Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Same but Different

It turns out I have blocked out a lot of memories from Gianna’s newborn-ness. Probably because it was hard for a long time.  And you know, four (holy shit) years ago – I can’t remember what I had for breakfast let alone the details from four years ago.

It also turns out I blogged a lot of those moments.  I was looking back at a few posts from when G was around 2 months old and wow – these girls not only look almost identical but they are living almost parallel lives it seems.  Or I am living a parallel life.  Whatever, either way – there are so many similarities between them.

Similar sleep patterns/requirements/habits.  Similar reflux/GI upset/sensitivity issues.  Similar facial features and expressions. 

There are also a lot of similarities, apparently, between how I am feeling and how adjusting to life has been.  There is no lie – going from 1 to 2 kids has been REALLY FREAKING HARD so anyone who tells you (like many people told me) that it is going to be a walk in the park, is severely misleading you.  We have had a solid 8 week adjustment period – it was pretty easy the first two weeks, sucked the next two and has slowly gotten better since.  But I’m not back to work full-time  yet either, so more adjusting to come. 

I have been feeling more frazzled than normal and apparently I felt this way with Gianna also.  I have also felt like I am not giving everyone the amount of attention they need/deserve, especially Mike.  And the laundry.  (I need a laundry fairy)  Obviously life is a little more hectic with two kids but also – this time of year is crazy for us since Mike coaches lacrosse.  And a lot of big things are going on in our lives too – Easter this past weekend, Gianna’s birthday next week and my baby sister is getting married next weekend (holy shit. again) so we have had a lot going on to prepare for that.

For the most part, I think we are doing pretty well juggling all the schedules and managing all the moving parts in our lives.  Sometimes with SO much going on, it’s hard to just BE.  Yesterday after I got home from work we all ate dinner and then just hung out together in the living room.  It was nice to just BE with my little family for an hour and soak them in.

The other same but different thing I noticed while looking back is how I feel about myself.  This time I lost all of the “baby weight” (yay!) already but nothing ever goes back to the place it came from.  I am having a hard time with my image yet I am also having a hard time getting back into any kind of workout routine.  I need like 2.25 more hours a day to make it all happen.  I know it will happen eventually, but for right now I just wish I had more than a handful of clothes that I felt good in.  I am getting my eyebrows waxed, nails and toes done and a spray tan for the wedding this week – so those things will help how I feel a little bit – everyone likes to feel pretty!  I really do want to run a 1/2 marathon so I am looking for ways to fit training in to my life too. 

It’s crazy how things are so much the same, yet so different.  Looking back helps to keep it all in perspective – baby’s get less needy, time becomes a little more free, schedules do evolve, and everyone survives (just a little more worse for the wear some days).  And you know, it all happens faster than we ever thought – so I am trying to remember a few more of those moments of quiet, and of chaos, because this is our life right now.  The same as it was two months ago, but different.

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