can you hear me?

I asked the little one this the other day - and I got a swift kick in response, so I guess that is a yes!

Speaking of kicks - daddy got to feel his first kicks (or punches or whatever) on thanksgiving - he had the happiest, most precious look on his face. It is such a great feeling and I am so glad he gets to experience it with me now.

Speaking of hearing - I have always been really excited to read to the baby, both inside and out, and now that I know the little one can hear me (Even if I sound like a deep sea creature....) I get to start the reading.

I got this book from Amazon after both Jamie & Alicia recommended it. Dr. Suess is my FAVE children's author and the little one already has started their own collection - so this is even more perfect! It's adorable.

Thankful

I am thankful for a handsome, wonderful, supportive husband and a healthy, growing, amazing marriage.

I am thankful that I have these amazing women (and babies!) in my life to share everything, good or bad, now and for many more years. I am also thankful for all of the friends in our lives - new and old.

I am thankful for my "new" family and for the best father figure I could ask for. I am also thankful for my mom, for her health, happieness and support.

I am thankful for my sisters and the closeness, laughter and love that we share.

I am thankful for a healthy pregnancy, for the kicks I feel everyday, for the little one that is growing big and strong.

I am also thankful for all of things we can't see - intelligence, motivation, a positive outlook in the face of challenge, safety and happieness in the wonderful life that I have.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

1/2 way to the beginning

20 wks and I will be a mom. shit!
Here is what I have learned so far

• gaining weight for a good cause, while slightly unnerving a times, hasn't been so bad. yet.
• i can pee in a cup like a pro
• the attention being pregnant gets you is surprising to me, but I like it more than I thought I would
• feeling kicks from the inside - also not as crazy feeling as i expected. I actually love it quite a lot
• I do not like when people mention what/how much/when I eat --- not at all.
• I never knew I was a firebreathing dragon. seriously - it keeps getting worse and i have eaten all the tums i can every.single.day!
• the power of feeling so connected to someone I have never met - this is by far the best part.
  

• My husband is going to be a great dad. He talks to the little one as much as I do and is (maybe) more excited than I to see him or her!

We had our u/s and 19w appt last week - baby looks great, very wiggly and very cute! Kept sucking his/her thumb and punching the u/s tech! doctor said I am a "perfect pregnant person" - so yay for being good at something! We will have to have a 2nd u/s in a few months to check the location of my placenta as it is pretty low right now - dr said it should be fine, but just to be safe we need to check again before the baby comes - I am not worried about it!

so - we are half way to the start of our new life as parents & I am incredibly INCREDIBLY anxiously excited to meet this little angel!

my husband rocks

he has been amazing the past few months - AH-MA-ZING!

i am not the best person at showing my appreciation, and i know that. i try to do little things to make him know how much i love him and thank him for what he does - but i know i suck at it most of the time, especially lately.
But everything he does is wonderful. and thoughtful. and yes i am being sappy but i don't care!
I know that he will take excellent care of me and his child, he already does.

So - thanks babe! I love you more everyday

are you ready

So, increasingly over the past weekish I have noticed more and more houses with their christmas lights up (and on!). I am NOT ready for the holidays - I can not even believe that thanksgiving is next week already!
While I am really excited for the holidays this year, I am just not mentally prepared for them I guess. With so many other things going on they just seem to be on the bottom of my priority list. I will get there eventually!

But on another note - what is your opinion on having your outside holiday decorations lit before thanksgiving? I do not agree with this practice! Thanksgiving to me symbolizes the start of the christmas season, so I get all wiggy about people being festive before then! How about you? When do you put up and turn on all of your decorations?!!

motivation

it has been a journey the past few months, between the school/life decisions that had to be made, the baby, starting this job and more. I don't regret any decsion that was made at all, as hard as some of them were/are. But something happened the other day - well probably over a course of days/wks - I started to feel like something is missing or like a puzzle piece isn't fitting right. It fnaally dawned on me what that piece is - medical school. It has been part of my life before I ever saw the inside of the building and it has been part of my future for longer. While I am still a little uncertain on the whole thing and being a doctor is still kind of big and scary to me in ways I can no explain, I think I owe myself a second change.
A chance to see if I can do it, if I can put all of the things I learned and all of the struggles I had/have into a productive "I told ya so". It is going to take a lot of work, a lot of will power and many many hours of studying - but I think I am finally ready to try it again - to take the test with less pressure and more of myself behind it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't scared, nervous, freaked out! - but I think with some guidance on how to study and doing it one step at a time - I can at least give it a fair (second) chance.
I deserve it, my family deserves it and i think I probably owe it to myself. I plan to take the test before the baby is born - so March sometime. I know exactly how hard it is going to be b/w now and then - but I feel like I am mentally ready now, so here goes nothing......

18w4d

everyday a little bigger!

and i offically know what a flutter is :)

a few things i didn't know....

