Second - how is everyone?!
Ok, now on to the real business. My incredible neuroses and insecurities.......
I am 30wks and starting realize a lot about myself, pregnancy, becoming a mom.
Here are the highlights:
- I am not all giddy excited like I imagined I would be -- I truly am thrilled to bring this child into the world, but not over-the-top mushy about it. I think that is because I don't "know" who this little person is. In fact, I find myself getting annoyed at people who are overly excited.
- For example, my MIL insisted on copying our 1st ultrasound pictures and was telling me how she says good morning to the baby every day while getting her coffee. I have about 20 u/s pictures on my fridge right now and never even look at them.....
- The closer I get to the end, the more I am scared about the birth. I knew this would happen - I've never done it before so I have no clue what to expect.
- It really does bring our my inner (ok outer!) shop-a-holic - I am always wanting to buy stuff.... and frequently doing so while getting yelled at by my sisters because I should wait until after my showers.
- I have no feet. I have no figure*. My husband loves me anyway. I have to remind myself of that last one all day everyday b/c I feel incredibly unattractive.
- Bonding - how did you do it? We read almost every night - I know this little one is going to love books! (or hate?!!) and we listen to music sometimes - but I don't feel any great connection.
- We had our second ultrasound this week (in the midst of a freaking blizzard....) and found out that most of you were right ----- She is beautiful.
It does help me now that I can call her by her name - but I don't even find myself doing that very often. I suppose it will happen and I shouldn't let it bother me. ********************
Other big, un-baby related, news for this week ---- I got a promotion at work. I am excited because I get to use my knowledge a little bit more, and I am not so bored all.damn.day. Business cards included (I have never had a business card....) You normally expect a raise w/ a promotion yes? I haven't gotten one yet but I did make it pretty clear on Friday that I am expecting one, like last week. We will see.......
* ok so I have a figure, it's just not MY figure.....
You don't have to be "giddy" for your daughter to know you love her! We are not the "giddy" kind. You know I love you!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand! I think we almost have TOO much information these days! haha. Cause I felt like I was supposed to be bonding better with my baby, who the heck made me think this?? I have no idea? probably some book I read or some article or something, but I understnad. It really is surreal sometimes, like this pregnancy is not happening to me, and from what people haev said to me, this is a normal feeling! So I wouldn't worry. I think you are doing great and things will set in when she is here!
ReplyDeletecongrats on the promotion!
No one can tell you how you will feel until you hold that little girl in your arms. It's the scariest yet most incredible feeling you could ever imagine! You don't just instantly become a mom. It takes time to find your way and get through all your insecurities but you are such a great person I know you can do it. I'm so happy you are having a girl! woohoo! I wanted to let you know I am coming to your shower. the 28th right? can't wait to see you. In the meantime if you need anything give me a call!
ReplyDeleteHey girlie,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a LONG time but from time to time I like to try to look at friends pages to see whats happening and of course I never leave messages. Well Im going to this time. First off Congrats on the baby again. A little Andrea huh? Thats awesome. As for all your fears...I cant really help you out on feeling better but I can tell you your definatly not the only one. I'm 15 weeks and still have many more and I think the only time Ive felt TRUE excitment was when I read pregnant on the stick, then all the fear and worries started and they havent gone away and I dont ever really expect them too. If your the same girl I went to school with, Your beautiful (even now..you look amazing), smart, witty and most of all loving.You have so much knowledge and love to give your baby. Your going to be a fabulous mother. Do your best over the next few weeks to relax because your going to have an exhausting first few weeks...In the end , when your holding your little one you'll realize all those fears you had will be gone and im being told a whole new set of fears begin, Never ending cycle. So keep your head up and take care... I miss you.
Ohh people who are over the top mushy annoy me! LOL
ReplyDeleteAs for the fear of giving birth, it happened to me all 3 times lol. It's a kind of "oh shit its coming" reality, but once you get there, you wont even realize "it's" happening! Things go so fast and the next thing you know you'll be holding a precious baby girl! Its awesome. I never really got "bonding" with the bebes before they came out of the womb though... I guess I'm weird. Nursing really helped me bond with my babies, its such an amazing thing that is so irreplaceable. Hence why I want to become a lactation consultant, so everyone can have that priviledge :o). I cant wait to meet her though!!!!!!
-Rachel