Q&A - ish

So, in my 33wks of pregnancy so far I have been collecting in my head all of the random questions people ask - and all of the answers I wish I could say outloud.




Q: Oh are you pregnant?
A: nope, i just drink a keg of beer a night and eat greasy greasy food - strategically placing all of the fat on my abdomen like this....


Q: What are you having?
A: a litter of kittens. a baby you idiot what the hell?


Q: What are you naming the baby?
A: Hey You. ya, just for our convience in getting her attention later in life. If I didn't offer you here name, I don't want to tell you.


Q: Are you delivering naturally?
A: Do I have sucker written on my forehead?

Q: Was the baby planned?
A: Ya, and do you know that I also plan on punching you in the face for being so damn rude?
Q: Oh wow! How long did you try?
A: We had sex every day for 8 months, and twice on good days. But the real question is, how long did it take you to grow the balls to ask me that?


Q: Are you breastfeeding?
A: I haven't decided.
Q: OMG - WHY NOT you terrible terrible mother?
A: Well you know, so I can have my ass reamed out by the breastfeeding mothers of america club. Why else?


Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
A: I feel like if they weren't necesary they wouldn't have been invented. How do you feel about your children getting lifethreatening illness b/c you are a stubborn ass?


Q: Can I touch your stomach?
A: Ten dollars please......

Q: Can I feel the baby move?
A: Can I put my hand on your stomach and wait for some gas bubbles to pop up?

I will do what is best for this little girl AND her mother - and if it means she needs to sleep in her crib and be given formula, then yes, that is what I am going to do. You know what they say right? If I'm not happy everyone else will suffer.....