Observant Driver

Do you ever watch the drivers around you?

I have a 30 mile commute each way to work, mostly highway, which  makes for some good people watching. Or ridiculous road rage. Depending on the stretch of highway I am on.

I see the same basic drivers each day:

Multitasking Drivers: eating, drinking coffee, putting on makeup et cetera et cetera at the same time.  This is me, on occasion.  I have actually changed my clothes while driving. And eaten a bowl of oatmeal. But not at the same time.

Texty Drivers: Easily identified by their slouched posture, swerving and general disregard for the drivers around them. (texting and driving = danger danger DANGER!)

Hands-Free Talk and Drivers: These individuals use giant hand motions in conversation and it is hard to decipher if they are busting a move or wildly engaged in stock trading.

Oblivious Drivers: you know them because they are dancing like no ones watching, picking their nose, popping a zit, sometimes both at the same time, and think they are Oz or invisible or something. WE SEE YOU!

Traffic Rule Obeying Drivers: They are the ones who have a whole line of traffic on their ass because they REFUSE to get out of the fast lane but also REFUSE to go more than 5 miles over the speed limit.  They are the ones that typically cause me to all road-ragey.

I Rule the Road Drivers: They don’t use turn signals, typically have one brake light out and believe their vehicle can fit in small spaces and that everyone else is hoping for an early morning exercise in brake usage.

My commute is typically uneventful aside from the observance of the aforementioned drivers.  I do a lot of things on my drive though – make any phone calls I need to make, think of awesome blog posts/brilliant ideas/shit I have to get done and promptly forget them all by the time I get somewhere I can write them down.  I try to make use of that time – sometimes I sing and dance, sometimes I pray, sometimes I call people or just flip through radio stations incessantly and sometimes I just enjoy the quiet.

What kind of driver are you? I hope you’re anything but the texty driver – I always want to yell at them GET OFF THE PHONE and drive.

What do you call it?

The technical definition of Infertility is one year of attempting to become pregnant without success. So what is it called when you are where I am? Subfertility? Secondary uterine-backlash?

I have had 7 cycles since my Mirena was taken out. with 2 early miscarriages. Lots of tears. Lots of anger and frustration.

And I feel alone.

And like the only person who can’t successfully conceive and carry a child.

When I say that nearly EVERYONE we are close with is pregnant/just gave birth, that is not an exaggeration.  And when I say I have all but lost the ability to express my excitement for them, that is not an exaggeration either. It makes me feel like a terrible friend, but honestly, the sadness and frustration are overwhelming and grow with each "announcement" I hear.  Of course, I AM happy for them - it's fantastic.  But it makes me feel even more broken and alone because 90% or more of them were not trying to get pregnant. That is the part that feels unfair.  The most recent "announcement" was supposed to be over dinner with our friends, which we couldn't make.  God knew that I would not be able to handle that in person, I think.  When my husband told me his best friend and his wife are pregnant with twins (their second natural twin pregnancy) I lost it. i would have never been able to stay composed had they told me, and they will never understand (thankfully) what Mike and I have been going through.

I think I needed to cry like that, because I really hadn't yet.

I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Yes, We have one beautiful child who we love more than words. But this family is far from complete.

We have an appointment with our ob/gyn on the 16th – I set it up after my last ultrasound “just in case”, hoping I would be able to turn it into a pregnancy appointment.

In the back of mind mind, I figured we would be here though, trying to figure out the next step in this journey.

Except I don’t really know WHAT this step is.

We had the RPL panel. Normal.  We had the saline ultrasound. Normal. I've been temping - my cycles are a little wacky, but my LP is a predictable 12 days no matter what day I O.

So what IS the next step in this road?  I have been toying with cancelling the appointment because I feel it might be pointless.  But I know that if I don’t go, I’ll continue to be frustrated and feeling like I am running in place.

We, like most people, do not have infertility coverage. So I really don’t know what happens now. I know they can “code around” to a certain extent, but still, it all makes me a little nervous.

I like to have a game plan, I don’t want to walk in to the appointment with a blank look on my face, because I am not sure where that is going to get me.

If you have been here before, what is your story? What did you do next?

Any and all advice is welcome.

Friday Night Leftovers

• This has been a freaking long week.
• I am sitting on my couch, “snugged up” in a blanket, drinking wine, eating a margarita pizza and watching the DVR.
• And I plan on having at least one more glass of said wine. Because I can. Because my uterus, it hates me.
• More on the above in a separate post.
• I scheduled the Traverse for its first oil change. And I went over 5,000 miles today. I have had the car since Mid October!
• This has been the week of passive aggressive insanity.  At work. Through emails. Through text messages. Super fun. Or not.
• Mike took down the baby gate yesterday. It was the last “baby” thing we had in our house. A little bittersweet. Or a lot.
• One night this week, we all sat in our bed – Gianna in her rapunzel dress – and listened to music, sang along and laughed a lot. Nothing else mattered and the love was overflowing. I think that memory will be permanent.  Or at least I hope it is.
• A house in our neighborhood caught fire last night.  That was a REALLY scary thing to witness but everyone was ok. The house, not so much.
• I am the planner in 99,99% of the relationships I have – usually, it’s not a problem but sometimes, I just don’t want to be responsible for deciding, planning, executing all the time.
• It snowed at the beginning of this week and it was 50 today. Ohio weather is so weird.
• Next weekend we are taking Gianna to see Disney Princesses on Ice.  She is going to lose her shit.
• Mike is just an awesome husband and dad. He had our house spotless several days this week, dinner on the table. And has put up with my ridiculous moodiness.  He really is just awesome.

Wordless Wednesday

2012, bring.it.on.

Germies be gone with “The Germinator” {review}

Lately it seems that  many of the small people in the lives of my tweeps have been constantly sick.  Almost making me think that germs can be spread via tweet.

But that is just ridiculous.

We are lucky that the germies have pretty much steered clear of our house with the exception of the occasional sniffle, but that doesn’t stop us from going on the defensive.

BabyGanics, the makers of “The Germinator” make a FABULOUS Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer that is effective against 99.9% of germs.

We keep it in our upstairs bathroom for easy access since most diaper changes (I seriously can’t believe we are still changing diapers at almost 3 years old with no end in sight. But I digress) happen up there.  And it’s easy for Gianna to get to before meal times. 

It smells good (Tangerine!) (also available unscented), is not chemical-y like some other hand sanitizers, doesn’t leave your skin feeling slime-y and best of all, it does not burn.  Especially important for those of us with super extreme dry skin, like me.  There is NOTHING worse than “accidentally” discovering a paper cut or chapped skin with alcohol-based hand sanitizer.

BabyGanics “The Germinator” Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer retails for $6.99 (250ml) and can be purchased online or at Babies R Us, Bed Bath & Beyond (don’t forget your 20% off coupon!) and Buy Buy Baby.

I know we’ll be keeping “The Germinator” around so we can keep the germies away this cold and flu season! 

<--- happy to not have sick people living in my house!

**Disclaimer: BabyGanics’ “The Germinator” Alcohol Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer was provided for my review.  All opinions are 100% my own. Pictures are mine too. Cheesy smile and all.**