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Thursday, June 23, 2011

untitled

Generally, I am the happy one. The one who smiles at everything, laughs a lot and finds the silver lining. The one who remembers small things (and big things), worries, hopes & prays FOR others close to me. The hard worker, eternal optimist and planner.

My philosophy is that you don’t get anywhere without hard work, so there’s no point in complaining about it. Life is full of ups and downs so might as well make the best of it. Besides, being all grumpy and down in the dumps isn’t going to get me anywhere.

And then there are times that I don’t WANT to be any of things. I want to be upset, frustrated and just angry about things.

Now, is one of those times.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that the engine in my car is broken and we weren’t prepared for such an expense. Or the fact that putting an engine in said car is not at all financially smart but neither is buying another car. Or maybe it’s because every time I feel like things are okay – something shitty happens (car again).

That I often feel like I HAVE to be the one to give up things, to come up with a plan, to handle it all. (I know that’s not necessarily true).

Maybe it’s because things are just generally stressful right now – a lot is going on and not going on at the same time. I have had a hard time keeping my cool with my spunky two year old the past couple days and I HATE that. Which makes me even more nervous about our decision to TTC. I feel very unsettled with where I am in life – I need to just get over it and accept it.

Part of it could be that I don’t think I should feel the way I do. People close to me are dealing with BIG things – such as children fighting to survive – making me feel ridiculous for being upset over the problems and frustrations in my life.

I just want my family (and my friends!) to catch a break. Or a little extra strength so I can deal with the problems at hand. Or a large box of kleenex and a large bottle of wine.

Things will be okay, some day. But for this day? I just need to cry a little.

andreasignature2

13 comments:

JJ said...

2011 is not nice. The end.

Big hugs, and Ill come sit and share ice cream with you :)

Delenn said...

I have often had a similar rant. Again, I am the one who is usually the planner, the happy one. I have to usually take the brunt of it...I cannot always share the burden because I am stronger than the people I would like to share it with.

It sucks! I agree with JJ--2011 is not nice.

I hope things get better soon!!

Meanwhile--I have ice cream and chocolate syrup...

VA Blondie said...

It is hard when you are the "responsible" one, and the one people depend on. They can take you for granted, and it is frustrating.

I would also have to agree. 2011 is not nice!

Roadblocks and Roller Coasters said...

((hugs))

Sara said...

When things get tough like this, I always think about my Grandma's mantra; "God only gives you what you can handle, so if you think it's too much, put it back on him." Easier said then done, I know, but just remember, this too shall pass and you'll have come out better for it. In the mean time, we're here for you!

PJ said...

I get frustrated also because I feel like very often it's all my decision, and I hate being THAT in charge.

And I agree, my problems seem mild in comparison to others. It HAS been a hard year.

If I lived closer, I'd totally share some wine and kleenex with ya!

twin B said...

Well I already provided you with the big bottle of wine.. and we get a sleep over next weekend.. so that should put a smile on your face....

alison said...

Sending you wine, ice cream, and love. And prayers for peace. xo

Photogrl said...

It really sucks when you think everything is going well and then WHAM! out of left field something happens just enough to mess everything up.

Big, HUGE ((HUGS))!

Mel said...

In times like those, I remind myself that nowhere did God promise us lifelong happiness and ease. In fact, the bible says in James 1:2-4 that "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces persevecrance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I certainly do not say that to imply it is easy just because those words should comfort you. I've been in the THROWS of life's hardships and it was never so easy as just giving it all over to Him in my mind. But I'll tell you that when I finally did, it always got better. And you'll look back on it all at some point and know that it was just another chapter in your life.

Praying for you, friend! It's ok to complain and feel frustrated, even when someone else is going through worse than you. We all have to VENT sometimes.
xoxo

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Whatever you do, don't feel bad for getting upset. There's no fun in that. If you're upset, you're upset. Life doesn't have to be about all big issues, right?

This parenting stuff is hard...for that matter, so is this "being an adult" stuff. I hate dealing with finances on any level, much less the level for which we cannot afford. I also hate whenever Husband says, "well, if you were working..." OMGOMGOMG...drives me nuts. I'm not, a-hole! We agreed on that and I'm not so stop living in your little fantasy world!

Oops...sorry...tangent. Be upset and then write a list...pros/cons/realistic options. Hang in there...God, I hate that...sorry, but just hang in there...I suck!

Laura said...

I agree with Rebecca - being a "grown-up" sucks. And I know people have big things, but all these little things that pile together create one big challenge sometimes and it sucks that that gets minimized.

Hoping for bluer skies coming your way.

Anonymous said...

This too shall pass my dearest daughter...... and your never too "grown-up" to not accept help from your mamma! The right car will come along ..... patience my dear.