Wordless Wednesday

someplace to lay your little head

prints by the awesome  Alison of ten tiny toes designs

come out, my sweet girl – we are ready to meet you!

December PhotoDump

I can’t seem to come up with much to write these days that doesn’t involve or revolve around the them of “COME.OUT.COME.OUT.COME.OUT.LITTLE.GIRL”   And I know not everyone is interested in THAT.

And I realized I haven’t posted a lot of pictures lately.  So, even if you aren’t interested, here’s a little december photodump for you.  I don’t think I posted any of these before, but if I did, here you go again.

beginning of december:

a little mid-december cookie making.

christmas eve!

christmas day!

the awesome christmas madness at grandma and papa’s house!

snow!

because everyone paints at 7 am

disco dance party

NYE, threenager style

a letter to my {second} daughter

Dear baby girl -

It’s been 39 weeks (give or take) since you started your journey on the inside.  Since you started growing, changing, kicking, rolling and hiccupping.  We waited for you to start that inside journey for almost a year and in the process we learned a lot about patience, heartache, loss, and love too.  It wasn’t always easy – but we knew it would be worth it in the end.  And we were right.

As we wait for you to make your way from the inside to the outside – your dad, big sister and I talk about what it’s going to be like with you here.  What you might look like.  If you are going to have hair that Gianna can put bows in.  Where you will sleep. What car seat you will ride in. How much we are going to love you.

If I had to guess, just based on the way you move on the inside, I would say that you are going to be following in your big sister’s adorable, highly energetic footsteps. I got to see a picture of you a few weeks ago and you look like you are going to have some awesome, pinch able cheeks and an itty bitty nose.  I would venture to guess you will have lots of hair and blue eyes.  I imagine you are going to like it when you have your back rubbed or your butt patted – you are always sticking your backside out!  You are quite an energetic inside baby – I almost get nervous when I don’t feel you all the time – but you need to rest too!  In fact, right now you are wiggling all around.

It has been a really busy 39 (give or take) weeks – but I think we are finally prepared for you.  Your room is finally ready for you to sleep in.  The swing is ready in the living room, right next to Gianna’s big bounce horse.  Your car seat is all set up to keep you safe.  There are a LOT of really cute clothes, shoes & bows waiting for you to make them even cuter.

Your sister talks to you every day – she hugs & kisses my belly too.  It is probably going to be a little tricky, and maybe a little tough on her, when you first come out – but just know that she loves you so so much, she just needs to get used to you being here.  Your daddy talks to you all the time, he is really ready for you to come out so he can snuggle you up. Your aunts, uncles, grandma, papa and so many other people are anxiously waiting for you to arrive too. And me? Well I get to spend all my time with you – loving you, talking to you, feeling you dance around and keeping you as safe as possible.  I tell you all about my day, our plans, our lives, how fun it is to play with your sister and what a great place Target is – all of the important life lessons!

I just really can’t wait to see who you are – who you grow into.  How much you and Gianna are alike, or different.  What it is like to be a mom to sisters, and not just a sister myself. I can’t believe we are so close to meeting you, after all this time, all this waiting, hoping, and praying.

But most of all and more than anything else – we are all so ready to love you from the outside, our newest tiny dancer.

love you so much -

Mommy

Ready as I can be

I am so thankful that I had today off of work.  The three day weekend couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. 

Mainly because I dread getting dressed for work since nothing really fits me and the feet/leg swelling by lunch time is out of control.  And I had all of these THINGS I just needed to get off my list.  And I think I got like 98% of them accomplished.

I was able to run all kinds of errands that I needed to get done and out of the way. I got my eyebrows threaded (thank freaking goodness).  All the laundry is caught up. The cupboards and fridge are stocked.  The bathrooms are clean. So is the laundry room, because I could not handle the lint stuck on the top of the washer anymore! The sheets are washed.  Carpets are swept.  The baby’s bag is packed.  The desk/office area is finally re-resembling organization after far too long.  The car seat base is installed.  Her bag is ready full of cute things for her to wear at the hospital.  We surprised Gianna with Disney on Ice (thank you, employer and your awesome company suite!)And today I had an awesome afternoon just hanging out with my sister, niece and my BFF who is expecting twin boys very soon.  I even made dinner and showered today.  And Gianna and Mike are totally rocking out to Just Dance 4 right now! (They are both pretty good, actually!)

I need to have Monday’s off more often. 

