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Monday, June 8, 2009

the grand canyon of friendship

This weekend was as emotional as it was fun. It's hard for me to see (and admit!) that my little sister is growing up but I am so proud of her at the same time. We had a huge party, as typical for our family, yesterday for her and to celebrate my other sister's wedding.

It was so nice to see our family and friends all in one place. and we had a gorgeous day for it. I promise to post some more pictures of this soon.

The real emotion I want to talk about is one that I was not at all expecting to feel this weekend. It's one that I am not sure what to call it. Maybe distant would be a good place to start.

Some of my best friends in the world are also my oldest friends. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have them in my life. We are all in completly different places in our lives [married w/ child, recently married, soon to be married & single mom], we have been for some time now and it hasn't made much of a difference (at least not to me?) until recently.
I fully believe that you surround yourself in life with people you relate the best to, whether you realize it or not, it happens. It doesn't mean you are shutting anyone else out, it just means you have more in common with someone else for the moment.
When I got engaged and married, my husband and I tended to spend time with our other [soon-to-be] married friends but we still partied hard with our usual group and were always entertaining. We valued our alone time as much as our together time. My closest friends were not married - one of them actually had a little girl who we loved to spend time with - but we spent lots of time together sans husband and I felt like we were still really close.
When I got pregnant, I got tired. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything except sleep. But, I did my best to get out of the house and spend time with friends b/c I knew soon I would have a little one in tow. I am sure I didn't do a very good job at this, but I also needed to spend time with my husband as it would never again be just the two of us, so I did my best. I also had a few close friends that were pregnant, so we tended to sit on the couch together! This is probably when the distance started that I never really noticed, I chalked it up to life.
Now that this awesome little person is here, I want to spend time with my friends who have equally awesome little ones, because I relate to them more and I really enjoy spending time wiht other moms. I want to spend time with my family and other families because I feel comfortable doing that and so does my husband. Don't get me wrong, I still want to spend time with the nearest and dearest, but I understand that not everyone wants to hang out with me and an 8week old. [Here is where the big gap comes in that I just fell into yesterday] I am no longer in a place in my life where I want to go out and drink with friends to get wasted -iinstead I want to have a cook out, have a few beers on the patio while my baby plays in the grass and hang out. Once in a while a night out with the girls is clearly in order, but I haven't had that opportunity yet.
I have said it before, I am now the un-fun friend. But I am at peace with this. I don't have the time, the money or the energy to go out of town on the weekends, to be out past 10pm because I have to be up by 6am, to be away from my family all day when it is rare that the 3 of us are in the same room awake. So call me lame, call me a bad friend for not dropping my new life to go have a beer with you, but i'll call myself a new mom, a wife and your friend who is working it all out with this little peanut in the mix......

hopefully you'll stick around friends, because we'll miss you if this gap gets any wider.

9 comments:

Tricia said...

I totally agree with everything you say here. It is so hard to balance everything sometimes. A true friendship can withstand those things though. Good luck, I hope everything works out!

renee said...

you know i understand this. we were the first to get married and have kids. and we felt like you guys didnt get it when we didnt want to drive an hour to your house, find a babysitter and go drinking at a party or club. it felt like we were ignoring you guys, but really we just had different priorities and as much as we missed the parties, it meant so much more to be with maria. you have to do what is right for your family. and i'm glad you are at peace with your new found homebody. i happen to adore mine. lol.

Kara said...

When people say having kids changes your life.. you never really understand it until you are in that situation.. when I got pregnat with Kohen at 19 I felt so different than everyone else.. I couldn't just jump up and go hang out.. I had to worry about who was going to watch my kids.. the next day.. etc.. just like you expressed. Once you become a mom you kind of join a different circle. You can still keep your old friends but it's nice to have people in your life that totally and completely understand what you are going through.. Family comes first. no matter what. just think..we will have all the time in the world to party when they graduate high school LoL. Love you hun! hopefully we can get the kiddos together again soon!

Mel said...

I have a tremendously similar set up with my friends... it is amazing how different a pace everyone grows up at. And I think that's just the way life is supposed to be. You live in seasons and your friends ebb and flow throughout. I personally love the new life era of meeting up with mommy friends for playdates and being able to take my little girl with me wherever I go!

aunt jacqui said...

Do dogs count as kids?

Kim said...

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to go out partying. I haven't wanted to for years now and I don't even have a child and full time job!! It is just a matter of priorities ( and in my case, just being plain tired!) Don't stress! You have the best little friend you could have 24/7!

Tricia said...

Jacqui... they absolutely count :-)

Stacey said...

ANDI! I love u still I promise..and I still think ur fun :) You are a wonderful mommy, a great wife to Mike, and still an amazing friend to me! Wish we lived closer! Miss u all the time! Love ya! Keep smiling!

aunt jacqui said...

your still fun, see we all went out as one little happy family yesterday!! And as for being a homebody I do believe I am harder to get out of the house than you are!! lol