My Toddler’s Taken Over My Bed

Gianna has been sleeping in her “big girl” bed since the summer.

Gianna figured out that she could get out of bed herself sometime this fall.

Gianna started actually getting out of bed and either coming upstairs to play or coming into our bed around Christmas.

This past week she has been waking up at 4 or 5am, coming in our room, climbing over me and getting to “her” pillow between Mike and I. Leaving Mike and I with about 10 and 6 inches of bed space, respectively.

Last night she woke up calling for me saying her bed “falled off” – all of her sheets and blankets were on the floor and homegirl was not getting back in that bed.  She ended up in my bed and I think I only had about 3 1/2” of space to sleep. And got a nice little *massage* in the back with Gianna’s ever moving feet. Not only is Gianna a restless sleeper, she is loud! She makes so much noise when she sleeps it actually infuriates me to a certain point.  And she takes up like the ENTIRE bed somehow. I know she’s tall – but damn! She grows to 7’ tall when she is sleeping – I swear!

I have found her on the couch before in the morning – when I asked her what she was doing upstairs by herself, she said “just waiting to use Daddy’s iPad so I can watch a movie”. Oh well, if that’s all…..!

I have NO Idea what is going on with her.  If she’s having bad dreams, needs some extra love or whatever. 

She is very clearly tired – if I thought she was truly ready to be awake at 5am I would figure out a way to suck it up and just get up with her.  But she can hardly keep her eyes open!  Trying to put her in her own bed after a little while ends in screaming and you guys – it is 5am and I am TIRED! I just don’t have the energy to argue with her at that time in the morning, lame excuse? Probably but totally the truth.

She knows she can’t play until the sun wakes up. she knows she can’t come upstairs by herself.  How in the hell do I get her to stay in her own bed until Mommy and Daddy wake up?

Not that I don’t totally dig it when she snuggles up in my arm and pulls my hand across her so she can hold my finger – because really, I will sleep on 3 1/2” of bed for that. Maybe not every single night, but still.

Our queen bed is not big enough for the 3 of us, especially when the smallest one takes up, by FAR the most amount of space.

Help?!

A post in which I vent a little

This is probably going to be totally random, but I just need to get it out there.

Today was the baby shower for one of my best friends, that I threw.  It was a pretty great party (pictures soon!) and I hope that she feels overwhelmed with love and support.

But as I was watching Gianna interact during the “gift opening” – all her “O! That’s so CUTE!” comments and general cuteness over all the “itty bitty tiny things” – my heart began hurting.  I fought back tears at one point (a benefit of having your eye behind the camera)  because I want, with all that I have, for Gianna to be a big sister. To love another child like I love her. 

I don’t like to talk about where we are at with the TTC process very much (especially in public situations), so questions and comments like “how’s the baby making going?” or “when is Gianna going to have a little brother/sister?”, while I KNOW the person isn’t asking to be an asshole (in fact trying to be the opposite, I am sure) or really has any idea of the situation, it still is upsetting.  I generally just say “it’s going” or “someday” in response and leave it at that.  Honest to goodness, I dream of the day when I can say we are adding to our family.

We were supposed to visit our friends who just had a new baby tonight, and while I am sad that I couldn’t make it (Gianna needed to stay home and “sleep in my own bed” after a long day today), I feel like that wasn’t going to be a good place for me to be tonight.  As much as I want to meet the little guy and snuggle him up, I don’t. 

I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be my usual happy self all of the time – but they are what they are.  And I AM generally happy, but sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself and vent on my blog because I can. 

Also, I normally would never wish for CD1, but I just wish it was here so we could get on with this process – waiting sucks. And the hard thing is, there is still that little bit of naive hope that CD1 won’t come around for 10 months. 

Friday Night Leftovers

• I have been so snarky today. Not that I’m not usually snarky, but today was more than normal.
• I share an office with 2 other ladies. By friday every.single thing they do annoys me to no end.  I’m glad it’s the weekend and I don’t have to deal with eye rolls and keyboard pounding.
• My BFF’s baby shower is tomorrow*. That I am throwing with her sister. I’m excited to see her (she lives in FL) and spoil her with a really fun shower.
• Speaking of, thank goodness for MY sister tonight – she saved the day with her cake pop decorating skillz.
• And thank goodness I had some help from another friend last night finishing up the favors and starting on the decorations (we are doing those tissue paper pom poms you see all over pinterest) ((they are really super easy and adorable, just time consuming))
• I am currently babysitting my printer as it prints out some cute “baby wishes” sheets.  My printer usually hates me so I have to sit with it to make sure it behaves.
• Sad that I missed girls night out tonight though, those don’t happen too often but OMG there was just NO way I was making it there.
• Gianna has been a total rock.star lately.  She rocked her preschool visit this week, according to Daddy, and she has just been hilarious and generally well behaved for being almost 3.
• And the hilarity – I have a funny story coming soon about how she now “puts on a show” for all of her dolls.  This girl, she is going to be famous one day!
• This week has been busier than normal (do you believe that?) and I am ready for a break. But that is not likely until two-ish Sundays from now.  Just keep on, keepin’ on – right?
• Has any gone through Six Sigma training? I think I am going to go through green belt training for work and was just wondering what others thought of it.
• I have become really really horrid at keeping up with pictures.  I haven’t edited anything from Christmas or uploaded anything since way before then.  There are tons still on my camera and I just haven’t had the motivation to get through them. Which is a shame because there is some good stuff on there!
• Make sure you tell the host of FNL, Danifred, congrats on her adorable littlest, Blue addition.  He has cheeks to die for.

