so you wanna have a baby?

Or the beginning of my birth story...
I am sure you remember how freaking miserable I was - swollen, miserable, can i have a baby yesterday PAH-LEAZEEE.
What I may have left out that 10th month is that my blood pressure was slightly bipolar, always going up and down then way up again. It caused even more swelling. Finally that last week, it was higher and higher. My feet were bigger than ever [picture a rubber glove filled with water] and I could barely wear my flip flops!
Anywho - at my last doctor's appointment on good friday, after I had finished work, picking up my sister & getting my eyebrows waxed [um, because I couldn't continue on without doing this], the doctor FINALLY decided that maybe I had gestational hypertension.
And yes in fact, you should have your baby. TODAY. Oh, and your cervix is so ready.
I could have kissed her.
Instead I cried.
We made my reservation at the hospital, called the husband.
Went home to SHOWER and EAT [i had to get my eyebrows waxed remember?] then we left

We called everyone who needed called.
We got to the hospital at 3.
Checked in.
Filled out lots of paperwork.

At about 5p we started the induction.
BUT I had been contracting and dilating on my own. score.
Next up: Pitocin & Foley bulb.
The Pit - really it wasn't that bad, not for me. I mean ya, the contractions hurt but they were tolerable. The foley bulb - exactly what it sounds like. A big balloon shoved up in my cervix filled with saline. To "aid in dilation". it worked.
Then they broke my water when I was at 4cm.
Um. It was gross. and warm. Kinda like I could not stop peeing, but I wasn't. And it would gush. Ohhh joy. I attempted to walk after this - I made it one lap and I couldn't handle the leakage.
I didn't need the drugs yet but I didn't want to chance it. I knew they were going to increase that pitocin and um ouchy....

I bet you can't guess what happened next.....

tweet tweet

yaaa i decided to check what all the comotion was about and join twitter.

i still haven't really figured it out - but follow me! I look like a loser right now b/c I don't have any followers ;)

BF v. FF: the great debate

so i have been having this internal debate which really is irrelevant but I feel like I need to discuss....

when I first got pregnant I was totally undecided on breast feeding v. formula feeding. I hadn't given it much thought in the past and really wasn't ready to give it much thought at the moment.
As I got further along and more people started to ask me how I would be feeding my child - I figured I should consider this topic and make a decision.

I considered many things: the horror stories I heard from one too many breast feeding moms*, the pain I anticipated but cracked nipples/thrush/mastitis were not things I wanted to encounter, and the biggie - I get migraines. often. the kind that make me curl into a ball in a dark quiet room and rock myself to sleep. I take medicine for these everyday [before I got pregnant] that does not mix w/ breast feeding. If I was down for the count w/ a migraine I wasn't going to be able to feed my baby anyway right?
So that is how I came to my decision to formula feed from the beginning - I wanted to be able to care for my child no matter what and if I am sick in bed how could I do that?

Well here's the thing - I need to restart said medication but I need to do it slowly and under the care of a doctor. Who I haven't seen yet. So I am not taking anything currently and really could have tried breast feeding.

This is where the guilt comes in. I feel like maybe, in some way, I have cheated my little one out of something. Especially when I hear other women talk about it - which in turn enhances that bit of guilt I feel on my own. I know she is getting what she needs - she is growing well and she certainly isn't starving. and she sleeps 6h at a time during the night. But there is still that little part of me that wonders if we are both missing something. I do feel very bonded and close to her and am thankful that her daddy can help out so much.

so, maybe next time I will try it.
but I do know that my little one is doing pretty well with the formula. we are still working on the perfect bottle for her and the doctor told me this week she is a petite eater but still gaining weight.

*i heard good things too - but they definitely didn't stand out in my mind as much as the notsogood things

my husband rocks friday

so we are getting used to parenthood around here.
he is amazing at being a dad. more amazing than he realizes I think.

but that isn't what I want to talk about.
this week he bought me my favorite strawberry banana milkshake on the way home [i spilled the entire thing on the floor...but that is another story all together....] AND he forced me to get out of the house for a little while alone while he watched G. It was incredibly sweet.

