Carter

Sunday night, i was finishing up a project for school and my phone rings.... it is my good friend Kara, we don't talk too often, but I didn't answer the phone (i am not a phone talker), i would just call her later when i wasn't busy.

she leaves a message

my phone beeps, so i listen to the message expecting to hear her upbeat voice.... instead it's her sister on the other end telling me that her 15mo old son had passed away the day before from complications d/t choking on a cashew and that Kara really wants to hear from me when i got a chance to call.

i sat on my couch for a few minutes stunned, and then crying - Mike didn't know what was going on because I couldn't say anything. finally i told him what happened. we both just sat there. [over the past few days we had actively tried to get pregnant, so this hit me in a whole new spot]

kara and i have been friends since we were 9 years old, it is hard to imagine knowing someone that long sometimes but she is a wonderful mother and a chef and a wife and has really come through a lot in life to get where she is today.

i called her today, i was scared, what would i say? we both cried for a minute and then she wanted to tell me what happened to Carter, and I let her tell her story. I had to hold it together. She kept telling me how sorry she was for not calling when he was in the hospital (i reassured her that it was not her fault) and that we don't get to see each other very often, but life gets in the way. Most of our conversation she kept questioning why this had to happen, and all I said was no one will ever know. I told her that she would make it and that I loved her, and found out when the funeral was.

Thursday is going to be one of the hardest days of my life.