fun house mirror

I have been having a VERY hard time with this whole "post baby body".
I can not wrap my head around the way I look. I feel like I am looking in one of those fun house mirrors every day. You know, the ones that make you have a big ass and a fat face? Except it's a real mirror. And my real body at the moment.
I can not and will not accept this version of myself.

I was a little bit naive about the whole pregnancy weight thing -- I knew when the weight was going on that it would have to come off and I kept telling myself that I would work on it and it would be no big deal. But it is a VERY big deal. Much bigger than I thought it would be. When I look in the mirror I don't feel like I am looking at myself - I am used to the pre-baby version of myself and the pregnant version of myself - not this deflated version.

Also, there is a problem with clothes.
None of my pre-baby clothes fit. [they scream at me for even looking at them]
None of my maternity clothes fit (and I would not be caught dead wearing them now anyway)
I don't want to go buy "new" clothes and nothing seems to look right. I used to be able to just pick up what I wanted off the rack, not have to try it on and know it would look good. Not so much currently. How do you disguise hips that are 3x wider and a pizza-dough stomach? I am just thankful I can wear scrubs to work and that I have a good collection of dresses.....

I have had plenty of people tell me I look good for "just having a baby". Thanks, but I really hate that comment to be honest. I want someone to tell me that I look good. period. Besides my husband, who insists that I look fabulous. I love him. The truth is, it really doesn't matter who says what, until I can see what I want to in the mirror I won't be a happy camper.
In my own defense, I am losing weight, slowly. 17lbs to go. I am still running [that 5k isn't going to run itself!] and working on toning/strength training and anything that will get my thighs to stop touching [almost there!].

Would much prefer to be the hare in this race....

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eight

Renee tagged me for this last week or so, and since I don't feel like working at the moment, I thought I would do it....

The rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged me.
2. Complete the lists of 8's
3. Tag 8 people

8 Things I did yesterday
1- work
2 - ate lunch outside
3 - cleaned
4 - made the baby laugh
5 - gave the baby a bath
6 - gave the baby a bottle
7 - put the laundry away
8 - snuggled the husband

8 Things I wish I could do
1 - go on vacation
2 - take a nap
3 - wear my pre-baby clothes
4 - work when i felt like it
5 - snap my fingers and have my student loans paid off
6 - buy a house
7 - buy a new car
8 - swim at my mom's new house!

8 Things I am looking forward to
1. buying a house
2. swimming at my mom's new house
3. G's baptism/party
4. watching G grow
5. giving G siblings
6. growing old with my husband
7. going to see Rascal Flatts in August
8. having 5 days off next week/weekend!
8 Shows I can't stop watching

8 Favorite foods
1. fruit
2. pasta
3. fruit
4. cheese
5. fruit
6. bagels
7. fruit
8. lunch meat

8 Things I say at least once a day
1. "this is Andrea, how can I help you"
2. "hi baby girl"
3. "i love you"
4. "I miss you"
5. "i'm on my way home"
6. "place of employment...."
7. "how is she?"
8. "yes"

tag yourselves... it's time to get back to work ;)

you changed your baby WHERE?!

i was one of those "i will NEVER do that" people before I had my own baby.

It actually amuses me to think about some of the things I do/say now that I swore up and down I wouldn't. I am sure it amuses my mother even more.....

• Change her anywhere other than a designated changing facility. I have changed her in the car and on a table.... I'm not proud.
• come up with stupid words for things. She has a binkie and a lovie... and I am sure I call plenty of other random things around the house something stupid too - as much as I try to stop myself.
• Be relaxed when other people hold her etc. I am not. If they aren't doing it "right", I have to correct them no matter how hard I try to let it go. I know what she likes damn it.
• Use nicknames. Remember this post? I mean, she doesn't really have a true nickname, but we do call her Peanut or sometimes just Miss G.
• Discuss my L&D with anyone who is expanding in the mid-section &/or holding a bay-bee. I don't do this often, but I have found myself sitting around with my girlfriends discussing the interworkings of labor. More than one time.

I am sure there are a million more, but I only think of them when I am not blogging and brushing my teeth or driving to work.....

What have you done that you were SURE you wouldn't after you had a baby? Or hell, just in general! (Um, I always said I would never have unkept eyebrows and man you should see the beasts right now....)

My Husband Rocks: Father's Day Edition

I know I have been bitching a lot lately about how things have been so crazy and blah blah blah

and while all of that is true and hard to deal with in it's own right

at the end of the day, I get to watch this amazing man and our amazing daughter together and that is all I need.

