The OTHER Side of Parenting

It’s Thursday, which means it’s bloghop time again (of course, if no one else links up, there is no “hopping”, so write and link with us!).

This weeks topic is:

What are the most challenging aspects of parenting.

Not everyday with Gianna is sunshine and dancing. Not at all. She is a toddler and she is mischievous and dramatic. Like, REALLY dramatic. Mike and I have talked recently about how we parent and what we need to work on. We are so far from perfect, but it’s a work in progress with challenges still to come.

Ignoring the judgment.

For me, this is the absolute hardest part of parenting. Not letting what others do and how they parent their child or think I should parent mine cloud what I want to do/know is right.

We are all different. Our children are all different. What works for one, might not work for the other. Etc. Etc. Etc.

You know, sometimes people are just mean and they can make you feel like you are doing something wrong as a parent. But – unless your child is starving, hurting or otherwise in danger – you aren’t doing anything wrong you are just doing something different.

We didn’t baby proof except for one baby gate and a few outlet covers. We try not to use the word “no”. Time-outs work in our house. We don’t believe in spanking or any other physical punishment and redirection/explanation is working to teach her boundaries and understanding. Those are things that work for us. With this child. Maybe they won’t work in the future, but maybe they will.

We fit under the “genre” of gentle parenting (which I never knew existed until like last week) by nature. I don’t have to agree with any other “genre’s” of parenting, but that doesn’t give me the right to give my opinion to someone unless they ask for it.

Also, it is fair to say, that a lot of times we FEEL like we are being judged when really people are just asking questions! Or we feel like our kid is the only without that cool shirt/fancy shoes/toy etc when really, no they aren’t!

Remaining open minded is hard in general, but it can be really hard when you feel judged by others. And for some reason, once I became a mom, I was admittedly hard on myself but I felt like EVERYONE was judging me. I have gotten better, but some days are still really hard.

So really, my biggest parenting challenge is not parenting at all – it is remaining strong so that I CAN parent my child how I believe I should.

Siblings and such

It’s bloghop time again (is anyone besides me even doing this thing? NO? You should, help a sister out. riiight down there, blog and link. you CAN do it!) – and this week’s topic is one near and dear to my heart.

Sibling relationships.

Yours, theirs, your life without siblings, your children's lives with siblings. However you want to interpret it.

It is not a secret that I have two sisters. But really I have four sisters. One twin sister, three younger sisters (one whole, two step). Sisters rock, we get to borrow clothes and shoes, gossip and laugh, eat and drink etc. etc. etc. I am not nearly as close with my stepsisters, we have pretty great relationships, probably because we were all older when our parents got married, I am not going to talk much about them in this post but I love them just the same.

cori is in the green dress, ashlee is in the black hoodie.

My “real” sisters? They are my best friends. I mean that in every sense of the term. I talk to them a million times a day, I count on them for everything and nothing, I love them a million times more than I could ever explain.

I didn’t always like being a twin, it was annoying. Everyone refers to you as “the twins”. Very frustrating, since you know, we have NAMES and we looked NOTHING alike! But she has always been there for me even when I didn’t want her to be, we are complete and total opposites, but opposites attract, right? She is there for all the big stuff, little stuff and in between stuff. She lives about 40 minutes away and it feels VERY VERY FAR sometimes, we should really live next door to each other.

me and my twinie

My younger sister, I REALLY was not her biggest fan when we were growing up, she is 6 years younger than me and well, she was the typical annoying little sister. Then I went to college and I missed her. And she grew up. And is an amazing women now. We look a LOT alike, people usually think we are twins. I see her everyday and am usually sad on the days I don’t. She should one day live on the other side of me.

me and the little “untwinie'”. I look awful, so focus on her.

The relationships we have? I pray every  night that when Gianna (fingers crossed) has a sibling, brother or sister, they experience the same closeness. It’s better than any other friendship I have experienced because it is the best of both worlds – family and friend. Sometimes it can get annoying, but it is fleeting. I always have someone I can count on, go get dinner with, shop with, bitch to, laugh with and just be ME. Who could ask for more?

*I just have to say that I do not want more children just to give her a sibling, I want more children because I feel a void in my family. There is NOTHING wrong with having only one child, or no children, for that fact.

Valentine’s day traditions

It’s thursday, and that means it is ADM bloghop day!
This week’s topic, as suggested by Paige at Baby Dust Diaries is

What Valentine’s day traditions do you have, or have you started with your family?