 

*the idea of a baby shower right now is less than exciting, but it’s for my BFF and I’d do anything for her. And, I just keep telling myself – it’s just a party, and you love planning parties!

Up close and personal with Dr. Wonderful

Tuesday (I guess that would be yesterday) we had our first appt with the RE, we’ll call him Dr. Wonderful* for now.

Unfortunately (but fortunately for me) several of my close friends has been to him and they each RAVED about how great he was.  One of the warned me he talks fast, and that was spot.on.  But it wasn’t talksofastitsannoying so, I can deal.

Anyway -

We went over the book of paperwork we brought in with a resident first – she took our unremarkable medical history and then Dr. Wonderful came in and got right to the point.  Which I like, because I don’t like to mess around.

He went over what we would do first, and then he said the magic words, “we will talk about where to go next”. Not “and then you’ll start X medicine without any further discussion”. Individualized treatment is so key, in my opinion, so it’s refreshing to see that he appears on board with that.

So we got up close and personal in the exam room, he told me I have beautiful ovaries and a tipped uterus. I had blood taken for a genetic screen, got instructions on when to schedule another saline ultrasound and CD3 blood work and a prescription for a zpack. 

Mike got up close and personal with the….uh….sample room.  He said, and I quote, “they put one of those dog pee pad things on a leather chair, how do you think it went?” followed by comments of how he could not touch the 3 playboys or the sharpie to write his name on the container.  And….I can’t say I blame him on that one.

So we are just going through the steps to the next part in this journey.  And while I wish this journey on no one, I am thankful to have such good company.

She Said–the inner tattle tale edition

Gianna stayed with my mom on Saturday while I was in Columbus and Mike was working at a basketball game.

When we were on our way home the following conversation happened:

G: I gotted in trouble at Gwama’s.  I had to go to my room.

Me: What happened that you got in trouble?

G: I just scweamed. And scweamed. I didn’t want my applesauce or chocolate.

Me: So you didn’t want to have any applesauce?

G: Ya. I scweamed at Aunt Coowi and Gwama. But I fowgot to say sowwy.

Me: Do you want me to call grandma so you can say you’re sorry?

G: Ya…..

:: so I called my mom, she told almost the same story, just in better english. Gianna apologized and it was adorable ::

a little later in our ride….

G: I frowed my hot chocolate away. I don’t like it. And my applesauce is waiting in the fridgerator, I didn’t want it. It was blueberry and in a bowl.

Me: Oh….

G: I need to tell Aunt Coowi sowwy for scweamin’

Me: That’s very good that you remember to say sorry, thank you.

G: Yup…..

 

This girl never ceases to amaze me. And it’s good to know she tattles on herself, hopefully she keeps that up in the future

Sunday Random Ramblings

• I haven’t participated in ICLW in awhile, but HI! to my new friends who are visiting from there!
• Check out the about me section for the readers digest version of my life, and ask away if you want to know anything.  You can follow me on Twitter and Facebook too if you just can’t get enough here!
• This weekend I was in Columbus for the Premier Designs rally, this was my 3rd one since becoming a jeweler last year and it was just as great as all the others.  It was made even better because over 1/2 of my “team” of jewelers came with me – we had a really great time and I think they are all inspired to work their businesses to the best of their ability.
• And the new jewelry is pretty fabulous, I can’t wait until mine arrives!
• I’ve had a cold all week/weekend, I am worthless when I’m sick.
• Gianna has been talking since she woke up this morning. I mean that literally, I don’t think she has been silent longer than to take a drink here and there.  It’s awesome to hear her talk and see her imagination at work. But also slightly exhausting.
• I need my eyebrows waxed and my toes done. In a really bad way.
• We signed her up for preschool (for September). Holy shit. How is she old enough for that?
• So I decided to check on my traffic sources stats today – I am a little disturbed.  I got 45 hits from “potty poop 2011” and 9/10 of the keyword searches that landed people here had to do with the potty, pooping or peeing. What the heck? My kid is not even potty trained, this could possibly be a sign that she SHOULD be, but I still find it to be weird that of all the things I talk about on my blog – THIS is what has landed people here…..
• Our appt with the RE and Mike’s SA are both Tuesday. I filled out the paperwork and am officially freaked out about the insurance situation, but I am trying not to worry about that until someone gives me a reason to.
• Stay tuned this week for a pretty hilarious She Said post. Gianna is full of the hilarious lately.
• Happy lazy Sunday!

