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Sunday, August 28, 2011

+/-

This isn’t the post I had hoped to be writing, but here I am.

A week ago I was feeling sick and decided to take a pregnancy test – I really don’t ever test early, but for some reason I felt like I had too.

And it was positive.

And I was SHOCKED. Mike was SO excited.

I was also pretty unsure, anxious almost, over it.  It seemed too easy this time.

On Monday I took 2 more tests – still positive. Still shocked. But feeling a little calmer.

Tuesday, same deal, I tested before I left for the airport and my lines all seemed to be getting a little darker.

I went about my business in Chicago that day, letting the whole situation sink in but still feeling a little uneasy for some reason.

I woke up on Wednesday and I knew something was not right.

To the bathroom I headed to deal with every pregnant woman’s worst nightmare – bleeding.

It continued and I just kind of went numb. I was alone and pretty confused as to what was going on. But I had a pretty good idea of what the outcome was going to be.

Thursday I knew what I had to do – I had to take a pregnancy test to confirm what I was fearing.

It was negative. I knew then, that it was a chemical pregnancy. And it was over.

No one except Mike knew about the pregnancy, so I felt even more lonely – I really didn’t want to tell my mom and sisters about it over the phone, it seemed silly since there really wasn’t much to be said at that point.

I fully realize that this is not the end of the world, and had I not been TTC I wouldn’t have even known what was going on.  I guess that’s the double-edged sword in this whole situation, huh?

Disappointed is probably the appropriate emotion here, not so much sadness (although there is a little of that). I know it’s not a huge deal and we will just keep on moving forward, but it still kind of sucks.

Someday Gianna will be able to wear the big sister shirt I ordered for her, just not this day.

And I am okay with that, because really, what other choice do I have? I am positive that day will come eventually.

andreasignature2

14 comments:

PJ said...

Oh Andrea, I'm so sorry. What a tease.

The Red Headed Mama said...

((hugs)) it'll happen and she'll be sporting that shirt before you know it. And this time 4 years ago I could have written you post exactly (minus the being in Chicago part).

Joan said...

Ahh crap...I'm sorry Andrea {{hugs}}

Sara said...

I'm so sorry Andrea. It'll happen, keep faith. (hugs)

All About the Augustins said...

Andrea I know how horrible that can be! Big big hugs! I'm hoping for your bfp and sending lots of sticky baby dust your way! Xoxo

Danifred said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you Mama!

Delenn said...

I am so sorry. Love your attitude though and I hope for you. :-)

raisingmiles said...

Dang. Sorry girl. Hugs to you.

alison said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry sweetie. Praying for a sticky bean very soon. <3

JenM said...

I am sorry sweetie. It sucks.

Photogrl said...

I'm so, so sorry.

Big HUGE ((HUGS)) for you and Mike.

Amanda said...

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry.

JJ said...

Loads of hugs my friend

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Oh man...I'm so sorry. The fact that you were alone and away from home sucks even more. She will wear that shirt one day.