Memory catching

I was reading through some blog posts from the end of Aleesia’s pregnancy. So many things are so similar right now – and I’ll get to that, but first – some memory catching NEEDS to happen.

Things to remember about Gianna:

• The age of five is seriously great. She is such a grown up kid but still very much my little girl. Our conversations are hilariously logical and I wish I could record all of them! Lately she has been ending stories she tells me with “it was classic” or “you just wouldn’t believe it”
• She still mispronounces some things. For example, she made a pilgrim bonnet at school and kept telling me it was a vomit! And a bench = vench.
• Gianna LOVES to just rock out in the car. Taylor Swift is a big favorite of hers, but she will sing along to any song she hears and she usually asks me to turn it up!
• She can tell a story with her eyes – they sparkle when she is excited, they show every ounce of frustration or sadness before she says anything at all, they light up when she is surprised or happy. Those blue eyes are the key to her heart and sole, no doubt about it.
• Gianna is a wonderful big sister. She is helpful and caring and nurturing. She also likes her space, which is okay.
• She still loves to help clean and to just generally be helpful! She is so proud of herself when she is a good helper.
• Her dream is to be a ballerina one day. And maybe a horse rider or a pop star.
• Gianna has one of the most vivid imaginations and it comes out in so many ways – she will play with her toys for hours on end making up stories/adventures for them, she likes to color/create things and she makes up songs.
• The older she gets, the more she likes to snuggle up together.

Things to remember about Aleesia:

• The age of 1.5 is so super fun and Aleesia is on a serious language explosion. I can’t possibly list all of the words that she can say but new favorites are “sinta” (santa), “thank you mommy/welcome mommy” (she says them all together!), “muncle” (uncle), “selsa” (Elsa), “nakey” (naked). Not a word really, but she likes to sing too and will randomly sing parts of ‘Let it go’ and the thinking chair song from blues clues!
• If Gianna has it, she wants, or wants to be looking at it/playing with it. She for sure looks up to her big sister.
• Coloring is one of her favorite things to do. And puzzles.
• We are getting into independent play and it is really fun to watch her play and imagine as well. Tonight, in fact, she put an Ariel doll to bed before we went into her room!
• She is still the sweetest snuggler I have ever met!
• Binkie and blankie are never far from her, although we are getting to the point where binkie needs to stay in bed when she is awake because we don’t want her to talk with it in her mouth. Although, admittedly, I am slacking on enforcing this at the moment but plan to get a lot more serious about it when I am home with the baby!
• She loves shoes and clothes. But mostly, she loves accessories. She wakes up every morning and says “I wanna bow” and makes just about anything into a pretty!
• Aleesia also has a big personality – she knows when she is being bad and has this look that she will give you that makes you want to scream and crack up laughing at the same time. She has a big time pouty lip and can bring on the crocodile tears easily. She also just started literally dropping to the floor or putting her head in her hands when you tell her no as if you just devastated her beyond repair! She also has such a big, bright smile and bright eyes that you can’t be mad at her for long.

To remember about this pregnancy:

• I have felt so good (with a few exceptions) the entire time. Seriously, I don’t have a thing to complain about.
• Except the heartburn – but I know she has hair so it’s worth it, right?!
• I am 38 weeks pregnant and my feet just started to swell and I am just starting to really “feel” as pregnant as I am. But my wedding rings still fit!
• This little lady is no different than her sisters in that she is super super active and strong! And she also prefers to lay on the right side.
• There hasn’t been much focusing on being pregnant, which I think attributes to how good I feel, but every day on my way to and from work I enjoy the quiet time with her and usually have my hand on my stomach as I drive.
• I am not sleeping much these days, which isn’t very fun, but she is so active sometimes at night one swift kick to the ribs or punch to the hip wakes me up!
• Her big sisters are very excited to meet her. Gianna can.not.freaking.wait until she gets here and Aleesia, well, she has no real idea of what is happening but she’s excited because Gianna is.
• My hair was fabulous until a week or so ago – I want my nice pregnancy hair back!
• My stomach is much rounder this time than I remember it being before. And I apparently look like I am going to give birth at any moment the way people have been acting!
• I’m starting to get a little cranky/extra hormonal but I know that has a lot to do with the holiday season, constantly doing all the things that need to get done, and just you know being unavoidably tired!

