When we decided we were ready to add to our family, we anticipated that history might repeat itself and the journey to adding to our family could be long-ish. But we didn’t anticipate the loss. Or the heartache. Or the frustration.
When you decide you are ready to become a mother (again), you never imagine that the journey will be anything but quick and easy. Until it is anything but quick and easy and you earn your ticket to Infertility Island.
And when that happens, it sucks. It feels like everyone in your world is pregnant and flaunting their fertility in your face.
And it hurts.
For a good while I didn’t let myself feel the hurt, the heartache or the actual LOSS of the miscarriages. I sort of forgot to feel anything, really.
I was just numb, going through the motions, living in 2 week increments, just kind of existing in a sense. Pushing all those emotions and feelings away because maybe then they just wouldn’t exist.
Except that didn’t work so well.
I forgot it was okay to FEEL.
So, if you are in this place - don’t ignore your feelings– because it’s okay to feel, to be happy/angry/frustrated/whatever you want or need to be, to adjust to the (shitty) experience that is infertility.
And when friends and family make comments to you about your “situation” or how “at least you know you can get pregnant” or even that “maybe you should spend your money on adoption, that would be easier” and the generous comment about how they want to “share their fertility with you” – don’t forget – they mean well, they just have no clue what to say (or how stabby it makes you).
Don’t ignore your own needs– this is YOUR journey, YOUR story, YOUR experience and you need to do what is right and what makes sense for YOU. It will be worth it in the end – whatever that means.
But most importantly if you are fighting the Bitch that is Infertility, don’t forget you are not alone.