Saturday, January 19, 2013

Staying in the Zone

In case no one has informed you, being married can be hard work. Keeping someone else as your priority is hard.  Especially when you have 1 (almost 2) little someone-else’s who depend on both of you.

Mike and I (and probably most married people) go through peeks and valleys, we are totally in sync for awhile and then we let life take over and get out of sync.  Right now? we are hovering somewhere in between leaving toward the out of sync side.

I am about 90% certain that has to do with the whole, the baby will be here soon and we have to get things ready for her, scenario.  And that I am totally mentally exhausted by the time I get home from work.  the other 10% has to do with some other stress we are dealing with that, again, is just a part of life and we simply need to get through it.  But it isn’t helping things that is FOR SURE.

After Gianna was born, we went from hovering in this in between space to way off the grid disconnected.  A constantly crying baby has a way of totally throwing you off your game!  We both know that we don’t want to get to that place again.  But I think that both of us are sort of having a hard time figuring out how exactly to stay away from there – how to stay in the zone, so to speak.

Our lives (all three of us) are about to get shaken up in a big way – I know that right now I am super emotional and I get annoyed and frustrated at nothing.  I also know that after this peanut arrives, it will be more of the same – only I will be home with her and Gianna AND Mike most of the time.  This will be good for a minute, but I just have a feeling that in the end – all of that togetherness will be a problem!  We have a unique situation in that he is the stay at home parent and I am not – so I’ll be here wanting to do all the stay at home mom stuff and he’ll be here too…..getting in my way… helping.

What’s the trick for staying in the zone – anytime, really – but especially when you are going through such a huge change?  I’d love to hear some tips on staying sane as a couple and as parents when you are adding additional little people to your life.  It’ll all work out in the end, but you know, I’d rather it not get worse before it gets better.

I know the dynamics of every couple are different.  I am incredibly terrible at communicating my feelings (I like to assume he KNOWS how I feel, but almost six years of marriage later and I know that doesn’t happen) and also incredibly terrible at showing physical affection – I’m just not an overly affectionate person, I guess.

1 comment:

Rotten said...

Hello friend. I'm jumping off twitter to throw in my 2 cents to you. I totally know where you are coming from . I felt the same way right before Bodie arrived. Having Bodie actually threw us into a whole new "out of sync" valley that we could not have possibly been prepared for. Bodie never slept and had horrible acid reflux so adding to the normal newborn stresses, we had a whole different level weighing down on us. It is fine to deal with this when you only have one child, but when you have two, you have to come up with a whole new game plan. I recall a whole month where Cailin told me that I didn't love her because I was spending so much time with Bodie. That broke my heart and adding that emotion to the off the wall hormones and lack of sleep and I thought disaster was on the horizon. But you know what? We got through it. We made each other a priority and made the kids our second priority because we knew that as much as we both wanted to kill each other, the only thing that would get us through this was being there for one another. It takes effort and effort is something that you will have to dig down for, but you'll find it. I promise. Just remember in your darkest hour that it will all be OK and that "this too shall pass." There are plenty of us on twitter with 2 kids + who have been through this so don't hesitate to lean on us or ask us for help. You'll do great and I am so excited for you and your new addition to arrive.