• your hair does in fact grow. and in different places than i expected - like my stomach. it freaks me out. Along with that - I am freaked out about getting my hair dyed - I want to, but what if it falls out!! I will probably do it anyone (sans bleach) and just pray it looks ok.
• your skin does change. as in, i have acne like a 12yr old boy, the moles and beauty marks i have already are changing (some of them) and my skin is even more dry than before. and it itches. alot. especially my belly.
• i am incredibly self conscious of my skin color - i have not been this pale, i don't know, in like 8yrs or something sick b/c i enjoy the fake'n'bakin. I have decided to go with the self tanner for now - not like I have a choice but I am vain. ((suggestions being taken....)
• i should have bought stock in tums - specifically the smoothie kind. I breathe fire almost all day long i kid you not. Without my tums I would probably have a fire extinguisher down my throat!
• I have in fact heard that heartburn and itchy stomaches "indicate" lots of hair on the baby - i must be having a freaking bear then! or an italian.
• My wardrobe literally shrinks everyday. I hate buying maternity clothes too - b/c they are not cute (some of them are of course, i buy those ones) and they are expensive! I want to spend my money on clothes to wear forever and ever not just a few months. ok i will quit whining about this now.
• I waited my whole life to be visited by the boob fairy... now that she has come, i'm not so sure how much i enjoy this!
• What is a "flutter"? This is something I do not know... do not know if I feel... and really frustrate myself trying to figure it out! I think this kid is going to have to karate kick me in the ribs before I know its moving around in there. soon enough......

limbo

So, we are finally all moved in. That is a nice feeling. A few things could make it nicer

• if we owned the house we live in now (maybe not this exact one, but one in general) - its not possible at the moment for a lot of reasons, but a family can dream.
• since we are renting said house - it is still currently for sale - which means that we have to vacate whenever someone wants to see it. twice in one week when noone has shown any interest in um, 2yrs? we understand and we agreed to this before we moved but it really doesn't make it suck any less.
• we have done a lot of work already to the kitchen (it's a wallpaper nightmare) and again, it is not "our" house. While it is really awesome to be able to give it our special touch - it's a lot of work! But it does show how dedicated my husband will be when it really is ours.
• I am nervous someone will want to all of a sudden buy it - like in march - before the baby is born and then what?!! [or april, right after the baby arrives....]
• We have and will probably only unpack about 1/2 of our stuff for fear of having to pack it all back up again quickly (and with much less of my help). I know that is not a good way to do things and I am sure as time passes that fear will settle - but its the unknown. I am not good with the unknown in any situation.

So yes, we do love where we live right now, we just don't love so much the uncertaintly of it all, but we are dealing with it just fine. I think anyone would feel the same way in the same situation.

Everyday it feels a little bit more like home, at least for now!

#2

so i realize this is a little bit backwards - but whatever.

Last weekend we went to a 'before baby fair' at hospital #2. We got plently of free stuff (bottles, bib, formula... a chair massage!) and got to take a tour - which is the main reason we went.

• L&D rooms - decently big, unlimited amount of guests until the pushing starts. Their policy is 2ppl at that time, but in reality it is up to you and your dr.
• PP rooms - almost all are private. (some do not have their own showers which is kinda sketchy.... but i think i will be able to manage) unlimited # of guests
• Dad gets a key card access to the ward which is nice
• Baby doesn't leave the nursery except for with mom or dad - i know that is typical procedure but always nice to hear.
• special care nursery available if needed (same as #1)

Many things were the same b/w the two hospitals but I think we made the best choice for us. And after this weeks experience - I now also know how nice the nurses are!

not a trip I would recommend

This has been a crazy week to say the least [more on that later] but it got really nuts on thursday.

It all started with a migraine at work that would.not.quit. I fought through it all day and headed home. No sooner did I get home and lay on the couch was I back up again - but this time into the bathroom to puke my guts out. This happened oh, 20 or more times from then until I finally fell asleep around 11. The headache only got worse the whole time. When I woke up on fri I planned on going to work (ya... i know) until I threw up.... again. Dehydrated much?!!

So - away we went to OB triage, drs (and my mom's!) orders.

I got lots of fluids, some good drugs and a nap.

I feel much better this morning, but I hope not to have to repeat this experience again! At least we know how to maneuver the hospital now for when it comes time for this baby!!

time to unpack

so clearly this week has been spent packing... and packing... and packing some more stuff that i had no idea we had. Followed by moving these things... then cleaning our apt that we moved out of.

Now I am sitting in a living room surrounded by boxes that contain things that need a home. I feel like crap - have been battling a cold or something equally sucky for the past week or so - so I have little energy to move stuff around. I'll get there soon enough.....

Today we are going to target.homedepot.and to a baby fair. should be fun.

Will be back to my regularly scheduled blogging soon enough - with pictures of the new place of course.