The life I never imagined

I was on facebook the other day checking out some picture comments I got and one of them really struck me.  (and then I was vising JJ and this just seemed to fit today)

My friend Renee mentioned how happy I look as a mother when as kids growing up I never wanted to have children. (neither did she, now a fabulous mother of 3!) 

It really got me thinking about how my life is not at all what I imagined it would be at 25.

I figured I would be almost finishing a residency in pediatrics. But I am now almost finished with a Masters in Public Health, not a doctor, and happy about it.

I figured I would be married, maybe not to my husband, but married. I have been married to the same person for 3 years, been with him for 10 years, and all when “they” said it wouldn’t last.

I figured I would not have kids, maybe someday, maybe. But not before I was 30 and had traveled the world. I have this little girl in my life that makes my heart swell 292843x each day. Who brings more smiles to my face than I could have imagined. Who makes me feel fulfilled. And who I want to give 3 or 4 siblings.

I figured I would be working my ass off. All day. Everyday and then some. I now have a true, deep, growing desire and passion to be home with my daughter. To work at home in some capacity more than I am in an office.  and I am seriously searching for such a position.

I figured I would have moved out of this small area of Ohio to the beach somewhere.  I now have a little house for my little family and while moving to the beach is still in the back of my head, the comfort of here is growing and the idea of moving becomes more scary.

I figured I would be totally, 100% happy with my life because why wouldn’t I be? I am 85% totally happy with my life.  I couldn’t love my family anymore, I couldn’t love my friends anymore. I could really love my professional life a lot more – but you know what – that will fall into place.

Funny how things change and evolve and you don’t even know it is happening.  And how the changes that have evolved are better than the original plan.  Because this life, even with its bumps and stress, is really pretty great. and for that, I am thankful.

suspense

Pictures of Gianna’s adventures the past few weeks.

Substantial posts coming soon.

playing outside.

 

hoping that her tutu will make her feel better.

“wearing” her “pretties”

“reading” her favorite book.

taking up a new hobby.

county fair fun.

Friday Night Leftovers

• I didn’t feel like getting the fancy graphic today… oops.
• My daughter is a total crack-up lately. She has now learned to say “poop” and “pee” when she needs her diaper changed. Complete with grabbing at her butt. No clue in the world where she learned this from. (no really, I don’t know)
• School started. I have been trying to write a short essay for 2 days. Not.Motivated.Yet.
• The lack of motivation may or may not stem from the beach vacation in my near future. Which I feel very unprepared for. Taking a toddler to the beach should surely be an adventure.
• Husband is applying for a job doing what he went to school for (broadcasting) – fingers crossed he gets it. It would be HUGE for us.
• I should be applying for more positions than I am. Part of my problem is I am not 100% sure where I want to take my career – but I think I have a better idea now than I did even 2 weeks ago. Clinical Research and/or Community Health positions – please knock on my door.
• Meeting friends for drinks tonight. Very excited.
• Taking the little one to the fair tomorrow. Looking forward to hearing her make animal noises the entire time. And looking forward to trying out our new stroller.
• My wedding ring is too big. I need to get it sized down. Yay.
• I started working out this week. I am really glad I did, because I do have more energy (believe it or not, Mike!) Not sure why I procrastinated so long, but hey,better late than never.

Join Danifred to link into the Friday Night Leftover fun

Wordless Wednesday

what do YOU have in your tupperware cabinet?

school supply junkie

It’s the end of August and that only means one thing to me.

Time for school. Again.

I had my first Saturday of classes yesterday. Should be okay. This is my last semester of Saturday School so that alone is exciting!

As I was buying (half.com) and renting (chegg.com) my books for the semester today it dawned on me, my school-supply-junkie-self did not buy ANY supplies this year.

I don’t actually NEED anything. 

I guess that happens when you have been in some form of higher education or another for a long fucking time 7 years…. 

I have my binders.  My legal pads. Pens worthy of my pen-snobbieness: 

And a shit-ton of post-it’s in all varieties.

And, I have all of these things in abundance at the moment. So i was kind of sad to walk through the back-to-school displays and not have to buy any. (my wallet, however, smiled at that thought). Even though I am sure to buy some post-it’s soon because I can’t resist their sticky-organizational beauty.

So. I am as ready as I can possibly be to get moving with this semester so that i can graduate in the next one! 

Light at the end of the tunnel – I am coming for you!

Medicine Head

Allergies? The Plaque? Sinus Infection?

All of the above.

Me and G both have the sickness.  

Total suckage in this house right now.

