Button Pusher

When Gianna was 3.5/4, she had all the opinions and expressed them sometimes very loudy, but she generally listened and took her punishment when necessary. She could certainly push our buttons but overall, her issues were her issues and typically she didn’t make things harder on herself by misbehaving that much more.

Aleesia at 3.5/now 4? She is what I have deemed the button pusher. When she misbehaves? It is 100% on purpose and typically compounded by additional misbehavior. When she’s tired, the button pushing becomes even more intense. She’s in the “I don’t ever need to nap” stage so if she has a bad nights sleep, doesn’t nap, we are pretty much setting ourselve up for a rough patch at some point in the afternoon/evening.

Case-in-point: tonight, she needed to put on her pajamas but she didn’t want to (which I already said was fine) so she laid on hallway floor and purposely tripped Gianna. So then she had to stay in her room for the rest of the night. Since she wouldn’t go to her room voluntarily, I had to bring her in there. Once she got in her room, she was super mad so she threw everything from her bed on the floor, screamed and kicked her feet repeatedly. When she was done with that she kept coming out of her room. We eventually got her all calmed down, tucked in (still in her regular clothes) and asleep but WHEW that girl!

Just when I think I know what will either a) hold off a meltdown and/or b) shorten a meltdown she proves me wrong and my normal tricks don’t work. We’ve been using essential oils to help (we have a trantrum tamer blend that works along with just bermgamont on the back of her neck) but sometimes I forget to grab them in the middle of dealing with her current issue. We’ve been diffusing orange and cedarwood too which sometimes helps.

In the middle of the chaos, it can be so difficult to remain calm, and I don’t always. I want her to feel comfortable expressing her feelings, but screaming, yelling, disrupting the entire house isn’t the appropriate way to do it – she understands that (afterwards) and it’s getting slightly better. But she’s also getting better at figuring out EXACTLY which of my buttons to push and when.

Giannaisms

I haven’t posted a Giannaism in a very long time – as much as this 4.75 year old pushes my buttons some days, she is still so so hilarious. And often times, wise beyond her years.

Just a few excerpts from recent conversations so you can get a glimpse into the good, the bad, and the funny that is my oldest sweetheart.  And I can capture some of her 4.75 year old world permanently. 

Mike’s new work schedule doesn’t get him home until at least 7:30 which means I do dinner and bedtime – a notoriously difficult time in our house.

Dinner is a really rough time for the 4.75 year old six and a half out of seven nights a week.  There is usually a lot of drama and tears involved for one reason or another. 

“I am NOT eating this chicken. It smells terrible. And don’t you know I only like finger chickens? Not THIS kind of chicken.”

she then moved the chicken on to a napkin, pushed it across the table and ate the applesauce and crescent roll on her plate. A little later  when she couldn’t have more crescent rolls…

“but MAH-MEE, you should know I only like to eat foods that are soft and fluffy”

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After I made her exactly what she asked for for dinner….

“I am not eating at that table wif people. I do not want to eat wif people any.more.  … I just waited all day for you to come home so I could be happy and now you made me angry. And I am crying and I have a head-ick.”

And when there isn’t any drama, we have a lot of laughs.  Gianna is quite a story teller.  Most nights we can’t start dinner until her baby dolls are at the table ready to eat.  They even have their own spots at the table.  I don’t have any direct quotes (I seriously need to record our dinner conversations) just a few tidbits of things she has told me:

• Her pretend husband, Stuart, is also her other pretend husband Mr. Cresawati’s brother.  Her and Stuart needed to quit the marriage though because it just wasn’t working out.
• She re-enacted the entire Santa Clause 3 movie – including the part about having a baby and being a principle.
• Her daughters are usually Lauren and Emily.  Sometimes Isabella. And now, Saige. Apparently they eat all of the dinner that she refuses to eat.
• She also re-enacts and sings the entire Frozen movie.  She has to be Elsa and usually wears gloves around the house.
• Apparently the light hurts her eyes at restaurants, unless she is at Panera or Applebee's. (neither of those places she eats at, by the way)
• She often asks me about my work friends after I ask her about her day.

And on the topic of Giannaisms and memory keeping – I need to start getting an outfit of the day picture of her.  And a pajamas of the day picture.  Today she went to dinner in a pink hello kitty shirt, purple tulle skirt, grey leggings, pink shoes and a purple hoodie with her hair in a silly ponytail.  Tonight she went to bed in fire truck pj shirt, plaid pants and a yellow flowered night gown over top.