To remember about life in general – it is so good right now! We all have our moments and not all the days are great, but I can’t truly remember being this happy and content with the way life is playing out around me – possibly ever. I know a lot of that is my general outlook on things, but it’s also a lot of hard work that has paid off to get us here. While I could do without winter and a little more certainty around when my newest peanut will be coming out to meet us, there is just so much to be thankful and joyful for I feel like I am living in an alternate universe sometimes! But I sure am enjoying the ride.

Preparations

Somehow, we are just a few short weeks away from meeting baby sister. I don’t know how it happened and I don’t know exactly where the last 36 weeks flew away too, but I know the next 4ish until she arrives are going to go FAST FAST FAST. And so many things to do, per usual.

Her room should be close-ish to finished this weekend, I’m excited for it to all come together.

We need to come up with a “hi big sisters” gift from her to G and A – nothing big or elaborate, but G still talks about what Aleesia “got” her, so we need to do something! I’m thinking some sort of sticker or magnetic doll set for G and not a clue at all for A – maybe crayons/coloring stuff since it could keep her busy while I’m nursing.

We need to arrange the car so that the girls seats fit! (it’s cold, I might be dreading this the most!)

There is still quite a long list of things I need to buy for her (diapers!) and for me (breast pads, pump parts, etc.). And things I need to finish getting ready here (washing clothes, setting up her swing, rock & play…)

We didn’t go through any sort of birth prep this time. I’ve been trying to do some of the exercises we learned in our Bradley class and to get my brain in the right place for this – I’m sure it will all be fine but I was obviously MUCH more prepared for the actual labor part last time than I am this time. I’d like to try and focus on that a bit more. The strange labor dreams I am having are probably a good indication that I should focus more on this, huh? Also - I need some new music to use – any good relaxing suggestions from the blogosphere?

Fit in all of our Christmas shopping and holiday cheer over the next 4 weekends. Our schedule is jam packed which is good and bad. Good because it keeps me busy, I like busy. Bad because it keeps me busy, see list above!

Part of me feels so unprepared for her arrival but part of me knows that she will be fed, diapered, have somewhere to sleep, and be loved x a million so who cares about the rest.

I still feel really good for being really pregnant, but I don’t have time to feel anything other than good ya know? Sleep is hard to come by, my shirts are shrinking, my feet are starting to swell, my boobs touch my stomach which touches my thighs when I sit down which is oddly annoying, but I’m still wearing my wedding ring so I call it success!

This little girl is just, if not more (I can’t believe I am saying this), active than her sisters were in utero – I feel her all.the.time. stretching from one hip to my ribs. Clearly, she is already trying to keep up with her (still very active) sisters. We have an ultrasound next week and I can’t wait to see her in there again. I’m trying not to think about when exactly she will arrive, but I would be silly to say that a small part of me is really worried about missing Christmas with the big girls. Whenever she arrives will be awesome, and I just need to keep repeating that over and over. I don’t get to pick when she comes, after all.

The third

I can’t believe how quickly time is flying by while we await the third little lady to grace us with her presence on the outside. Third trimester already – my mind is officially blown!

I feel bad that I haven’t written to her yet (sorry, punkin!) but we talk a lot. And I sit a lot and just enjoy her movements – she does the same things her sisters did on the inside. Her movements are really strong – they will wake me up from a deep sleep!

I had to stop running around 16/17 weeks which bummed me out, but I really thought my pelvic bones were going to split in half when I was finished a 4 mile run so I decided to press the pause button. I’m looking forward to getting back out there once she is here though! I haven’t done much purposeful exercise, but I am busy all the time with the girls and really only want to eat ice chips and apples lately!

Heartburn still stinks but Tums Smoothies are working their magic for now. I’ve been VERY lucky in the migraine department this time which is fabulous as well. The list of things that we need to do is officially growing, not shrinking. But hopefully by November everything will be almost ready to go – I’m excited to get her nursery going (but first we are painting and getting new carpet next week)! These prints are my inspiration and I am on the hunt for the perfect curtains right now!

But besides the growing list of things that need to get done/bought and trying to determine what her name will be, things are good. Mike keeps reminding me that I need to get in the right mental space to prepare for labor and he is SO right, so that is a priority over the next 12 weeks. I am SURE I will start to panic about her arrival and making sure the big sisters are taken care of and I need to get all the things together before she comes which I expect to happen in about 8 weeks but for now, I am feeling calm cool and collected.

All in all, I can’t believe we are here already, final countdown time! The thought of meeting this girl brings the biggest smile to my face. Especially when Gianna talks to her and tells me how excited she is for “new baby sister” to come so she can “hold her and stuff” (I’m skeptical on the stuff part…!) or when Aleesia feels her kick and says “baby?”  Sometimes we all snuggle up on the couch and I just soak up all the seconds because this life, some moments are hard, but it’s SO GREAT.

