the nxt 28 days

I will have taken the last 2 tests of my second year in medical school
I will take my 2nd CSA
Krissy will turn 17 [woah!]
Mom will graduate from college [yay!!]
We will have a party for Mom's graduation/memorial day/mine and jacqui's birthday
Mike will have coached about 10 more lacrosse games
Hopefully the weather will stay warm for good
There will be a few friends birthdays
I will officially start studying ~9hrs/d for USMLE Step 1.....

I will start another cycle....

at the end of the next 28 days ---

I will be 23.

and maybe pregnant.

its like devils advocate around here

"take a nap"
" do some work, then you can relax tomorrow"

"take another HPT - depress yourself further"

"stay away from the bathroom... and the internet..."

"eat more food - compound the depression w/ the scale"

"work out"

such choices - what is a girl to do... i'll tell you what i am not going to do [again] is take another test... cuz i did that again today... bad. why do i do such things to myself? plz tell me - oh yes i know. b/c i am a glutton for punishment that is right, how could i forgot - we have discussed.

I will also tell you that i don't have school tomorrow [am lucky. kinda] but i have a project to work and research to finish up [typical] as well as a class that started today (last one!!!!) so i should really be making the right choices here. but i have all day tomorrow to do them.... everyone of you should be saying in unison "be a good student andrea and do your shit"

i did finish my study schedule yestereday - it's, ugh, well it is what it is. i'll share.

i realize you can not read that therefore you can not appreciate the excitment... click to fully enjoy. But - that is my life from 8-6 everday may 26-june25th. cross your fingers kids it's gonna be a wild ride.

step away

from the 'pregnancy symptom checker' websites.

i am telling you what - this TWW is getting ridic! i actually have HPT in the house - not something i am used to, and not something that is good for my health (mental or otherwise) b/c she has no willpower. none. zero.

• tested friday (9dpo) = BFN
• tested this am (11dpo) = BFN
• surprising - no!
• early for testing? - yes!! [kinda, the super fertile myrtles get bfp's @ those days in their cycle... but then some don't so i am not worrying... much... right?!]

ahhh just make the cramps/headaches/etc. stop - or AF come - or something!*

on a different note - i am very much enjoying my weekend of nothingness - until later when i have to actually accomplish things. but that's later right?

* i am ok-ish with not being pg,

i am not ok with feeling like crap and not being pg at the same time

it will just make me whine more.

TGIFFFF

i am so glad for that to be over. i just finished yet another test in my 2nd year of medical school, one that i was less than prepared for despite endless hours of studying, and it went better than i expected [i think]. makes for an easier-to-enjoy weekend.

now onto other things - such as making that all important study schedule for june and cleaning our neglected home.

ooorrr enjoying the much anticipated warm weather and sunshine.

bet you'll never guess which i picked.....

as promised

a few pictures from Mackenzie's first birthday party:

ready to rip into those presents!

she loves her some shoes & a red wagon!

cake time!!!

and just for your viewing pleasure - me, rochelle and dani -

better known as "the triangle"

looking back, looking up

some things have been happening lately that have little to do with babies and much to do with my crazy life... and the past/present/future versions of it. i don't like to talk about most of those parts - its not pretty, its not glamorous, and its far from being happy.

Last night my mom met with my dad's mom for dinner. why is this a big deal you ask? My parent's have been divorced for about 10 yrs, and that is about the last contact I have with said 'grandparents' (who lived fairly close by). Granted my entire life that relationship was strained [no we aren't going there, you're welcome.] but come on people! So this sudden need from her to meet with my mom was sudden and odd. The 'meeting' I guess went ok - it was basically her telling my mom about how sorry she was for how my dad treated us [uh don't you mean for ignoring it all those years?] blah blah blah. Honestly, and I know this is a terrible thing to say, if I never see her (or anyone from that side of the family) ever again I wouldn't miss a thing - I mean damn, my dad has been back in OH for like 4 mo. and I haven't seen him since my wedding a year ago. They hurt me in ways that I can't begin to describe, in ways I am still discovering and in ways that they will never understand. So - needless to say, that is something that I can't seem to get out of my mind right now.....

