Controller of…..

I am totally in shock that I have managed to blog every single day for the past month.

I started off with a theme of “taking control”.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that I stayed on task, but I did get some thoughts out there (here, here, here and here) which made me feel better.

Here’s the thing though – what does taking control really mean? Shit happens every day all around us that we can’t control, expect or plan for.  It’s all about how we deal with that shit that makes us “in control”.

I lost my job over a month ago, and that totally sucks. But I am working hard to make the money my family needs in new and different (legal!) ways.  I am making the best of the situation, because I have no choice. The stress that I felt while working there was slowly killing me, there is still stress, but not like that. It is a different kind of stress.

I get to stay home with my daughter right now, and that rocks.  It is way way WAY harder than I ever thought it would be, but in a good way.  It challenges me and I like a challenge.

I am more focused and in control of my school work.  My thesis project is ready to roll and I am more present in my education, I feel like it is money well spent at this point. Come on May, I am waiting for you!!!

I am so freaking busy every day, and I really like it.  I am in control of my house, laundry (uh, sorta), relationships and time more than I ever have been.

While I DO apply for every and any job I feel would fit my qualifications, I feel a little more in control of what type of place I want to work and what kind of career I hope to have.  My focus has shifted a lot.  I try not to be discouraged with the lack of contact from potential employers and continue to get my name out there. Someone WILL call. I am awesome, educated, a fast learner with a broad base of experience -  I would hire me for sure.

My point is that the glass HAS to be half full, because I would lose my mind if I thought otherwise.  I have to control my perception, sometimes it can be tricky and difficult, but if I smile when I am upset it helps.  Having a “good” job, no debt, a huge savings account and “good” health insurance are all nice things to have and certainly make life easier, clearly I will not turn down any of the above if offered to me.

But (isn’t there always a “but”?!)

When my daughter laughs, my sisters say something funny, my husband tells me I am awesome, my mom calls, I get to catch up with friends or my step dad plays with Gianna I can’t help but smile and be happy with my life because these people make it all worth it. 

As long as they are all here with/for me, I will be fine. I might be grouchy and afraid sometimes, but I will smile anyway. 

I am in control of how I perceive life, and from this perspective, it’s not really too bad.