She can be a handful, she can be a challenge, but above all she is pretty awesome and she is growing too fast.

Wordless Wednesday

big punkin

little punkin

silly punkin

my punkins!

 

((shameless plug – visit my #pamperssleepchat post and enter to win diapers and pjs for your punkin!)

20 questions–4.5 yr old variety

I didn’t get a chance to do these with Gianna on her birthday, so we did them for her 1/2 birthday.  Some things never change, like how goofy she is, or that she needs her lovie to go to sleep…..

1. What’s your favorite color? PINK!

2. What’s your favorite toy? strawberry shortcake – the toy one

3. What’s your favorite food? chicken nuggets, french fries, fish sticks, tater tots, fruits and veggies

4. What’s your favorite TV show? lemme think of it….strawberry shortcake

5. What’s your favorite thing to do with Daddy? wrestle

6. What’s your favorite outfit? My school stuff you bought me from carters… like my heart dresses

7. What’s your favorite game? games on the ipad? – um ….puzzles

8. What’s your favorite snack? goldfish

9. What’s your favorite animal? ponies

10. What’s your favorite book? peter pan

11. Who’s your best friend? Olivia

12. What’s your favorite thing to do outside? play wif logan

13. What’s your favorite drink? “I love apple juice”

14. What’s your favorite holiday? summer

15. What’s your favorite thing to sleep with? my lovie

16. What do you want to be when you grow up? big ballet girl & a big horse rider

17. What’s your favorite movie? Sophia [the first]

18. What’s your favorite thing to do with mommy?  snuggle {melt}

19. Where is your favorite place to go? Olivia’s house

20. What’s your favorite song? justin bieber [fan girl in the making…]

We've Got Spirit

It's not a real secret that Gianna was a pretty high need baby and toddler.  Or that she took the definition of threenager to another level last year.  Lately, I have been having a hard time finding the right description of her personality.

She is:

• hilarious
• sweet
• caring
• temperamental
• detail oriented
• demanding
• polite
• loving
• rough
• hard headed
• bossy
• schedule-driven
• independent
• persistent

She is the complete opposite of "easy-going" or "laid-back".  She is in fact, very particular, very detail oriented.  She takes her time on things that matter to her.

There is not any one task that I would say is "easy" or "simple". Of course, there are TIMES when things go smoother, or she is more cooperative/understanding/willing, but that's not the case the majority of the time.

We spend a lot of time on transitions throughout the day: "Gianna, you have X minutes until it's time to get ready for school"...."Gianna your lunch will be ready in X minutes"... "When the next commercial comes on your show, it's time for a bath"... you get the idea.  We can't just say "time for a bath" and expect that bath to go down without a fight.  It's always been this way, so it's sort of second nature to us now to give that warning to her. 

All of these things I have typically just chalked up to her age.  We try to manage our expectations of her.  But so often we are met with a wall of resistance, a lot of "NO!", etc.  We are also often met with a lot of "Hey, Mommy/Daddy... I love you" which will make you forget about that last battle of the wills in 0.5 seconds flat.

Her attitude and general demeanour got really defiant and somewhat aggressive right before Aleesia was born and about a month after she was here - which made perfect sense.  Gianna's world just literally got turned upside down - A) we couldn't tell her when Sister was coming.  She would ask multiple times a day and she never understood why we didn't know. She still talks about how she wasn't allowed to come to the hospital to meet sissy no less than once a week. (this clearly had a really big impact on her) and B) Once she realized that Aleesia wasn't leaving and that all the time she used to have exclusively with me and Mike now had to be allocated and shared with a screaming baby - that was SO NOT COOL. 

The past few weeks (it feels like weeks, anyway) have been particularly hard. There are epic meltdowns over EV.ER.Y.THING  - what shoes to wear, what toothpaste to use, where that one hair on her head landed, which couch cushion she wants to sit on, if she got two tissues instead of one and clothes are an entirely different VERY LARGE battle (we let her pick out her own clothes and there are STILL tantrums that would make seasoned grandmothers run out of the house).  This is not an exaggeration in any way - she will scream, cry, kick, yell, screech, whimper, etc. for 20, 30, 40 or more minutes.  And literally, she can't be calmed down.  She will even say "I can't calm down" between sobs.  As maddening as it is - it is that much more heartbreaking.  She works herself up to this level that she can't easily come down from or tell us what even started the meltdown in the first place.