I do not have a great father, and from the minute I became pregnant Mike told me he would do everything he could to be all that my dad isn't/wasn't - so far - he has done a terrific job! He may not do everything the same exact ways as I do, but she doesn't seem to mind. Watching him father her is truly awesome and I can't wait to see how their relationship evolves.

I love you honey, happy first father's day!

monkey in the middle

I have been a crab lately.

Just in general a grouch.

Ask my husband - he will surely attest to this fact.

Why? I really don't know.

I have a ton on my plate right now -

• I started back to work [it's ok, i can handle it. but it's only been one full day..]
• still getting the hang of being a mom [she is doing better, but we have our moments]
• trying to still be a wife [really sucking at this one unfortunately]
• attempting to get my fat ass in shape [hurt my knee, started w/ a trainer, need to get back to running]
• house hunting [& hunting...&hunting.....]
• life.....[ you know, bills/groceries/personal hygiene/PMS]

I feel like I do it alone. (figuratively, not literally) We are busy. Life is crazy. And I feel like I am stuck in the middle of all this stuff wondering where to go and what to do first.

Ah well, at least I am the president in her club - and that one makes me pretty happy. I will stay in the middle for awhile longer to get the rest of the answers right.

i realize this is completly random, just bear with me!

No, She is not a Puppy

A lot of people ask me, almost immediatly, upon hearing baby girl's name - what will you call her for short?
I tell them - Gianna.
And then I hear - "Not GiGi"
My Response - "she is not a dog"*
Or - "How about Gia"
Me - "No, She also doesn't grow hair out of her ceramic head with a seed paste."**

I am not a big fan of nicknames, even though I have one, and I don't mind when CERTAIN people [read, people who have known me long enough &/or have been grandfathered in to use it] I will never introduce or refer to myself by it. In fact, even to those who call me by my nickname, I still refer to myself as Andrea. It's just habit I guess.
Something else, I usually use Michael when talking to the husband instead of Mike. I just have a thing about formal names.

If you like nicknames, more power to ya, they can be cute and very fitting. As in my sister, if she went by her formal name it wouldn't fit her personality as well.
However, I have given my daughter a certain name and I would prefer you to call her by it. If one day she wants to go by Gia or GiGi or Earth or whatever, I will still call her Gianna. Or peanut, which we have recently started for some unknown reason. She can call herself whatever she wants.

*yup, i did say this. outloud.

*And yes, she did receive a Chia Pet from her loving grandparents/aunts when she was born....

60 days later

The second month was twice as hard as the first. Without a doubt. Her reflux was worse. She cried more. I did more laundry. I worked more.
The second month was also more fun than the first. We got into more of a routine. We went more places. We did more things. We smiled and played more.

Here's the breakdown

• She is in the 50% for her weight
• She is in the 80% for her height
• Her eyes get more blue everyday
• She smiles and coos more with each moment.
• Most of the faces she makes are the spitting image of her daddy.
• The playmat is like a new adventure every time we put her on it. It is so awesome to see her discover new things & flirt with her toys.
• Naps are still not going on in this house. Slightly better, but as a general rule, she does not nap well at all.
• What she does do - is SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. thankyouiloveyou.
• Still loves and NEEDS the swaddle for bed
• Reflux is a-raging. Zantac is doubled and I am unsure if even that is really doing the trick, but it is a subtle improvement.
• Alimentum is working ok. also working over my checkbook.
• I never truly understood what "projectile vomit" meant until last week... and everyday since.....
• We love her and I don't know what I would do without her.
• Oh -- and I lost 2 lbs last week! Ya!

::happy family::

::3 Generations on the 2 month birthday::
::is this toy for me?!!::

wordless wednesday

[::melts::]

the grand canyon of friendship

This weekend was as emotional as it was fun. It's hard for me to see (and admit!) that my little sister is growing up but I am so proud of her at the same time. We had a huge party, as typical for our family, yesterday for her and to celebrate my other sister's wedding.

It was so nice to see our family and friends all in one place. and we had a gorgeous day for it. I promise to post some more pictures of this soon.

The real emotion I want to talk about is one that I was not at all expecting to feel this weekend. It's one that I am not sure what to call it. Maybe distant would be a good place to start.

Some of my best friends in the world are also my oldest friends. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have them in my life. We are all in completly different places in our lives [married w/ child, recently married, soon to be married & single mom], we have been for some time now and it hasn't made much of a difference (at least not to me?) until recently.

