Sunday, February 22, 2009

Q&A - ish

So, in my 33wks of pregnancy so far I have been collecting in my head all of the random questions people ask - and all of the answers I wish I could say outloud.

Q: Oh are you pregnant?
A: nope, i just drink a keg of beer a night and eat greasy greasy food - strategically placing all of the fat on my abdomen like this....

Q: What are you having?
A: a litter of kittens. a baby you idiot what the hell?

Q: What are you naming the baby?
A: Hey You. ya, just for our convience in getting her attention later in life. If I didn't offer you here name, I don't want to tell you.

Q: Are you delivering naturally?
A: Do I have sucker written on my forehead?

Q: Was the baby planned?
A: Ya, and do you know that I also plan on punching you in the face for being so damn rude?
Q: Oh wow! How long did you try?
A: We had sex every day for 8 months, and twice on good days. But the real question is, how long did it take you to grow the balls to ask me that?

Q: Are you breastfeeding?
A: I haven't decided.
Q: OMG - WHY NOT you terrible terrible mother?
A: Well you know, so I can have my ass reamed out by the breastfeeding mothers of america club. Why else?

Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
A: I feel like if they weren't necesary they wouldn't have been invented. How do you feel about your children getting lifethreatening illness b/c you are a stubborn ass?

Q: Can I touch your stomach?
A: Ten dollars please......

Q: Can I feel the baby move?
A: Can I put my hand on your stomach and wait for some gas bubbles to pop up?

I will do what is best for this little girl AND her mother - and if it means she needs to sleep in her crib and be given formula, then yes, that is what I am going to do. You know what they say right? If I'm not happy everyone else will suffer.....


Erin said...

hahaha... love the answers. I will have to remember some of those for when I need them. People have such good intentions but have this innate ability to talk out their ass abut things that are just none of their business.

Good for you for knowing what will work for you and your family and sticking to it. :)

alicia said...

haha! ohh I just wish I could say those to some ppl! love the belly pic, you are looking great!

Anonymous said...

LOL @ your answers! My babies slept in their cribs (except Emma...she spoiled rotton) and I hate the price of formula LOL I could spend my $100/mo elsewhere LOL. And dont let the breastfeeding mothers of America get you down- we're just trying to be helpful LOL :)

--Rachel =)