Mike and I are feeling very much like we should not or cannot parent her lately.  It's pretty tough, actually.  When I have to leave for work and she is screaming and carrying on so loudly that all of our neighbors probably think someone is plucking her finger nails off one by one because the shirt she picked out is "too big on my shoulders".  It makes for a lot of tears from me too. 

I am generally a very calm person - I don't get mad or yell often. I can handle a lot of nonsense before I just can't anymore.  However the level of  patience and understanding that I have for these epically giant meltdowns that occur, on average one to four times A DAY is quickly diminishing.   We have tried several methods of "charting" her behavior most of which she loses interest in before I am done telling her what the deal is.  Right now she has 4 behaviors each day that we mark with a face (smile, sad, angry, etc.) - if she has more happy faces that anything else she gets a prize (this week is pumpkin window clings!).  She seems to like and respond to this one pretty well so far, but it's not been a full week yet....

We have a few moments/days of perfection, of course.  In fact, today she is having one of the best days she has had in a really long time and she is getting a LOT of praise (and so far, 2 smiley faces) for that.  And generally, if she is having one:one time with anyone, she is amazingly awesome and well behaved.  I don't know anyone else who has a child with such...spirit....so it makes it hard to relate and I am sure pretty much anyone who has not seen one of her meltdowns in person would think I over exaggerate.  I have been scouring the Internet for information - ideas on how to parent her better and more effectively, etc. 

To which I have learned that she fits the bill of a "spirited child" almost 100%:

INTENSITY (loud and dramatic-focused outward, quiet and intently observant - focused inward),

PERSISTENCE ("lock in" to important ideas, love to debate, goal oriented),

SENSITIVITY (easily overstimulated by their environment, low sensory thresholds to any of the five senses),

PERCEPTIVENESS (easily distracted, notice everything going on all the time),

ADAPTIBILITY (don't transition/shift from one activity to another easily),
"bonus" characteristics
REGULARITY (natural schedules for eating or sleeping),

ENERGY (physically active, busy exploring all the time),

FIRST REACTION (quick with drawl when first encountering anything new), and

MOOD (as in moody)


You can probably pick out how each of these fit her personality just from this post - but especially if you know her in real life or have read this blog for any period of time.  I might, for my own sake, take some time to explore each of these further in a separate post, but not today.

When she was a baby someone recommended the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" to me and I never read it.  And it turns out that I need to stop at the store tonight to pick that book up because we NEED IT.  I also ran across a blog post that I NEEDED to read today.  It rang so true to me and it made me feel better. 

This part, specifically, hit me like a ton of bricks - especially the underlined part:

"More than anything, our son wants to feel like he matters. He might only be four and some change, but he feels as if his opinion is just as important as the rest. Yes, occasionally being his mom is like caring for someone with a drinking problem (slurring, falling down, tantrums, moments of love and incoherence). Yes, occasionally he freaks out for no apparent reason. But he’s almost always upset about things that matter to him, things we take for granted. The more responsibility we’ve given him, the more praise he gets for his accomplishments,"

I know Gianna doesn't freak out to get back at us, or to make us mad.  She is having a VERY hard time articulating exactly what the problem is but sometimes, when she can tell me, it's something so simple or something that I would brush off as "nothing" that clearly was NOT "nothing" to her.  We need to focus on those things that matter to her - even  (and especially) if we don't understand why.

It's no secret that this girl is spirited - we all just need to keep learning the best ways to encourage and engage her so that we help her to grow. Life isn't going to get any easier for her if we don't help her understand how to effectively articulate her opinion.  I can appreciate that throwing yourself on the floor screaming "I don't want to deal with you" does seem like an appropriate solution sometimes, but it's not practical.  One thing that does give me comfort is that she always says "I'm sorry, I love you" when it's all over.  And I always tell her that I love her more.  She's always extra sweet after a meltdown blows over.

There is so much more we need to learn and understand about each other as she grows.  And we are heading into another time of transition for our family (more on this soon) so I'm buckling in tight over the next few weeks because I think it's going to get bumpier.  But if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.

and if you read this and have felt as alone as I have trying to parent a child who tests all.the.limits.all.the.time - you ARE NOT alone.