In other news, we’ve hit the “wow, you’re huge” belly comment stage, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Generally speaking, I don’t FEEL as big as I (apparently) look so that’s good news. How about a little comparison around 27/28 weeks with all 3 girls:

Gianna:

Aleesia:

Baby girl #3:

A little love

Some days I look at my girls and beg them to share their never-ending supply of energy with me.

Most days it still takes my breathe away that I can use the phrase "my girls" in a sentence! 

The rest of the days I am amazed at how much love I have for them. It's so beyond anything I could have ever imagined, which I know sounds terribly corny. 

It took me a little while to feel that unending love when Gianna was born. I had just met her and she cried a lot! But we got there and that love between a mom and her daughter is powerful stuff. And then I panicked for at least 6 months before Aleesia was born that I might not have enough love to give her or that I would be taking something away from Gianna.  When she was born, it still took me a little while to give my whole heart to her the way I had given it to Gianna but we are totally there now. 

I went and tucked Gianna into bed the other night and realized that when she says "I love you mommy, see you in the morning" it still makes me smile as big as the first time she said it. When Aleesia snuggles into my shoulder it makes me melt just as much as when she was first born. 

I no longer fear that I won't love Aleesia as much because I know that I love them each a little different because they are different people. but I am happy to report that there is indeed enough love to go around. 

Which is a great thing to realize and be comfortable with considering what's ahead for us. 

Christmas is going to be extra special this year and we are so excited to share our love! 

Pregnancy Comparison

Now that we know we are having a girl, people ask me all the time if my pregnancy this time has been similar to my pregnancy with Gianna.

In some a few ways yes and in most ways no.

The biggest similarity is the freaking heartburn. All the time. Caused by everything and nothing all at the same time.  and you know, that we are having a girl again!

Otherwise, things have been pretty different this time around.

• I have acne like I have never had before (I am blaming the fertility drugs for this one) and my skin is just crappy in general.
• I have not gained NEARLY as much weight (thank goodness!) so far.
• I have generally felt really pretty good – a few moments of annoying nausea here and there, but overall? I can’t complain at all.  I remember feeling like complete garbage with Gianna.
• I’m tired, but I’m also busy busy busy – I don’t really know if I am more or less tired than before, I think it’s just different.
• I can still wear my wedding rings! (probably related to that point about weight)
• My boobs – they are out of control. For serious.
• My love for oreos is not nearly as strong. But my love for french fries and ramen noodles? it’s pretty intense some days.
• I feel like there are just more bodily fluid leakages and hair growth than last time, but it’s also likely that I blocked those lovely memories out of my mind.
• The belly button is starting to get out of control already. the belly is already out of control. that’s not really so different from last time though, see:

 (please excuse the naked belly from 2008!)

I’m 22 weeks (tomorrow) and it is just really starting to hit me that HOLY COW this pregnancy is more than half over! I can’t really believe how fast time flies when you are having fun. And chasing a three year old.

Gianna is really excited about baby sister. She gives her kisses and “hugs” her. It’s pretty awesome, and pretty surreal when I think about my girl-S. More than one. I still don’t know if I believe this is happening yet.

We have a lot that needs to get done before baby sister arrives – like name her. get her room ready (which requires some minor home repairs, paint, a new glider/rocker, etc.). (hopefully) get through Bradley classes. and go through clothes and baby gear and all that stuff.

But for now, I am enjoying feeling her tumble around and practice her plié's from the inside just like I enjoy watching her big sister practice her plié's from the outside!

Pregnancy Amnesia, or something like that

I know that for some reason little humans have a way of sucking away brain cells and deleting memory banks, and, guilty as charged here.

I am typically forgetful (or, as I prefer, I just have a lot to remember) – but right now, I literally forget EVERY.THING.

Also, I have apparently forgotten all things related to pregnancy and what happens to a woman’s body when she is growing a human.  In my defense, it has been 4 years since I have been more than 15 minutes pregnant, and I can’t even remember what I did 4 minutes ago most of the time.

But the random boob pain? Ya, I totally forgot about that and get caught off guard every time it happens.

Also, the way everything just kind of shifts around making it hard to breathe sometimes, hard to eat sometimes, hard to bend over, etc. Forgot about that.

The random bodily fluid leakage – from down below, drooling, stuffy nose, from the boobs – it seems like every area that could leak, does. it’s awesome. except that it’s not.

