Valentines Date with Dr. Wonderful

Our follow-up with Dr. Wonderful was on Tuesday – it made for a very romantic start to valentine’s day.

As I expected, we talked for a few minutes and he said that “you appear to have ovarian function. your uterus looks normal.  Mike’s sperm are normal in shape, number and movement”  And that was about the end of that.

the genetic screenings came back normal – expected, but always good to hear.

So now what.

We talked about just timing intercourse with a trigger shot – but I didn’t really like that plan.  So Clomid is the next likely coarse of action.

Dr. Wonderful is a FAST talker – but I think I caught everything he was saying.

Next cycle I will call them, they call in the Clomid Rx and schedule a monitoring appointment and post-coital test (dreading that part) with a trigger shot & progesterone after ovulation.  In the meantime I am supposed to take 81mg aspirin, foltex and my regular prenatal. 

After we talked about that, he figured we might as well “take a peek” at my ovaries to see how things were going this cycle. He said I had a 14mm follicle so, and I quote “since it’s valentine’s day and I am sure you will see your husband tonight, I want you to have sex tonight. Again on Thursday, Saturday and if you have the energy, Monday”

I have never been given a prescription for sex before. First time for everything, huh?

The best part of the appointment was the fact that he asked if I was okay with everything.  Quite honestly, I didn’t think we would be here, so “okay” is relative, and he talks REALLY fast, almost too fast to think of any questions.

I am a little freaked out about the whole thing just because it’s new and not something I really am excited to do. I have an idea of what to expect with the medicine.  Are there any questions I should be asking when (if?) I call Dr. Wonderful at the beginning of the cycle? I like to be prepared.

So I guess, here we go!

The Stress Monster Ate My Sex Drive

wwwIt’s not much of a secret, things have been stressful around these parts the past few, well, for a while.

School is over and that stress is over.

Only to be taken over by a new kind of stress.

The kind that says now you need to DO something.

Add that to the other forms of regular, daily stress + parenting stress + health insurance stress + impending life decision stress and that leaves not a lot of brain power for other things.

Which sucks because I love my husband a lot. And I love to, you know, be with him.

Or at least I love the idea of it, and I love it when it actually happens.

I just never want it. When he initiates it and I can push the Stress Monster away, it’s good.

Unfortunately, that damn Stress Monster has a hearty appetite and has effectively eaten my sex drive. Like swallowed it whole never to be seen again.

So how do I get it back?
I miss it.

Stress Monster needs a diet pill or one of those appetite suppression drinks or slim fast or something else to occupy its time. Because to be quite honest, this is freaking ridiculous.

I have actually taken some time to check out the forums at EdenFantasys, I can’t be the only one ever to have lost their Sex Drive to the Stress Monster.
The appetite of this Stress Monster is overwhelming and the more frustrated I get about it, the more hungry the Stress Monster appears to be.
Like I said, freaking ridiculous.

Reminders

I am thankful for Facebook because today when I logged on to my account there was a little reminder:

Our anniversary is next week – I KNOW that, but I keep forgetting.

If I can’t even remember that my anniversary is coming up because there is SO MUCH GOING ON, do you think I can remember to have sex with my husband? Or rather, remember to FEEL like having sex after completing 927123 things in a day?

EdenFantasys was introduced to me recently and I decided to put off doing work for a little while and check it out the other day.

I stumbled upon the greatest thing for a person as busy and as forgetful as myself:

A little something to keep things fresh for the next year – because after 11 years together and 4 years of marriage, we could use some new suggestions once in a while.  I think when I have some free time, I need to do a little more exploring over at EdenFantasys and see what else might liven things up in year 4.

Confessions of a (insert age here) women: ADM bloghop style

It’s my turn to host the small but mighty ADM bloghop this month – I don’t care if you know what ADM stands for or not, feel free to join on in (and contribute topics!)!  Links will be open from Thurs-Sun each week. 
This week’s topic is an easy one:

Confessions of a (insert age here) women

a nod to my confessions of a toddler mom post from the other week, I made some, shall we say interesting, realizations the past few weeks. I thought I would over share with you, my special internet friends.
Confessions of a 20-something women:

• I used to hate leggings for anyone over the age of 5. Until I bought a pair. Now I am mercilessly searching for something else to wear them with.
• I will not buy into the jeggings though. Or pajama jeans or whatever. I have boundaries.
• I literally jumped for joy in the middle of Rite Aid over the amount of money I saved with my coupons. You guys – I saved 2x what I spent, it was epic.
• Some days I just want my mommy, especially when I don’t feel good.
• I can no longer live without coffee. And also jumped for joy when I saw that coffeemate has new flavors out.
• When did I become so damn exciting?
• In college, I was most productive in the middle of the night. Now? Most productive at nap time. And again between the hours of 10p and 12am. Except I do considerably worse functioning on little sleep.
• You know what else used to happen in the middle of the night in college (besides studying and alcohol consumption)? Sex.
• You know what happens at nap time* but not usually between the hours of 10pm and 12 am? Sex. Because I do not have the energy by the time the middle of the night rolls around.
• Told you I would over share.
• I have actually gotten WORSE at returning phone calls (sorry, friends).
• I can’t even REMEMBER that someone called me or emailed me or whatever half the time and it comes to my damn phone. Not real sure what I am busy remembering instead…but I feel all guilty about my forgetfulness.
• Some days, I don’t even feel like texting (I know, GASP!). I do it anyway, of course, I just don’t always like it.
• I am very comfortable talking in front of large groups of people I don’t know, but I always get nervous when I have to call someone I don’t know. So weird.
• I like wine. A lot. Beer? Eh, only if it is hot outside.
• And, with that, I have officially turned in to my mother. Minus the ability to fall asleep on the couch.