Wordless Wednesday: Time Warp

Gianna’s first day of preschool 2012:

Gianna’s first day of preschool 2013:

 

It is really quite amazing what a difference a year makes. 

But and Also of extreme importance: WHERE DID MY BABY GOOOO?

Road Tripping & Beach Bound

In just a month we are heading to the Outer Banks to spend some beach time with our friends.  And I am irrationally excited about this.  We have taken some awesome trips the past few years, but I have missed the sand in my toes for sure.

We took Gianna to Myrtle Beach when she was 18 months old and it was a gloriously relaxing vacation.

She is so pumped about this trip because two of her best friends will be there – I know they are all going to have a KILLER time.

I have never taken a wee baby to the beach though and the idea of lugging my littlest most-particular-princess to the beach is a little daunting to be quite honest.  I have a beach tent to keep her out of the sun.  And protective swim suits and a hat for her.  I thought she might be sitting up on her own by the time we left, and maybe she will be, but right now she isn’t.  Needless to say I am a little unsure of what all to bring with me to entertain her, keep her cool and protected from the sun.

So far my plan is to bring her beach tent and pretty much keep her in there with a few toys.  we will have a large beach towel so she can lay down and eat sand play if she wants.  Perhaps the bumbo seat would be a good option for her too.  Someone on FB mentioned bringing a little baby bathtub for her – which, possibly, but that might be a bit much to lug to/from the beach house. Sunscreen, obviously, we have under control. 

What other tips might you have for enjoying a trip to the beach with a baby who may (or may not) be quite particular about life?!

We are renting a house down there and planning on buying the majority of our food when we get there – but aside from cleaning products & personal stuff– what are things we should bring with us?

And for the to and from portion of our beach vacation we will be road tripping.  Aleesia will be fine in the car, and honestly I think Gianna will be too.  Luckily both girls generally sleep anytime they are buckled into their seats!  I want to put together a few things to entertain Gianna – she has been really into coloring lately so we will pack a lot of crafty/coloring stuff.  And her v.reader and the eyepad, naturally.  I found a few ideas on pinterest but it’s questionable whether or not I find the time to do any of them.  Has anyone tried anything awesome that would go over well with a FOURyearsold?  I have an old ipod nano that maybe I will have Mike load some tunes on for her… road trip playlist, FTW!

Typically, if we are driving somewhere, we just drive straight there and only stop to eat and use the bathroom.  We decided this time that we would stop on the way there and home (when we passed the halfway point) and maybe find some cool things to see along the way, since we are going to need to stop to eat and use the bathroom ANYWAY. I believe the world’s largest hammock is on our list… we are notoriously NOT GOOD at road tripping, in general, so I’m hoping this helps to make the trip portion of this vacation more enjoyable.

Any other beach-going  (or Outer Banks specific) tips/advice you want to throw my way, I’m all ears.

Giannaisms

It has been a while since I have bragged on Gianna’s silly personality.  She is still silly, with a side of sass and a lot of seriousness.

She says everything with such authority – she could convince you the sky was pink if you let her.

A few gems from the past few months:

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Me: Why do you look so big all of a sudden, Gianna?

G: (hands on hips, head cocked to the side) because I grown-ed, duh.

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Me: Gianna, did you just drop something?

G: Nope.  That was just Aleesia’s toy.

Me: okay….

G: You said I shouldn’t play with the baby toys. So I can’t pick them up eee-der.

(also, touché my little friend)

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G: Look mommy, I am givin’ my horse a mo-hog.

Me: A mo-hog? are you sure?

G: Ya mommy.  I’m a professional hair girl, I do mo-hogs the best.

(noted.)

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G: Girl eyes are pretty because they are blue. And girls have eye lashes because eye lashes are fancy

Mike: Gianna, where do you think you got your blue eyes from? (fully expecting her to say mommy and/or daddy)

G: God!

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my mom refers to me and my sister as “the girls” and our birthday is coming up.

G: So, maybe my daddy can just drop me off at the Girls’ birthday party

Krissy: Where will daddy go, G?

G: I guess to just play ‘crosse or sumpin.

later….

G: Grama, when is the girls’ birthday party? Is it today? We should get them a present.

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and a few glimpses into her imagination:

I hope she always stays so silly, it’s one of her best traits.

A letter to my {oldest} daughter: FOUR!

