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Sunday, June 28, 2009

fun house mirror

I have been having a VERY hard time with this whole "post baby body".
I can not wrap my head around the way I look. I feel like I am looking in one of those fun house mirrors every day. You know, the ones that make you have a big ass and a fat face? Except it's a real mirror. And my real body at the moment.
I can not and will not accept this version of myself.

I was a little bit naive about the whole pregnancy weight thing -- I knew when the weight was going on that it would have to come off and I kept telling myself that I would work on it and it would be no big deal. But it is a VERY big deal. Much bigger than I thought it would be. When I look in the mirror I don't feel like I am looking at myself - I am used to the pre-baby version of myself and the pregnant version of myself - not this deflated version.

Also, there is a problem with clothes.
None of my pre-baby clothes fit. [they scream at me for even looking at them]
None of my maternity clothes fit (and I would not be caught dead wearing them now anyway)
I don't want to go buy "new" clothes and nothing seems to look right. I used to be able to just pick up what I wanted off the rack, not have to try it on and know it would look good. Not so much currently. How do you disguise hips that are 3x wider and a pizza-dough stomach? I am just thankful I can wear scrubs to work and that I have a good collection of dresses.....

I have had plenty of people tell me I look good for "just having a baby". Thanks, but I really hate that comment to be honest. I want someone to tell me that I look good. period. Besides my husband, who insists that I look fabulous. I love him. The truth is, it really doesn't matter who says what, until I can see what I want to in the mirror I won't be a happy camper.
In my own defense, I am losing weight, slowly. 17lbs to go. I am still running [that 5k isn't going to run itself!] and working on toning/strength training and anything that will get my thighs to stop touching [almost there!].

Would much prefer to be the hare in this race....

8 comments:

Mama Reg said...

oh girl...

i FEEL YOU on this one!!

isnt weird how everyone tells you, but you dont really REALIZE it til it happens?!

my mom was always like your body just wont be "the same" and i was like how?? but now...boobs are different. stomach is different. hips are different. and yes, clothes fit so different!!

i mean i dont know if its "bad", just different. but if i can give you any comfort, you WILL be back in the pre-baby clothes i promise!! it took me 10 mos :) i felt like that was long, but i can say if you make the effort (which you are!!) your body eventually says "uncle" and you will start to feel like your hot self again, slowly but surely!!

LOVE this blog, and your point of view on mommyhood :)

Tricia said...

I am so sorry that things are hard for you! I can only imagine what it's like to not feel like yourself... Oh wait, I do everyday (hence the reason I'm trying to lose weight). But, if you stick to it, I have seen it happen for people. And plus, look at what you got... a beautiful baby girl!

alicia said...

sorry!!! it sounds like you are doing things right to get the weight to go, so I am crossing my fingers for you that you will be there soon!

Mel said...

Keep with your program, I promise it gets better. L is just about to turn 4 months and I have been running 3-4 miles almost every day for about 6 weeks now. I have really cut back on calories and been extra careful to one have snack foods on rare occasions. The weird flab is going away and the stretchmarks are getting lighter!!! I have finally lost the baby weight, but still have about 15 lbs to get back to a happy place. It's a slow and steady race, it really is, but one worth continuing.
:)

Julie said...

Happened across your blog - ditto pretty much (and I'm in the same 'no clothes' position) I'm trying to be patient and give it a few more months, but yeah will drive you crazy. (esp hearing the "but you just had a baby")

Danifred said...

I HATE hearing "you look good... for just having a baby." It's such a loaded comment!
Hang in there, the weight will come off (and then you'll be ready to do it all over again ;)

Kara said...

Everyone yells at me when I say I feel gross.. okay I had 3 kids! I have always been naturally thin.. so it is disheartening to me when I can't fit into my clothes..after my first two I was back into my PPC a couple months later.. I have just now accepted the fact the I have hips now and will never be a size 3 again (which is fine) but it's still hard to find confidence in yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror and it looks TOTALLY different than last year. but You are on the right track! don't give up! it just takes time

Trish said...

I had the exact same problem after my first child. I guess I just thought the pounds would melt off. And then there was that problem of finding the time and energy to work out. It was hard enough to leave her to go to work. I didn't want to spend another hour/day away.

Good luck with your training!