Okay, now who's next?



*please do not be fooled, by naptime I mean only on the days that begin with S.
Don't forget to enter to win the Charlie Harper Nesting Blocks - ends tomorrow.

Supply and Demand

We all know the old economic principle of supply and demand, right?
When the demand increases, the supply should also increase and vice versa.
Can I just tell you how not true this is for my love life? (and yes, by love, I mean sex).
I am finally feeling really comfortable (most days) with how I look, where my jiggly spots still are and that my hair really never is quite right.  But? My clothes are fitting great, my shoes fit even better and my husband thinks I am hot.  So finally, after a year, I feel good.  So good in fact I bought a 2 piece bathing suit! And I think it looks pretty okay on too.
My problem though, is that The Tired is still around and more fierce than ever paired with a huge pile of work.  Work being school work, work work, house work, wife work and mommy work.  Alotta workin’ goin’ on over here.
So we have The Tired, The Extreme Tired and The Work to battle if we are going to have The Sex.  After my last discussion with the internet on this topic, we instituted weekly sex.  It honestly worked.  The Pacific replaced The Sahara and life was good.
Good ole’ supply and demand in action.
And then life got in the way, per usual.
Now we are back at square one. Or negative one. 
Why does this happen? Why can I get over one barrier (self-image) and sort of another (Sahara v Pacific) to only replace it with The Extreme Tired and The Work. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back it is.  This makes for high demand with low supply.
The Sex is like a freaking prized jewel these days.  That’s what happens when things are in high demand right? They become more coveted?   Somebody tell my husband that until the Extreme Tired lets up and this girl gets some energy back.

When do you have time for THAT, and by THAT I mean S-E-X.

Apparently, once your child turns 1, the most common question to be asked is “so, when are you gonna spit out another one?”* 
Let me ask you this question people, When the hell are we supposed to have sex, or even have a second to think about having sex? 

See exhibit A, also known as incredibly rambunctious small child:
 
I mean, I know that I may be busier than the average bear, but STILL!  I can barely fit dinner into my day, let alone sex.

Also – there is the issues that have surfaced over the actual act itself. 

You see, since the birth of exhibit A, the lady parts are not all they used to be.  I actually think that the doctors possibly swapped out my vagina and replaced it with the Sahara.  Totally ridiculous.   Totally a buzz kill.

We have tried everything to turn the Sahara into the Pacific without success.  Again, totally ridiculous.

Pair the Sahara with the Tired and we have a recipe for something that does NOT equal sex.  Then, when the Tired is paired with the Extreme Stress, just forget it people, there is no hope.  This is not the sexy threesome it appears to be.  Poor husband.  He makes the effort, I fall asleep.  He tries to get me liquored up in an effort to get to the sex help me forget about the Extreme Stress, I fall asleep on the couch at 9:30pm.  

This brings me back to my first question, again, HOW do parents of a one year old have time to even think about adding to the crazy?!!  We want to have more kids, one day, but as the days go on I wonder when that day will be?  Can I really love anyone more than I love this face:
  
And, will my vagina, the Sahara & the Tired ever get their stories straight long enough for it to even be possible to make a college effort at procreation?!!



*I swear to you, I was asked that exact question

I’m too sexy for my love….

 

As if I haven’t shared enough about myself to you, my internets, there is always more.

I know, right.  WHAT could it be?  the suspense is killer.

Here’s the gig folks:

Andrea’s self esteem since having a baby = shitty. Shitty shitty shitty.  Why you may wonder, what with the fluffy belly, the double chin and the cottage cheese thighs? How could that not be the ULTIMATE in sexy?

I am wondering the same thing….. 

Since my husband thinks I am still the hottest thing on the block.

(have I told you lately that I love him? I do. And he loves my fluff. ::swoon::)

Back to the unsexy, unsure part of me.  All the assholes cool people out there will tell you how they fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans on their ride home for the hospital and about how they were even skinnier 6 weeks post partum than before they were with child.  And then, there are the normal honest people of the world who tell you about how they hung on to those pesky last 10lbs until their kid was 12, and by that time, those 10lbs were blamed on nachos and beer. 

(and by people, I mean anyone who has been pregnant. duh.)

(but, this totally applies to anyone that has ever let their self esteem, for any reason, get in the way of life.)