Not being able to sleep and not being able to get comfortable enough to sleep? That is kind of annoying. I really want a Leachco Snoogle Total Body Pillow , but alas, I am cheap.

I also swear I am more tired this time.  could be all that is going on right now, and you know, the other little human we are taking care of, but still. exhausted. always.

Heartburn still sucks. so do these ridiculous headaches (although, I am trying new meds that are working pretty well).

I also forgot what it feels like to hear a baby’s heartbeat. to mistake flutters for gas, and now, full on kicks. and how much I enjoy these things.

It’s almost like I have total amnesia over most of my pregnancy with G – except the part that involved being so swollen I swear you could have popped me like a water balloon – so this is all new again.  I don’t know how to explain it – maybe I just put it all out of my head when I thought we might not be able to get pregnant again.  I am trying to remember the little things this time – and enjoy every feeling (even the uncomfortable ones). 

Overall though, I feel really great most of the time. The belly is large and in charge and I am totally in love with the feeling of a little person flipping around in there.

I think I’ll just keep myself in my naïve little bubble about whatever else I am forgetting about last time because this is THIS time – and it’s different and unique.

Dear twin sister:

We have been through everything together.

You have been there for every event: big , small, silly, important, and everything in between.

You are always my biggest cheerleader, my strongest supporter and the person who I can literally tell anything to.  There to listen to me cry and be angry when life gets in the way of my dreams and to laugh with me when I need it most.

You are the most amazing aunt. Always playing with Gianna, making her laugh and loving her just as much as we do.  And spoiling her rotten.  And she loves you (and Uncle Joshie) just the same.

And I am looking forward to returning the favor in September.

While it may be difficult for me to talk about some days, know that I always want to listen and that I am infinitely happy for you.  And Gianna is very excited to have a baby cousin.

You are going to be a great mom – it is an adventure that pays back in the biggest way. That little life and the smile it brings to your face can dissipate any challenge that parenting brings and the lack of sleep will pale in comparison to just how much love you can feel for some one you just met.

So enjoy each day of that baby being inside, the days where you are the only one to know them and to feel them kick and wiggle.  Pamper yourself, sleep as much as you can (which, I know isn’t an issue for you!), enjoy all the little things about being pregnant (and it’s okay to complain about the annoying things too – no one likes to puke every day!).

I am praying that we’ll be able to experience at least part of this pregnancy together, and even if we can’t - remember I am just as excited to meet that little person as you are.  Maybe even more. I look forward to being an aunt and taking part in the spoiling that comes along with aunt-hood.

I love you and I love that itty bitty baby.

A Baby is Brewing: Tea Party Baby Shower

My BFF’s baby shower was a few weeks ago.  Her sister, myself and another friend threw this together – we used pinterest, naturally, and came up with some great décor ideas.

I used this tutorial for the tissue paper pom-poms, it was really easy – but time consuming.  We had lots of different teas and adorable tea pots/cups for everyone to use.

We served finger foods and had a little “tea party” music for background noise.

We had onesie decorating at each table, and they came out so cute!  And had tea bag favors with these cute labels:

We also had baby shower bingo and baby wishes cards for everyone to fill out.

Easy, not corny and somewhat enjoyable for all!

There were so many great gifts – and Dani was glowing the whole time!  I seriously love this part of showers – because the person being “showered” just feels so special and loved, which is the whole point!!

The shower was great. The people were great. And I was so glad that I was able to play such a big role in getting their world ready for a Miss L to join them in a few months!

A post in which I vent a little

This is probably going to be totally random, but I just need to get it out there.

Today was the baby shower for one of my best friends, that I threw.  It was a pretty great party (pictures soon!) and I hope that she feels overwhelmed with love and support.

But as I was watching Gianna interact during the “gift opening” – all her “O! That’s so CUTE!” comments and general cuteness over all the “itty bitty tiny things” – my heart began hurting.  I fought back tears at one point (a benefit of having your eye behind the camera)  because I want, with all that I have, for Gianna to be a big sister. To love another child like I love her. 

I don’t like to talk about where we are at with the TTC process very much (especially in public situations), so questions and comments like “how’s the baby making going?” or “when is Gianna going to have a little brother/sister?”, while I KNOW the person isn’t asking to be an asshole (in fact trying to be the opposite, I am sure) or really has any idea of the situation, it still is upsetting.  I generally just say “it’s going” or “someday” in response and leave it at that.  Honest to goodness, I dream of the day when I can say we are adding to our family.