And honestly, when I am sick, I am worthless.  I pretend like "oh, I am fine" but inside I am all "I could just fall over and die any second now"  

When Gianna is sick? The Drama comes on in full force. Whining. snoring. Pitiful tantrums because "WHOOAA these people just don't understand my needs" (no really, she will gently lower herself to the ground, roll around going "whooaa") She wants outside. no inside. up. no down. wawa. no cups. lovie. sleep. no sleep. So indecisive this chick.

The other really really really crappy part about G being sick? Night terrors.

She has them usually when she is teething in full force (which she is also doing, thank you 2yr molars) and/or sick.  Last night? ROUGH.  It is one of the scariest things to witness.

so, no sleep for the weary in our house. more suckage.

Except the things that don't suck. 

Like having a job interview next week.  That's cool. 

And having date night tomorrow. That will be fun. If I can keep my snot to myself.....

Wordless Wednesday

 

  A perfect blend of mischief, sass and cute.

It’s the little things

I have had a series of days that have been less than good. Not really bad, but definitely  not good.

And sometimes on the less than good days I have to think about the things that make me smile.  Usually they end up being the smallest things in the world.  Things I am grateful and thankful and really blessed to be able to smile at.

• Walking in the door from work, seeing my two favorite people in the world – one small and one big – and just smiling because I belong to them.
• Walking in the door to MY HOUSE. One that I worked really hard to get.
• Seeing the sun shine.
• Seeing clouds in the sky, looking up at them and finding what shapes they make. One of my favorite pastimes.
• Knowing that every morning around 7:15 my sister will call. And we will talk on my way to work and her way home from work.
• The way Gianna talks. It is adorable. She can be saying NO MAMEEE and I still think it’s cute and smile at her.
• The fact that i miss my husband during the day.
• When I have on a cute outfit.
• When I have on cute shoes.
• Coffee.
• Fruit.
• Seeing an elderly couple holding hands, holding doors for one another etc.
• Holding the door for someone. Or having them hold the door for me.
• Saying thank you.

There are always things, even on the worst of the worst days, that make me smile.  Maybe it’s because I truly do not like being grumpy or maybe it’s because honestly no day is THAT bad that you can’t smile at least once.

So She Thinks She Can Dance

Gianna has been dancing for us for months now – before she could even stand she was bobbing her head to the beat.

She has taken a note from her mama’s new favorite show – SYTYCD and taken it to a new level.

If you need a smile (or a good laugh) check her out.

Please note that she knows she is going to rock it out, so she claps for herself in the beginning. Followed by deep concentration on her skillful choreography.  Ended with a stumble and graceful recovery.

(this video is 2 minutes long, longer than I would normally post but guys – it is HILARIOUS!)

Getting my caffeine fix on the cheap

Hai. My name is Andrea and I am addicted to coffee.

Except it’s not JUST coffee.

It’s fancy flavored, $10 a pop coffee when you buy it from Starbucks, $5 from Dunkin and $3 from McDonald’s coffee.  Iced at the present moment. Since drinking hot coffee when it’s 90* outside is not real appealing.

And I am on a budget which means $10-$3/ coffee every day is not a great plan.  So I had to get creative.

I bring you Andrea’s Coffee Haus.

We have foldgers for the everyday and Dunkin Donuts for the really LONG days. Travel Mugs. Coffee Pot. And we’re good.

You need the coffee slightly stronger than usual, so add an extra scoop or 2 more than you normally would. Brew.

Add ice about 3/4 the way in your cup of choice.

 

Fill 3/4 of the way with coffee.  It can still be hot. Or cold. Whatever. As long as coffee gets in your cup, we’re golden.

I usually make 4 cups at a time and keep what I don’t use in the pot for the next day. You can keep in the ‘fridge if that will make you happier!

Now is the fun part. The fancy flavors. I choose the International Delights creamers most often because they say coffee house on them, and this is Andrea’s Coffee Haus after all.

My two favorites are vanilla latte (of which there is a skinny version) and white chocolate mocha.

Fill cup up the rest of the way to your liking. Stir with a long spoon.

Put the lid on and enjoy.

All this happiness for something like .35 or less a cup.   

Wordless Wednesday

someone started brushing her “te-ssss” recently. 

Never say Never

We all know that Never is a word we should not use in the context of life, motherhood and all things growing up.

Except I am sure we all HAVE said it.

And here is where I insert foot into mouth because I am guilty as charged on the never say never front.

