Wordless Wednesday: to the fair!

 

We go to the fair every year, last year – Gianna had a lot of fun watching her Aunt Cori ride her horse.

 

This year, Gianna LOVED the fair. She told me all about the animals, and really, watching her when we were there made my whole heart swell with pride over the big girl she has become.

There was also some flirting with one of her BFF’s Zach. These 2 are hilarious together!

And they both loved watching Aunt Cori ride her horse FAST!

+/-

This isn’t the post I had hoped to be writing, but here I am.

A week ago I was feeling sick and decided to take a pregnancy test – I really don’t ever test early, but for some reason I felt like I had too.

And it was positive.

And I was SHOCKED. Mike was SO excited.

I was also pretty unsure, anxious almost, over it.  It seemed too easy this time.

On Monday I took 2 more tests – still positive. Still shocked. But feeling a little calmer.

Tuesday, same deal, I tested before I left for the airport and my lines all seemed to be getting a little darker.

I went about my business in Chicago that day, letting the whole situation sink in but still feeling a little uneasy for some reason.

I woke up on Wednesday and I knew something was not right.

To the bathroom I headed to deal with every pregnant woman’s worst nightmare – bleeding.

It continued and I just kind of went numb. I was alone and pretty confused as to what was going on. But I had a pretty good idea of what the outcome was going to be.

Thursday I knew what I had to do – I had to take a pregnancy test to confirm what I was fearing.

It was negative. I knew then, that it was a chemical pregnancy. And it was over.

No one except Mike knew about the pregnancy, so I felt even more lonely – I really didn’t want to tell my mom and sisters about it over the phone, it seemed silly since there really wasn’t much to be said at that point.

I fully realize that this is not the end of the world, and had I not been TTC I wouldn’t have even known what was going on.  I guess that’s the double-edged sword in this whole situation, huh?

Disappointed is probably the appropriate emotion here, not so much sadness (although there is a little of that). I know it’s not a huge deal and we will just keep on moving forward, but it still kind of sucks.

Someday Gianna will be able to wear the big sister shirt I ordered for her, just not this day.

And I am okay with that, because really, what other choice do I have? I am positive that day will come eventually.

Friday Night Leftovers: Lone Traveler Ed

• Remember the other day when I told you I was traveling alone for the first time? I’m back and I survived!
• My hotel was really nice. Very modern, but clearly a man designed the bathroom.  (A very short man, at that)

• I didn’t get to stay downtown, which I knew, but I did find time to explore a suburb of the city – Wicker Park/Bucktown.
• Lots of interesting art. Very cool stores.
• it was fun to walk around & be touristy even if I was all alone. I like my alone time, but it’s not really all that awesome to be in a strange place alone.  No one to share my snarky comments with.
• One observation – everyone wears headphones.
• 2nd observation – If I was single (or even married without children) I would LOVE to live in a big city suburb. Public transport close by, lots of things to keep you busy and you can’t beat the people watching.

 

• I rode on public transportation for the first time in my life. Alone. It was very intense. And not as dirty as I expected.

 

• I did get chatted up by some guy on the train on my way back to the hotel, so it was interesting. And, I have def been married for nearly 5 years when it took me getting OFF of the train to realize “OMG! That guy was totally flirting with me!”
• Loved sleeping in my own hotel room. When I got in on Tuesday I took a nap! I NEVER EVER EVER do that and it was fabulous!
• Also, my room had a Keurig – awesomesauce.
• The conference was VERY interesting – it got a little long, but overall, I feel like it was a worthwhile trip. Besides, I got to get to know the COO of our company a little better and some sales people – so that was nice. They also said several times how great of a company this is to work for, that is a great thing to hear as a new employee.
• I missed the CRAP out of my family. I just wanted my husband with me, I love exploring new places with him. And Gianna, I needed her laughter.
• I am already planning a return trip with my little family [or perhaps a 5 year anniversary trip!] so that we can check out what that city in the distance is all about!

These are a few of my favorite things

Gianna has been just like a fountain of new tricks lately – everyday it’s a handful of new tricks up her sleeves.