Dear Gianna -

I know I say this every year – but time flies.  I honestly do not know how is it even possible for you to be turning four tomorrow?!!  It has been a crazy, fun, exciting year.  You are so much the same, but so much of a different more mature person than you were last year.  It is amazing how much you have changed and grown.

This year you have gone from wearing diapers and taking a binkie to bed

to wearing underpants and taking lots of books and “pets” to bed.

You had sleepovers and lots of fun adventures with your BFF’s.

Visited the princesses at disney world for a whole week.  And you talk about it every single day – you are a disney girl, there is no doubt about that.

You started and LOVE preschool. I have seen you grow and learn so much this past year.  I love to hear your stories about school and as much as I complain about all the crafts – I really love them.  One of my favorite things to do when I get home from work is to hear about your day, I hope we always talk about our days with each other.

But the biggest changes of all revolve around you taking on the titles of big cousin and big sister.

You LOVE your cousin Luci and love playing with her now that she plays back. 

And your sister? I think it is fair to say that you are smitten with each other.  Gianna you are always so concerned with where Aleesia is, how she is doing, where she is and what you can do to help her.  Sometimes it’s okay to be frustrated – and you are – but you do a pretty good job of expressing how you feel, which is awesome.  I could listen to you talk to Aleesia all day – the way you say “Hi miss!” to her in the morning melts my heart.  I hope you always love her so much (but I know you won’t always like her so much!) and that you always adore her.  You have also been such a huge help – I always ask you to tell me if she is awake or asleep in the car and when you answer “her eyes are awake” I can’t help but smile.

My favorite part of being your mommy right now is how sweet you are and the conversations that we have.  You are such a little person with big ideas (elaborate stories!), very serious opinions and just the right amount of logic behind your choices that it’s hard to argue with you most of the time.  You are a caring soul – always concerned with how everyone in your life is doing and feeling. I hope you are always that way.  Your very serious opinions tend to get you in a little bit of trouble sometimes but we are working through that together and things are getting better – I know you can’t be good all the time and it’s okay to have a bad day.

You have your own sense of style and you will NOT be persuaded otherwise, despite all of my best efforts.  So I started letting you pick out your own clothes before we buy them and when you get ready in the mornings – if I am going to pick something to stand my ground on, this isn’t going to be it.  I have started to really love seeing what you decide to wear – almost always leggings with either a dress or a shirt!  But your favorite thing is pj’s – you always change immediately when you get home!

There are some words that you still say “wrong” and I love it.  It helps remind that despite your mature personality, you are still a little girl.  Some of my favorites are “fader” (bother), “kitty hello”, “elphanent” and “belly egg” (belly ache!).  You still stutter when you are excited about something.  The way we communicate and converse amazes me almost every day.  you are starting to understand my sarcasm which I am sure will come back to haunt me!  you might talk non stop, but I’ll never get tired of listening to what you have to say no matter how busy I am.  And when you come up to me and say “I love you mommy” – nothing else can go wrong.

Your imagination is one of my favorite things about you right now.  You are GREAT at playing independently and as often as I can I just sit and listen/watch you and your imagination at work – it is truly amazing.  Barbie's, baby dolls, “pets”, lalaloopsy dolls, horses, your dollhouse, kitchen, legos – just about anything can entertain you for hours. You still love books and you REALLY love crafts and stickers.  Something you really enjoy, and often beg to do, is sweep and mop the floors and to wash the windows and the counters with your “helper stool”! I take any help around the house you want to offer. We work on chores and you do a great job clearing your dishes and putting your clothes in your hamper.  You are still my tiny dancer loving dance class and you started swimming lessons which are going really great.

This has been a really big year for you – one full of changes, growth, learning, challenges, fun, excitement and so much more.  You are an amazing girl and not a minute goes by that I don’t feel beyond lucky and blessed to be your mommy.  Aleesia is so lucky to have you as her big sister – I am positive you are going to teach each other so much.  Last night you sat down next to me on the couch and said “you are my best friend mama” and it’s just a moment I won’t forget.

One thing will never change – you will always be my first baby.  the one who made me a mommy.  the one whose goofy smile and big blue eyes make any bad day good.  the one who gives awesome hugs and kisses.  I can’t express just how much I love you, sweet girl, just know it’s a lot more than I can ever express.

Happy fourth birthday, bug – I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store.

Love you forever,

Mommy