So the THINGS are ready.  I am feeling like our house is as prepared as it possibly can be for this young lady to move in.

Now, as for the actual HAVING a baby preparedness?  I know that I am as prepared as I can be to do this thing without drugs.  And honestly, I am pretty excited for the experience – I am ready to do this and to see what my body is made of.

I also know that everyday I have a new, totally unfounded, irrational fear.  The other day? It was “OMFGOODNESS what if I don’t realize I am in labor?”  One day last week it was “what if my water breaks while I am driving to/from work?” 

Then there are the nagging uneasy feelings and what if’s that kind of follow me around.  What if I have to be induced? What if it takes two hours to push her out like it did her sister? What if I can’t do this the way I want too? What if I forget every single thing I learned in our Bradley class?  What if I suck at breastfeeding?

The answer to all of those things is ‘so what IF they happen?” I know how I will handle all of them and I know that anything I DON’T know, I will figure out the best I can IF I need too.  So I need to just stay positive, keep everything in perspective, etc. 

But DUDE! The closer it gets to her coming, the more irrational hormonal I get.  I guess I just really don’t like knowing when things are going to go down. It probably has something to do with why I haven’t packed anything for myself. I am okay with the “wait and see” approach one minute and the next minute I am crying because I just want to know already!  Even if it’s not until February 12th, I just want to KNOW when the end is. 

Overall, I think I am as ready as I can be.  WE are as ready as we can be.  We have been trying to get Gianna prepared as possible – but we are realistic and know there are going to be hurdles in that department, but she is ready for her sister to come too.  She asks her all the time if she’s ready to come out yet! 

Let’s hope I can stay busy enough to stay sane, not lose my cool (because again, HORMONAL!) and keep smiling through all of the not really fun at all things that happen at the very end of pregnancy.

Staying in the Zone

In case no one has informed you, being married can be hard work. Keeping someone else as your priority is hard.  Especially when you have 1 (almost 2) little someone-else’s who depend on both of you.

Mike and I (and probably most married people) go through peeks and valleys, we are totally in sync for awhile and then we let life take over and get out of sync.  Right now? we are hovering somewhere in between leaving toward the out of sync side.

I am about 90% certain that has to do with the whole, the baby will be here soon and we have to get things ready for her, scenario.  And that I am totally mentally exhausted by the time I get home from work.  the other 10% has to do with some other stress we are dealing with that, again, is just a part of life and we simply need to get through it.  But it isn’t helping things that is FOR SURE.

After Gianna was born, we went from hovering in this in between space to way off the grid disconnected.  A constantly crying baby has a way of totally throwing you off your game!  We both know that we don’t want to get to that place again.  But I think that both of us are sort of having a hard time figuring out how exactly to stay away from there – how to stay in the zone, so to speak.

Our lives (all three of us) are about to get shaken up in a big way – I know that right now I am super emotional and I get annoyed and frustrated at nothing.  I also know that after this peanut arrives, it will be more of the same – only I will be home with her and Gianna AND Mike most of the time.  This will be good for a minute, but I just have a feeling that in the end – all of that togetherness will be a problem!  We have a unique situation in that he is the stay at home parent and I am not – so I’ll be here wanting to do all the stay at home mom stuff and he’ll be here too…..getting in my way… helping.

What’s the trick for staying in the zone – anytime, really – but especially when you are going through such a huge change?  I’d love to hear some tips on staying sane as a couple and as parents when you are adding additional little people to your life.  It’ll all work out in the end, but you know, I’d rather it not get worse before it gets better.

I know the dynamics of every couple are different.  I am incredibly terrible at communicating my feelings (I like to assume he KNOWS how I feel, but almost six years of marriage later and I know that doesn’t happen) and also incredibly terrible at showing physical affection – I’m just not an overly affectionate person, I guess.

