so you wanna have a baby?

Or the beginning of my birth story...
I am sure you remember how freaking miserable I was - swollen, miserable, can i have a baby yesterday PAH-LEAZEEE.
What I may have left out that 10th month is that my blood pressure was slightly bipolar, always going up and down then way up again. It caused even more swelling. Finally that last week, it was higher and higher. My feet were bigger than ever [picture a rubber glove filled with water] and I could barely wear my flip flops!
Anywho - at my last doctor's appointment on good friday, after I had finished work, picking up my sister & getting my eyebrows waxed [um, because I couldn't continue on without doing this], the doctor FINALLY decided that maybe I had gestational hypertension.
And yes in fact, you should have your baby. TODAY. Oh, and your cervix is so ready.
I could have kissed her.
Instead I cried.
We made my reservation at the hospital, called the husband.
Went home to SHOWER and EAT [i had to get my eyebrows waxed remember?] then we left

We called everyone who needed called.
We got to the hospital at 3.
Checked in.
Filled out lots of paperwork.

At about 5p we started the induction.
BUT I had been contracting and dilating on my own. score.
Next up: Pitocin & Foley bulb.
The Pit - really it wasn't that bad, not for me. I mean ya, the contractions hurt but they were tolerable. The foley bulb - exactly what it sounds like. A big balloon shoved up in my cervix filled with saline. To "aid in dilation". it worked.
Then they broke my water when I was at 4cm.
Um. It was gross. and warm. Kinda like I could not stop peeing, but I wasn't. And it would gush. Ohhh joy. I attempted to walk after this - I made it one lap and I couldn't handle the leakage.
I didn't need the drugs yet but I didn't want to chance it. I knew they were going to increase that pitocin and um ouchy....

I bet you can't guess what happened next.....

tweet tweet

yaaa i decided to check what all the comotion was about and join twitter.

i still haven't really figured it out - but follow me! I look like a loser right now b/c I don't have any followers ;)

BF v. FF: the great debate

so i have been having this internal debate which really is irrelevant but I feel like I need to discuss....

when I first got pregnant I was totally undecided on breast feeding v. formula feeding. I hadn't given it much thought in the past and really wasn't ready to give it much thought at the moment.
As I got further along and more people started to ask me how I would be feeding my child - I figured I should consider this topic and make a decision.

I considered many things: the horror stories I heard from one too many breast feeding moms*, the pain I anticipated but cracked nipples/thrush/mastitis were not things I wanted to encounter, and the biggie - I get migraines. often. the kind that make me curl into a ball in a dark quiet room and rock myself to sleep. I take medicine for these everyday [before I got pregnant] that does not mix w/ breast feeding. If I was down for the count w/ a migraine I wasn't going to be able to feed my baby anyway right?
So that is how I came to my decision to formula feed from the beginning - I wanted to be able to care for my child no matter what and if I am sick in bed how could I do that?

Well here's the thing - I need to restart said medication but I need to do it slowly and under the care of a doctor. Who I haven't seen yet. So I am not taking anything currently and really could have tried breast feeding.

This is where the guilt comes in. I feel like maybe, in some way, I have cheated my little one out of something. Especially when I hear other women talk about it - which in turn enhances that bit of guilt I feel on my own. I know she is getting what she needs - she is growing well and she certainly isn't starving. and she sleeps 6h at a time during the night. But there is still that little part of me that wonders if we are both missing something. I do feel very bonded and close to her and am thankful that her daddy can help out so much.

so, maybe next time I will try it.
but I do know that my little one is doing pretty well with the formula. we are still working on the perfect bottle for her and the doctor told me this week she is a petite eater but still gaining weight.

*i heard good things too - but they definitely didn't stand out in my mind as much as the notsogood things

my husband rocks friday

so we are getting used to parenthood around here.
he is amazing at being a dad. more amazing than he realizes I think.

but that isn't what I want to talk about.
this week he bought me my favorite strawberry banana milkshake on the way home [i spilled the entire thing on the floor...but that is another story all together....] AND he forced me to get out of the house for a little while alone while he watched G. It was incredibly sweet.

Also - Katy Lin mentioned this cool blog about romance on a budget. One thing that I love doing - romantic or not - is just laying together in bed at night, no tv, just us, talking about our day/week/whatever we feel like. It is perfect to me. And free.

taken with a grain of salt

during pregnancy you hear all about others experiences with motherhood. and if you are like me, you ignore 99% of what people tell you.....

but i have found some things to be true[or not!]:

you really do wake up at the tiniest noise that peanut makes in her crib across the hall. My hearing at night (and I guess all day) is on super sensitive. Mike hardly ever hears her....but he does get up when I wake him.

When they say to sleep when the baby sleeps - I should probably learn to take that advice. But I can't - I have too much to do.... and then she doesn't want to sleep anymore. for the rest of the day.

I personally can't tell her cries from each other - but I do know when she is just being fussy rather than hungry/tired/dirty. She also has a special cry for when her belly is upset - it sounds like when you step on a cat's tail.... very pitiful.

she gets a pacifier. or a binky as we call it. she likes to suck - what can i say? (and no she is not still hungry - i swear) I try to take it from her in her sleep but dang the suction!

I talk to her - about whatever comes to mind. I feel like a dork, since she just lovingly stares at me.... i would love to know what she is thinking at those times!

Her swing -that must have baby item - she hates. I hope she learns to love it soon - being held/laying on her bobby can not be the most entertaining things in the world - or maybe they are!

Her car seat - she loves. Thank you god!

I want my pants back. I am tired of wearing things with an elastic waist. I know it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet but still! I have places to go - people to see!

overall, the past week and a half of being a mom has been good. I wouldn't say fun, but it has definitely had it's moments!
eventually I will post her birth story as requested.....