I don’t think it was much of a secret amongst our family and friends that we wanted a large family, once we started building our family.
We had our share of challenges when trying to add to our family in 2011-2012 that included two miscarriages until we got our Aleesia rainbow baby.
2016 has turned into a year that I never imagined from a reproductive standpoint.
In February we were pleased to see two pink lines of a pregnancy test – cautiously optomistic and quiet about our new little secret. The day before my first OB appointment I started spotting and I just KNEW in that moment that this wasn’t going to be a positive outcome. After a series of appointments, phone calls, blood tests and so much uncertainty, false hope and a whole lot of tears – it was confirmed that pregnancy was lost. It was a really hard, emotional, period for myself and Mike. But it also confirmed that yes, we with 100% certainty did want to add to our family.
Fast forward to late April/early May, another two pink lines. This time we had a chemical pregnancy – but that didn’t make it any less sad or disappointing.
Fast forward again to the end of June, you see where this is going? Two more pink lines. This time we went through weeks of blood tests, more uncertainty, and ultimately the loss of another pregnancy. I can’t begin to explain to you the dark places my brain was going at this point and I was back to wondering if this was going to be the path for us to add to our family because, quite honestly, I don’t know if I could handle another consecutive loss.
We decided to go back to the RE just in case – the OB office I have gone to for a long time was really unhelpful throughout this entire year of sadness and hearbreak and confusion. We went through more testing, additional genetic testing, etc. etc.
The biggest surprise of all – is that the same cycle we were getting our ducks in a row with the RE, we got pregnant, again. To say that I was absolutely terrified would be an understatement. But I was also confident that I was now in the most capable hands. I received constant attention, weekly ultrasounds and a lot of “this is going well, we are doing all we can” reassurance – and at 12 weeks, I was released from the RE to regular OB care.
I am still scared and really guarded but that is not to downplay the excitement. Everytime I see/hear that heart beating I cry, a lot. I feel a little less scared and a little more excited.
In April, if everything goes as planned, we will be adding our 4th take-home baby to this crazy happy life. Proving that as a result of every storm, there really is a rainbow at the end.