I fully believe that you surround yourself in life with people you relate the best to, whether you realize it or not, it happens. It doesn't mean you are shutting anyone else out, it just means you have more in common with someone else for the moment.

When I got engaged and married, my husband and I tended to spend time with our other [soon-to-be] married friends but we still partied hard with our usual group and were always entertaining. We valued our alone time as much as our together time. My closest friends were not married - one of them actually had a little girl who we loved to spend time with - but we spent lots of time together sans husband and I felt like we were still really close.

When I got pregnant, I got tired. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything except sleep. But, I did my best to get out of the house and spend time with friends b/c I knew soon I would have a little one in tow. I am sure I didn't do a very good job at this, but I also needed to spend time with my husband as it would never again be just the two of us, so I did my best. I also had a few close friends that were pregnant, so we tended to sit on the couch together! This is probably when the distance started that I never really noticed, I chalked it up to life.

Now that this awesome little person is here, I want to spend time with my friends who have equally awesome little ones, because I relate to them more and I really enjoy spending time wiht other moms. I want to spend time with my family and other families because I feel comfortable doing that and so does my husband. Don't get me wrong, I still want to spend time with the nearest and dearest, but I understand that not everyone wants to hang out with me and an 8week old. [Here is where the big gap comes in that I just fell into yesterday] I am no longer in a place in my life where I want to go out and drink with friends to get wasted -iinstead I want to have a cook out, have a few beers on the patio while my baby plays in the grass and hang out. Once in a while a night out with the girls is clearly in order, but I haven't had that opportunity yet.

I have said it before, I am now the un-fun friend. But I am at peace with this. I don't have the time, the money or the energy to go out of town on the weekends, to be out past 10pm because I have to be up by 6am, to be away from my family all day when it is rare that the 3 of us are in the same room awake. So call me lame, call me a bad friend for not dropping my new life to go have a beer with you, but i'll call myself a new mom, a wife and your friend who is working it all out with this little peanut in the mix......

hopefully you'll stick around friends, because we'll miss you if this gap gets any wider.

18 years in the making

And my LITTLE sister is GRADUATING from High School.

I am amazed. Not that she is graduating, but that she is OLD enough to graduate. (don't ask me how I will feel when she graduates from college or gets married!)

We are 6 years apart in age, but we couldn't be closer.

My little sister who was the 2 year old with the blondest, curly hair & the bunny blanket, the 6 year old who was sure she was 16, the 13 year old who was forced to act much older, the 16 year old who I taught to drive - is now the 18 year old who is an amazing young women that I trust with my daughter's life on a daily basis.

Miss Kristina is a perfect example of someone who can look at life's trials and tribulations
(and we as a family have faced many of these) and still see the sun shining on the other side. I hope she can show this to my daughter and I know that she has taught me a thing or two about letting God take over in the hardest and best of times.

Never stop asking "what if" my little sister, because the answers you come up with and discover are only going to get bigger and better.

I love you. We love you. And we are very proud of you.

Wordless Wednesday

[hoping we get our very own sooner than later...]

Real Life

I feel like tomorrow is my first baby step back into my "real life".
I am working, at the office, tomorrow afternoon and Wed. morning.
It should be interesting, in many ways.

For pretty much my entire life I have said I could never be a stay at home mom. And for the most part, I feel the same exact way today. I adore my daughter, spending time with her is my favorite thing to do. But I crave interaction, purpose & fulfilment that her little self and doing the dishes can't give me. Absolutly I will miss her, but I will be that much more excited to spend time with her.

There is a deep down need inside of me to work. I have done it since I was 15 and never stopped to look back or think twice. I worked through college while taking 25 credit hours, I worked through medical school, I will work through graduate school and through the beginning of my child's life. I hope, one day, I am successful enough at what I do to be able to work part time, but to be perfectly honest - I don't see that happening in the near or distant future. I enjoy what I do, for the most part who I work with, and I especially enjoy the feeling of providing for my family and myself.

Don't get me wrong, staying at home with your kids is no less of a job, no less fulfilling, no less purposeful and certainly not less work. But for me, something is missing and I will be glad to be at work no matter how much I bitch about it.
And, considering the way the economy is currently, I am thankful to have any job, let alone one that I like, am good at and appreciated for. There is not a day that goes by that I take that for granted.

So, tomorrow is the first baby step, it will be fine.
I am actually pretty anxious to get a new schedule down (work/workout/baby/husband and soon school... it will all fit in somehow!)