Catch-up

• I am at that point in my pregnancy where people look at me as if I am going to birth this child right in front of them. And they panic a little every time I call or don’t pick up the phone.
• Every time someone asks me “so, when is the baby coming?” I answer them with “I don’t know”.  They probably think I am being a huge bitch, which okay maybe, but I really DON’T know.  As many times as I have asked her, she hasn’t filled me in on her birthday plans.
• My coworkers threw me a little baby shower today at work – it was really sweet and unexpected.  And they got me a Reese’s blizzard cake. And chicken bacon ranch pizza. So, it was a winning kind of day.
• We are surprising Gianna and taking her to see Disney on Ice sunday – she is going to flip out. 
• Speaking of my little threenager – apparently today was a rough day.  I actually spent a few minutes just listening to her spout off about how “I don’t have to listen to you when you say ‘Mommy said so’ because I just don’t want to and that’s not fair” She really was going on a good long tangent and finally, she stopped and did what I asked her to do in the first place (pick up her toys).  Clearly she just needed to vent…..
• I got my maternity leave and short term disability paperwork this week. Short term disability at my work is terrible and barely worth contributing too.  I wish I had known or understood this better you know, a long time ago.  I requested to take off the full 12 weeks thinking I might be able to pull off a work at home scenario for the last few weeks.  It’s not working out how I had planned and it has me a wee bit freaked the hell out about how we are going from a solid income to well, not much of one.  Nothing is lining up how I thought it would and it’s just generally a little scary for my type A self.
• But I know it will all work out.  Or I have to think that it will, because, it’s happening.  I’m flexible enough to go back to work early if I need to – but I SOOOOO don’t want to.
• I had forgotten about all the uh… joyous… things that leak from your body at the end of pregnancy.  I feel like a giant science experiment – what will come out next? can her belly really expand any further? will her belly button pop open? how hard can a fetus punch a bladder before it bursts? Is that REALLY a contraction or just a baby stretching?
• the room is done. the car seat is ready to be installed. my breast pump came today. the house is in an acceptable state.  I am feeling slightly more prepared.  if I can get my eyebrows waxed tomorrow I will be feeling awesome!
• I still haven’t put the big sister gift together yet – I don’t know why I am having a hard time getting this done.  I have all the things, they just need to go in the box!
• It’s been a long week. G is finally asleep.  Mike has been dicking around on his computer with headphones on for hours.  I’m going to bed – I hope my attitude is slightly better tomorrow because I really don’t like it when I am in a bad mood.  And I have some fun stuff to do with G and my sister.
• Three day weekend ahead! Yay!

Overwhelmed and Underprepared: revisited

A few weeks ago I posted this list of things that we need to do before baby girl makes her debut.

I think it’s time to revisit the list because well, she will be here anytime between right now and a few weeks from right now.

Thankfully, thanks to my awesome sister and fabulous friends & family, we were able to knock a lot of these things out at our little “sprinkle” a few weeks ago.

I think we are in a good place, or close to a good place to bring her home – am I missing anything that we HAVE TO DO before she gets here?

Things to buy sooner (for the girls):

• New bottles (we got rid of ours)
• New pacifiers (again, got rid of)
• warmer clothes in newborn & 0-3 months (I think we okay here now, I hope?)
• Size newborn & size 1 diapers & wipes (maybe re-sign up for amazon mom?)
• heavier weight swaddle-me/swaddling blankets (do we really need this??) (I decided we are good here….)
• lovie for baby (from Gianna)
• humidifier
• sound / white noise machine (bear??)
• Changing pad for dresser. (something for upstairs too???)
• diaper genie & refills
• Big sister gift (what to get????) I actually need to just put this together….
• boppy & cover (did i let someone borrow ours??)
• baby meds
• rock & play (or borrow) got it!
• more baby hangers
• burp clothes, bibs, baby wash rags, towels, changing pad covers
• I have no idea what else we need……. (seriously – what else do we need? am I missing anything?)

Things to buy soon-ish (for me/mike/house)

• glider/rocker for the nursery
• feminine hygiene stuff (yay…)
• nursing stuff (what the heck do i need???)
• wine for when the baby comes home.... beer for mike.... (joking. sort of. not really)
• pump??
• nursing cover (do I really need this?)
• moby or something like that? (or borrow??)
• living room storage solution (where are we going to put everything??) (I’m still not convinced here, but it will have to work)

Things to pull out of storage/wash

• All newborn and 0-3 month clothing (determine if everything is seasonally appropriate and make new clothes list for any gaps – add to buy list….)
• Car seat base, cover, bundle me
• Big Stroller
• See if cloth parts of bouncer can come off to be washed (make sure bouncer works!)
• Play mat and toys
• Teethers, rings, and other 0-6 month toys (find a good place to keep baby toys)
• Crib bedding, sheets, blankets, burp rags, etc. etc. etc.

Things to put into storage

• G's outgrown clothes & toys.....
• lightweight stroller

Rooms to Tackle: Gianna's Room

• fix up dress up area how I want it (I basically did this, I still want to a better storage solution, but for now, I am satisfied.)
• Paint???
• Buy artwork for walls/print pictures/frame/etc.

