Monday, September 26, 2011

I need your thoughts

Have you heard that we have been trying to add to our family? Probably, huh?

We thought we accomplished that goal this past week.

I felt like I was pregnant. The daily pregnancy tests were looking good. I was nervous after last month, but felt okay about the situation. I waited a week to call the doctor, even. We decided to tell our families on Saturday, because we STINK at keeping secrets.

And on Saturday afternoon, the spotting started. Followed by bleeding.

Confirmed Sunday as another early miscarriage.

I really don’t know what to think.  I am frustrated. And mad. And sad. And confused.

My initial thought is to make an appointment with my doctor to just talk things out.  But then I think, what is that going to accomplish?  At my annual, which was 2 weeks after the last miscarriage, this was how the conversation went with the midwife I usually see:

MW: “are you trying to get pregnant?”

Me: “yes…we actually had what seemed to be a chemical pregnancy this past month….”

MW: “oh, well, that happens sometimes”

Me: “um…..”

MW: “so, let me stick my hands in your vagina real quick so we can move on.”  “okay, all done, It took you awhile to get pregnant last time, right?”

Me: “9 months”

MW: “okay,well I bet you get pregnant when you are all relaxed on that fabulous vacation you have coming up”

Me: “right….”

I left feeling a little annoyed.  I know it’s not the biggest deal in the world, but it was the biggest deal in MY world.

What am I even going to say or ask when I go in this time?  “So it appears that I can get pregnant, however my uterus is revolting – can you help make it a happier place?”

We have been at this for 5 cycles since having my Mirena removed, which I know isn’t an exceptional period of time.  I don’t chart using BBT – but I do chart CM changes, use OPK’s and PreSeed.  I am feeling pretty helpless and that stinks.

Any advice on what to bring up at this WTF? appointment?



Delenn said...

I am so sorry about your loss.

Have you talked with a fertility specialist? I would think that perhaps a different opinion is warranted...I def would not want to have that type of consult again!

Anonymous said...

If your OB is not a "fertility" expert, then her ridiculous vacation comment makes sense. Perhaps it's time to seek out an RE. They say trying over a year constitutes a specialist and 9 months pre-G plus 5 months now equals more than a year....

alison said...

I don't know that you necessarily need to jump to an RE... yet. My OB helped me get pg once we figured out what the issue was (never ovulating). But it might be time to get a second opinion - maybe another MW or OB in that practice? Poo-pooing your feelings isn't right, and at the very least she needs to understand that 2 cycles of this is making you very uneasy.

Sending you big loves and hugs.

Kristina said...

I have found that sometimes doctors wait for me to say "please listen to me, because I think it's important."At which point said doctor either sits down and listens politely or loses a patient (usually the former-I've only ever fired one doctor). Remember that she's only human. She only knows about you what you tell her. I say be assertive and push a little. Good luck!

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry for your losses. Your midwife was very callous...I'm sorry for that as well.

I agree with Alison. I wouldn't seek out an RE just yet. Since you're doing all you can before hand, I'd ask to have your progesterone checked after you get your next positive test. Maybe beta tests as well.

Also, if you have another early loss they really should do a RPL panel.

AwkwardMoments said...

I wrote a long response and blogger ate it- maybe these one will make the cut ;)

If you want to stick with your MW I suggest another meeting with her asking her to help set a plan/timeline to help you obtain pregnancy. If there needs to be test or labs - ask for her to help with a plan that you and she is comfortable with. you deserve more professional respect from her.

miscarriages suck

you could always look for a second, third, fourth opinion til you feel comfortable.

blessings to you. i am very sorry for your loss.

Danifred said...

No. She. Did. NOT. Tell. You. To. Just. Relax.
Since you asked, I will not count this as assvice... get a second opinion. You may have a short luteal phase which is not sustaining your pregnancies and no amount of "relaxing" can fix that.

Anonymous said...

Andrea - Hi! I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if this would apply to you or not but I just wanted to let you know what my doctor told me. I had a miscarriage before I had Sofia. I was about 6 to 7 weeks along when it happened. When I went to see the doctor he told me that it's nothing that I did to cause what happened it was just natures way of telling us that something was wrong but what he did tell me which I thought you should know is that I needed to wait 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. Hope this helps a little. Wishing you the best in getting pregnant soon again!

Photogrl said...

I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this again.

As someone who has had many losses in between Miss O. and the twins, I understand the feeling all too well. ((HUGS))

I think you should make an appointment and at least talk with your doc. Bring up the two PG losses and ask about having your progesterone tested after ovulation to see if it's low. If she's not willing to work with you a little, then it might be time to see someone else.

It sucks to be in this place. ((HUGS))

Rotten said...

I agree with everyone else. Definitely get another opinion. My OB was great through both miscarriages and both full term pregnancies. Not only do you want someone who can help you through this by finding answers for you or giving you some viable options, but when you get pregnant again, you want someone who is understanding of your past and thus on top of your pregnancy 100%.
I never got answers, but I chose to go through both MC's naturally thus not having anything to test. Not an easy choice, but I was OK with it. Sometimes it really is just your body dealing with something that is wrong. Sometimes though, it is so much more fixable and something that can be treated and that is enough to get another opinion.
Big hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

I would go to a fertility specialist, they can run a blood panel that might get you some answers. Off the top of my head, taking a baby asprin each day can help with any blood clotting factors and won't hurt anything if you don't need them. Clotting disorders can cause problems with implantaion and establishing an umbilical cord, which have been linked to early miscarriage. You can also ask a fertility specialist about progesterone supplements to take after you gpregnant. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry Andrea. For what it's worth, I think If you go to your doctor its worth bringing up concern about the potential for recurrent miscarriage. I know they say 3 is the threshold, but if you're at 2 and concerned I think it's worth mentioning.

Also, an aside, for L I stopped using the preseed and instead took Evening Primrose oil and it had a drastic impact on my CM. My issues are ovulation and LP related so I struggled with that and it worked.

Thinking of you and praying for you guys!!!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

I'm kind of pissed about the "relax" a former Infertile. That's ridiculous.

I don't think you need to jump to an RE either, but keep it in mind. I do like the idea of getting a second opinion...they could at least do some testing during your next cycle to make sure that everything is as it should be, chemically.

So sorry it didn't work for you this time...I don't know the feelings that come along with a miscarriage, just the feelings that come along with not being able to get pregnant. I'm so sorry...