We were supposed to visit our friends who just had a new baby tonight, and while I am sad that I couldn’t make it (Gianna needed to stay home and “sleep in my own bed” after a long day today), I feel like that wasn’t going to be a good place for me to be tonight.  As much as I want to meet the little guy and snuggle him up, I don’t. 

I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be my usual happy self all of the time – but they are what they are.  And I AM generally happy, but sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself and vent on my blog because I can. 

Also, I normally would never wish for CD1, but I just wish it was here so we could get on with this process – waiting sucks. And the hard thing is, there is still that little bit of naive hope that CD1 won’t come around for 10 months. 

Friday Night Leftovers

• I have been so snarky today. Not that I’m not usually snarky, but today was more than normal.
• I share an office with 2 other ladies. By friday every.single thing they do annoys me to no end.  I’m glad it’s the weekend and I don’t have to deal with eye rolls and keyboard pounding.
• My BFF’s baby shower is tomorrow*. That I am throwing with her sister. I’m excited to see her (she lives in FL) and spoil her with a really fun shower.
• Speaking of, thank goodness for MY sister tonight – she saved the day with her cake pop decorating skillz.
• And thank goodness I had some help from another friend last night finishing up the favors and starting on the decorations (we are doing those tissue paper pom poms you see all over pinterest) ((they are really super easy and adorable, just time consuming))
• I am currently babysitting my printer as it prints out some cute “baby wishes” sheets.  My printer usually hates me so I have to sit with it to make sure it behaves.
• Sad that I missed girls night out tonight though, those don’t happen too often but OMG there was just NO way I was making it there.
• Gianna has been a total rock.star lately.  She rocked her preschool visit this week, according to Daddy, and she has just been hilarious and generally well behaved for being almost 3.
• And the hilarity – I have a funny story coming soon about how she now “puts on a show” for all of her dolls.  This girl, she is going to be famous one day!
• This week has been busier than normal (do you believe that?) and I am ready for a break. But that is not likely until two-ish Sundays from now.  Just keep on, keepin’ on – right?
• Has any gone through Six Sigma training? I think I am going to go through green belt training for work and was just wondering what others thought of it.
• I have become really really horrid at keeping up with pictures.  I haven’t edited anything from Christmas or uploaded anything since way before then.  There are tons still on my camera and I just haven’t had the motivation to get through them. Which is a shame because there is some good stuff on there!
• Make sure you tell the host of FNL, Danifred, congrats on her adorable littlest, Blue addition.  He has cheeks to die for.

 

*the idea of a baby shower right now is less than exciting, but it’s for my BFF and I’d do anything for her. And, I just keep telling myself – it’s just a party, and you love planning parties!

What do you call it?

The technical definition of Infertility is one year of attempting to become pregnant without success. So what is it called when you are where I am? Subfertility? Secondary uterine-backlash?

I have had 7 cycles since my Mirena was taken out. with 2 early miscarriages. Lots of tears. Lots of anger and frustration.

And I feel alone.

And like the only person who can’t successfully conceive and carry a child.

When I say that nearly EVERYONE we are close with is pregnant/just gave birth, that is not an exaggeration.  And when I say I have all but lost the ability to express my excitement for them, that is not an exaggeration either. It makes me feel like a terrible friend, but honestly, the sadness and frustration are overwhelming and grow with each "announcement" I hear.  Of course, I AM happy for them - it's fantastic.  But it makes me feel even more broken and alone because 90% or more of them were not trying to get pregnant. That is the part that feels unfair.  The most recent "announcement" was supposed to be over dinner with our friends, which we couldn't make.  God knew that I would not be able to handle that in person, I think.  When my husband told me his best friend and his wife are pregnant with twins (their second natural twin pregnancy) I lost it. i would have never been able to stay composed had they told me, and they will never understand (thankfully) what Mike and I have been going through.

I think I needed to cry like that, because I really hadn't yet.

I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Yes, We have one beautiful child who we love more than words. But this family is far from complete.

We have an appointment with our ob/gyn on the 16th – I set it up after my last ultrasound “just in case”, hoping I would be able to turn it into a pregnancy appointment.

In the back of mind mind, I figured we would be here though, trying to figure out the next step in this journey.

Except I don’t really know WHAT this step is.

We had the RPL panel. Normal.  We had the saline ultrasound. Normal. I've been temping - my cycles are a little wacky, but my LP is a predictable 12 days no matter what day I O.