Growing up, my mom (who rocks!) always made even the most insignificant days special by singing to us, putting candles in twinkies, making snack trays and doing so many things just because.  She also always made the teeny tiniest of holidays a big deal – special treats and little gifts wrapped up waiting for us in secret hiding places.

Before we got married, Mike and I did the typical date nights, over the top gifts and all that for every.little.holiday and non-holiday. After we got married? We got each other cards…. (and sex…it is a holiday after all!)

Now that we are parents? I love to start fun traditions and want to carry on my mom’s knack for making every day special and the special days special-er. Last year G was 10 months old for Valentine’s day and Mike and I were on the brink of separation, I have no idea if I even acknowledged the day.

This valentine’s day? We got our craft on!

We made cards (with GLITTER!!) for everyone, G loves to “paint” the glitter. She also made some special crafts when she spent the night at Aunt Jacqui’s that we are going to give the grandparents!

As far as what WE are going to do? Someone had mentioned making the table really fancy for dinner – I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea!  We don’t have a lot of pink/red/fancy table fixings, but I am going to try and get some this weekend (or after V-day when they go on sale!!) and I think we will do heart shaped pancakes (what? she doesn’t eat anything else) with strawberries and a berry smoothie for dinner!

A great tradition in my opinion – fancy table for a non-fancy dinner and I am sure I will find a little something fun for her – maybe a new tutu or sunglasses or something.  I think as she gets older I will make a scavenger hunt!

Oh! and Mike! I got him a little something too!

Tell me about your valentine’s traditions and join our bloghop! (link open until 2/15!)



*ABC is for Circus giveaway ends 2/11!!!!

Confessions of a (insert age here) women: ADM bloghop style

It’s my turn to host the small but mighty ADM bloghop this month – I don’t care if you know what ADM stands for or not, feel free to join on in (and contribute topics!)!  Links will be open from Thurs-Sun each week. 
This week’s topic is an easy one:

Confessions of a (insert age here) women

a nod to my confessions of a toddler mom post from the other week, I made some, shall we say interesting, realizations the past few weeks. I thought I would over share with you, my special internet friends.
Confessions of a 20-something women:

• I used to hate leggings for anyone over the age of 5. Until I bought a pair. Now I am mercilessly searching for something else to wear them with.
• I will not buy into the jeggings though. Or pajama jeans or whatever. I have boundaries.
• I literally jumped for joy in the middle of Rite Aid over the amount of money I saved with my coupons. You guys – I saved 2x what I spent, it was epic.
• Some days I just want my mommy, especially when I don’t feel good.
• I can no longer live without coffee. And also jumped for joy when I saw that coffeemate has new flavors out.
• When did I become so damn exciting?
• In college, I was most productive in the middle of the night. Now? Most productive at nap time. And again between the hours of 10p and 12am. Except I do considerably worse functioning on little sleep.
• You know what else used to happen in the middle of the night in college (besides studying and alcohol consumption)? Sex.
• You know what happens at nap time* but not usually between the hours of 10pm and 12 am? Sex. Because I do not have the energy by the time the middle of the night rolls around.
• Told you I would over share.
• I have actually gotten WORSE at returning phone calls (sorry, friends).
• I can’t even REMEMBER that someone called me or emailed me or whatever half the time and it comes to my damn phone. Not real sure what I am busy remembering instead…but I feel all guilty about my forgetfulness.
• Some days, I don’t even feel like texting (I know, GASP!). I do it anyway, of course, I just don’t always like it.
• I am very comfortable talking in front of large groups of people I don’t know, but I always get nervous when I have to call someone I don’t know. So weird.
• I like wine. A lot. Beer? Eh, only if it is hot outside.
• And, with that, I have officially turned in to my mother. Minus the ability to fall asleep on the couch.

Okay, now who's next?



*please do not be fooled, by naptime I mean only on the days that begin with S.
Don't forget to enter to win the Charlie Harper Nesting Blocks - ends tomorrow.

ADvice or ASSvice?

Our ADM bloghop topic this week is

What is the best advice you received but never thought you’d use?

How’s that for deep?

As I was thinking about this I thought about all the random things people have told me over the years. Most of it I have classified as ASSvice – as in, the giver of the advice was just being an asshole. Example: You look good for just having had a baby, but maybe don’t eat those oreos? Example #2: Why don’t you just become a nurse, girls shouldn’t be doctors*. 

