One of the things I have realized since losing my job and being home full time is how freaking hard it is to get it all done.
By all I mean: entertain the toddler, cook and clean the kitchen what feels like 58x a day, keep the living room kept, floors swept and toys picked up, getting the laundry done and showering. Not to mention getting my school work completed, articles written, meetings scheduled, job applications completed and turned in.
For some reason when I worked all day I just let some of it go, since I wasn’t here, I couldn’t do it. Now that I AM here? I feel like I HAVE to do it. Maybe that is a stupid idea, but the other day I tried to let the mess “go”, and I turned into a raging bitch because THE COUNTERS ARE DIRTY. Stupid, but again, control freak over here.
The other control issue? Our checkbook. I am the CFO of this house and am having a very hard time implementing the changes I KNOW MUST HAPPEN (like, not getting chik-fil-a for lunch) so that bills can get paid and I don’t have a freaking coronary. We CAN make it. We WILL make it. But going from having some spending money (no matter how little) each week to having none? That is a big change for us. And? We have some things we need to be saving for/paying off and we can’t. And I hate it. Because it just seems so unfair. (um, because it is I guess) I think we could qualify for assistance on some things, but I am going to be brave and admit this – but I am scared to apply. I know it would help, but I can’t seem to call or go to the website or whatever. I don’t know why, I just can’t do it right now. Stupid, I know. But not ONLY am I a control freak – I HATE admitting defeat, or that I need help and can’t do it ALL.BY.MYSELF.
So I am actually devoting this week to taking control of my house. Whatever that means, however I have to do it. The office needs organized, the items in piles in the basement need donated/sold/trashed, the checkbook needs balanced and the laundry needs done. And I am doing it with the help of my lovely lists. And my awesome husband (whether he knows it or not!) and the entertainment of my cute girl.
4 comments:
I just laugh out loud MOST of the time when I read your posts, because I could be writing the exact.same.thing.
I am balancer of the check book too, and it always makes me feel like the heavy--esp now when I tell Mook we should probably skip going out for lunch/dinner when we get a craving for something. Its so tough.
I wish we lived closer so we could go into business together--we would be GREAT business partners!!
Oh, it is sooooo hard, I know. Especially the money thing. HUGS.
Ugh...money sucks...being careful with money sucks even more.
I know what you're saying about applying for assistance, but if it could lessen your stress, it may just be worth it.
Being at home is simply exhausting. I feel like I HAVE to keep my house spotless regardless of baby or work obligations and I really put so much pressure on myself to really do it all every day. I get what you're saying about how you can let it slide when you're working out of the home... I did that before, too. Dirty dishes in the sink and piles of mail on the counters were somehow less offensive. Sigh.
You are the ideal person that should take assistance. You work hard and you found yourself in a temporary bad spot. You aren't just sitting on your ass making babies and holding out your hand for a living. Do what you need to do. I'm praying for you guys.
xoxo
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