(and no, for the record, this is NOT a fish for compliments. it is just honesty.)

I am going to be honest here and tell you all that, before I got pregnant, I was like a lot of 20-something's.  There was always an extra millimeter of pudge here or there that I wanted gone.  Always another 5lbs to lose. But. I wore a size 4 and damn, I looked good. I felt good. I liked the way I looked, 6/7 days of the week. I had a tan. I had a flat tummy. I had good hair. I still had love handles, but it’s not a perfect world folks!

Now, almost 10 months after giving birth, 2 months away from having a ONE year old. (hold me…) I still have those last 5-10lbs to go. The fluff gets in the way of my pants. (but, I am back to single digit pant sizes, so yay to that) I am whiter than white and not confident enough to use the tanning package I got for Christmas. (yes, I am well aware of the side effects of tanning. I am also aware of the effect it has on how I feel.) I work out when I can, which is not nearly enough to satisfy me.  I do have some abs hiding  underneath the fluff – trying to coax them out by eating better. Unsuccessfully.  Clearly the love handles are still in full force. I can live with them.  My thighs touch in one spot. And that makes me angry. (this happened once after college and I vowed to work my thighs ass off – which I did – and to never let it happen again. Never say never….)

I got new hair, in hopes it would lift my spirits. Which it did-ish and I like it.  None of my clothes fit right, in my opinion, and that makes the mornings sucky.

Other people have told me that I look “great” and “skinny” and I just smile and say thanks. I truly appreciate their comments, I just don’t believe them.  The thing is, my husband tells me multiple times a day that I don’t need to change a thing, but why do I feel so crappy about myself?  

How do I feel good about myself? How do I see myself as others see me? This is my problem.  I have accepted that I will likely not look like I did before I had a baby, and that is ok. Seriously, it is. But why can I not accept how I look today? What am I missing?  I would do just about anything to see myself through my husband’s eyes. 

 

^ new hair. and blue eyes!!

Lets talk about sex (after you have a) BABY

We all (should) know where babies come from by this time in our lives.

Sex.
The horizontal tango.
Doing the nasty.

so we do it like clockwork to try and conceive such baby.
Baby is conceived (be it by sex or science).
That bowling ball of head is pushed out and rippage occurs (or not, lucky bitches)
The 6 week rest period is over. And, IUD is in place because no more babies yet please.

And you go at it again. Not so much like rabbits, or clockwork, or really anything at all resembling sexy because OH MY VAGINA does it hurt. I think that my other mommies friends left this part out of their life-after-baby recap.

Once we get past the pain and the uncomfortableness there are a few other issues that arise. Don't worry, I will discuss them with you - because all of you not-yet mommy readers should be warned. It's only fair. Really.

Moving on...
the issues.....

Issue #1: Having sex with another human in the house. I am no vouyer, but I did go to college... I am no stranger to having sex with others in some-what close proximity (sorry, mom). But this was different. Granted we never had the babe in our room because if we did, there would be no motion in the ocean. period. But she was across the hall. Like two steps between our doors - that were open - because if she wakes up we must console her. I felt like some people whose dogs watch them have sex... only no one was really watching. The anticipation of the cry all but killed any mood you can have after your 4th sleepless night in a row.

I would love to say that I have gotten over this awkwardness - but no. She is just old enough to have the door shut and me not worry.

Issue #2: Dealing with the fluffy tummy. It jiggles. And the lumpy thighs. All of the unattractiveness and gross that you (ok, I) felt (feel...) does not make for good love making. And. There is no nakedness in this house. (you cared, I know) Also - no lights. I may turn into ash if my pasty, lumpy ass sees the day of light. Moral here - believe your husband when he says you look great, it helps.

Issue #3: Wondering minds. I know you have all done it - thought about your grocery list, writing blogs about the inner workings of your sex life, your fluffy tummy etc. when going at it. When you are even busier and fluffier than you have ever been, the mind a wonders even more. Now, I am not always making lists in my head when I am alone with the hubs, but sometimes, I am. (sorry, honey) Got to make use of every second.....

Issue #4: The vag. The second degree tear. The scar tissue. All makes for an uncomfortable situation. Nine months ago (ok, nine months minus six or whatever weeks) I though I was going to lose my shit when we tried to get it done. Not so bad these days. We are back to our normal activities, I would say. Also, lets not leave out the great drought in the valley of fluff (also known as my between my legs). Fun. People DEFINITELY left this one out.

Issue #5: The tired. To go along with the wondering minds, awkwardness of having a little human so close, there is the sleep deprevation. I am not saying I am any more or less tired than other moms - but between working/schooling/mommying/wifeing - by 9pm I am d.o.n.e. which means the sexing is not so much on my priority list. I need a nap just thinking about having sex....

So, friends, consider yourself warned, and overly informed on the inner workings of my sex life. All is good and since I am busy-ish, I have been trying to figure out how to enter the sex into my sparkpeople fitness log.... I couldn't find it under "other activities".... I think it should count as cardio or SOMETHING