Also - Katy Lin mentioned this cool blog about romance on a budget. One thing that I love doing - romantic or not - is just laying together in bed at night, no tv, just us, talking about our day/week/whatever we feel like. It is perfect to me. And free.

taken with a grain of salt

during pregnancy you hear all about others experiences with motherhood. and if you are like me, you ignore 99% of what people tell you.....

but i have found some things to be true[or not!]:

you really do wake up at the tiniest noise that peanut makes in her crib across the hall. My hearing at night (and I guess all day) is on super sensitive. Mike hardly ever hears her....but he does get up when I wake him.

When they say to sleep when the baby sleeps - I should probably learn to take that advice. But I can't - I have too much to do.... and then she doesn't want to sleep anymore. for the rest of the day.

I personally can't tell her cries from each other - but I do know when she is just being fussy rather than hungry/tired/dirty. She also has a special cry for when her belly is upset - it sounds like when you step on a cat's tail.... very pitiful.

she gets a pacifier. or a binky as we call it. she likes to suck - what can i say? (and no she is not still hungry - i swear) I try to take it from her in her sleep but dang the suction!

I talk to her - about whatever comes to mind. I feel like a dork, since she just lovingly stares at me.... i would love to know what she is thinking at those times!

Her swing -that must have baby item - she hates. I hope she learns to love it soon - being held/laying on her bobby can not be the most entertaining things in the world - or maybe they are!

Her car seat - she loves. Thank you god!

I want my pants back. I am tired of wearing things with an elastic waist. I know it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet but still! I have places to go - people to see!

overall, the past week and a half of being a mom has been good. I wouldn't say fun, but it has definitely had it's moments!
eventually I will post her birth story as requested.....

new mommy Q&A

so i did this post while I was pregnant. It's time to do another one on being a new mommy....

Q: so, how was the l&d?
A: I pushed out an 8lb 9oz kid who was 23" long... how lovely do you think it was?*

Q: did you tear/have an episiotomoy?
A: why are you so interested in the goings on of my vagina? again - refer to size of child and tell me the answer to this question.....

Q: are you nursing?
A: yup. with a bottle. and formula.

Q: so, how do you like being a mom?
A: I love it. It's different than I expected - but then again, I am not sure what I expected. I do not love waking up at night (love sleep.) and washing bottles for what seems like all day. oh well.

Q: how many more kids do you want?
A: our daughter is 10d old. can we get used to her first?**

Q: does your husband help you?

A: he helped get her here, he better help take care of her!

*it really wasn't that bad to be totally honest....

** we actually want 3 more... but not thinking about that for a while.

pregnancy top 5..or 6...

we got some exciting news from our very close friends - they are expecting - however unexpectedly. I remember when I first got pregnant, despite our months of trying, I was just as scared as I was excited. Um, I'd never done this before - I didn't know what to expect!
Throughout the next 9 months, we all know how much I did not enjoy my pregnancy. Despite my discomfort and general dislike of pregnancy itself - there are a few things that we did to make those 9 months more enjoyable.

1. We took pictures every week to document my changing figure. I look back on them and am so glad to see that transformation. It is also motivation to get back to my "old" self.
2. We did as much as we possibly could together - grocery store, random little errands etc. We didn't get to take a "babymoon" but we tried to spend as much time together doing something or nothing.
3. We had professional maternity pictures taken. Best money spent.
4. My husband. He definatly made my pregnancy more enjoyable by just being himself & loving me and my changing self.
5. Sleep. I slept when I could as much as I could. I know it sounds really silly - but it helped me feel better and gave me as much energy as I possibly could. A rested Andrea = happy Andrea.
6. I wrote to her - and continue to write to her - in a journal that I will give her one day. I started it the day I found out I was pregnant and just wrote whenever I felt like it, about how I was feeling, our hopes and dreams for her and about the big events that happened before she got here. I hope she will cherish this once she gets older as much as I do.