Some things people have said though, go in the ADvice column. As in, they have added to how I look at life, a situation, a cookie, whatever.

The biggest piece of ADvice I received without knowing was during out pre-cana classes. They told us to make your spouse your number one priority.

And at the time, we were almost married, madly in love and how silly of them to be telling us this? Married bliss – we got that. Forever and ever. The end. No ADvice necessary, because we got this.

Except, then life goes on and you move from newlyweds on their honeymoon to newlyweds in real life and on and on.

What happens when you do not put your spouse as your number one priority? Nothing good. That’s what.  I can speak from (unfotunate) experience on this – because we went through periods of school being more important to me, going out with friends being more important to him, getting pregnant being more important than US, new baby ruling the world etc etc etc.

What happens to a marriage when this is the case? Again, nothing good. You might talk about divorce, make bad choices, ignore each other and stop kissing goodnight.

Thankfully, we both have gone back to that ADvice we received more than 4 years ago and are in a pretty great place.  Will we be here forever? Doubtful. But we have learned how to work through the changes in life that lead to a distraction of priority.  Some days, school work or taking care of the toddler ARE very important, just not the MOST important.

I try (not always successfully, as my husband will point out) to spend 5 minutes every day with just him. No tv, no toddler, no phone. Sometimes it is only 1.5 minutes until I fall asleep, but I do my best. And so does he.  And I can say, without question, whether it appears that way or not, that my husband is my number one priority. And I can say with confidence, that I am his.

And we always kiss goodnight.

Join our host for the month, Sara & play along with us!


*yes someone told me this while in medical school.

What’s a lovie?

I talk about Gianna’s lovie (which, in this house is a small blanket) a lot.
Because she loves it. A LOT.
When Sara asked us to write on this topic:

Share how your child, or you, or someone you know, found and adopted his/her lovey and the importance of it in his/her life.  As a bonus, feel free to add cute pictures of your little ones with their loveys.

I could NOT turn it down.

I had a lovie growing up. I still have it. As heartbreaking (and possibly disturbing to some) as that is, it’s literally held together by a thread.  I did take it out of my pillowcase about a year ago and stored it safely in a box. (you’re welcome, Mike). My favorite part about that lovie? The silk edge. I would just run my hands around and around and around it until I fell asleep.

Gianna got her lovie from my mom when she was born. It was the most perfect size for a baby, not a huge honking blanket that would get dragged in the mud. It was SO soft and had that perfect silk edge.
I gave it to her from day one, she caught on that this was HERS around month 2 or 3 and has never let it go since.

Being the highly intelligent beings that Mike and I are, we RAN to the store my mom bought it at to get backup. Because, holy crap if we left it at sea world* one day in the future THE WORLD WOULD END. DOOM. FOR SURE. They had 3 left, in the clearance aisle. We bought 2 of them. Bringing our total lovie count to 3.

2 lovies are on constant rotation so they are both equally “broken in”. 1 is untouched. When I look at that “fresh” one, I am AMAZED at just how soft and cuddly that sucker is! Sometimes G will catch a glimpse of lovie #2 in the laundry basket, grab it and become the happiest little person EVER. Because TWO WUBEEEEEZZZ!

Then I have to take the TWO WUBEEEZZZ and smell them both to figure out which one is clean and which is not…. I usually do not need to get both up to my nose before I know for sure….

At least that 1 fresh lovie was untouched until this morning. When both lovies ended up in the laundry and THE WORLD ENDED. PERIOD. I tried to tough it out, tell her lovie was getting a bath, no dice. Fresh lovie was unvailed. There were tears of joy, thank yous and claims of FLUFFY WUBEEE.

Another place the WUBEEEE must be at all times? In the car. Before she is even in her carseat she is saying “WUBEE” WUBEE?" “WUBEE!!!!!” followed by BINK.EEEEEEEEEEEEE. I tell you, she brings the opening night performance every day of the week.

Homegirl takes her lovie everywhere, she gives it hugs and kisses.  She tries to feed it snacks and give it drinks. We play peek-a-boo with it. Her babies get wrapped up in it. She holds on to it tight. She rubs her fingers across the silky edges.

Clearly, the lovie and binkie go hand in hand in this house. And as I said before, we DO need a binkie intervention.  I am just a leetle afraid that will also mean a lovie intervention, because really, I don’t know if *I* want her to give that up. Her lovie is her best friend, her comforter and her security.