On a different note, Mike and I had been doing ok as far as his work and things go - making things work etc. Then, all of a sudden, in 2 days we got not 1, not 2, but 3 unexpected bills.... and one dentist bill that should have been covered that wasn't?!! [currently working on that one..] Mike has his last interview for UPS this morning - please pray for him to get this position, it will be the biggest help at the moment and a great stepping stone in the right direction for him and for us. He needs a 'pick me up' right now too - he's been having a tough few days as far as work goes.

but for one person - things got better yesterday! Rochelle got hired full-time at her job (from being a sub.) - yay!! I am so happy for her :) Let's hope today is our day for better things....

she's ONE!

miss mackenzie marie was born one year ago today - i can hardly believe it!
birth day:
all the things her godmother has taught her in the last year:

a love for soft, fuzzy things:

her calm, cool, collected attitude:

her fashion sense:

the ability to use others as her personal jungle gym

how to make church interesting....

mockery of others:

the art of being too cute for her own good:

attack of the camera!

modeling

excuse me, the sun is in my eyes you know?

there she is, in all her glory!! i will be sure to show her off some more after her big party tonight, of course!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MACKENZIE!

love you!!

and we wait

.........for 2 weeks....... again.......

ugh. i hate this part!


but, yesterday i did find out that yet another friend is pregnant - with TWINS! i am so happy for them. they can send their stork thisaway now (this will make babies # 2 & 3)

breaking news: surge ahead

so, i did my FR OPK a little bit ago, and it was positive. [like for sure, even i couldn't mess that one up!]
first positive test of any kind i have ever seen.
game on.

pull your weight, Vikki's secret and more....

*warning: complete randomness and blabbering ahead*

i just can't concentrate on what i need to so - what do i do, talk to the internet while listening to the wonderful musings of E=mc2 [mariah carey's new cd], mike bought it for me today. it's wonderful.

i have been so insanely frustrated with my "groups" that i have to work with @ school. probably b/c most of them do no work and complain to me that nothing is done... um duh? i'm not doing everything! I finally started refusing to do certain things in order to force the hand on other people, it worked. sorta. We are in medical school, you should be old enough to take direction - for that matter, not need much direction, i can't handle it! I can't wait for it to all be over......

also frustrating - things that are unfair. i want everyone to have what they want out of life, and it's not happening for some and i don't like that much. not at all. how can someone so deserving be denied something they want so badly over and over again? it really makes my heart hurt.

more upbeat: yesterday i learned the most amazing news ever, something in fact that i had heard once but thought too good to be true. My friend Megan verified it. You really can return defective bra's to Vikki's and get a new one in return! I have one of my favorite's from there that has a wierd tear in it and i thought all hope was lost, but now, I know that I can get a brand-spanking new one-sans hole! YEESSS!!!

the sun is out people - like really out. no, i don't have a picture of it today - but maybe tomorrow. and it's warm - almost 70! i can feel the heatwave coming..... i am so ready for warm weather and sunshine it's ridic.

on the 'babymaking front' - still trying to figure out those crazy OPK's.... i know i am using them right, but man looking at the lines to figure out if it's lighter/same/darker.... gimme a cheese break. i can see how they frustrate people!


alright - now that you have a small sampling of whats been going on the past few days... we'll go now. gonna take a walk. in the sunshine. yay!

fo.cus

focus.

focus.

focus.

seriously now - i have been attempting to study for the past 3 hours - with little success. i have no idea what my problem is! Nothing in particular is distracting me, I have nothing pressing on my mind [b/c i have already taken care of pressing matters in desperate attempt to not study] there is nothing exciting in the internet to look at, i just keep looking a the same things over and over and saying to myself "stop it, study!"

this is a busy busy week (do i say this every week? yes? well they really are busy... no seriously...) and i need to get through my list of tasks i set for myself today - there are about 6 things on it... i am through 1/2 of the first one. progress.

ok well now that i have distracted myself yet again - back to that list.

happy birthday to you......

happy birthday to you...





happy birthday to Roooocchheeellllleeeeee






happy.birthday.t0.you!!

love you BFF!

cd what?

last time i used the intitials cd they stood for compact disc - now they have an entirely new meaning.....

cd = cycle day.

for some reason i am having a hard time keeping track of said cd's (i think i am on cd7 right now but really i don't know for sure) maybe it's b/c i have too much other stuff to think about - but really i think it's b/c i am not really clued into the whole deal. The reason i am keeping track is b/c we are planning on using OPK's this month - starting around cd10 - see why this is important now? (ok so it's not that important but still!)

cd = class days [left].

how many are left until the end of M2 year? i'm not really counting or anything (40...) i just want it to be o.v.e.r! 3 written tests, 2 presentations, 2 or 3 oral tests (ie "doctor stuff") and probably some other exam type stuff thrown in there too [just to make sure i am 'ready' to 'move on' i guess?] oh and a bunch of paperwork that is due in the middle of that -- oh b/c i have so much free time!

cd = crazy days [ahead].