• She LOVES to sing and dance. She sings about everything and usually says “I’m singing like Ariel does” if you ask her what she is doing.
• My Little Ponies have become a fan favorite.
• Pretending – I love to watch her as she pretends. With her babies, in her kitchen, with her princesses, at her tea parties, as she sings and dances in front of her mirror. It just amazes me to watch her mind unfold.
• Dance parties are still the norm around here. She has been working on her ballerina twirl! I love to hear "dance with me mommy!!"
• She sits at the table in a regular chair now and we have started teaching her to excuse herself and clear her plate. She'll say "may I please gib up?" instead of "may I please be excused" but it's all good!
• When she uses her manners (please/thank you etc) all on her own it makes me smile. Especially hearing her use them properly – it’s freaking adorable. Even if she is saying “No thank you, mommy” when I ask her to go to bed!
• For whatever reason, she LOVES pajamas! She always wants to wear them for her naps, too!
• We are still working on potty training and she has been doing a GREAT job this past week – her daddy really is like a magical potty training professional.
• She has become a GREAT swimmer (with her “pillows”, of course) ((pillows = water wings)) and has the cutest little tan lines to prove it.
• We still get to snuggle sometimes and those times are so amazing.
• She kisses me goodbye when I go to work and welcomes me home in the evenings – who knew how much a blue-eyed girl could change a persons mood!
• Her lovie is still her #1 go to comfort item. Along with her binkie when she is in her room. She changes babies out depending on the day, but she usually has one other stuffed item in tow regularly.
• She will help me pick out her clothes and her accessories for the day. And mine too, sometimes!
• Tantrums are getting fewer, probably because communication is getting better – she has always been a great talker, but now she is really able to communicate her feelings/wants/needs etc which makes things easier on all of us.
• Tantrums these day come out of stubborness, mainly. She is SO stubborn - that is for sure the Italian in her!
• Gianna stutters. There are certain words she has a hard time with - and now, she gets REALLY ANGRY when she isn't able to say what she wants on the first try. I always know she is having a tough time because she will start out her sentence in a whisper and get louder until she actually YELLS whatever word it is she can't get out.
• She will tell you her favorite color is pink, her birthday is “on April”, attempts to count to 10, identifies her colors and thinks she can sing the ABC’s!
• She is still a ridiculously picky eater - it is still ridiculously annoying.
• Mostly, she is just a ball of hilarity rolled up into one tall, skinny package topped with blonde hair and a pink bow!

Lone Traveler

I LOVE to travel. To see new places and experience new things.

this year is an exceptional year for traveling. We already had 3 trips planned (2 down, 1 AWESOMLY EXCITING trip still on deck) and last week at work I learned that I would be adding another trip to my schedule.

I am going to Chicago.

On Tuesday.

By myself.

It hit me recently that I have been on quite a few vacations and 57* 1/2** airplane rides but I have never gone anywhere totally by myself!

I’m sure it will be no big deal, but suddenly I am feeling all kinds of anxious over having to drive to the far-away airport, park the car, get to my destination & all that goes with it ALONE. 

Exploring new places on my own doesn’t scare me, it’s just getting to that place on my own that is making me a little nervous.  I know one other person from my company that will be there (there are only 3 people total that will be there) but that doesn’t make feel much better since I’ve only worked there for 3 weeks!

I’ve never been to Chicago (staying near O’Hare) so what can you tell me? What should I do? What should I eat? What should I take pictures of?

tips for traveling alone? Things I should take advantage of?

I am sure traveling alone is not so bad, just a new adventure!

Mommy Guilt: Here we go again

I spent nine months as a stay at home mom.

Nine months learning all about this little person that belongs to me.
Teaching, laughing, smiling, talking and hanging out with a pretty hilarious toddler.

And now, I am back to only doing those things for roughly 2 hours each evening and on the weekends.
One thing that comes along with going back to work is the resurgence of Mommy Guilt.  I‘ve felt it before – and I had a feeling it would be back.

Except this time, it is so.much.worse. 

Before, the only time I knew at home with Gianna was maternity leave, and that was really not at all sunshine and roses. This time, I was able to have an awesome time home with her perfectly paired with both professional & personal time.

I now have a full-time job AND my own business to maintain on top of my job as mommy and wife. Both of these things come with a price – the price of being gone many hours a day & even going days without seeing my girl. Shuffling Gianna between home and grandma’s house several times a week so that she can be properly watched after while both myself and Mike struggle to coordinate our work schedules and commitments.

The days/evenings that are left I don’t want to leave her with anyone, I want her all to myself. I want to wake up with her and snuggle her in the morning. And have dance parties in our jammies. And just generally take her wherever I go to make up for all the time we don’t have together. that is going to take a toll on date nights and nights out with friends because I’m just not willing to miss out on time with my peanut.

I keep thinking that as things slow down, the social life will get back to it’s previous level of mediocrity. But “when things slow down” is really a hilarious statement – there is no lull in the activity until at least the 1st of the year and who knows what we will have gotten into by then!