A very necessary weekend

Things have been a little crazy and emotional in these parts, but busy, of course.

Mike went to Philadelphia for a lacrosse conference, so it was just going to be me and miss G – I was pretty excited to have some one on one time with my girl and we had fun plans.

Friday Gianna stayed with my mom and I picked her up after my jewelry show (which was really nice, laid back and some good girl time for me!).

Saturday my sisters and I took Gianna ‘punzel to see the Princesses on Ice.

She was in heaven.

And it was really cute.  Also, I totally cry at everything and seeing her joy during the show, total tears!

She got a stuffed Pascal and was the happiest camper.

We had lunch at the cheesecake factory then I dropped the little miss off at my mom’s while my sister and I got some shopping done for an upcoming baby shower.

Our evening was pretty lazy, just like I hoped it would be!

Today we hung out in the morning (our play date got cancelled due to some sick kiddos, so that was sad), Gianna played a lot and I talked to my mom for almost an hour.

Once we decided to get moving, we did some retail therapy at Kohl’s and Target, had a nice lunch and Gianna took a long nap.

I was super productive during nap time (I’m not even exaggerating!) so that was a plus. Especially since I had to go pick Mike up at the airport later.

Except that Mike surprised me by catching an earlier flight home. His surprise included roses and vodka – even better! (pink lemonade vodka, is very tasty).

We are hanging out, playing dress up, watching football and eating some pizza.

And smiling, laughing and trying to forget the stress of last week and the uncertainty of tomorrow’s appointment.

And the best part about this weekend? It’s not over until Tuesday!

Wordless Wednesday

We have had 1 real snow fall so far this winter.

And this girl was VERY Excited to make Frosty!

Observant Driver

Do you ever watch the drivers around you?

I have a 30 mile commute each way to work, mostly highway, which  makes for some good people watching. Or ridiculous road rage. Depending on the stretch of highway I am on.

I see the same basic drivers each day:

Multitasking Drivers: eating, drinking coffee, putting on makeup et cetera et cetera at the same time.  This is me, on occasion.  I have actually changed my clothes while driving. And eaten a bowl of oatmeal. But not at the same time.

Texty Drivers: Easily identified by their slouched posture, swerving and general disregard for the drivers around them. (texting and driving = danger danger DANGER!)

Hands-Free Talk and Drivers: These individuals use giant hand motions in conversation and it is hard to decipher if they are busting a move or wildly engaged in stock trading.

Oblivious Drivers: you know them because they are dancing like no ones watching, picking their nose, popping a zit, sometimes both at the same time, and think they are Oz or invisible or something. WE SEE YOU!

Traffic Rule Obeying Drivers: They are the ones who have a whole line of traffic on their ass because they REFUSE to get out of the fast lane but also REFUSE to go more than 5 miles over the speed limit.  They are the ones that typically cause me to all road-ragey.

I Rule the Road Drivers: They don’t use turn signals, typically have one brake light out and believe their vehicle can fit in small spaces and that everyone else is hoping for an early morning exercise in brake usage.

My commute is typically uneventful aside from the observance of the aforementioned drivers.  I do a lot of things on my drive though – make any phone calls I need to make, think of awesome blog posts/brilliant ideas/shit I have to get done and promptly forget them all by the time I get somewhere I can write them down.  I try to make use of that time – sometimes I sing and dance, sometimes I pray, sometimes I call people or just flip through radio stations incessantly and sometimes I just enjoy the quiet.

What kind of driver are you? I hope you’re anything but the texty driver – I always want to yell at them GET OFF THE PHONE and drive.

What do you call it?

The technical definition of Infertility is one year of attempting to become pregnant without success. So what is it called when you are where I am? Subfertility? Secondary uterine-backlash?

I have had 7 cycles since my Mirena was taken out. with 2 early miscarriages. Lots of tears. Lots of anger and frustration.

And I feel alone.

And like the only person who can’t successfully conceive and carry a child.