So what IS the next step in this road?  I have been toying with cancelling the appointment because I feel it might be pointless.  But I know that if I don’t go, I’ll continue to be frustrated and feeling like I am running in place.

We, like most people, do not have infertility coverage. So I really don’t know what happens now. I know they can “code around” to a certain extent, but still, it all makes me a little nervous.

I like to have a game plan, I don’t want to walk in to the appointment with a blank look on my face, because I am not sure where that is going to get me.

If you have been here before, what is your story? What did you do next?

Any and all advice is welcome.

Friday Night Leftovers

• it freaking snowed. again. hate.
• teaching is the same, yet different, than I expected it to be. I need some ideas on how to get my material to a) last 4 hours and b)get the students engaged more.
• I have been easily annoyed this week.
• My blog has also been getting quite the work-out this week! [anyone else doing the 30DPC? link up, if you are! or when you do]
• Operation organize office was a huge success! I can actually focus in here now which is awesome.
• Gianna is 23 months old today. I can’t really wrap my brain around the fact that she will be 2 in one month.
• I am throwing a party in one month… must.get.invitations.out. I also need to get my crafty stuff together!
• When I got home last night, I discovered that my sneaky sister had left a lot of inspirational bible verses around my office. I am still discovering them (and I have a feeling I will be for a while). She is totally awesome.
• My other sister is totally awesome too, of course.
• Gianna asked to take her nap today. I was impressed.
• I have a maternity picture up in my office. a) I still can’t believe how humongous I was b) I can’t wait to be pregnant again (I can’t believe I just typed that)  c) no. I am not pregnant, or trying to get pregnant right now.
• speaking of pregnant – who ISN’T pregnant right now? SHEESH! I am happy for 2 of my girlfriends who are both having girls though – yay hair bows!
• Did I mention that I submitted my research to present at a state-wide conference?
• Must take advantage of this quiet time to get some stuff done.
• today I am thankful for Danifred for hosting FNL. you can play too!

Child of God

This past weekend was Gianna's baptism. Mike and I have been looking forward to this for awhile and it was a very awesome, special experience for us. It was a very intimate celebration with only our immediate families, which was really important to us. We may not be the most religious people, we may not go to church every week, but we do have a strong religious relationship. It is something that we are always working on and will continue to work on throughout our lives, as you do with every relationship, and are looking forward to sharing with our children.

She did awesome through church and the baptism ceremony itself. I felt a very deep connection with my husband that day, considering that is the same place almost 2.5 years ago we shared our love for each other. To be able to bring our child into the religious community in the same setting where we got married is pretty special. Something that is additionally special about the day, her baptismal gown is the same one that I wore. And the same one that my mom wore. That kind of tradition is so special and just gave the day that little something extra, knowing that her great grandparents were with her in spirit through that garment.

Her godparents did a great job! Jacqui, my sister, is her godmother and Ron, our close friend, is her godfather. Choosing them was more difficult than I expected it would be - mainly because we have a few people in our lives whom we could see as excellent influences and role models for our baby. Based on the relationships that we have with these 2 amazing people, Gianna is in good hands.



Then, we had a party! Because we celebrate everything and nothing in our family. Being able to share this day in Gianna's life with our closest family and friends was really fun. And G even got a special bow to wear....

And her daddy found a new ride....
And we had a wonderful day celebrating and just being with our family and friends. In my opinion, Gianna is off to a very blessed life and we will do all that we can to be sure that continues.

we're having a party...

or a baby. Same diff.

Did I mention that I had 14 (or maybe more?) people hanging out at the hospital with me waiting on this baby to show up. We were the life of L&D. Party on....
Oh ya. So I made it to 4cm. Had some pretty strong, long contractions and the next time they said "so - do you want the epidural NOW?" at about 10:30p I accepted that epidural with a big fat drug seeking smile on my face.

It was really not that terrible. I was really scared - you know - big needle. in my back. EEEKKK.

He was gentle. It felt like I hit my funny bone. in my hip. STA-RANGE.

And then the numbness started... very slowly. I could feel and move my legs the entire time, except they felt like they weighed 200 lbs a piece. But no pain.

then we waited. Or watched movies....

Look how much better I look now that I got the drugs. And a little button to push in case I needed more.

And then they increased the pitocin which brought on some crazy strong contractions and from the looks of that monitor I could have made out with the anesthesiologist because those bitches would have HURT!

Did I mention that this entire time I was STARVING? All I thought about was how hungry I was! And sleeping....