There is so much that happens during pregnancy - physically, emotionally and otherwise - that it can be (and was) slightly overwhelming for different reasons as the time goes on. I was thankful to be able to share my pregnancy with one of my closest friends and that made the "stupid" questions seem less stupid!

So really, there aren't any stupid questions or silly concerns, it all just takes some getting used to and then it's over! No matter what I read or watched or listened to - I could have never been totally prepared & I am sure next time I will have a whole new set of things to question - but now that this one is over, I can say that it may not have been the most fun 9 months of my life but it was worth every second.

my husband rocks

he is the best daddy ever.

a letter to my daughter: part 2

Dear Gianna,

You have finally made it into this world, and it was the most amazing, surreal experience I have ever had.
All that I was afraid of and worried about - none of it mattered once they told me you would be here soon. I focused on you - seeing your face, hands, feet. We had some scary times waiting on you - but you are a strong girl and pulled through perfectly [and the nurses/doctors were incredible]
Your dad, aunts and grandma were the best coaches I could have asked for and being able to experience such an important, incredible thing with all of them is something that I will never forget.

Your dad was perfect. I fell in love with him a thousand times over that day, and everyday since you have been here. He loves you so much that you can feel it and see it all over his face. It is amazing that the two of us, through our love and commitment to each other, have created you - our perfect, beautiful daughter.

You have been surrounded by people who love you since before you were brought into this world. So many visitors have come to meet you - and love you - you have been the center of everyone's attention. It amazes me how much one little life can touch so many people.

You are very much the biggest part of our life, the biggest blessing we could have asked for. There are a million things we are anxious to experience with you - but for right now we are enjoying every second because we know you will be grown up soon enough.
You have so much to look forward to in life.

Love you so very much,
Mom

Gianna Marie

Gianna marie born april 11th 2009 at 8:27 a.m. she is 8lb 9oz and is 23 inches long . With a beautiful head of hair . Gianna and Andrea are both doing Very well.

baby g

Sooo earlier today we were at the OB for my weekly check.
Some things were off with my blood pressure being high, protein in the urine and ridic swelling in the legs - to the point of nonrecognition....

And now we are at the hospital. Being induced. Things are going well so far - we're at 3cm and not doing too bad on the oain scale yet...

Stay tuned!

a letter to my daughter

Dear G:

My letters to you started out 'dear baby', then 'dear baby girl' and now you have a name that we love and call you by every day.
You aren't here yet but you have already given us so much joy and happiness it is amazing. I wil never forget the day we found out you were growing in there - after months of trying we finally succeeded in creating a life. Your life.
Your dad and I can not wait for you to arrive so we can see that little dancer who is always making my stomach move so much, and to tickle those little feet that are always trying to stretch out.
We can't wait to see how blue your eyes will be, who's nose and lips you have, if you will lots of hair like I think you do, how long you are (I think you are very tall like your dad) and everything else about you.
So many other people besides your dad and I are anxiously awaiting your arrival - your grandma and grandpa miller, your aunts (and uncle), your other grandparents & family members and all of your "aunts and uncles" that are mom and dad's friends. You are going to have so many people to spoil you rotten and to love you forever.
We have everything ready for you - a beautiful room for you to sleep in, a safe car seat to take you places, a nice stroller to show you off around town and at the park and a wardrobe that any other baby would be jealous of - not to mention your growing shoe collection.
I am sure one day I will miss you being on the inside, protected and safe, where I can read to you easily and dad can share his favorite music with you.
There are a million things we can't wait to teach you, to show you, to learn from you. So many things that I can't put them all on paper.
But we love you. We can't wait to meet you.

See you soon!
Love
Mom