I am blessed to have a family who adores her – and watches her more than I ever imagined would be necessary – if it wasn’t for them, the guilt would surely be overwhelming.  I am blessed to be in the position that I am both with this new job and with my business as they are both making things possible that I feared might never be.  I am blessed to have a business that allows me to meet women regularly and hang out with friends at least once a month. I am blessed to have a husband who puts up with my crazy and supports everything that I do.

But when you see your daughter after 2 long days of work and she says “I missed my mommy. Can we go home now?” How can the guilt NOT surface?

I have said many times when discussing starting your own business with women/moms, it is not a question of what you are doing TO your family by choosing to work, but what you are doing FOR them by working hard.

Sometimes, it is really hard to take your own advice.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

 

Friday Night Leftovers

• I have had a handful of what seemed to be good blog topics in my head, yet none of them have made it to the actual blog. I am super forgetful.
• Life as a working mama is going as well as can be expected, I miss my girl, but most days I am okay.
• Speaking of work – I am going to Chicago next week for work!
• More on that later.
• This week I treated myself to new clothes!
• Next week I am treating myself to new shoes, I can’t make a decision on which ones I want to buy.
• I didn’t “get” pinterest at first.
• Now I do.
• And I am totally digging it!
• Life has been really BUSY and overwhelming lately, but I am feeling very blessed.
• I am so excited for G to start dance class soon!
• Mike’s birthday is coming up and I am trying to get all of our friends together to go out to dinner. Or at least that is what I intend to do, the first step would be informing them of that plan, huh? Again with the forgetful.
• I don’t want summer to end.
• Mike has gotten G to use the potty SO MANY TIMES this week! We still aren’t ready to go back to underwear since she hasn’t/won’t tell us WHEN she has to go,but she is SO CLOSE to earning flappy fairy wings for filling up her sticker chart! I’ll take the progress.
• What’s going on in your neck of the woods? Share them over at Danifred’s place!

Wordless Wednesday

 

 

I took this picture in Texas, and while it’s not technically perfect – It cracks me up every time I see it!

Bullet Point Saturday

There has been so much swirling around in my head lately, that I don’t even know how to put it all down on paper logically. I missed Friday Night Leftovers yesterday, so I think bullet points will do for tonight.

• My sister and I went to the Twins Day festival last weekend. We are lucky to have such a unique and awesome event right in our backyard – mom’s of multiples out there – you NEED to go at least once. We hadn’t been in over 11 years (!!) and as an adult, I was amazed at all the “twin” relationships I saw there – people who looked forward to seeing each other each year. Twins from literally every state and many different countries in one place. It is truly an experience like no other!
• Week 2 of work was better than week 1 for many reasons, mainly because I felt better and I didn’t have as many after work commitments last week.
• I got to hang out with a lot of my Premier family today and got to snuggle a brand new baby. Talk about an aching uterus! Gianna LOVES babies, so again, aching uterus.
• To the above scenario, I just repeat in my head *have patience* over and over again. And then I laugh at myself because, how freaking ridiculous!
• Gianna’s passport came today!
• I got some GREAT feedback on my picking-your-brain post last week, greatly appreciated.
• Life appears to be moving in the appropriate, upward, direction lately. I am cautiously optimistic over it, but the amount of stress I have felt lifted off of my shoulders the past week has been amazing. I didn’t realize JUST how stressed I was feeling.
• I need to schedule more time for my friends. And more time for my husband. And more time for the little one. Let’s see if we can fit it all in.
• The age of 2 is a total love:hate relationship, this week has been mostly love. Thank goodness!
• And this will conclude a thoroughly random blog for this evening.

Wordless Wednesday

Dance

Love

Sing

Live

and do it all with your whole heart

Picking your brain

I need some advice on a few things from my favorite internet comrades.

First topic: Blog

I mostly blog for myself, but sometimes I feel like I should blog about SOMETHING. With a little bit of myself thrown in there. Thoughts on that? Do you prefer reading about peoples everyday nonsense? Seeing pictures? Knowing that if you read blog ABC it will actually be about a THING in most cases? I can’t decide. 

I know what annoys me when reading blogs (too many pictures, too many MYBABYISSOCUTEANDSMARTERTHANYOUTOO posts, colored fonts, constant reviews of stuff I can’t win etc) and I know what I like (pictures that go with words sometimes, updates & actual thoughts)

But what about you? What is most annoying? What is most enjoyed?

Second topic: Shoes

We are going on a big vacation in October that will involve lots of walking. I need to get new shoes, that are NOT tennis shoes. I have narrowish feet with small bunions. Recommendations? I normally don’t wear socks, so shoes that look cute without socks and can be worn with jeans or skirts/dresses would be STELLAR!