what will happen after the nxt 40 days are over, also known as boards studying. we are required to put together a study schedule, and lets face it, even if we weren't, i would do it anyway. so i am starting to get ideas from other people who have "been there done that". i will have 29d to study - and i will be studying every.single.one of those days for at least 10h (maybe more?). thinking about it makes me tear up a little. when i have my schedule done i will be sure to share my misery with everyone..... i know you are all dying to know how i will spend the month of june.

a house, a better investment than a baby

yes this is really what someone told my husband, the someone has children.

this is one reason i wish no one knew we were TTC - but clearly since i have told the internet, that whole privacy thing has gone out the window some. But in reality, only a handful of people know, and of those handful it's a sixty:forty split of opinions on whether mike and i are "old enough", "rich enough", "mature enough", "____ enough" to have a child. (the 60's are ok with it and the 40's have other ideas of when the 'right time' would be)

to this - i am slightly annoyed b/c most of the people who choose to share their not-so-humble opinions i value very much, but honestly, do you think before you speak? I am not a very spontaneous person - in fact, i have made quite good friends with my excel software and use it for very strange things (story for a different day) - but what i am getting at here is the whole "let's have a baby" thing didn't just come up on a whim. In the past 4-5 months we have hit a few (1-2) speed bumps that would have been there anyhow, we are/have dealt with them and are moving on and up.

I have researched the cost of the most expensive 'baby things' - ie daycare, to a certain extent and we are not unprepared as seems to be such a popular belief for some reason. We have discussed all possible situations that we could come up with and those that others threw our way and still, we want to start a family. While we value [mostof] your opinions, we would love it if you did the same with ours.

So from the outside it might not look like the right time what with me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off most days of the week and mike doing all the stuff he does - but from the inside - it's pretty close to being perfect.*

*perfect besides the fact that we aren't pg yet...

where's andrea?

next year it'll be like a game to see which hospital i am at, for which service and for how long! (for you and me....)

we had our "auction" yesterday - it was nothing less than interesting - but for those of you that care, and those that don't - i am posting this anyway.

• 8/11-10/17/08 - Internal Medicine - Summa (Akron City)
• 10/20-12/19/08 - Surgery - Mercy Medical Center
• 1/12-2/20/09 - Psychiatry - AGMC/St. Thomas
• 2/23-4/3/09 - Family Practice - Barberton
• 4/27-6/12/09 - Pediatrics - Akron Children's
• 6/15-7/31/09 - OB/GYN - AGMC

So there you have it, it's not exactly what I wanted, but it's almost perfect so I'm not gonna complain! and it's all close to home.

now... lets pass step 1 (since i am no longer stressing about the academic year) and this schedule will be officially active..... - and GO!

thumbs down

sonofabitch, musta been the flu.*



i'll keep the baby dust in storage until nxt month - it's very much appreciated

*at least i didn't have to wait until friday?

::tick tock::

is it friday yet? b/c that would be fabulous - i would know if the reason i have felt like complete CRAP the past few days is b/c i am getting the flu or a little person is nesting inside of me......

since i feel like being a big baby at the moment - here are my symptoms:

• nausea - constantly after 5p past 3 or so days, and in the am too sometimes
• sore throat since thursday
• heart burn
• headaches (migraine 2 days ago... but i get those as we all know)
• t.i.r.e.d - i took a nap! 2 days in a row!
• my belly hurts (nausea? cramps? waaahhhh)

ok that's enough i think.... i'm sure i could come up with more, but that is enough! (and the other stuff may be TMI!) I know i said that this time the 'tww' or w/e had gone pretty fast, and yes that is true - until today. all of a sudden i just need it to be friday, or i should just be a big girl and go buy a freaking test and take it so i stop my wondering already and can get on with my life. As we all know, i am not the most optomistic of people so i don't really think i am pg, i guess i want to just know for sure i am not? or that i am? Every month when it gets to this stage i get all wierd about it.

But - on the flip side, one of my best friends could be pg at the same time as me, so send your baby dust to both of us - at the same time plz as this would be cool. we are both trying - so yes we would appreciate to have babies together!

Oh and send some to Jen -she would also love some of your baby dust, i don't mind sharing, as you can tell by all of the women who surround me, there is enough to go around.

I'll be back in a few days - probably with a thumbs up or a thumbs down (and maybe even some news to share about what hospitals you can find me at starting in august... ooh aahhh....)

open letter

dear acne fairy:
please leave me alone... my face is finally starting to look normal again after you decided to take up a new place of residance over night. I did nothing wrong - nothing at all. But now, must you attack, of all places, my back? who gets pimples on their back? honestly. the middle of my back - no one can even see you there, i'm not embarrassed. i'm annoyed. so just go away and embarrass someone else. that sounds like a super awesome plan to me - ok thanks buy.

your mean landlord