Rooms to Tackle: Baby's Room

• find someone to fix window/wall ASAP
• paint, clean, rearrange as necessary
• Raise crib
• Get/hang up artwork (I’m crossing this off, we just need to get everything hung up)
• clean carpet

Rooms to Tackle: The rest of the upstairs!

• touch up paint (where baby gate was)
• try to come up with better playroom storage/arrangement (ha!)
• figure out where baby stuff will go upstairs
• Clear out cupboard space for bottles, etc.

Other

• Pick a name for the baby…….
• Maternity photo shoot (when?!!) at least we scheduled it finally!
• hospital packing list/bag (figure out what diaper bag to use....)
• Maternity leave & STD paperwork
• Pre-register at hospital (no idea if we have to do this??)
• sign G up for big sister classes
• Figure out main plan (plus 2 back up plans) for what to do with Gianna when the baby comes
• Take/Finish bradley classes
• Try not to freak out
• Holy shit we are having another baby

And I have added a whole bunch of other stuff to the “other” category over the past few days.  Things that will just make me feel better if they get done, but won’t kill me if they don’t.

I feel equal parts prepared and unprepared depending on the minute.  I can not believe the unprepared-ness that is going on right now.  My mom is convinced I’m in denial this girl could arrive any day, and maybe I am a little bit.  I just keep saying “after THIS” then she can come when she wants. But you know how that goes, there is always another THIS.  And the fact that she will come when she is ready! 

38 weeks. Maximum of 3ish weeks left to be pregnant.  Fingers crossed it’s really not that long!

memory catcher

sometimes, that is how I look at blogging – to catch the things I don’t want to forget.

which entails remembering to blog about those things. which, I feel like I need to do right now!

So excuse me while I catch some memories for my future self.

To Remember about Gianna right now:

• You have a hard time saying “th” and “v” sounds and you also pronounce certain words in the most adorable ways. Examples: Hos-bib-al, ba-la-na, el-phan-ent
• going to bed is a huge challenge right now – but you are a crafty staller.  Tonight you fell asleep with your lovie on top of your face!
• we have conversations. like, real conversations about things that are going on in your life. it’s really fun.  Last night we spent time talking about going on vacation and apparently, you going to a Hawaii for a conference.
• in preparation for your baby sister to come, you have started taking REALLY good care of your baby dolls.  Princess aurora and cinderelly are very well taken care of these days. and they always have on the “right” jammies and slippers. they also apparently like to eat oatmeal!
• you love to sing along to songs on the radio – and you are actually pretty good at remembering the words!
• some of my favorite phrases you say: “what in the world!”, “get outta town, mommy”
• when I come home from work – there is NOTHING that makes me feel as good as when you run up to me with a hug and say “I missed you so much, mommy”. and lately, you always make sure to give sister a hug and a kiss too.  it’s very sweet.
• you seriously love to help clean – dusting, sweeping, washing the table, all of it. I’m taking it while I can get it that is for sure! you even wanted to play “janitor” the other day when we were picking up your room!
• you have independent play down – you can play and play and play with your barbies/babies/doll house/kitchen etc. for hours.  I love to just sit and listen to the stories you come up with and the way you pretend.  it’s really awesome.
• you also really like to do crafts
• getting dressed is still a challenge, better some days than others, but I still consider it a challenge!  you did grow straight out of size 3T clothes in to size 5T – so you can slow down a little, okay?