When I say that nearly EVERYONE we are close with is pregnant/just gave birth, that is not an exaggeration.  And when I say I have all but lost the ability to express my excitement for them, that is not an exaggeration either. It makes me feel like a terrible friend, but honestly, the sadness and frustration are overwhelming and grow with each "announcement" I hear.  Of course, I AM happy for them - it's fantastic.  But it makes me feel even more broken and alone because 90% or more of them were not trying to get pregnant. That is the part that feels unfair.  The most recent "announcement" was supposed to be over dinner with our friends, which we couldn't make.  God knew that I would not be able to handle that in person, I think.  When my husband told me his best friend and his wife are pregnant with twins (their second natural twin pregnancy) I lost it. i would have never been able to stay composed had they told me, and they will never understand (thankfully) what Mike and I have been going through.

I think I needed to cry like that, because I really hadn't yet.

I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Yes, We have one beautiful child who we love more than words. But this family is far from complete.

We have an appointment with our ob/gyn on the 16th – I set it up after my last ultrasound “just in case”, hoping I would be able to turn it into a pregnancy appointment.

In the back of mind mind, I figured we would be here though, trying to figure out the next step in this journey.

Except I don’t really know WHAT this step is.

We had the RPL panel. Normal.  We had the saline ultrasound. Normal. I've been temping - my cycles are a little wacky, but my LP is a predictable 12 days no matter what day I O.

So what IS the next step in this road?  I have been toying with cancelling the appointment because I feel it might be pointless.  But I know that if I don’t go, I’ll continue to be frustrated and feeling like I am running in place.

We, like most people, do not have infertility coverage. So I really don’t know what happens now. I know they can “code around” to a certain extent, but still, it all makes me a little nervous.

I like to have a game plan, I don’t want to walk in to the appointment with a blank look on my face, because I am not sure where that is going to get me.

If you have been here before, what is your story? What did you do next?

Any and all advice is welcome.

Friday Night Leftovers

• This has been a freaking long week.
• I am sitting on my couch, “snugged up” in a blanket, drinking wine, eating a margarita pizza and watching the DVR.
• And I plan on having at least one more glass of said wine. Because I can. Because my uterus, it hates me.
• More on the above in a separate post.
• I scheduled the Traverse for its first oil change. And I went over 5,000 miles today. I have had the car since Mid October!
• This has been the week of passive aggressive insanity.  At work. Through emails. Through text messages. Super fun. Or not.
• Mike took down the baby gate yesterday. It was the last “baby” thing we had in our house. A little bittersweet. Or a lot.
• One night this week, we all sat in our bed – Gianna in her rapunzel dress – and listened to music, sang along and laughed a lot. Nothing else mattered and the love was overflowing. I think that memory will be permanent.  Or at least I hope it is.
• A house in our neighborhood caught fire last night.  That was a REALLY scary thing to witness but everyone was ok. The house, not so much.
• I am the planner in 99,99% of the relationships I have – usually, it’s not a problem but sometimes, I just don’t want to be responsible for deciding, planning, executing all the time.
• It snowed at the beginning of this week and it was 50 today. Ohio weather is so weird.
• Next weekend we are taking Gianna to see Disney Princesses on Ice.  She is going to lose her shit.
• Mike is just an awesome husband and dad. He had our house spotless several days this week, dinner on the table. And has put up with my ridiculous moodiness.  He really is just awesome.

Wordless Wednesday

2012, bring.it.on.

Germies be gone with “The Germinator” {review}

Lately it seems that  many of the small people in the lives of my tweeps have been constantly sick.  Almost making me think that germs can be spread via tweet.

But that is just ridiculous.

We are lucky that the germies have pretty much steered clear of our house with the exception of the occasional sniffle, but that doesn’t stop us from going on the defensive.

BabyGanics, the makers of “The Germinator” make a FABULOUS Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer that is effective against 99.9% of germs.

We keep it in our upstairs bathroom for easy access since most diaper changes (I seriously can’t believe we are still changing diapers at almost 3 years old with no end in sight. But I digress) happen up there.  And it’s easy for Gianna to get to before meal times. 

It smells good (Tangerine!) (also available unscented), is not chemical-y like some other hand sanitizers, doesn’t leave your skin feeling slime-y and best of all, it does not burn.  Especially important for those of us with super extreme dry skin, like me.  There is NOTHING worse than “accidentally” discovering a paper cut or chapped skin with alcohol-based hand sanitizer.

BabyGanics “The Germinator” Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer retails for $6.99 (250ml) and can be purchased online or at Babies R Us, Bed Bath & Beyond (don’t forget your 20% off coupon!) and Buy Buy Baby.

I know we’ll be keeping “The Germinator” around so we can keep the germies away this cold and flu season! 

<--- happy to not have sick people living in my house!

**Disclaimer: BabyGanics’ “The Germinator” Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer was provided for my review.  All opinions are 100% my own. Pictures are mine too. Cheesy smile and all.**