Monday, January 21, 2013

Ready as I can be

I am so thankful that I had today off of work.  The three day weekend couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. 

Mainly because I dread getting dressed for work since nothing really fits me and the feet/leg swelling by lunch time is out of control.  And I had all of these THINGS I just needed to get off my list.  And I think I got like 98% of them accomplished.

I was able to run all kinds of errands that I needed to get done and out of the way. I got my eyebrows threaded (thank freaking goodness).  All the laundry is caught up. The cupboards and fridge are stocked.  The bathrooms are clean. So is the laundry room, because I could not handle the lint stuck on the top of the washer anymore! The sheets are washed.  Carpets are swept.  The baby’s bag is packed.  The desk/office area is finally re-resembling organization after far too long.  The car seat base is installed.  Her bag is ready full of cute things for her to wear at the hospital.  We surprised Gianna with Disney on Ice (thank you, employer and your awesome company suite!)And today I had an awesome afternoon just hanging out with my sister, niece and my BFF who is expecting twin boys very soon.  I even made dinner and showered today.  And Gianna and Mike are totally rocking out to Just Dance 4 right now! (They are both pretty good, actually!)

I need to have Monday’s off more often. 

So the THINGS are ready.  I am feeling like our house is as prepared as it possibly can be for this young lady to move in.

Now, as for the actual HAVING a baby preparedness?  I know that I am as prepared as I can be to do this thing without drugs.  And honestly, I am pretty excited for the experience – I am ready to do this and to see what my body is made of.

I also know that everyday I have a new, totally unfounded, irrational fear.  The other day? It was “OMFGOODNESS what if I don’t realize I am in labor?”  One day last week it was “what if my water breaks while I am driving to/from work?” 

Then there are the nagging uneasy feelings and what if’s that kind of follow me around.  What if I have to be induced? What if it takes two hours to push her out like it did her sister? What if I can’t do this the way I want too? What if I forget every single thing I learned in our Bradley class?  What if I suck at breastfeeding?

The answer to all of those things is ‘so what IF they happen?” I know how I will handle all of them and I know that anything I DON’T know, I will figure out the best I can IF I need too.  So I need to just stay positive, keep everything in perspective, etc. 

But DUDE! The closer it gets to her coming, the more irrational hormonal I get.  I guess I just really don’t like knowing when things are going to go down. It probably has something to do with why I haven’t packed anything for myself. I am okay with the “wait and see” approach one minute and the next minute I am crying because I just want to know already!  Even if it’s not until February 12th, I just want to KNOW when the end is. 

Overall, I think I am as ready as I can be.  WE are as ready as we can be.  We have been trying to get Gianna prepared as possible – but we are realistic and know there are going to be hurdles in that department, but she is ready for her sister to come too.  She asks her all the time if she’s ready to come out yet! 

Let’s hope I can stay busy enough to stay sane, not lose my cool (because again, HORMONAL!) and keep smiling through all of the not really fun at all things that happen at the very end of pregnancy.

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