scared?

There is a LOT going on right now. baby. work. studying. life. you name it - it's happening at the same time. typical.

We just had our saturn in the shop for a new effing transmission - thank god we were persistant and got the information to qualify for a warranty extension so saturn covered the cost - but my husband has been w/o his car for over a week. He will be FINALLY picking it up tomorrow. Without a car (or rather his suv) he can not work. Nice timing.

I have got to start studying - and I have. just not near the capacity that I need to be. I am sucking it up and talking with a learning specialist tomorrow after work about how to go about everything this time around while working full time and carrying a child. Should be interesting and I am looking forward to having a plan. I am nervous over this whole thing - but i KNOW that I have to do it - getting over my fear and nerves may take me longer than going over the material.....

Suddenly I am more scared about finances than I have been in a very long time. I was "offically" hired by my company today (was working through a temp service) which is good considering the economy is going down the shittter but it brought about a few things. 1) i am not getting a raise until after my maternity leave - um that blows. 2) my maternity leave is unpaid -as expected - but sucky regardless. it can also be as long as I want up to 3mo, but I can't afford to be off work at all let alone 3 months! we will discuss the specifics once it gets closer. 3) health insurance comes out of my pay (duh!) which I did not think about until now... and I need to figure out the best way to figure out the insurance situation which includes a lot of number crunching by the first of the year.

I have no idea what to do about daycare, daycare costs and all things related to this. I can't even wrap my head around it. If I go by a standard of $200/wk - it would be next to pointless for me to work (w/o a raise) but I can't NOT work... talk about a rock and a hard place.

We have to pay off our credit card, buy nursery furniture, start saving for when I am off work (hah!), figure in my student loan payments (which start in feb... go figure), plan for a few bridal showers & weddings & extra baby stuff, buy christmas presents..... overwhelmed much? why yes I am thanks for asking....

OOOHHH and the newest discoveries as far as body morphing to accomodate baby - my hands are swollen and I had to take my wedding rings off last week. (granted I have tiny hands, my rings are a size 4.5 and usually big) I hate not having them on. Last night - I discovered just how much my feet are swelling... I had elastic marks from ankle socks. awesome. cankles at 21wks....

ugh life.