• I swore I would never give my child a nickname. But I did.
• I swore I would never use a list when I went grocery shopping. But I have no choice unless I want to go back to the store 3 more times to get what I forgot.
• I swore I would never change her diaper anywhere besides a designated changing area. But I do. All the time.
• I swore I would never wash my clothes together. But I am lucky to get them into the washer so I can’t mess with the whole division of colors stuff.
• I swore I would never make separate meals for my kids. But if I don’t, she would probably starve 6/7 days a week.
• I swore I would never let her go in public with dirt on her face. But somehow, that dirt just jumps on there when I am not looking.
• I swore I would have all of our boxes unpacked by now. Living in a new house for 3 months still counts as just moving in, right?
• I swore my pictures would be edited/uploaded/shared/printed on a regular basis. I am currently working on the end of June through present. And I discovered I haven’t ordered prints since March. Oops.
• I swore I would never let my child eat anywhere but the kitchen table. But if I don’t let her have snacks during the day, we get back to that not eating thing.

So spill it friends, what do/have you had to insert your foot in your mouth for?

Friday Night Leftovers

• Gianna knows a lot of things that I didn’t realize she knew. If you tell her it’s time for a tubby* she runs to the bathroom, gets in “her” cabinet and puts her bath toys in the tub.  If you ask her to get you something, she will usually get you whatever you asked for, especially if it is a shoe.  She now loves to brush her “tees”.
• Mike and I find that we refer to things in Gianna speak a lot. funny the things parenthood will do to you.
• I have looked about 20x the past week at certain free-lance writing sites but have yet to bid on any jobs. I am scared and I really don’t know the “rules” on how to do this.  I need to grow a pair and just do it.
• My brain is quite literally on hiatus.  Maybe it’s permanent, maybe not, but the forgetful-ness is getting REALLY frustrating.
• I got my new parking pass for school.  I guess that means I need to finish my elective paperwork and think about buying books.  Or not. I still have 3 weeks.  But I do like school shopping. Only there really is nothing that I need…
• I am doing a wall in our house of black frames, white mats and black & white pictures. I like it a lot.
• Speaking of things going on walls, I need to find somewhere to get 8x8 gallery wraps printed.  I have 2 from the person that photographed our maternity session/newborn session and I want 2 more to complete the series.  this is an incredibly hard size to find and it is seriously pissing me off that company I want to use won’t let me because I am not a professional.  I also want a BIG wedding canvas and a BIG metallic print of G’s 1st bday photos. I love BIG BIG prints.
• Vacation. It is creeping up. I am excited and unprepared.
• When did it get to be August?

Visit Danifred to join in the fun!

*yes, tubby. yes, i use stupid “kiddy” words that I swore I never would. yes, it hurts me a little inside and also makes me smile a little.

Wordless Wednesday

 

This picture just makes me smile.

Not Convinced

If you have been reading for awhile, you might know that I used to be in medical school.  And that a little over a year ago I officially withdrew from medical school.

This was a freaking hard decision to make. 

I spent most of my time in school convincing myself that that is where i wanted to be and that I really DID want to be a doctor.

I have spent most of my time after school convincing myself that I do NOT want to be a doctor and that I made the right decision.

I KNOW that I made the right decision, but sometimes, when I talk with my friends or feel really frustrated in my current position (professionally & financially) I think about how right now I should be practicing medicine.  I could have been a pediatrician.  I am afraid that I will be haunted by this decision forever, especially when things get tough in life. 

Then I think about how miserable I was those years.  How frustrated I was.  How I didn’t feel connected to that job.  If I was in that position, I would not get to see my baby (or maybe, I wouldn’t even have her) much, or my husband.  I would probably be just as frustrated with life, just for different reasons.

My current job? Is not at all where I want to be professionally.  I am currently on the hunt for something more.  Something that will allow me to be more involved in medicine, more involved with people, more engaged intellectually and more challenged.  I have considered using a recruiter to help with this but know nothing about how to go about it.  Especially because I have no idea where I want to go with my professional life.  The only positive about where I work, they are very flexible with my schedule which lets me be home more.  My cons list grows daily. 

No one wants to spend their work day hating their job.  If I am going to spend all that time away from my child(ren), I want to feel like I am DOING something.  I want to enjoy it.  I want to feel accomplished. 

::Sigh::

I heard the Kenny Chesney song “Never Wanted Nothing More” on the way home the other night and it made me tear up because I made the decision not to continue in medicine because I was unhappy.  And my current work situation is making me unhappy. But my family? My life in general? It is good.  I need to say these lyrics to myself every morning. Because they are true.

Well I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not
I'm sure happy with what I've got
I live to love and laugh a lot
And thats all I need