So ya time for bed yet? Every time I attempted to sleep - something would happen. Someone had their hand up my vagina every 15 minutes. Or at least it felt like it.

My little one, her heart beat and the crazy strong contractions were not doing well together. Every monitor would start going crazy and as soon as I could open my eyes there were 10 people in my room and half of them were looking between my legs.

I'm not sure I ever really got scared - I think I knew I had no choice but to lay there and let them do whatever they needed to.

Eventually she calmed down but it was a long process of stop the drugs, calm the baby, insert some new monitor into my cervix, start the drugs - repeat from the hours of 11p-5a.

I did learn that an internal monitor makes the baby's heart sound like a ping-pong ball and that an amnio infusion is just as infusing as it sounds.

By the time all was said and done - I had about 5 wires/tubes/monitors coming out from between my legs plus my IV plus my epidural... I couldn't have ran away even if I wanted to.

Also. I could not stop shaking. All I wanted to do was get warm, but I wasn't cold. Eventually someone told me this was totally normal. Nice.
No one got much sleep......

I woke up eventually feeling like I was going to puke my guts out. And I did.

Then the nurse said - oh look, you're at 10. Let's start pushing.

And I cried.

"holy shit I am going to have a baby. NOW"

so you wanna have a baby?

Or the beginning of my birth story...
I am sure you remember how freaking miserable I was - swollen, miserable, can i have a baby yesterday PAH-LEAZEEE.
What I may have left out that 10th month is that my blood pressure was slightly bipolar, always going up and down then way up again. It caused even more swelling. Finally that last week, it was higher and higher. My feet were bigger than ever [picture a rubber glove filled with water] and I could barely wear my flip flops!
Anywho - at my last doctor's appointment on good friday, after I had finished work, picking up my sister & getting my eyebrows waxed [um, because I couldn't continue on without doing this], the doctor FINALLY decided that maybe I had gestational hypertension.
And yes in fact, you should have your baby. TODAY. Oh, and your cervix is so ready.
I could have kissed her.
Instead I cried.
We made my reservation at the hospital, called the husband.
Went home to SHOWER and EAT [i had to get my eyebrows waxed remember?] then we left

We called everyone who needed called.
We got to the hospital at 3.
Checked in.
Filled out lots of paperwork.

At about 5p we started the induction.
BUT I had been contracting and dilating on my own. score.
Next up: Pitocin & Foley bulb.
The Pit - really it wasn't that bad, not for me. I mean ya, the contractions hurt but they were tolerable. The foley bulb - exactly what it sounds like. A big balloon shoved up in my cervix filled with saline. To "aid in dilation". it worked.
Then they broke my water when I was at 4cm.
Um. It was gross. and warm. Kinda like I could not stop peeing, but I wasn't. And it would gush. Ohhh joy. I attempted to walk after this - I made it one lap and I couldn't handle the leakage.
I didn't need the drugs yet but I didn't want to chance it. I knew they were going to increase that pitocin and um ouchy....

I bet you can't guess what happened next.....

pregnancy top 5..or 6...

we got some exciting news from our very close friends - they are expecting - however unexpectedly. I remember when I first got pregnant, despite our months of trying, I was just as scared as I was excited. Um, I'd never done this before - I didn't know what to expect!
Throughout the next 9 months, we all know how much I did not enjoy my pregnancy. Despite my discomfort and general dislike of pregnancy itself - there are a few things that we did to make those 9 months more enjoyable.

1. We took pictures every week to document my changing figure. I look back on them and am so glad to see that transformation. It is also motivation to get back to my "old" self.
2. We did as much as we possibly could together - grocery store, random little errands etc. We didn't get to take a "babymoon" but we tried to spend as much time together doing something or nothing.
3. We had professional maternity pictures taken. Best money spent.
4. My husband. He definatly made my pregnancy more enjoyable by just being himself & loving me and my changing self.
5. Sleep. I slept when I could as much as I could. I know it sounds really silly - but it helped me feel better and gave me as much energy as I possibly could. A rested Andrea = happy Andrea.
6. I wrote to her - and continue to write to her - in a journal that I will give her one day. I started it the day I found out I was pregnant and just wrote whenever I felt like it, about how I was feeling, our hopes and dreams for her and about the big events that happened before she got here. I hope she will cherish this once she gets older as much as I do.

There is so much that happens during pregnancy - physically, emotionally and otherwise - that it can be (and was) slightly overwhelming for different reasons as the time goes on. I was thankful to be able to share my pregnancy with one of my closest friends and that made the "stupid" questions seem less stupid!

