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This isn’t the post I had hoped to be writing, but here I am.

A week ago I was feeling sick and decided to take a pregnancy test – I really don’t ever test early, but for some reason I felt like I had too.

And it was positive.

And I was SHOCKED. Mike was SO excited.

I was also pretty unsure, anxious almost, over it.  It seemed too easy this time.

On Monday I took 2 more tests – still positive. Still shocked. But feeling a little calmer.

Tuesday, same deal, I tested before I left for the airport and my lines all seemed to be getting a little darker.

I went about my business in Chicago that day, letting the whole situation sink in but still feeling a little uneasy for some reason.

I woke up on Wednesday and I knew something was not right.

To the bathroom I headed to deal with every pregnant woman’s worst nightmare – bleeding.

It continued and I just kind of went numb. I was alone and pretty confused as to what was going on. But I had a pretty good idea of what the outcome was going to be.

Thursday I knew what I had to do – I had to take a pregnancy test to confirm what I was fearing.

It was negative. I knew then, that it was a chemical pregnancy. And it was over.

No one except Mike knew about the pregnancy, so I felt even more lonely – I really didn’t want to tell my mom and sisters about it over the phone, it seemed silly since there really wasn’t much to be said at that point.

I fully realize that this is not the end of the world, and had I not been TTC I wouldn’t have even known what was going on.  I guess that’s the double-edged sword in this whole situation, huh?

Disappointed is probably the appropriate emotion here, not so much sadness (although there is a little of that). I know it’s not a huge deal and we will just keep on moving forward, but it still kind of sucks.

Someday Gianna will be able to wear the big sister shirt I ordered for her, just not this day.

And I am okay with that, because really, what other choice do I have? I am positive that day will come eventually.