if she's arching her back and screaming and jack would spit up stomach acid (you can smell it, its rotten). and they make faces like they just sucked on a lemon. if thats what it is. it's totally worth a trip to the dr. good luck.

Tiffanie said...

congrats on starting back to school in the fall:) i'm sorry to say that i am not sure that i remember what you are going for. s/t with social work? AHHHH! sorry.

Joy said...

You will not hurt her if you change formulas. Just make the change gradually by mixing them together. We changed our daughters regularly until we found one that she seemed happy with. Turned out it was Target's generic that she like best, yeah cheaper! But I'm with the other two with thinking it's either gas or reflux. Try keeping her propped up while feeding and for at least 30 mins after she eats. Also, propping up when sleeping isn't a bad idea. You should also try the Mylicon drops too. Give her a little after each bottle. It won't hurt her at all. Worst case it doesn't help. And you can go generic on those too.

The other thought I had was is she still hungry? My daughter from day one ate twice as much as they said she would at the hospital. Two ounces my butt. She was simply P.O'd and she wanted more. She still eats like an ox and she's a skinny minny. Each baby is different. Don't worry if you can't figure out what is wrong right away. Its normal for you, as mom, to hear her cries and react with your full heart and fears. It's probably nothing serious but it's tugging at your emotions. Take a deep breath and try to listen to her cries in a different tone. Hear them as she's voicing her opinions and it's kinda cute when she does. Loud...but cute.