Third topic: 3 row vehicles

One of the blessings that will come along with my new job is the ability to purchase a new (okay, new to us because we are so NOT buying new) car sooner than we expected. I would ideally like a vehicle with 3 rows – and am opening my narrow little mind to the idea of a van (I can’t believe I just typed that). I DESPISE car shopping, know NOTHING on the topic and need LOTS of hand holding and real life recommendations. So give it to me straight.  Also since I am planning WAY ahead with this purchase, if you have a vehicle with only 2 rows that fits more than 2 car seats COMFORTABLY I would love to hear about it. (greater than 25mpg would be a huge bonus!)

and since I am totally needy right now –

Fourth topic: Lunch

I need some good ideas for work lunches. If it doesn’t involve mayonnaise or a salad that is any thing other than lettuce or pasta based, I will probably like it! Also good ideas of breakfast on the go? My commute is about 40 minutes, and while I am not a “breakfast” person, it would be good to be able to eat something on my way.

I know I can count on you, friends – don’t let me down!

Cute Baby Sunday–Taste of Summer

Nothing says summer like an after dinner popsicle.

Want a bite?

Summer Block Party WINNERS

A drum roll please.... the moment you've all been waiting for!

The winners of the Summer Block Party!

First, the technical stuff. All the valid entries from all the participating blogs were put into a spreadsheet that assigned a unique number to each one. There were a total of 156 valid entries. Then Random.org was used to find the winners.

And the winners are:

Winner of a year's subscription to AboutOne: Valerie Stayton @ My-2-Cents, who said "I am a Google RSS feed subscriber, Valerie Stayton, my_2_cents at hotmail dot com"

Winner of a year's subscription to AboutOne: Kim, who said " And because I really, really want to win a b-day onesie: Bonus Entry No. 2: Your birthday is June 2. Melissa is also part of the trio. I generally remember because mine is the 3rd :)"

Winner of a year's subscription to AboutOne: Lisa, who said "I like being able to track medical information on AboutOne."

Winner of a year's subscription to AboutOne: StacyT, who said "I have signed up for my free trial."

Winner of a year's subscription to AboutOne: Cassie, who said "You prefer to read!"

 Winner of the Amazon Gift Card: Maria D., who said "I signed up for the Free trial!"

Winner of the Blog Bling Button: JJ, who said "I'm cooool and subscribe to your blog with Google Reader"

Winner of the Cookies: Seussgirl, who said "Hmm..favorite summer song...right now, I'm loving "Knee Deep" by the Zac Brown Band. I also love "Redneck Yaught Club". Apparently, I go country when it gets hot. :)"

Winner of the Birthday Shirt: Tasha, who said "I follow you through my Blogger feed."

Winner of the Necklace: Geek by Marriage, who said "Following as GeekByMarriage "

Congratulations, winners! If you won a prize, get in touch with Jen by using the contact form on her blog and she will either get you your prize or get you in touch with the person who will get you your prize. If we don't hear from you this week, we have a list of alternates who will get your prize!   

Thank you for playing along and filling up my summer playlist with great tunes!!  Don’t forget to check out AboutOne if you haven’t, it is fantastic.

Friday Night Leftovers: Back to Work Edition

• This week I am so thankful to Danifred for hosting FNL, more than usual!
• Back to work week 1 has been EXHAUSTING. Pile a few after work meetings (you know, for my other-other job!), finishing up teaching this term and getting a cold on top of it and I AM SPENT.
• It has also been a little boring. To be expected with the whole learning curve and all that – but honestly, I don’t do bored well. (I know, you are SHOCKED to hear that)
• It hasn’t been as hard as I imagined leaving G every day, but she has only been awake one day when I had to leave.
• That sucked – she kept saying “NO! Put your jammies back on, Mommy!” It was very adorable and very heartbreaking.
• When I called home at lunch the other day she was very excited to tell me she bought me flowers – that was also very adorable.
• I think it will be harder as we continue on – I so miss the everyday stuff.
• Getting up early isn’t an issue, getting home at 6 though? That is hard for me.
• BUT! New job has lots of benefits, like a constant flow of coffee, a comfy chair, 2 computer monitors just for me and all the office supplies a girl could ask for.
• The people are nice too.
• In the employee handbook is a section about blogging and how you shouldn’t identify who you work for BUT we don’t want to hinder your personal creativity.
• Also, I need to go shopping! My last job I could wear scrubs to work – I needs some more work clothes. And shoes. Duh.
• Praying that we all fall into a new routine soon, I don’t over extend myself and that the stress slowly starts to go away.

Wordless Wednesday

Singing “like Ariel” to her Daddy.