So really, there aren't any stupid questions or silly concerns, it all just takes some getting used to and then it's over! No matter what I read or watched or listened to - I could have never been totally prepared & I am sure next time I will have a whole new set of things to question - but now that this one is over, I can say that it may not have been the most fun 9 months of my life but it was worth every second.

beautiful

We did our maternity pictures yesterday --- it was really a lot of fun and Felicia was awesome to work with.
click on the link up there to check them out! talk about a fast blogger!!

we can't wait for her to take baby girl's pictures once she arrives!

my husband rocks

so i have been a slacker with doing my husband rocks fridays - not b/c he doesn't rock - but b/c i have been busy. and lazy.

that being said let me tell you a little something:

he has been going to school since january. working. listening to me whine almost everyday, lacrosse started a few weeks ago and he is the only coach this year w/ a team full of brand new players oh and he is going to be a daddy very very soon.
because he can do all of these things and still find the time to make sure I (we) are doing ok and have what we need - that is why he rocks. that is why he is my rock [even if he is a little overwhelmed and grumpy at times]

and the excitement he has over his daughter coming into the world makes my melt every time i hear him talk about her. and my heart grows a few sizes each time too.

you will never make it

if i hear this statement one more time i am going to go into labor immediatly!

or this one
"do you think you'll make it until you're due date? i don't..."

oh good, i didn't know you were a psychic - can you give me the winning lottery numbers too?

i would show off to all of you internets my big whale of a belly - but i don't want to scare you*

this little girl is due in LESS than 1 month. I will officially be 36wks on Saturday - you know what that means don't you? I will be NINE months pregnant. That is very hard for me to believe. In weeks I will have a baby. I will be someone's MOTHER! Now you are really scared aren't you?!!

Oh, and for the record, I am totally over being pregnant.
It is official, I do not like it. I do not like it sam i am....
I am greatful to be pregnant and to be having a baby. But pregnancy really isn't my thing, I do not think I will be repeating it 17 more times a'la Michelle Duggar style.
We will have more kids - and I will hate being pregnant then too.
But it is in fact a means to an end. Sometimes I feel bad bitching about it considering the vast majority of my friends have had to deal with infertility, but I can not tell a lie. **

One more thing - Have I told you that I am in a wedding next weekend? I am wearing a blue dress, a blue dress that would be perfectly lovely if I wasn't 9 months pregnant. It doesn't do much for my current figure. I actually kind of look like a balloon in it..... A balloon with fat lets anchoring it to the ground..... Maybe it will be better when my hair is done?
The wedding should be fun though, and it's 2 days before our anniversary, so at least we will get to be around people!
Speaking of anniversary - what do you do for year 2? anything special?

*ok really i am lazy. we have our maternity pics saturday, i am sure felicia will have a blog post up soon after to show off, will keep you posted
**ok i can, but i shouldn't. mom's don't lie do they?!

Q&A - ish

So, in my 33wks of pregnancy so far I have been collecting in my head all of the random questions people ask - and all of the answers I wish I could say outloud.




Q: Oh are you pregnant?
A: nope, i just drink a keg of beer a night and eat greasy greasy food - strategically placing all of the fat on my abdomen like this....


Q: What are you having?
A: a litter of kittens. a baby you idiot what the hell?


Q: What are you naming the baby?
A: Hey You. ya, just for our convience in getting her attention later in life. If I didn't offer you here name, I don't want to tell you.


Q: Are you delivering naturally?
A: Do I have sucker written on my forehead?

Q: Was the baby planned?
A: Ya, and do you know that I also plan on punching you in the face for being so damn rude?
Q: Oh wow! How long did you try?
A: We had sex every day for 8 months, and twice on good days. But the real question is, how long did it take you to grow the balls to ask me that?


Q: Are you breastfeeding?
A: I haven't decided.
Q: OMG - WHY NOT you terrible terrible mother?
A: Well you know, so I can have my ass reamed out by the breastfeeding mothers of america club. Why else?


Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
A: I feel like if they weren't necesary they wouldn't have been invented. How do you feel about your children getting lifethreatening illness b/c you are a stubborn ass?


Q: Can I touch your stomach?
A: Ten dollars please......

Q: Can I feel the baby move?
A: Can I put my hand on your stomach and wait for some gas bubbles to pop up?

I will do what is best for this little girl AND her mother - and if it means she needs to sleep in her crib and be given formula, then yes, that is what I am going to do. You know what they say right? If I'm not happy everyone else will suffer.....