Maybe one day, against her husband’s wishes, she will sleep with her lovie (or both!) in her pillowcase too.





*my little sister had a bunnie** lovie. and lost it at sea world. it was doom. for sure. until my cousin had a spare. peace was then restored to the world.
**I like to end things in –ie because I think it is cute. deal with it.

Cabin Fever

It’s blog hop time again!  This week’s topic:

Here in Cleveland we are snowed in but everywhere has days where cabin fever can creep in. What are your favorite indoor activities to do with your kids?

Being that my peanut is too young to do many craft projects or play games - I am not thinking that painting or playdough with a 10 month old would be the best use of our time…. - we explore our house. And our toys. A lot.
Mirrors are amazing to her. Or maybe she just really likes looking at herself. Practicing her surprised face.  She IS cute after all.

play Dates are always a great time. G goes for the older men.  She watched her buddy, Mr. G intently trying to figure out whatever he was doing.

Also, we make every time of day fancy.  Who says you can’t wear bows with your pj’s?

G’s cousins gave her this really really cool tunnel that she adores! So, it’s a pretty fun thing for us to do indoors.  Teaching her exercise early on.
 
Reading is always an option too.  She loves to eat books.
 
We try to teach her reasoning skills.  She is trying to figure out how to get her cat into her mailbox.  I hope she has enough postage….

Needless to say, we are very much looking forward to warmer weather, but doing our best to stay entertained.  Looking forward to any suggestions from seasoned mama’s!
Don’t forget: Anyone can join in on the blog hop. And comments are always welcome :)

Those are some big shoes to fill

Blog Hop time again!!
( Remember last week's?)
Join the fun by linking up down there.... it's fun, I promise!  Or you can just leave some comment love for me and all the other participants

This week's topic: What aspects of your parents' parenting do you want to continue in parenting your own kid(s)?

I have said it a million times - while we were trying to get pregnant, during my entire pregnancy and throughout this crazy mommyhood journey - if I can be HALF of the mom that mine is, my children will be in great shape!  My dad, is a total douche, so my mom had to play double duty, and did it without even trying.  She is amazing.  I could go through my old posts and link to all of them here, but I have a feeling that would take up a lot of time....

Since I don't want to make this overly sappy - here is a list of things I want to do with my kids that I learned from my mom

• sing the unbirthday song and let her eat a twinkie and blow out a candle
• make sure she always feels safe
• always kiss her goodnight and tell her how much I love her
• teach her to be polite
• be her best friend
• believe in her, no matter what.
• sing and dance around the living room
• laugh
• trust
• eat dinner together, and do the dishes together
• read dr. seuss books to her, in my dr. seuss book voice
• make the ordinary days special

I talk to my mom everyday. I tell her everything. I trust her with my life.  She learned it from her parents, and I strive to pass on such lessons to my daughter. There isn't one part of her parenting that I don't hope to emmulate.

Speaking of food....

A local mommy message board I am on, from here on out referred to as the ADMers, has lots of awesome bloggers like her, her, her & her - the fearless leader of this adventure.  We are doing a blog hop, and no, I do not know what that means really - but you can play too by clicking on the mcklinky down there. And, leave some love to all the other awesome participants.

This weeks topic: What is your child's favorite and least favorite foods? Are you Happy about it? What do you do to promote a diverse palate?

Fitting huh? I didn't even know this was going to be the topic when I wrote this post. Am that good, clearly.

Favorite food of G - fruit. carbs. puffs.  she is a freaking puff-a-holic. But for real, she lurves her some fruit. All fruit. Am pleased.

Least favorite food of G - veggies.  In fact, she dislikes veggies so much at the current moment that I can't even hide them in other food (like french fries...) because she will magically eat everything in her mouth BUT the veggie, stick her tongue out with it on there and then gag. Yes. I am serious.  I think this talent is genetic as I her aunts did the same thing growing up..... 

I am totally happy about her choice to love all things fruit. I am not happy about her dislike of veggies, clearly.

We try to just give her some of everything at every meal.  I don't force food on her, but I do make her try everything even if she spit it out the last time we had it.  As we have discussed, I want her to have a more diverse palate and open to any and all suggestions on how to make this a succes!

Now, don't forget to join us each week (add the mcklinky to your page!) ) And visit Paige to join in all the fun. (and for way better directions on how to play)