To Remember about this pregnancy

• I am a largely pregnant 37 weeks yet, when I feel the baby move a lot it surprises me. And pretty much every night when I go to roll over and am met with resistance and a little extra work I am shocked – but then I remember the belly!
• I feel like I have a lot of stretch marks. or maybe it’s the same old stretch marks I had before and they are just that much more obvious?
• at 37w 2d – I am 2cm and 70-80% effaced. I have contractions randomly. I am also in no way delusional about the fact that this pregnancy could last several more weeks.  But I may be in denial over the fact that she could, potentially, be here very soon.
• Things have been pretty easy, and I am so thankful for that.  I feel good. Swollen and my shoes don’t fit and my pants don’t fit either, but good.
• I am super emotional.  I pretty much cry at everything and nothing all day.
• You move. a lot. and very aggressively. I can see you moving from the outside. and I can only imagine the party that we will have when you are on the outside!
• I eat a lot of ice. And I drink a lot of water. And I eat a lot of cereal lately.  I haven’t really had much in the way of cravings, besides the ice thing.
• I have no idea why I waited so long to buy maternity leggings. and I wish I had more than one pair.
• it’s possible I work too much. and do too much. and pick up Gianna too much. but I don’t know how else to be – so I just kind of go with it, complain sometimes when I am too tired or sore and generally just move on.
• my hair still doesn’t like being pregnant. I forget to take my prenatals a lot. and my eyebrows are out.of.freaking.control but I can’t bend over the sink to see in the mirror to do anything about it.  and I can’t seem to get to a salon to get the problem taken care of!
• As much as I have felt like I have not spent enough time just reflecting and BEING with the baby – it doesn’t make me less excited.  And, last weekend, I got to focus all on the baby thanks to my awesome sister and friends who threw me a surprise sprinkle! I was so so shocked and thankful because after that I felt a lot more prepared! the people in our lives are pretty awesome.
• I undoubtedly have forgotten things I hoped to remember……

Wordless Wednesday

We spent 30 minutes talking about how she was on the phone with her boss (between her checking her email, naturally) about going to a conference in Hawaii to see "hot laba ball-cane-os" because milo and stitch live there.

Three year olds are such awesome people.

2013: The year of baby girl #2

I am 36 weeks pregnant.

 (12.24: 34w5d)

I don’t know how this pregnancy is almost over, but it is. And I haven’t done a good job, at all, documenting my pregnancy in any way.  We have random belly pictures (but maternity pictures are this weekend!) and I think I may have only written two letters to this girl so far.  Her room is still not totally ready and we have a dauntingly decent sized list of things we still need to get before she arrives.

But, she finally has a name. And we have a crib and a car seat and clothes.  And some diapers and finally some wipes. The essentials, we have covered.  I think.  I keep telling myself that is all that matters, but I want it to all just be DONE.  We still need to get a glider/rocker/some sort of chair for her room – that is our last “big” thing.  I think.  If you don’t count a breast pump. I’ll get that eventually.

Our Bradley classes are almost complete and I am really looking forward to this birth experience.  My birth plan is rough, at best, but we are comfortable with our decisions and how we not only hope things will go, but how we plan to address situations as they may arise.  We are flexible, but know what our hopes, goals and wants are in the end.  And I am 99% sure we have a birth photographer lined up, so that is pretty fun for me.

Last week we had to go in for a fetal echo after an ultrasound showed a few things that needed a further look.  We were assured things look fine, she might need another one after she is born, but nothing to worry about.  Now that we have that behind us, I feel better.

I still have the most ridiculous heartburn, but thankfully my sister hooked me up with some zantac which is helping at night.  I can’t wait to see if/how much hair this girl has. When my heartburn is at bay enough to sleep at night I still can’t sleep because I can’t breathe when I lay down.  And comfort only happens in short intervals.  But even though I am tired, I wouldn’t trade my little 2am quiet time where I get to feel this girl rolling around on the inside.  It’s comforting, in a way. I know she is safe in there.

I am very very quickly running out of clothes that fit. Makes getting ready for work a challenge every day! My feet are generally swollen all of the time and I took my wedding ring off two or three weeks ago.  Braxton Hicks are no joke this time around, either! But you know what – I feel a ton better than I did at this time of my pregnancy with G, so that’s pretty nice.

Mike and I are really starting to get excited for her arrival.  My maternity leave is 98% approved. And Gianna? well, she is excited too – a little unsure maybe, but we are all excited to watch her transition into her big sister role.  She does such a great job with her cousin and she is constantly concerned with what baby sister is doing.  Gianna knows her sister is coming soon and we talk about her all the time. Gianna knows that baby’s are not always so awesome and that they cry a lot and need their mommy a lot.  But she also knows that mommy’s make time for their big kids too.

I am generally nervous about having an infant living in my house again.  I am undeniably nervous about breastfeeding, but looking forward to it at the same time. There is nothing that can prepare a person for the lack of sleep, but I have lots of coffee to help.  I have no idea how things are going to go with both kids, I’m sure it will all be very normal very quickly and I’ll wonder what I was so concerned about in the end.

But most of all – I just want her to be here safe and sound.  I can’t wait to see her cheeks and her nose and her hair.  And to just snuggle her up and love her the most.

4 more weeks, give or take a week or so, until this girl is here. Living on the outside.